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M: Uhh, can we keep this between us? Mara's sort of "the one".
Elena: Whatever. I'm just going to stay here and tan.
M: Cool.
Elena: Oh M! Tell Mara I said hi.
-
Nina Papas: What I saw... was real!
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Jonesy: Okay, from now on, you'll be the uptight lesbian sister I never had. Deal?
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Amber: You dont get it, do you? I'm not into men!
Jonesy: Whoa... you're a lesbian? How hot is that?
-
Jonesy: Shit ghost!
-
Dale Murphy: Say hello to the Mrs. from me.
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Dale Murphy: [pointing gun at the old timer] You so much as fart, old man, and you're dead.
-
Amber: So, where are M and Elena?
Jake: Down by the lake, filming the "X" rated version of the show.
Jonesy: Yeah, alright, I'm gonna see you guys later!
[he gets up to leave, then holds his stomach, and groans]
Jonesy: Ooh, god. I'm so stuffed, sex is gonna have to wait!
[farts]
Jonesy: Shit ghost!
-
Nina Papas: [looking at a barrel of toxic waste that reads may cause birth defects] Birth defects? No shit.
-
Dale Murphy: [still standing after being shot twice with arrows by Pa] Is that all you got, bitch?
-
[first lines]
Tommy: Hello?
Kimberly: It's dead out here and I'm hating you about now. What kind of agent are you?
Tommy: You'll find the road, Kimberly. Look, it's 4 a.m. in LA. Can I go back to sleep?
Kimberly: I was up all night on the red-eye, and it wasn't first class like you promised.
Tommy: Give me credit for the car. Nice ride, huh?
Kimberly: Yeah, whatever. By the way, these directions suck! This project sucks.
Tommy: Hey, it's a great opportunity.
Kimberly: It's a reality show pilot.
Tommy: Hey, you sang your way to the top seven the last time you were on TV. Now you're the star. You're Kimberly fucking Caldwell! You're the only celebrity they've got!
Kimberly: If I'm such a celebrity, Tommy, get me a movie.
Tommy: Look, Kimster, your Q Score's gonna go way up and you're gonna have a chance to win 90 grand!
Kimberly: I thought it was 100.
Tommy: Well, I get 10 percent, remember?
Kimberly: Wait, there's a turnoff.
[stops at a fork in the road]
Tommy: Look, I got power yoga in like 2 hours. Did you find it yet?
Kimberly: I don't know. There's some old paper mill here but there's nothing about it on the map.
Tommy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's gotta be it! Look, Kimbo, you can't afford to make a wrong turn here. You really don't have the time.
-
Elena: [to Jake] You wanna get, eh - wet?
-
Jake: [to the freak] Hey, get off her!
-
[last lines]
Jake: Nice ride. You want to take it for a spin?
Nina Papas: Why not? It's the least this fucked up family owes us.
-
Dale Murphy: [notices dynamite] Who you blowin' up, old-timer?
Old Timer: Oh, just the trout. Only way to bring 'em to the surface. Dynamite stuns 'em. Then they float like lily pads, and I just scoop 'em up.
Dale Murphy: [notices picture of the man and his wife] Pretty wife.
Old Timer: Yeah, that's my Delilah. Gave me the happiest days of my life. God bless her soul. You know, you one lucky son of a bitch. Lotta folk go in them woods. Never seen one come out. I stay clear of them myself.
Dale Murphy: How many of those freaks are out there?
Old Timer: Hard to know. More than the ones you run across. That's for sure.
Dale Murphy: What are they?
Old Timer: Oh, just like you and me, brother, 'cept uglier... and a lot stronger. Hey, I hit one of them young'uns once in my pickup. He popped up and just kept goin'. It's the chemicals changed 'em. Pulp mill shut down near 30 years ago... and left a mess. And the poison killed off all the game. Most folks 'round these parts left. There's one family that stayed on in this holler... and pretty soon their babies started gushin' out of their mama's womb... just as ugly as them trout I got hangin' out there. And then they grow up, have kids of their own. Turned out even worse. You gonna stay for a bite? Fish is ugly, but they fry up real good.
Dale Murphy: No. Much obliged, but I gotta get goin'.
Old Timer: Well, if you're gonna head out to get your friends, settle the score... best jump to it before it gets dark. You don't wanna be out in them woods at night.
Dale Murphy: Why do you stay, old-timer?
Old Timer: Well, I could never leave. Gotta stay close to my young'uns.
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End Quotes
Extended Reading