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Deacon: Don't just stand there, kill something!
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Deacon: Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy. You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.
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Deacon: If I ever see him again, I'm going to cut open his head and eat his brain.
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Deacon: Dry land is not just our destination, it is our destiny!
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[speaking of dry land]
Mariner: Because I haven't seen it. And I've sailed further than most men have dreamed.
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Deacon: Look, it's the gentleman guppy.
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Deacon: He'll see what's left of you in a goddamn jar!
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Enola: He doesn't have a name so Death can't find him!
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Deacon: Wanna cigarette? You're never too young to start.
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Mariner: What are the markings on her back?
Helen: Some say it's the way to dry land.
Mariner: Dry land is a myth.
Helen: No, you said it yourself, that you've seen it.
Mariner: You're a fool to believe in something you've never seen.
Helen: But the things on your boat...!
Mariner: The things on my boat, what?
Helen: There are things on your boat that no one has ever seen. These shells, the music box and the reflecting glass. Well, if not from dry land, then where? Where?
Mariner: You wanna see dry land? You really wanna see it? I'll take you there.
-
Deacon: Let's have an intelligent conversation here: I'll talk, and you listen.
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Nord: [to the Mariner] You should have stayed under water.
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Mariner: I've seen your boat before. Haven't seen you.
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Mariner: Two drifters meet. Something needs to be exchanged.
Drifter: I know the code. But I'll give this one to you for free.
Mariner: Nothing's free in Waterworld.
-
Enola: You're not so tough, you know that? How many people have you killed? Ten? Twenty?
Mariner: You talk a lot.
Enola: I talk a lot because you don't talk at all. Now, how many?
Mariner: Including little girls?
Enola: I'm not afraid of you. I told Helen you wouldn't be so ugly if you cut your hair.
Mariner: In fact, you talk all the time. It's like a storm when you're around!
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Mariner: This is my boat. I got it the way I like it. You take up space and you slow me down.
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Deacon: If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all having a real lousy day.
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Deacon: I've had a vision so great, as it came to me I wept.
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Depth Gauge: Sir? Your Deaconship? Good day! Or night. Whatever the case may be...
Deacon: What is it? I'm a busy man.
Depth Gauge: I thought you should know. There's exactly nine feet and four inches of THE BLACK STUFF...
[the Deacon spits on the Depth Gauge's head]
Depth Gauge: Oh, thank you!
-
Depth Gauge: [Sees the Mariner's lit flare about to fall on the oil. An end to his miserable existence] Oh, thank God!
[Kaboom]
-
Helen: Did you see anything out there?
Mariner: See what?
Helen: An end, to all this water?
Mariner: That old woman they buried today? She found the only end there is.
-
[after painting a ball bearing in the Deacon's eye socket to look like a real one]
Deacon: Well? How's it look?
[the other smokers say, "not bad," "not bad at all", etc]
Doctor: I-I like it better than your real eye.
[One smoker says, "much better," to general agreement]
Deacon: What do you say, Toby? The truth.
Toby: Looks like shit.
Deacon: That's why I love children: no guile.
[after looking at his new eye in a mirror]
Deacon: It does look like shit.
-
[while holding Helen and the Mariner at gunpoint]
Deacon: All right, that's it! If you won't tell us where she is, let's just KILL 'EM ALL!
[He fires a gun into the air]
Enola: [popping up from her hiding place] NO!
Deacon: Ha-ha, so gullible!
-
Mariner: I want the girl.
Deacon: You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you. You are a total freaking retard! Ha-ha-ha...
Mariner: I want the girl. That's all.
Deacon: Well, what on this screwed-up earth of ours makes you think you're gonna get her?
[the Mariner takes a flare from his belt, and holds it over a hole leading down to the Deez's fuel hold]
Mariner: You know what this is. I drop it, you burn.
Doctor: We all burn...
Deacon: Now-now-now, let's not do anything rash here. I mean, are you sure this kid is worth it? I mean, she never does stop talking, she never shuts up!
Mariner: I noticed.
Deacon: So what is it, then? It's the map.
Mariner: She's my friend.
Deacon: Golly gee, a single tear rolls down my cheek. You're gonna die for your friend.
Mariner: If it comes to that.
[He ignites the flare, and holds it over the hole again]
Nord: He's bluffing! I'll kill him.
Enola: He's not bluffing, he never bluffs.
Deacon: SHUT UP!
[to the Mariner]
Deacon: I-I-I-I-I don't think you're gonna drop that torch, my friend.
Mariner: Why not?
Deacon: Because you're not crazy.
[the Mariner smiles, lifts his hand, and drops the flare down the hole]
Deacon: NO-O-O-O-O!
-
Deacon: You know, I thought you were stupid, friend. But I underestimated you; you're a total freakin' retard!
-
[after the deck of the Deez clears, one lone figure walks toward the bridge]
Deacon: Why aren't you rowing?
[the Mariner removes his mask]
Nord: [laughs] It's him.
Enola: It is him! You guys are in so much trouble.
-
Nord: So which way we rowin'?
Deacon: I don't have a goddamn clue. Don't worry, they'll row for a month before they figure out I'm fakin' it.
-
Gatesman: [while wrestling with Mariner trying to apprehend him, sees with horror a gill behind the Mariner's ear; with abhorrence] Mu-u-ta-tion!
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Mariner: My boat.
-
Helen: I thought you all stopped for each other. Maybe he has some FOOD!
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Enola: [after the Mariner drops the flare and the boat is burning] Was this your big vision?
-
Deacon: How 'bout a cigarette? Nothing like a good smoke when you miss your mom... Never too young to start...
-
Deacon: Maybe he doesn't answer to Chuck. Call him Charles.
-
[first lines]
Narrator: The future... The polar ice caps have melted, covering the earth with water. Those who survived have adapted, to a new world.
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Drifter: Forget the bag. It's not worth it. You'll never make it with your sails down.
-
Enola: He doesn't have a name, so death can't find him. He doesn't have a home or people to care for. He's not afraid of anything, men least of all. He's fast and strong like the big wind. He can hear 100 miles and see 100 miles underwater. He can hide in the shadow of the noon sun. He can be right behind you and you wont even know it till your dead.
-
Helen: You've been there, haven't you? Dryland? You know where it is.
Mariner: Yeah, I know where it is.
Helen: And, uh, and we're going?
Mariner: You and I are. The kid we gotta pitch over the side.
Helen: What?
Mariner: My boat's tore up. I'm taking on water.
[points to water filtration]
Mariner: I'd be lucky to get half a hydro ration out of that.
Helen: You know, I said I won't drink.
Mariner: For twelve days?
Helen: [Nods]
Mariner: No. It's better that one of you dies now, then both of you die slow.
Helen: Wait, wait. We saved your life. We got you out.
Mariner: No. You got me out so you could get out. We're even.
-
Helen: [trying to stop Mariner from throwing Enola off the boat] She can cook. She can fish.
Mariner: So can I.
Helen: [removing necklace] Here. Take my necklace. Take my necklace.
Mariner: I got better ones below.
Helen: No, look! After what you went through back there on the atoll, I can understand why you would want to. But she's a child.
-
Deacon: Bring out the kamakazees.
[Kamakazees are flying out of water on jet skis and skid on ski jumps to fly over the Floating Cage's walls and take out the inhabitants. One kamakazee is sent in a tugboat to drive into the base of the Floating Cage]
Deacon: Well, that made a hole!
-
Enola: He's killed dozens of people, and he doesn't have any mercy or anything. He even kills little girls.
Nord: Haven't we all?
Waterworld Quotes
Extended Reading
