1. Women need to be financially independent, or if not working, at least have savings that they can use. Without a job, financial dependence on her husband, and no substantial support from her parents, she could fall to Rosemary's level even today.
2. (Personal blood and tears lesson) When you meet someone you don't like, don't be concerned about social etiquette, and quickly tell them not to bother you. When you refuse, don't say a neutral "no need", just say "I don't want to". I used to force myself to be friends with people like this, because I didn’t want to offend people, but I found out that I overestimated my tolerance limit, and people who make you hate and always appear in front of you are generally determined to get from you. The good thing is that mental and material time counts. If your tolerance limit is -20, they will definitely break down to -30, -40, making you unbearable to break out. There are no exceptions. This is a universal law and human nature. They will definitely break down, and you will definitely be unbearable. The final result is that you have suffered -30 damage, and there is an additional enemy in your relationship. It is still an enemy who has some private information about you. Others will not understand you, because you have been in contact with him for so long. You said that you were just being polite at the beginning. Others may not believe it. In their eyes, they are just a pair of friends who have become deadlocked.
It's better to make it clear from the beginning that you don't like him, and you don't want to see him. What you endure is just one more enemy, and because he doesn't know you, he's just unhappy with you. In this way, what you get is just the evaluation of "cold, self-contained, and difficult to get along with". If it is the first one, if you endure -30 and turn your face again, 200% of this kind of person will smear you crazily and want to destroy you. This is human nature.
This is the road to maturity. There is also a big cost. Mature and independent people only make friends with people they like, so they believe that "like things gather together, people are divided into groups", if you mix with people you hate, others will only see the appearance. Your nobles, and the people you admire and want their approval, can easily doubt your worth because you mix with the people you hate, and think that you are probably a type of person.
3. Believe in yourself. If your information is incomplete, or if you do not have a clear judgment, seek advice from others. If you have strong intuition and clear judgment, don't let anyone else's brain make decisions for you. Here's a tip: if the decision you made sounds ridiculous and you know it, or the evidence to support it is subtle, others may not get it, then keep it to yourself, don't tell anyone, and then Act firmly on it. The laws of the world are wonderful. Maybe you talk to others about some subtle signs, and others talk about them loudly. Even if a sentence reaches the source of these signs—maybe people, this sign may no longer exist; and you don’t tell Anyone who acts with "bold assumptions and careful verification" may turn out to tell you that this representation does exist. Or maybe you talked to someone about a subtle representation, and they used "ta's rational reasoning" to tell you that it was unreliable and that there was no solid evidence to make you forget it, you accepted it, and acted like the one you received The information does not exist, if you contact the initiator neutrally, the behavior of the other party will change accordingly, and the result must be "that information has never been sent out"; and if you don't talk to others, don't accept other people's suggestions , take that representation as the basic action, the performance of the other party will change, and maybe the result will tell you that the information is correct.
A person's reaction will change with the other person's behavior. There is no "objective reality" in interpersonal communication. In fact, there is no "objective reality" in the whole world. The reality that everyone receives is different. In fact, everyone's reality is different. Logical reasoning is very limited in complex real life. People who use purely logical reasoning to guide real-world behavior are immature and unreliable. The environment and the self interact, the exact same thing can be done by two people with completely different results, so there is no logical reasoning that can tell you what "one general person" will do when doing something. Linear logical reasoning can only be used when "no terms interact with each other, and all terms, even if unknown, already have definite values". And more complex systematic logical reasoning, the human brain can not complete. "If two propositions are opposed, the logic system does not hold" is very complicated in reality, and in reality it is often necessary to accept seemingly opposed propositions. So don't listen to other people's analysis for you. From a small point, the value of a large area is judged as "No", and then you brainwash yourself with "According to logic, it is true".
Another: (personal blood and tears) Be wary of those who have a strong desire to control and like to analyze problems for friends, even if you think they are very powerful at first. In my experience, mentally and intellectually strong people—professional, empathetic, peaceful, nosy and responsible—have little to no "give you a big bang, what's right and what's wrong," What is true and what is false, what should you do" behavioral habit, even if you ask it will not tell you how to do things. It's easy for Xiaobai to worship the analytical and controlling predecessors, and then be led into a big hole (although they may not necessarily mean it, but they are all complacent, unable to see their own limitations, and will not fundamentally improve . If you follow, you will always be within the framework of the TA, at most that is the case, the most afraid of the conflict between the framework of the TA and your core needs)
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