Nigel:
[jumping onto the cage Blu and Jewel are being held in]
Oh, I know I'm not a pretty birdy. But I used to be quite a looker.
[shows them a poster with himself looking dashing on it]
Nigel:
A star! Lights. Camera. Action!
[he starts singing]
Nigel:
I was striking, suave, ambitious feet to beak, so birdy-licious. Now I am vile, I am villainous and vicious. Oh! And malicious. I had it all. A TV show, Women too! I was tall, over one foot two! And then they got a pretty parakeet to fill my shoes. That's why I am so evil why I do what I do!
[a chorus of birds starts singing]
Chorus of birds:
He was a super star!
Nigel:
So young and vital.
Chorus of birds:
He's nasty!
Nigel:
A South American Idol!
Chorus of birds:
He's a suspicious bird!
Nigel:
Who said that about me?
Chorus of birds:
A very vicious bird.
Nigel:
I'll have you rotisseried! I was the king of telenovelas The envy of all the other fellows. Then I was pushed out for a Pretty Polly parakeet from Paraguay they called Patricious. Common Paraguayan name.
Chorus of birds:
He's a nasty bird!
Nigel:
I'm insidious.
Chorus of birds:
He's nasty.
Nigel:
Oh, I'm hideous!
Chorus of birds:
He was a real macaw.
Nigel:
I'm a cockatoo!
Chorus of birds:
An obscene bird!
Nigel:
Yes, that word's true. I'm a feathery freak, with a beak. A bird murder! You think you're badder than me. I never head of ya. I'm evil. I'll fill your cheese balls with weevils!
[continues his singing to Blu and Jewel]
Nigel:
I poop on people and I blame it on seagulls.
[we see a seagull nearby]
Nigel:
It was him.
Chorus of birds:
He's a nasty bird!
Nigel:
I'm invincible.
Chorus of birds:
He's nasty!
Nigel:
I'm unminceable. I'm unwashable, Unrinsable. Like an abandoned school I have no principal! All of you Brazilian birds, all 18 million birds, I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to make you...
[to the chorus of birds who continue singing]
Nigel:
Shut up now, shut up!
[the chorus of birds stop singing]
Nigel:
It's just me. I will make you ugly too. Did you hear how dramatic that was, with the end?
[laughs wickedly and flies away]
Blu:
Not cool, man! Scary, but not cool!
