Zombie Strippers! Quotes

Jimmy: Your hands are so cold. Whoa! That's interesting. Your tongue is so dry.

Kat: Then get it wet!

Dr. Chushfeld: Major! Thank god you guys are here. It's bad in there.

Maj. Camus: It better be. Right, Lieutenant?

Lt. Ryker: We're the best of the best, sir! We drink napalm and and piss fire!

Maj. Camus: Semper-fi!

Lt. Ryker: Hoo-rah!

Maj. Camus: So what seems to be the problem, doc?

Dr. Chushfeld: Believe it or not - zombies!

Maj. Camus: Nothing like a good challenge.

Lt. Ryker: We improvise and adapt, sir!

Maj. Camus: We just stopped that thing, what was it called again, Lieutenant?

Lt. Ryker: Armageddon, sir!

Maj. Camus: That's the one. Lieutenant Ryker here killed Satan himself with a sharp stick. Good work soldier!

Maj. Camus: So what do we have to do to take one of these zombies down, doc?

Dr. Chushfeld: Well, what works for us is we've been surgically removing the medulla oblongata.

[Camus cocks shotgun and blows a zombie's head off]

Dr. Chushfeld: Or that.

Ian: Back off, you walking herpe you!

Jeannie: [touching his jacket] This is nice.

Ian: [slapping her hand away] Never touch. Not the jacket. Not the shirt. Not the hair. You touch me again, I'll kill you!

Ian: Remember the Alamo. Davy Crockett.

Paco: Whatever.

Davis: I need to talk to you.

Jessy: Make it quick.

Davis: I need to know what the meaning of life is.

Jessy: You're kidding.

Davis: I know we're Christians, and what you're doing is a sin, but the intent is, well, Christ-like with you sacrificing yourself and all. So what are morals? Do the ends justify the means? But then again the road to hell is paved with good intentions, so... darn, I'm out of clichés.

Jeannie: You're fucking dead!

Kat: I was, but now I'm back!

Sox: Not possible. This is not possible.

Lillith: How does it feel?

Kat: Great. I've never felt more alive!

Gaia: Oh sweet irony!

[Kat turns to walk away]

Lillith: Hey, where are you going?

Kat: I'm going to dance.

Cole: Hey, you think this is a good idea? I mean, wasn't that bitch dead a minute ago?

Ian: Fuck it. What's the worse that can happen?

Paco: [after seeing that a bar patron has been killed] Holy shit! Hey, do I have to clean this mess up?

Ian: [points to Paco's hand] You see this! You see this! What color is that?

Paco: Cappuccino?

Ian: Right. Meaning you're cleaning this entire fucking mess up. Can you handle that? Or, do I have to go find somebody else out in front of Home Depot?

Ian: Let's see if I got this straight - our best stripper is a reanimated corpse who is feeding off the living flesh of our customers, who in turn reanimate, even if they're just a fucking head?

[nervously laughs]

Ian: You don't see this as a problem?

Sox: How's it feel... death?

Lillith: It feels like snow and stars.

Gaia: Aw, that's pretty!

Lillith: I remember once lying in the snow under a clear blanket of stars, there were so many stars... You couldn't comprehend what it was like. That vast un-knowable void. But now I understand it. I feel I'm a part of it, that infinite nothingness... I wanna strip. Who's on? Fuck it, I'm gonna dance.

Sox: Take me. I want it. I want it now. I love you.

Kat: Love is dead.

[repeated line]

Rincon: I like knives.

Berengé: Look, Ian, these zombies... they scare me. I can't sleep. I'm having nightmares.

Ian: Don't worry about them then.

Berengé: They're murdering flesh-eating monsters!

Ian: They're harmless.

Jessy: Your optimism makes you an idiot.

Berengé: What did you call me?

Jessy: An idiot.

Berengé: No, an optimist! Don't you ever call me an optimist again!

Madame Blavatski: But what about the girls, huh? They're good girls.

Jessy: They're zombies.

Madame Blavatski: No. They're strippers.

Berengé: [cocking shotgun] They're zombie strippers!

Jessy: You want to get laid before you die.

Davis: Is that such a crime?

[first lines]

Announcer: George W Bush has won his fourth consecutive term as president, taking Florida, which due to a glitch in the Jeb B voting terminals, tallied one single vote for President Bush and Vice President Schwarzenegger. Bush's presidency was unanimously declared legally binding by the Supreme Court as well as "totally cool" by Supreme Justice Jenna Bush who subsequently set in motion another Supreme Kegger. Following the landslide victory, a constitutional amendment banning public nudity was implemented. Shortly thereafter, President Bush dissolved Congress, claiming it was "cramping his style." American Troops continue to be strung thin due to the still raging wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Iran, Lebanon, Libya, Pakistan, Venezuela, France, Canada, and Alaska.

Terrence: Ok, anyone know how to use these?

Ian: [Brief silence until Ian realises everyone is looking to him for an answer] Um... something about the safety been off... I saw that in a movie. Hey! The law says I can own them, not that I have to know how to use them.

Kat: Skank, zombie, whore, bitch: prepare to die.

Jeannie: Been there, done that loser.

Kat: Hate you corpsezilla.

Jeannie: Oh what's that, undead cellulite?

Kat: Too bad you couldn't reanimate a personality.

Jeannie: I see your skin didn't get any worse.

Kat: Limbo bimbo!

Jeannie: Rot slut!

Madame Blavatski: Now, we make her at home, so we are all, how you say, eh, happy with the crabs. No, not crabs, but, other crustaceans.

Jeannie: You mean, happy as a clam.

Sox: Clams are mollusks, not crustaceans.

Madame Blavatski: Whatever!

Jessy: What do you want from me, Davis?

Davis: Ultimate truth. You're the last pure thing I know in this world.

Jessy: Maybe there's more truth to the human condition than me taking my clothes off for emotionally stunted men so that my Grandmother can shit in a bag than me staying virginal and pure for you.

Davis: Jesse, please. Don't do this.

Jessy: But, I gotta. For Nana.

[leaves]

Davis: Well, if you must, I'm gonna watch.

Sox: It's a war out there.

Kat: Fuckin'-A, sister.

Gaia: [Kat walks to her dressing room] Bitch.

Sox: What a talent.

Jeannie: Slut.

Lillith: My hero.

Berengé: Whatever.

Kat: You're cute.

Jimmy: Me?

Kat: Yeah. I could eat you alive.

Gaia: Aren't you afraid of looking like that in the future?

Jeannie: What future?

Cole: Put the gun down, Ian.

Ian: How do I know that you're not one, huh?

Cole: [takes the gun and points it at Ian] How do I know *you're* not one of them?

Madame Blavatski: Because Zombie doesn't piss in pants. You two! Boys with toys. Stop this foolish nonsense. We must work together.

Cole: We need a plan.

Berengé: We'll destroy them. No, wait! We'll join them. No! Kill them and everything they stand for. No. Join them. Destroy them! Fuck! Why? Why can't I decide? Am I no longer human? Have I no soul?

[turns and looks at Jessy]

Berengé: This is all your fault existential bitch!