Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My father, the most beloved gynecologist in Vienna, before they took him away on a morals charge for indecent exposure at the State Opera House, said, and I quote: "Please do not take me away, I will not do it again."

Victor Skakapopulis: Brilliant quote.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: He was a brilliant pervert.
Michael James: Did you find a job?

Victor Skakapopulis: Yeah, I got something at the striptease. I help the girls dress and undress.

Michael James: Nice job.

Victor Skakapopulis: Twenty francs a week.

Michael James: Not very much.

Victor Skakapopulis: It's all I can afford.
Liz Bien: Would you excuse me for a minute? I'm going into the bathroom to take an overdose of sleeping pills.

Michael James: I like you. You're a nice stable girl.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I am a doctor of the mind.

Victor Skakapopulis: Really?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Yes!

Victor Skakapopulis: I have terrible emotional problems. Could you help me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You certainly picked a very odd time to ask me, just in the middle of a suicide.
Anna Fassbender: [delivers a Wagnerian Valkyrie yodel]

Rita: Who is that thing?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: That is no thing, it's my wife!
Michael James: As a man's life goes down the drain, you are there.
Miss Marks: Oh, Michael, this can't work, I'm 34 and you're 12!

Michael James: Don't be negative.
Liz Bien: You're right. I must face my problems. I can't go through life being a semi-virgin.

Michael James: What, in the name of all that is gracious, is a semi-virgin?

Liz Bien: Here, I'm a virgin. In America, I'm not.

Michael James: What do they do, stamp it on your passport?
Doctor: [Liz Bien, the stripper, has just made her second suicide attempt while in Michael's company. The same ER doctor has responded] You wouldn't happen to be the young lady's fiancee, would you?

Michael James: No, just a friend.

Doctor: Pretty rough friendship you've got there.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You're grotesque!

Anna Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer!

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Don't you dare call me that again until I have looked it up!

Anna Fassbender: Adulterer! Adulterer! Lascivious adulterer!

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Silence when you're shouting at me!

[looks through a dictionary]

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Lascivious adulterer... let's see... lascivious adulterer is a man, who is a lascivious adulterer? What kind of book is that?
Anna Fassbender: Is she prettier than me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Is she prettier than you? I'M prettier than YOU!
[James is drunk and Carole has taken his car keys]

Michael James: Give me the key.

Carole Werner: No. Take a cab.

Michael James: I don't wish to take a key, I want my car cabs!
Carole Werner: We're married thirty seconds and already you look at other women.

Michael James: I had to look at her, she was talking to me, I looked in the direction the sound was coming from.
Victor Skakapopulis: Do you have any salt?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Have I got any salt? I got a boat, I got kerosene, matches, firecrackers, two swords, and this flag. But, I ain't got no salt.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My wife, the creature that ate Europe, is here.
Victor Skakapopulis: I just burnt my finger! I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream. I'll be out in a minute.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: You'll like this group analysis, it's a real freak show. If it gets dull, we sing songs.
Michael James: In Britain, we have a national therapy, we call it cricket. Unlike other sports, it doesn't involve anxieties or pressures. It's leisurely and lyrical. It's the song of willow on leather.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Is there any sex in it?

Michael James: Oh, no. This is a game for gentlemen, played by gentlemen.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: It's sick, sick.
Anna Fassbender: Foiled by a cheap cinematic trick!
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I, uh, decided to follow you here.

Michael James: If you followed me here, how did you contrive to be here before me?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I followed you... very fast.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: May I explain that what you see happening here is merely an illusion...

Anna Fassbender: An illusion?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: An illusion. Shut the door, count three...

Anna Fassbender: Three?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Four, if you like, but close the door and you'll see it's just an illusion.
Michael James: I'll be back tomorrow. If I'm not back tomorrow, send for the police. If they're not back tomorrow, send my clothes.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: If it fails, then we'll try something else, because I use all kinds of unorthodox methods. For example, I've had the greatest success shutting people in dark closets.
Mayor's Secretary: I can't spell Sigismund.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I think that you have a little sexual block over the spelling of that naughty name. Allow me to help you, I'm a psychoanalyst, among other things.
Victor Skakapopulis: We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.
Carole Werner: You got something to eat?

Victor Skakapopulis: [looking around his messy kitchen] Some, uh, some Fig Newtons and some Hershey bars and some cough drops.

Carole Werner: You got any tuna fish?

Victor Skakapopulis: [searching cupboard] Tuna fish... tuna fish... I have some salmon salad left.

Carole Werner: What do you mean, left? When did you make it?

Victor Skakapopulis: In April, but if you smother it with pepper it's fine.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [to his wife] I hate you! I hate you! I've hated you from the moment I first married you!
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: When did all this come to an end?

Michael James: It didn't come to an end! That's the point.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [to his wife] You are a monster and a monster, in that order!
Michael James: I've had a lot of experience fondling, er, handling young women like you. And it's all got to stop.
Michael James: Pussycat from the sky, I can't resist you.

