I feel the same way, like Lisa, I too have borderline personality disorder

Dovie 2022-04-21 09:01:49

After watching the video and listening to downtown, Lisa's image still came to mind. Seeing her own shadow on these girls, normal people may not be able to feel the same way. I have seen some explanations about BPD borderline personality disorder on Zhihu. There are several core characteristics:
a personality manifestation that exists widely in individual life, interpersonal relationships, self-image, emotional performance are unstable, impulsive, since adulthood Appears early and behaves similarly in different settings. Five or more of the following criteria are met at the time of diagnosis:
1. Strong avoidance of real or imagined feelings of abandonment
2. Unstable, stressful relationships, such as extreme idealization or devaluation of relationships
3. Self-disorder: obvious and persistent
4. Impulsive behaviors in at least 2 domains that may harm oneself, such as spending money, multiple sexual partners, substance abuse, impulsive driving, binge eating
5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, self- harm
6. Unstable emotional performance caused by emotional reactions (usually emotional fluctuations in the range of hours, rarely lasting days)
7. Persistent feelings of emptiness
8. Unreasonable anger, or difficulty controlling one’s own anger
9. Stress-related paranoid thoughts, or severe dissociative symptoms
omg...and one more thing, is...high IQ? (There are female protagonists)
You may think that I am hypocritical, but I am just too idle. I want to say that in China, many people really don't take mental illness seriously. When I tell others about my inner discomfort, I say that I have been thinking about living or dying. In fact, my heart really broke down. But other people can’t understand you, some people will tell me directly and ruthlessly that you are avoiding society like this, some people will say some useless comforting words, but I know they don’t understand, don’t understand why some people do that I couldn't think of it, but I didn't want to come out even though I was hypocritical, so I gradually gave up talking, because after talking, I felt that I was wrong.
Many times, I feel that real life is too tiring, so I want to escape for a period of time, want to simply do nothing, just do what I want to do, read, paint, daze and sleep, but the reality is, the external pressure is not enough. Allow me to have a gap, and people will think that if you don't go to work for a day, you're wasting time and your life is wasting. I live because I love the time now, I love my fresh thoughts now, thinking that I will leave the world when the youth in my heart is gone.
I'm thinking why I've become who I am, as if I've been living in my imagination since high school, I always remember the saying in Germination "I don't care how bright or dark my life is, I only care how I live. Is there as much as I imagined?" I like to read Jimmy's comics, Naoko Takagi, and like to listen to folk songs. I also want to be realistic and want to grow up. I also want to adapt to the society, to be a normal person, to work happily and earn money to spend weekends with friends. When I really can't, I feel so hard, you don't know, it's really disgusting to socialize with people whose values ​​are the exact opposite of my own. I like Lisa in the show, I like to tell the truth, I don't want to live a false life. You can tell what kind of person a person is just by looking at them. I really don’t like many people. Anyway, my personality is very bad, so I can only choose not to contact them. At work, I'm really afraid of socializing. You don't know that it's so hard for me to take the initiative to talk to someone. It's so difficult in my heart to have the courage to confess to a male god. I really want to die.
It is easy to establish close relationships with people, you can get acquainted with people immediately, you will feel that you are very good, and once you are hurt, you will feel very aggrieved.
Getting to know interesting people is easy but I know that my inner world is always closed. If you have a good chat, you can hug and sleep, you can start right away, or you can end it right away. My heart is like a heroine. When everyone is cheating on Weibo today and everyone is scolding the mistress, I feel that being a mistress should be exciting and happy. Feelings are not rational at all, and who stipulates that they must be stable for a long time. Correct. I have been in love many times, from believing to not believing, each love starts quickly, enjoys a fresh and exciting period of love, likes kisses and hugs, but it ends quickly and forgets you, because I long for freedom, so It will be talked about behind the back of straight men's cancer. In fact, I really admire those couples who can be together for a long time. I can't do it. Haha, I thought I was wrong at first, but now I feel that life without heart is good. I like someone more and more and hate sex. , but still fantasize about any short-lived love that stimulates madness.
I have always had impulsive behaviors, mainly manifested in spending money and overeating. If I feel pressured, I will buy the bread I want to eat. I can eat two large European buns at one time. Black tea crisps, chocolate lemon buns, ole is too far to be too lazy to buy... When you are overeating, you will never consider how much you spend, and you will swipe your card closed. , I will buy a lot and throw it away if I can't finish it at one time, because I don't want to binge on bread tomorrow, I will eat it as long as there is bread in front of me. I know that overeating is not good, I feel like I am self-destructing and hate myself like this, so I really want to go home, I want to be a normal person and eat three meals a day.
When my state is good and bad, when I’m in a bad mood, I don’t want to do anything. All I can do is browse Zhihu, watch movies, eat, and write. Crazy people just magnify their emotions, and they would rather live in their own world than come out, and only want to believe what they are willing to believe in this world. After watching the ending of the movie, the heroine finally decided to return to real life. But I still haven't found the answer. I don't want my life to become mediocre and sharpen its edges. I think if I don't have my own fantasy world, then I'm really dead. . But I don't want to be a mediocre lunatic, I want to be a lunatic with personal value, maybe it is also related to my own performative personality, I want to gain a real sense of existence, although it is difficult.

View more about Girl, Interrupted reviews

Extended Reading

Girl, Interrupted quotes

  • Daisy: You're just jealous, Lisa... because I got better... because I was released... because I have a chance... at a life.

    Lisa: They didn't release you 'cause you're better, Daisy, they just gave up. You call this a life, hmm? Taking Daddy's money, buying your dollies and your knick-knacks. And eating his fucking chicken, fattening up like a prize fucking heifer? You changed the scenery, but not the fucking situation - and the warden makes house calls. And everybody knows. Everybody knows. That he fucks you. What they don't know... is that you like it. Hmm? You like it.

    Susanna: [to Lisa] Shut the fuck up!

    Lisa: [to Susanna] Hey man, it's cool, it's okay. It's fine, it's fucking fine! A man is a dick is a man is a dick is a chicken... is a dad... a Valium, a speculum, whatever, whatever.

    [then turns to Daisy]

    Lisa: You like being Mrs. Randone. Probably all you've ever known.

    Daisy: Have fun in Florida.

    [she goes upstairs to her room]

  • Janet: I want my fucking clothes!

    Valerie: Then you'll have to eat something, won't you?

    Janet: [singing] Oh Lordy, pick a bale o' cotton / Oh Lordy, pick a bale o' hay / Gotta jump down spin around pick a bale o' cotton / Jump down spin around, pick a bale o' hay...

    Valerie: [to Susanna] She thinks that bothers me.