Yes, I'm also in a hurry, I'm already twenty-one, in which novel... Well, in "The Golden Age", Wang Er, an educated youth who went to the countryside, is also twenty-one years old, and he feels that he is being Hammer, compared to him, I think I am very lucky, which is reflected in a little more rationality around me, but in my own spiritual level, I still feel that the predicament is still there.
The young people of that era responded to the call of the leaders, went to the countryside, left their books, left their families, and made fun of them in life. They experienced more disillusionment than the essence of labor. In fact, going to the countryside was not pure labor. , in those days, they need to deal with more interpersonal relationships and their own mental difficulties. They are not Thoreau, and the country is not Walden. I have always believed that in such an environment, they will have some special desires, such as desire for books, desire to do something young people in their early twenties want to do. I actually feel this desire very much.
I had a similar desire when I was younger than I am now. To be honest, my situation can’t be compared with the educated youth, especially when I was young, my parents tried their best to provide the material I could enjoy, my father, he likes to say that we can eat in our hometown To get the freshest seafood, which is impossible in other cities, he also likes to say that when buying clothes, you must buy good quality ones that can be worn for more than ten years. Therefore, the clothes he buys are very good for my mother and me. expensive. I mean, at least when it comes to eating and dressing, I'm absolutely comfortable. But I still have some desires. Although I think it is more illusory now, I should say it with certainty, that is, change.
Change the sunrise and sunset every day, change the flow of time every day, change the status quo of every day, change the depression of doing nothing every day, change seeing the same people and the same things every day, change the state of waking up every day, Change the old world view, feel that the world has other possibilities again, and then dare to change them.
At that time, my desire was similar to what the black-skinned man in the United States said later, "Change, we need, we can!", the black man said this to many people, which directly led them to elect him as the forty-fourth President of the United States. I'm thinking, in addition to the contagiousness of the president's rhetoric, what convinces those in the United States to believe this statement should be that this statement resonates with a certain string in their hearts, which I also have in my heart, On many nights when I couldn't sleep, it would vibrate on its own, making noise and commotion, making my heart itch and making me feel like I shouldn't hold back. I should get up immediately, spread out the pen and paper, and write a novel or fill in a song; I should pick up the guitar, play the harmonica and sing a Dylan song; I should overthrow the mountain on my body and become my own master; I should I should go to see the mountains and let the aura of grandeur rise from the bottom of my feet; I should go to the polar regions and let the ice and snow surprise me; I should dig out the oil, I should bear fruit, I should have delicious herbs and colorful fallen leaves. Whenever I think about it, I feel like I'm getting hot all over, and I feel like the heavy quilt that's on me should be lifted, lifted, lifted, lifted...
but you know, I didn't lift it, like That song sings: There has never been a savior, nor an immortal emperor... There is no savior, immortal, or emperor to open it, and I did not open it, I just thought about it, winter nights are very cold, It was impossible to refuse, I lay in the comfortable bed, fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, woke up.
During the day, I recite old knowledge repeatedly, which are really only worthy of material. For the ancient Greeks, knowledge was at least interesting. The old people in big robes were arguing and blushing. In that oil painting, everyone made knowledge agitated and radiant, but in reality, there is no such situation that has to be Say sorry.
During the day, I don't want to think. If I remember correctly, Xiaobo once greatly appreciated the idea of thinking. He said aloud that wisdom itself is good, and that there are many people walking on the road of pursuing wisdom, and he is very happy about it. This stunned young man, in addition to thinking happily himself, will giggle happily when he sees others thinking too. When I secretly imagined this situation, my heart was actually full of anguish. I couldn't experience this kind of happiness, and I still can't learn to think. In fact, there are so many people around me, have they learned to think, if you know me, please come over, shake my head, and say to me, let's think together, this is a very happy thing . In fact, first of all I can't change myself, I can't look radiant, and I'm only surrounded by people who play mahjong, fight landlords, go shopping, eat dog meat, play games, and watch movies.
During the day, I also spend a lot of time watching movies. Regarding this matter, I again think of the example Xiaobo mentioned: the American diplomat who watched "Swan Lake" more than 300 times. In the matter of watching a movie, I actually experienced seeing the light, shadow, sound and color, the ups and downs of the plot, the scene changes in the play, the physical movement, and finally I found that the movie is actually similar to my life, and it is actually a repeated interpretation of the state of material existence. . I think what I see is not a process from art to science to philosophy, but an escape. Watching movies for hours on end on a holiday day made me feel like I was voluntarily brainwashed, like Ellis in A Clockwork Orange, I opened my eyelids to get brainwashed, and then The more the brain is washed, the more white it is, the more white it becomes, the more gold it becomes, the more it becomes an idiot.
In fact, many nights like this, I feel miserable about my powerlessness. This is definitely not self-pity, but a kind of pity for an addict who can't stay away from heroin. What kind of spectator psychology will there be? Don't be surprised, this is a hallucination of my mental state.
The ancient Chinese liked to say: Born in trouble, die in peace, and also like to say that the country is unfortunate and the poet is fortunate. Only when external forces destroy your home and dislocate you can you do powerful things that you wouldn't have done when you were comfortable. When I was young, I heard stories like the chicken dance, and I know that great leaders still shower with cold water in the big winter. I'm wondering if this is a way out of the status quo.
It's getting late, let's choose a way to end.
Here's my choice: give this movie five stars.
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ps: The title is a line from Leonardo.
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