Rita: Don't resist. Capitulate.
Man In Strip Club: [Richard Burton in cameo appearance] Excuse me, haven't *you* seen *me* somewhere before?

Michael James: I know the name, but I can't remember the face.
Renee Lefebvre: You see, I can't help it, I'm a physical woman. I feel guilty about it. But I come from a family of acute nymphomaniacs. That includes my father and my two brothers.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: My darling! Your face is like the pale autumn moon!
Michael James: Ahhh. A little gentle steam does one the world of good. We must have physical health as well as mental health. Ah, I'm kinky for steam!
Michael James: [in a dream] RIGHT! I want ALL YOU CATS... to SHAPE UP!

[cracks whip madly]
Michael James: Look, I know you'll think this is crazy, but, er, when the light hits me from a certain direction, I'm... handsome

[swigs from bottle]
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I'll see you next Friday, I've got a few phone calls to make.

Michael James: But I haven't finished. I've only been here fifteen minutes.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I can't take more than fifteen minutes of your sex life at one time.
Renee Lefebvre: When the light hits him a certain way, he's almost handsome.
Michael James: Could you tell me about your typical clientele?

Etienne: My typical clientele?

Michael James: Typical.

Etienne: All the people who are here now are typical clientele.

Michael James: Really?

Etienne: There is a man cheating on his wife in room Lola Montez. There is a woman cheating on her two husbands in Carlotta. Two lovers of indeterminate sex in Reine Margot. And two men cheating in Don Juan.

Michael James: Yes. Well, one might say the joint is jumping.
[Liz has just taken an overdose of pills at Michael's apartment for the third time]

Doctor: Mademoiselle, the boys at the Emergency Suicide ward have voted to give you this gold watch for unusual devotion.
Victor Skakapopulis: Pardon me, drunk, but you can't come in here.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [Addressing group therapy class] Where did we leave off last session?

Durell - Mental Patient: When the train entered the tunnel.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Who is that thing?

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: That is no thing, this is my wife.

[to his wife]

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: This is a personal friend of James Bond.
[Michael and Carol argue after having made up]

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Perhaps I haven't lost a son, maybe I've gained another patient.
Miss Marks: Oh, Victor! I can't let you make love to me with someone in the closet!

Victor Skakapopulis: Oh, really? How many people in the closet do you need?
Michael James: My job is a lecher's dream.
Michael James: Can you imagine what it feels like to be in close contact every day with the worid's most gorgeous women? And what can I do? I can't say no. And why should I say no? I love it, do you hear? I love every second of it. That's how it's always been with me. A little pleasure, a little pain, but always back to the ladies.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I think that, with you, sex is a sport, ya?

Michael James: Oh, yes. I love the the smell of perfume and the thrill of the chase and the moment of conquest.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I like thighs. Do you like thighs?
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [on the phone] Hello, Zsa Zsa? This is Fritz. How are you, my little flesh pudding?
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: [on the phone] Hello, my little laxative. This is baby Fritzy here.
Carole Werner: [taking a shower] Michael?

Michael James: Hello, pussycat.

[steps into the shower]

Michael James: Pussycat, I love you.

Carole Werner: Thank you for another pot of flowers. Shall I get dressed? Or is it foreign-movie time?

Michael James: Foreign-movie time.
Michael James: The worst curse in the worid is to be mediocre.
Michael James: Look, a point I've noticed, scientifically, is that stripping is not sexy.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: No, not in the slightest.

Michael James: Listen, I can speak with a certain authority on this because I've seen this show - a hundred times.
Liz Bien: When it comes to liquor, I'm a health nut. I drink a lot of gin and wheat germ. Regular vodka and gluten.
Michael James: I want to hear your poems.

Liz Bien: Oh, all right. But behave.

Michael James: Yes, sure. I - I love erotic poems.

Liz Bien: Oh, it's not erotic, it's political.

Michael James: Is it?

Liz Bien: Mm-hm. Oh, yeah. I wrote this at Hillside Hospital, just after my fourth nervous breakdown. Um! Two, three, four: "Who killed Charlie Parker? Um! You did. You - rat!" I dedicate this next poem...

Michael James: Yes. Well, it's been an interesting evening.
Carole Werner: Victor, can I have a drink?

Victor Shakapopulis: Sure, what would you like?

Carole Werner: A triple Scotch on the rocks. Sometimes a drink will loosen me up. You've got something to eat?

Victor Shakapopulis: Some, uh, some Fig Newtons and some Hershey bars and some cough drops.

Carole Werner: You got any tuna fish?

Victor Shakapopulis: Tuna fish, tuna fish. Uh, tuna fish.
Liz Bien: One more poem - and you can do with me what you want.
Victor Shakapopulis: [kisses Carole] Forgive me, I - I saw your lips standing there.
Liz Bien: How'd you like my poems?

Michael James: I think they're very beautiful and quite moving.

Liz Bien: Did you like the one about peaceful coexistence, 'Ode To A Pacifist Junkie'?

