-
Finn: And you know what? I *did* want to come to Brazil. Why? Because I like girls. And I like beaches and drinking. And when they say "Come to Brazil," they say "Come to Brazil! We've got girls and beaches and drinking!" What they do not say, what they completely neglect to mention is anything about being chased into the jungle by an angry fuckin' mob which is not my idea of a fun vacation at all!
-
Zamora: I'm doing this for a good reason
-
Zamora: Don't take this personal, okay? If it makes you feel any better, please know that I'm doing this for a good cause.
-
Zamora: In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing. The next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. But the worst thing you can do is nothing.
-
Zamora: I'd take your hearts too, your corneas- even the skin from your lily-white asses. But they don't travel well.
-
Bea: [playing soccer] You suck, Amy.
-
Alex: [to bus driver] "Bussie!" You suck at driving buses! You should do something else. Pick bananas or something.
-
Zamora: The whole history of our country is taking you from us and our land- rubber, sugar, gold. And from our bodies- for slaves, for sex. And now, for- for our insides.
-
Zamora: Did you know that in America there is a seven-year wait for a healty kidney? And in Europe it's worse. So if a rich gringo needs a kidney, what does he do? Wait and get sick like the rest of us? No. He comes here to Brazil to take advantage of our bounty and of our poverty.
-
Pru: Oh, what is this place doing here?
-
Finn: We got on the wrong fucking bus!
Liam: The Rastafarian.
Finn: I knew he was dodgy.
-
Finn: Christ, I'd do anything for a pint. I'd lick the sweat off a monkey's balls.
-
Pru: This song is so *nasty*.
Alex: What are they saying?
Pru: I'm not getting it all, but basically it's a long list of explicit things he likes to do in the back of his car, one being up the ass.
-
Finn: [regarding Kiko] If he dies, how do we get back?
Alex Trubituan: He's not gonna die.
Finn: 'Cause I don't wanna be here if his uncle shows up and we're like "Hello, mate, here's your dead nephew. Oh, and by the way, you're out of scotch."
-
Finn: So, how does rank on your other trips?
Pru: After the last few days, right at the bottom. You?
Finn: Well, we had a pretty tough time in Cambodia.
Liam: At least we had that hash.
Finn: Yeah, and those Dutch girls.
-
Nurse: Go. Run.
Alex Trubituan: What do you mean?
Nurse: Run right now. This guy has plans for you and your friends and his plans are pretty fucking elaborate and pretty fucking fucked. So if I were you, I'd just run.
-
[first lines]
Bea Trubituan: [careening recklessly through the countryside in a bus] Are you having fun?
Alex Trubituan: Am I the only one having a problem with this?
Bea Trubituan: I don't know, I guess I'm used to it.
Alex Trubituan: I just keep thinking about how far we must be from a hospital. You know, with doctors who operate instead of amputate?
Bea Trubituan: So dramatic.
Alex Trubituan: [grinding sounds] Would you slow the fuck down!
-
Finn: [narrowly escaping from bus] Why's my luggage always the last to come out?
-
Zamora: Your turn...
-
Alex Trubituan: You okay?
Bea Trubituan: Never leave me again.
-
[last lines]
Woman Tourist: This is stupid. Why don't we just take the bus?
Man Tourist: The bus...
Woman Tourist: We could take the *bus*. Then we could see the country.
Man Tourist: The bus takes forever.
Woman Tourist: Well, I thought that's why we came here, to experience new things.
Man Tourist: Yeah, I guess.
Alex Trubituan: [interjecting] Take the plane.
Man Tourist: What?
Alex Trubituan: Take the plane.
Man Tourist: Thanks, man.
Alex Trubituan: De nada.
-
Finn: Oh, God, you really are an angel. You want to come back with me to London?
[Arolea takes money from his wallet]
Finn: Oh, wait, n-no, it's not like that. But I thought you liked me, no?
Arolea: No.
-
Zamora: I've found a way for you to give back...
[Zamora removes tourist girl's liver while another tourist watches in horror]
Turistas Quotes
Extended Reading
