Saturday and Sunday are Pride Parade, which starts and ends near Stonewall in Lower New York. In the bright sunshine of New York, waving rainbow flags of various colors and walking down the street hand in hand, it makes people feel particularly warm and peaceful.
It is also this weekend stall, the movie released in 2017, please call me by your name Call me by your name Enter my aimless search list, I am hot in a red brick house in New York without air conditioning I was bored and wanted to see the European summer cool down, so I clicked on it.
The film is surprisingly beautiful, stretched, and detailed. The classical piano always enters quietly at the right time, and every frame of the Italian countryside, pastoral, mountains, forests and streams in the lens is exciting.
The film slowly develops to the point where Elio, a young man, is talking to himself next to the World War I ruins, but he tells the object clearly "because I want you to know", and the meticulous and clean feelings after that are like the Une Barque Sur that appeared in the soundtrack of the film, and it continues. Pushing forward, constantly surging, and finally immersing the two young lovers in the movie and me before the movie completely.
Love has so many forms. In this story, feelings are secret, fiery, pure, mixed with repressed and indulgent desires, untold pain, and the pain of parting, intertwined in the sweetness and satisfaction of the few hugs and blind dates. It makes the sensitive heart full and sour.
All this was followed by a dialogue/monologue before the loving gaze of the steady and learned father with a gray beard:
When you least expect it, Nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot. Just remember: I am here. Right now you may not want to feel anything. Perhaps you never wished to feel anything. And perhaps it's not to me that you' ll want to speak about these things. But feel something you obviously did.
You had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship. And I envy you.
In my place, most parents would hope the whole thing goes away, to pray that their sons land on their feet. But I am not such a parent.
In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don't snuff it out. Don't be brutal with it. We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new. But to make yourself feel nothing so as not to feel anything ― what a waste!
How you live your life is your business. Remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once. And before you know it, your heart is worn out, and, as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it, much less wants to come near it.
Right now there's sorrow. Pain. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt.
I was staring at the screen on the velvet sofa. Suddenly, I switched identities with the teenager sitting on the sofa in the camera. Before this sincere, warm, and just right weight words from my middle-aged father, I fell out. There were sour tears, but there was a comforting smile on his face.
When I was young, I hated my own sensitivity very much. I was very easily touched. I would be so happy to tears when I met people or things, and I would be so sad that I didn’t know how to deal with it. People around me would look at me with incomprehensible and resisting eyes, and my mother would ask me unceremoniously when I was crying, "Why are you so sensitive?" In the indifferent eyes, sensitivity represents weakness.
So when I was young, I always wanted to be a person without feeling, without heartache, shame, jealousy, despair, and to be a tough person.
Such hatred and doubts continued until many amazing and wonderful people appeared in my life, and I discovered a truth about sensitivity and love in the wonderful experience and continuous growth of loving them/them:
Sensibile is not a negative word. Sensibility has very close relationship to sensation. It is a word of awareness.
Sensitivity is the embodiment of perception, and perception is a very subtle, private experience that varies from person to person and belongs only to the individual.
The peak underestimation perceived by a person constitutes almost the entire life experience. Without perception, there is no feeling, and there is no possibility to experience happiness and joy, or even peace.
And one of the great powers of love is to share the private experience that only belongs to the individual into two people, so the new lover will be shocked and shuddered by the wonderful feeling that the other party experiences.
At the same time, the ability to feel, to experience in multiple directions is a part of the ability to love, an indispensable part. The richer the level of experience, the richer the emotions, the higher the concentration of love, and the deeper and more specific the feeling of happiness.
Loving someone is wonderful.
But at the same time, loving someone is hard.
So the first sentence of my father in Call me by your name hit me: When you least expect it, nature has cunning ways of finding our weakest spot. place.
The weakest spot here does not have a derogatory meaning, it refers to the soft place, which is the human heart.
Back to the perception just talked about. Perception itself is neutral, so what is perceived can be positive, like happiness and peace, or it can be "negative" non-positive, like sadness, jealousy, and pain that people can't avoid. It is also because of this that sensitivity itself is often criticized, because when it perceives strong non-positive feelings, the human mind feels so difficult and painful.
That's why my father said the following words more literally: In your place, if there is pain, nurse it. And if there is a flame, don't snuff it out. Don't be brutal with it . We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty and have less to offer each time we start with someone new.
If you feel pain, treat the pain. If you feel a fire, don't put it out. Be gentle with your heart. In order to eliminate pain and heal ourselves faster, we often rudely hollow out a part of ourselves and throw it away. As a result, when we are 30 years old, our emotions are exhausted, and every time we meet a new person, we can give a little less.
What a wise word, no one who has never had a broken heart can understand this, as my father later admitted frankly, he was close to have what Elio was having. So he has been there. He once were as sad, as heart broken, as Elio was.
So this gentle, calm father said:
Don't be brutal with it. Don't kill it and with it the joy you've felt.
Treat it tenderly, even if it's pain, heartbreak, and despair.
Because in fact, the secret of love is perception. Being able to feel heartbreak and pain is because of perception. Only by being gentle with the heartbreak and pain that you can feel can you retain the same ability to feel happiness and joy. Pain and happiness, the two are often intertwined, resulting in love and a rich life.
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