Michael James: Yes. I thought it was very sexy.
Michael James: It's different for a girl.

Carole Werner: It is not! It is not different! And if you can run around, so can I.
Michael James: Life is a strumpet stained with wine. "Go to, I'll no more on't; it hath made me mad. I say, we will have no more marriages!"

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Isn't that Schiller?

Michael James: Shakespeare.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Hey! You must not strike me, you naughty boy! You're my patient, that's who you are! And, anyvay, I can lick any Freudian psychoanalyst that's in this house!
Michael James: Liz.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Liz?

Michael James: Oh, she's a stripper. She's beautiful. And she's here on a bongo scholarship.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Oh, why don't you introduce me to her? I could be the man that sees no one touches her for you.
Michael James: You must not attack her. You must woo her.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Woo her?

Michael James: Woo her.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Mr Quills! Have you no shame? Why do you keep attacking new members in this way, you great fat Moby Dick?
Michael James: Doctor, I prefer the sickness to the cure.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Miss Lefevre, you look positively ravishing in that face.

Renée Lefevre: Thank you, Herr Professor.
Renée Lefevre: He told me any time I had trouble controlling myself I should blow the whistle.

Michael James: You have - eh - trouble controlling yourself?

Renée Lefevre: Only with men. I have an intense need to be loved by many men, many times.

Michael James: Really? Eh, a little wine? Would you care for?

Renée Lefevre: Yes.

Michael James: You'd never know by your placid exterior that underneath that ice-cold facade beats the heart of a savage, lustful, passionate animal.

[kiss]
Renée Lefevre: I have to call someone and tell them I will not be home tonight.

Michael James: The phone's down by the bed, next to my prayer shawl.
Renée Lefevre: Do this, do that. I say, I do earn my pay. Here we go, cock, spotless we must be.
Carole Werner: You hyperthyroid!
Victor Shakapopulis: Do you think you could love a short man? I mean, if he had very attractive red hair?
Michael James: Ah, that's better. Ah, a little gentle steam. Does one the worid of good. Ahh. We must have physical health as well as mental health. Oh, I'm kinky for steam.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: So you turned promiscuous? Well, I love that in a woman. Love it. I love it.

Renée Lefevre: I can't help it, I'm a physical woman. I feel guilty about it. But I come from a family of acute nymphomaniacs. That includes my father and my two brothers.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Why don't we all take off our clothes? It's so modern.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: I'm hungry.

Liz Bien: Don't you just love sin?
Liz Bien: God, I love it when you're domineering.
Dream Girl #1: Michael, remember me? You loved me in your office.

Michael James: Indeed I do.

Dream Girl #2: Remember the night in the hospital bed?

Michael James: Unforgettable.

Dream Girl #3: My mother's crypt.

Michael James: Oh, poor mummy.

Dream Girl #4: On top of the Eiffel Tower.

Michael James: Very chilly.
Renée Lefevre: Who would have ever thought - in an elevator?

Michael James: It's the safest place in the worid, provided the combined weight of the two people does not exceed 1400 pounds.
Michael James: Come away with me for the weekend.

Renée Lefevre: Where?

Michael James: Chateau Chantelle.

Renée Lefevre: Oh, how lovely. We could fish and hunt and ride and swim and...

Michael James: And all in my room.
Carole Werner: Ah, it's Mr Overactive Glands!
Michael James: I want you more than anything in the worid, pussycat. Pussycat.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Oh, what a fool I've been. I've searched and searched and sampled every girl I could find. And now I realize that

[flashing on the screen: Author's message:]

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: human fulfillment does not come from short, physical, random adventures, But from a deep relationship which is quite often under one's very nose.
Michael James: Pussycat? I'm off. See you tomorrow.

Carole Werner: Have fun. You sure you're not meeting some dolly?

Michael James: Trust, my darling, trust.
Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Anna! Anna! I have to go to Chateau Chantelle for the weekend. There's an analyst's convention.

Anna Fassbender: But the convention was last week, Fritz, at Arles.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: That was the Freudian convention, this is the Jungian one.
Michael James: Parachuting's a funny recreation for a girl. Now, if you were a fella. I can understand pottery or flower arrangement or needlework or knitting.

Rita: It helps sublimate my sexual tensions. It's either that or promiscuity.

Michael James: Ah, la-la-la.
Rita: [calling room service] Please send up some champagne - and five dozen oysters.
Renée Lefevre: Philippe? Oh! Michael!

Michael James: Oh, it's you! I beg your body. Forgive me!
Rita: Come back to bed immediately.

Dr. Fritz Fassbender: Now, look here. I've had a lot of experience fondling - handling girls like you and it's got to stop.

What's New Pussycat Quotes

Extended Reading

What's New Pussycat short comments

Christelle 2022-04-20 09:02:56

It can be felt that the original script is Woody's tune, and it may be that the finished film is blown up.
Isom 2022-04-21 09:03:52

Peter O'Toole is so insane he's going to immortalize. A Tianjin dialect sums it up: messing around, making noise.