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Gaston Monescu: It must be the most marvelous supper. We may not eat it, but it must be marvelous.
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Lily Vautier: You know, when I first saw you, I thought you were an American.
Gaston Monescu: Thank you.
Lily Vautier: Someone from another world, so entirely different. Oh, one gets so tired of one's own class - princes and counts and dukes and kings! Everybody talking shop. Always trying to sell you jewelry. Then I heard your name and found out you were just one of us.
Gaston Monescu: Disappointed?
Lily Vautier: No, proud. Very proud.
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Lily Vautier: I have a confession to make to you: Baron, you are a crook. You robbed the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9. May I have the salt?
Gaston Monescu: Please!
Lily Vautier: Thank you.
Gaston Monescu: The pepper too?
Lily Vautier: Oh, no, thank you.
Gaston Monescu: You're very welcome. Countess, believe me, before you left this room, I would have told you everything. And let me say this, with love in my heart: Countess, you are a thief. The wallet of the gentleman in 253, 5, 7 and 9 is in your possession. I knew it very well when you took it out of my pocket. In fact, you tickled me. But your embrace was so sweet.
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Gaston Monescu: Do you remember the man who walked into the Bank of Constantinople, and walked out with the Bank of Constantinople?
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Gaston Monescu: I love you. I loved you the minute I saw you. I'm mad about you, my little shoplifter... . my sweet little pickpocket... . my darling.
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Radio Commentator: From Geneva comes the news that the famous international crook, Gaston Monescu, robbed the peace conference yesterday. He took practically everything except the peace.
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Mariette Colet: No, no, Francois, I tell you, no. You see, Francois, marriage is a beautiful mistake which two people make together. But with you, Francois, I think it would be a mistake.
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Gaston Monescu: Madame Colet, if I were your father, which fortunately I am not, and you made any attempt to handle your own business affairs, I would give you a good spanking - in a business way, of course.
Mariette Colet: What would you do if you were my secretary?
Gaston Monescu: The same thing.
Mariette Colet: You're hired.
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Lily Vautier: You see, mother is dead.
Mariette Colet: Yes, that's the trouble with mothers. First you get to like them, and then they die.
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Gaston Monescu: Well, what did she want?
Lily Vautier: You. And she's willing to pay as high as 50 francs.
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Lily Vautier: Darling, remember, you are Gaston Monescu. You are a crook. I want you as a crook. I love you as a crook. I worship you as a crook. Steal, swindle, rob. Oh, but don't become one of those useless, good-for-nothing gigolos.
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Lily Vautier: Well, I'll leave you alone with that lady. But if you behave like a gentleman, I'll break your neck.
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Mariette Colet: I have a confession to make to you: You like me. In fact, you're crazy about me.
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François Filiba: Tonsils! Positively tonsils!
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Gaston Monescu: I see. You have to be in the Social Register to keep out of jail. But when a man starts at the bottom and works his way up, a self-made crook, then you say, "Call the police! Put him behind bars! Lock him up!"
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Gaston Monescu: I came here to rob you, but unfortunately I fell in love with you.
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Gaston Monescu: It could have been marvelous.
Mariette Colet: Divine.
Gaston Monescu: Wonderful... . But tomorrow morning, if you should wake out of your dreams and hear a knock, and the door opens, and there, instead of a maid with a breakfast tray, stands a policeman with a warrant, then you'll be glad you are alone.
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The Major: I like to take my fun and leave it.
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Lily Vautier: Don't you remember the day you took that Chinese vase from the Royal Palace? And you made it into a lamp for my night table.
Gaston Monescu: I remember the lamp, I remember the night table... . and I remember the night.
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Waiter: Yes, Baron. What should we start with, Baron? Hmm?
Gaston Monescu: Oh yes. That's not so easy. Beginnings are always difficult.
Waiter: Yes, Baron.
Gaston Monescu: If Casanova suddenly turned out to be Romeo having supper with Juliet, who might become Cleopatra, how would you start?
