life stopped

I saw this movie for the first time in 2011. Impressed is the death of daisy, and therefore remember the ghostly and sweet the end of the world. I met this movie purely because I liked Julie, but I didn't expect it to be a fate. I was 24 at the time, a first-year Ph.D. At that time, I didn't completely come out of the haze of the previous relationship, and I didn't know how to go forward. I just wandered in a warm environment, looking for myself everywhere.
Watch this movie again in 2016. I am 29 years old. I successfully finished my doctorate, got a job, came to another country, reunited with my boyfriend, and got married. It's just about having a baby, and I'm an assistant professor. But the power of my life stopped abruptly at this moment. Begin to doubt the path that has been traveled, and at the same time do not know where the future is going. For the past nearly 30 years, I've been in the mainstream, and everything has been done according to popular standards. Suddenly, I hesitated. I want to stop. I don't want to accept anything mainstream.
After 5 years, watching this movie again, I understand these girls better and feel that I am one of them. But I also understand why the protagonist finally returned to society. We hate this society, but we also depend on this society. How to do? Be with it and keep your distance in your heart. This may be the only way I can think of for the time being.

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