-
Luisa: You have to make the clitoris your best friend.
Tenoch: What kind of friend is always hiding?
-
Luisa: Life is like the surf, so give yourself away like the sea.
-
Luisa: Who cares who you two fucked when you come that fast!
-
Luisa: Play with babies and you'll end up washing diapers!
-
Julio Zapata: Chuy, nothing like tooting the old horn!
-
Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca: I didn't know you want to be a writer. What are you going to write about, "fine boys"?
Tenoch: No, about faggots like you.
Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca: Well, let me tell you that there is a big difference between writing highschool tales and producing actual literature.
Tenoch: When do you begin?
Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca: Have you read my book already?
Tenoch: I read the critics.
Alejandro 'Jano' Montes de Oca: Critics are a bunch of assholes
-
Julio Zapata: Traveling is really cool
Tenoch: Yeah, but with mushrooms! You've never stepped into a single plane
-
Silivia Allende de Iturbide: Oh, Saba, I didn't know you were here
Diego 'Saba' Madero: [on drugs] Oh, here and everywhere
-
Diego 'Saba' Madero: [giving Tenoch directions with the aid of a map] So you go this way, and then you take this road, and you...
Tenoch: Saba, screw off, that's a river!
-
Julio Zapata: Truth is cool but unattainable... the truth is totally amazing, but you can't ever reach it.
-
Tenoch: [after Tenoch discovers that Ana has cheated on him with Julio] How many times did you fuck her?
Julio Zapata: Only once, we were really shitfaced
Tenoch: When did you guys do it?
Julio Zapata: I don't know
Tenoch: When? Tell me when!
Julio Zapata: When you went to Lake Tahoe
Tenoch: Where did you do it?
Julio Zapata: I think it was in a party
Tenoch: What party asshole?
Julio Zapata: I think it was the one with the Fruit Loop
Tenoch: The place where Saba popped her cherry?
Julio Zapata: [laughs] I think so!
Tenoch: [angrily] What are you laughing at asshole? Don't laugh fucker!
-
Tenoch: How many times did you fuck her?
Julio Zapata: Once, we were really wasted
Tenoch: When did you do it
Julio Zapata: I don't know
Tenoch: Tell me when!
Julio Zapata: When you went to Lake Tahoe
Tenoch: Where was Cecilia?
Julio Zapata: She was sick
Tenoch: Where did you two did it?
Julio Zapata: I don't know
Tenoch: What do you mean you don't know asshole?
Julio Zapata: I think it was in a party
Tenoch: What party asshole?
Julio Zapata: I think it was at Fruit Loop's place
Tenoch: Where Saba popped her cherry?
Julio Zapata: [laughs] I think so!
Tenoch: [angrily] What are you laughing at fucker? Don't laugh faggot!
-
Tenoch: Me too
Luisa: You too what Tenoch?
Tenoch: Julio! Me too faggot!
Julio Zapata: You too what?
Tenoch: I fucked Ceci, your girlfriend!
Luisa: What?
Julio Zapata: That's not true! When?
Tenoch: After the Plastilina concert
Julio Zapata: Fuck! That's why you took me home first, right? Where!
Tenoch: In my house
Julio Zapata: In your house asshole!
Tenoch: She was wearing the panties with flowers on them!
-
Tenoch: Did she blow you?
Julio Zapata: [looks away] Of course not man!
Tenoch: [angrily] Look me in the eyes asshole! Did she blow you?
Julio Zapata: No.
Tenoch: Did you blow her? You fucking pig!
Julio Zapata: Of course not, c'mon!
Tenoch: Did she come?
Julio Zapata: How could I know? It happened really fast, maybe she didn't.
Tenoch: Did she like it?
Julio Zapata: I don't know.
Tenoch: Did you like it, asshole?
Julio Zapata: No dude! No! I really felt like shit, I mean it!
[beat]
Julio Zapata: I wanted to tell you.
Tenoch: [shouts] Fuck you asshole! You fucked up our friendship, you fucked up my trust, you fucked my girl! You fucked up! Even when I brought from Lake Tahoe your fucking comics and the fucking dress for Ana, that whore!
Julio Zapata: Tenoch, I'm sorry man, it was an accident, really.
Tenoch: An accident?
[angrily]
Tenoch: You poke some girl's eye by accident, asshole! You don't fuck her! You don't fuck her!
Julio Zapata: [shyly] Right... right.
-
Julio Zapata: Fuck "economists" man!
-
Luisa: You get babies to look after, you end up changing their diapers!
-
[last lines]
Julio Zapata: Check please.
-
Narrator: Life is like the foam of the sea. You must dive into it.
-
Julio Zapata: [walking out of the shower naked] You're full of shit, man.
Tenoch: [laughing] I maybe full of shit... but, you've got one ugly dick. It looks like a deflated balloon.
Julio Zapata: Well, come and blow it up for me, asshole!
-
[Tired of fighting]
Luisa: We do things my way! One more fight and I'm gone for good!... Now we play by my rules. I won't fuck with any of you. Fuck each other, if you wish. 2. I sunbathe naked and I don't want you sniffing around like dogs. 3. I pick the music. 4. The moment I ask, please shut your mouths. 5. You cook. 6. No stories about your poor girlfriends. 7. If I ask, stay 10 yards from me. Or better 100. 8. Obviously, you do all the manual labor. 9. You may not speak of things you don't agree on. Even better, just keep your mouths shut. 10. You're not allowed to contradict me, much less push me.
-
Tenoch: Who fucks better between us? The truth!
Luisa: Despite the fiasco, you each have your own charms. Both have to quit whacking off and work up your resistance... Both of you, stop whacking off
[She turns to the waiter]
Luisa: These boys don't know how to go down on a girl. You were slurping like this was a lollipop. You have to be gentle. You have to make the clitoris your best friend... Search and you shall find. The greatest pleasure is giving pleasure.
Tenoch: Hail to the clit!
Julio Zapata: Hail to the clit!
Luisa: Hail to the clit!
-
Tenoch: I fucked Ceci a few times
Julio Zapata: No big deal. I poked Ana a bunch of times.
Tenoch: So we're milk brothers!
[Luisa toast]
Luisa: To your girlfriends who are having 10 Italians at a time!
Julio Zapata: And your mother, too! You know?... Honestly, the day she cleaned my aura
[two boys raised their shot glasses]
Tenoch: Luisa! To all mothers!
Julio Zapata: Luisa! To all mothers!
Y tu mamá también Quotes
Extended Reading