Waiter: I would start with cocktails.
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Lily Vautier: [fuming] I wouldn't fall for another man if he was the biggest crook on earth!
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François Filiba: Nice day, Major.
The Major: Eh-hmm.
François Filiba: You're looking fine, Major.
The Major: Now see here my good man, I've had just about enough of your insulting remarks.
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Gaston Monescu: Everything will be all right again. Prosperity is just around the corner.
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The Communist: [excitedly and emotionally] Phooey, phooey, and phooey!
Gaston Monescu: [dryly] His phooey is worse than his bite.
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Purse Salesman: This one, Madame Colet, is only 3,000 francs.
Mariette Colet: Oh, no, that's entirely too much! How about that one?
Purse Salesman: Oh, this one, Madame. Well, that's 125,000 francs.
Mariette Colet: But it's beautiful. I'll take it.
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The Major: See here, my good man. You've been saying good-bye for the last half hour and staying on. I wish you'd say "How do you do" and go.
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Mme. Bouchet: That's that Monsieur La Valle.
François Filiba: La Valle? Who is Monsieur La Valle?
Mme. Bouchet: I don't know. She says he's her secretary.
François Filiba: Oh? So...
Mme. Bouchet: And he says he's her secretary. Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe he is her secretary.
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Lily Vautier: This woman has more than jewelry.
Gaston Monescu: [sighs loudly]
Lily Vautier: Did you ever take a good look at her... ummm...
Gaston Monescu: Certainly.
Lily Vautier: They're alright, aren't they?
Gaston Monescu: Beautiful. What of it? Let me tell you something - as far as I'm concerned her whole sex appeal is in that safe.
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The Major: Oh, Jacques, has the bag been found?
Jacques, Mariette's Butler: Yes, Major.
The Major: Is Madame feeling well?
Jacques, Mariette's Butler: No, Major.
The Major: Is Madame seeing anybody this afternoon, this evening or even tomorrow?
Jacques, Mariette's Butler: No, Major.
The Major: You may shut the door Jacques.
[to François Filiba]
The Major: Well, that leaves you holding the bag. Good-bye.
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Gaston Monescu: It embarrasses you to offer me the 20,000-francs reward?
Mariette Colet: Yes.
Gaston Monescu: Don't be embarrassed. I'll take it. I need the money. I wish I were in a position to ignore the whole matter, but you know, madame, the stock market, a bank crash - to make a long story short, a member of the nouveau poor.
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Mariette Colet: Now, Monsieur La Valle, please.
Gaston Monescu: Frankly, madame, I'm too tired.
Mariette Colet: Don't you want to come down and join the party? Just a little tango? No? Oh, you and your messy old papers and contracts and money, money, money.
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Lily Vautier: Gaston, I know you're awfully busy, and, well, I don't wanna trouble you, but she has one little necklace. You know the one with the seed pearls? It's so quiet and simple. It'd go just beautifully with my neck.
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Gaston Monescu: There's more sex appeal coming on the first of the month. It's only ten days - 850,000 francs.
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Gaston Monescu: Good night, madame. And let me tell you again, you dance like a dream.
Mariette Colet: Oh, no. It's the way you lead.
Gaston Monescu: No, madame, it's the way you follow.
Mariette Colet: No, monsieur.
Gaston Monescu: Yes, madame.
Mariette Colet: Well, the evening's still young. Let's go down to the living room and talk it over.
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François Filiba: Have you ever been in Venice?
Gaston Monescu: No
François Filiba: You've never been in Venice?
Gaston Monescu: No. Have you ever been in Vienna?
François Filiba: No.
Gaston Monescu: Amsterdam?
François Filiba: No
Gaston Monescu: Constantinople?
François Filiba: No.
Gaston Monescu: You've never been in Constantinople?
François Filiba: No.
Gaston Monescu: But you have been to Venice?
François Filiba: Yes.
