After returning to Changchun, I suddenly felt a huge sense of emptiness in my life, and I also had a strong desire to stay up all night. The bad part is that no matter how late I sleep, I don’t close my eyes until I wake up. How about after 9 am? I won't sleep anymore; the good thing is that I have a lot of thinking time out of thin air, and I can sort out all the memories that have been delayed until now that I have not figured out in the past few years. The first half of last year was a bit tiring, but it seemed like the end of my age group, like the finale of a season, there was suspense, but the doubts of this season have been solved, but now let me turn it over and think about it, most But I have already forgotten, I have forgotten the impulses and depressions of those emotional ups and downs, the sense of achievement, and the unwillingness. It seems that all these have disappeared in the review of the postgraduate entrance examination, and it seems that time has been beaten. The tonsils of the appendix that the anaesthetic cut off, they've gone and they don't seem to have anything to do with your past. What you need to understand is that most of the time, people in the environment don't care about you that much, and you shouldn't be too greedy, because there is only so much load on the human soul, and in the end, only what you have been holding on to is left.
On New Year's Eve, I watched a movie, "The Bucket List," which was a very long time ago. Morgan Freeman didn't say much about it, it was the soul acting school. After reading it, I also made a Bucket List for myself, with more than 100 items, including "Don't give up dancing when you are 60 years old", "Take your mother to Argentina once", "Keep writing reading notes", "If you are engaged in education, you will Inspirational categories such as "how to"; and "go to all the places where Xin Qiji stayed", "buy a small men's clothing and wear it out", "must adopt a stray cat and keep it until the end" such nonsensical categories ,Etc., etc. After I made this grocery basket-like list, I made the cruel act of deleting them.
This may be the dark side of a limiting type. If you were only left with 10 wishes that could be fulfilled, which you must fulfill before you die, what would you leave behind?
Knock and knock the backspace key, delete more than 90 entries, as if my life is not long. After knocking, I was really helpless when I saw the ten. Paoding Jie Niu, magic strokes to draw bones.
If there really is a god in this world, then the last 10 items you have left may be the weapon for you to fight your destiny with God.
I remember in the movie, old Carter was very knowledgeable. When he was terminally ill, he was lying on the hospital bed reading books and watching TV. He especially liked the content of knowledge quizzes, and his ultimate desire was to be on top of the world; In the bottom of my heart is the daughter who has cut off the relationship. Sometimes we can only calm down and look at our own lives when we lie in the hospital bed where the soul is persecuted.
A lot of people don't understand, maybe I put too much emphasis on the spirit, or something like that. Indeed, bread is very important, research is very important, a good job is very important, it is very important to find a good marriage partner, and a high salary is very important. We also need to support the family, fulfill the expectations of our loved ones, and conform to the rules of society and the standards of ordinary people. But I really don't believe that a person's life force runs and chases to the end. At the gate of heaven or hell, your life is opened and deconstructed, and you find a mass of flesh and blood that is rich in grains and sensual, but has no bones. Or maybe I just don't want to, this is my value, I won't change in my twenties; I may be busy with work, grocery shopping, cooking, taking children to guard against my husband's middle-aged affair, and wearing an expensive mask Trying to keep the little time left, but I think I still have to remember the treasures I picked up when I was in my twenties when I first entered the world, the 10 tasks I gave myself, and the childish and ridiculous ideals of that year. . I hope that if I have gray hair, I can still be an optimistic and weird old lady; I hope that when I return to the dust in the future, I can proudly be said by others (or secretly think about it myself): When she closed her eyes, her heart was opened.
When the review for the postgraduate entrance examination reached a bottleneck, when I was very depressed when I walked out of the examination room, I also once doubted why I took this road that seemed to be thankless. But I asked myself if I would regret it if I gave up, and the answer was of course without hesitation. So in the face of fate to go to this kind of dissection question, ask me again and again if I want to continue, I will definitely answer, of course.
Shi Tiesheng said: "In the years to come, there will be a lot of things that I didn't expect to happen. I still sometimes meditate on 'God bless' and fall into a daze. But one day I met God, and he has a more For the specific name - spirit. In the confusion of science, in the chaotic point of fate, people can only invoke their own spirit. No matter what we believe in, it is the description and guidance of our own spirit." It can It is a belief, it can also be a wish, and more importantly, it is a hope.
May our 2012 be meaningful.
So, what are my 10 tasks?
I won't tell you.
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