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Gaston Monescu: Venice can't compare with Constantinople. I don't care what you say! In Constantinople at least you have streets, sultans, pashas, turbans...
François Filiba: And harems, hmm?
Gaston Monescu: All kinds.
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Lily Vautier: Two more days and we'd have had 750,000 francs more.
Gaston Monescu: We'll have to take what's here. A bird in hand is worth two in jail.
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Mariette Colet: What are you going to do with my day tomorrow, Monsieur La Valle?
Gaston Monescu: Well, we'll have breakfast in the garden together.
Mariette Colet: Mm-hmm.
Gaston Monescu: Then horseback riding together.
Mariette Colet: Mm-hmm.
Gaston Monescu: Then lunch in the bois.
Mariette Colet: Together.
Gaston Monescu: Then, I would say, a little nap.
Mariette Colet: To-
[laughs]
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Mariette Colet: How do you like my new dress?
Gaston Monescu: Beautiful.
Mariette Colet: Hair?
Gaston Monescu: Marvelous.
Mariette Colet: [leans forward] Lipstick?
Gaston Monescu: [leans forward] Crimson.
Mariette Colet: Correct. Good night.
Gaston Monescu: Good night.
Mariette Colet: Good night.
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Mariette Colet: Afraid I'm ruining your reputation, Monsieur La Valle?
Gaston Monescu: No, yours, madame.
Mariette Colet: Monsieur La Valle, I have a confession to make to you. You like me. In fact, you're crazy about me. Otherwise, you wouldn't think about my reputation. Isn't that so? But, incidentally, I don't like you. I don't like you at all. And I wouldn't hesitate one instant to ruin your reputation...
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Gaston Monescu: I know all your tricks.
Mariette Colet: And you're going to fall for them.
Gaston Monescu: So you think you can get me?
Mariette Colet: Any minute I want.
Gaston Monescu: You're conceited.
Mariette Colet: But attractive.
Gaston Monescu: Now let me say...
Mariette Colet: Shut up. Kiss me.
[kiss]
Mariette Colet: Wasting all this marvelous time with arguments.
[long kiss]
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Gaston Monescu: You've got to stay. You can't go now.
Mariette Colet: I must go.
Gaston Monescu: I'm crazy about you.
Mariette Colet: I know it.
Gaston Monescu: I love you.
Mariette Colet: I believe you.
Gaston Monescu: Then why do you want to go?
Mariette Colet: Because I want to make it tough for you.
[kiss]
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Mariette Colet: We have a long time ahead of us, Gaston. Weeks, months, years.
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Lily Vautier: I know you love me. Why don't you say something? Come on, be brilliant. Talk yourself out of it. Bluff yourself in. Shut up, you liar, you!
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Mariette Colet: When a lady takes her jewels off in a gentleman's room, where does she put them?
Gaston Monescu: On the - On the night table.
Mariette Colet: But I don't want to be a lady.
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Mariette Colet: You wanted a hundred thousand francs - and I thought you wanted me.
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Mariette Colet: But it could have been glorious.
Gaston Monescu: Lovely.
Mariette Colet: Divine.
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Gaston Monescu: It must be the most memorable supper. We may not eat it, but it must be marvelous.
Waiter in Venice: Yes, baron.
Gaston Monescu: And, waiter.
Waiter in Venice: Yes, baron.
Gaston Monescu: You see that moon?
Waiter in Venice: Yes, baron.
Gaston Monescu: I want to see that moon in the champagne.
Waiter in Venice: Yes, baron.
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Gaston Monescu: And, as for you, waiter.
Waiter in Venice: Yes, baron?
Gaston Monescu: I don't want to see you at all.
Waiter in Venice: No, baron.
-
François Filiba: You know, if I like a man, I remember him. And if I don't like him, I never forget him. In a nutshell, madam, it is little things like that that drive me crazy.
Trouble in Paradise Quotes
Extended Reading
Director: Ernst Lubitsch
Language: English,Italian,French,Russian,Spanish,German Release date: October 30, 1932