Tomorrow Never Dies Quotes

Elliot Carver: Good morning, my golden retrievers. What kind of havoc shall the Carver Media Group create in the world today? News?

Newsman: Floods in Pakistan, riots in Paris, and a plane crash in California.

Elliot Carver: Outstanding!

Elliot Carver: Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.

Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.

Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.

Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.

Paris Carver: Do you know I used to look in the papers every day for your obituary.

James Bond: Well, I'm sorry I keep disappointing you.

Admiral Roebuck: With all due respect, M, sometimes I don't think you have the balls for this job.

M: Perhaps. But the advantage is, I don't have to think with them all the time.

James Bond: [Bond is practicing speaking Danish with his language tutor; while making love to her]

Professor Inga Bergstrom: I am pleased with your progress, Mr. Bond.

James Bond: I've always enjoyed studying a new tongue, Professor.

Professor Inga Bergstrom: One might say you have a natural ability.

James Bond: But practice makes perfect.

Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?

Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.

Elliot Carver: Outstanding.

James Bond: [Bond says goodbye in Danish to Moneypenny on the phone while making love to his language tutor] Goodbye my sweet.

Moneypenny: You always were a cunning linguist, James.

Moneypenny: [M walks up from behind Moneypenny] Don't ask.

M: Don't tell.

Q: It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Now, will you need collision coverage?

James Bond: Yes.

Q: Fire?

James Bond: Probably.

Q: Property destruction?

James Bond: Definitely.

Q: Personal Injury?

James Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.

Q: They frequently do with you.

James Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?

Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.

James Bond: I always wondered how I'd feel if I ever saw you again.

[Paris turns around slaps Bond across the face]

James Bond: Now I know. Was it something I said?

Paris Carver: How about the words, "I'll be right back"?

James Bond: Something came up.

Paris Carver: Something always came up.

[to Carver before he is kiled by the sea-vac]

James Bond: You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot! GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!

[the phone in Bond's car ring]

James Bond: Yes?

Elliot Carver: Good Morning, Mr. Bond. Elliot Carver. I beleive you have two things that belong to me!

James Bond: What are you talking about?

Elliot Carver: The encoder, in the dash of your car...

[pause]

Elliot Carver: ...And my wife, in your hotel room!

[Carver is revealing his plan to Wai Lin]

Elliot Carver: What you are about to witness, Ms. Lin, is not so much a missile attack, but the launch of a new world order. In precisely five minutes after your countrymen have attacked the British fleet, I shall retaliate for dear old England by sending this missile into Beijing, where General Chang has just called an emergency meeting of the Chinese High Command. Unfortunately, General Chang will be delayed in traffic, arriving just after the missile has killed your leaders, and too late to stop the air force from sinking the entire British fleet, but he will be just in time to take over the Government, negotiate a truce, and emerge as a world leader, with the Nobel Peace Prize.

Wai Lin: And what do you get?

Elliot Carver: Me? oh, nothing. Just exclusive broadcasting rights in China for the next hundred years.

Elliot Carver: Mr. Bond, Ms. Lin. Welcome to Saigon. Please come in.

James Bond: It's always a pleasure to see you, Elliot.

Elliot Carver: I wasn't planning on opening this center until tomorrow. But you're just in time to help me finish writing the inaugural story, YOUR obituaries.

James Bond: It won't look like a suicide if you shoot me from over there.

Dr. Kaufman: I am a professor of forensic medicine. Believe me, Mr. Bond, I could shoot you from Stuttgart und still create ze proper effect.

Jack Wade: You know that, officially, Uncle Sam is completely neutral in this turkey shoot.

James Bond: And unofficially?

Jack Wade: We have no interest in seeing World War III - unless we start it.

James Bond: You were pretty good with that hook.

Wai-Lin: It comes from growing up in a rough neighborhood.

James Bond: Uh huh.

Wai-Lin: You were pretty good on the bike.

James Bond: Well, that comes from not growing up at all.

[last lines]

Wai-Lin: They're looking for us, James.

James Bond: Let's stay under cover.

Wai-Lin: [Bond and Wai-Lin are handcuffed together] If I didn't know better, I'd say you were following me around, Mr. Bond.

James Bond: You have to admit, though: we seem to have developed a certain attachment to each other.

Wai-Lin: Hopefully not for long.

Dr. Kaufman: This is very embarrassing. It seems there is a red box they need in your car, only they can't get it open. They want me to get you to tell how to open it. I feel like an idiot, I don't know what to say.

[Bond just smiles]

Dr. Kaufman: I am to torture you if you don't do it.

James Bond: Do you have a doctorate in that as well?

Dr. Kaufman: No, no this is more like a hobby... but I am very gifted.

James Bond: Oh, I believe you.

Elliot Carver: According to Eastern philosophy, the body has seven different chakra points. The Energy centers, like the heart, or genitals. The purpose of these implements is to probe those organs, inflicting the maximum amount of pain whilst keeping the victim alive for as long as possible.

Mr. Stamper: Dr. Kaufman's record was fifty-two hours. I'm hoping to break it.

James Bond: I would have thought watching your TV shows was torture enough.

[Carver has just informed his department heads of the sinking of the Devonshire]

Elliot Carver: Gentlemen, and ladies, hold the presses. This just in. By curious quirk of fate, we have the perfect story with which to launch our satellite news network tonight. It seems a small crisis is brewing in the South China Sea. I want full newspaper coverage, I want magazine stories, I want books, I want films, I want TV, I want radio, I want us on the air 24 hours a day, this is our moment! And a billion people around this planet will watch it, hear it, and read about it from the Carver Media Group.

[pause]

Elliot Carver: There's no news like bad news.

Elliot Carver: Don't you realise how absurd your position is?

James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.

James Bond: Are you sure you can do this on your own?

Wai-Lin: It depends whether your mission is peace or revenge.

James Bond: This is about stopping a war.

[Bond's transmission has shown a known terrorist holding a missing American GPS encoding device]

M: I wonder with what'll the CIA be more upset - that they lost it, or that we found it?

James Bond: I think we understand each other.

Q: Grow up, 007.

[referring to the headline "The Empire WILL strike back"]

Elliot Carver: I rather like the last one. It isn't even mine.

Wai Lin: [bobbing in the South China Sea in scuba gear] Still interested in hostile takeovers?

James Bond: It's the opportunities for travel that I like best about banking.

Wai Lin: [straddling Bond on a motorcycle] Don't get any ideas, Mr Bond.

James Bond: I wouldn't dream of it.

Wai-Lin: It's mostly dull routine, of course, but every now and then you get to sail on a beautiful evening like this. And sometimes work with a decadent agent of a corrupt Western power.

James Bond: And they say the communists don't know how to have fun.

Wai-Lin: Oh, I hate to disappoint you; but, I don't even have a little red book.

[the Royal Navy has launched a cruise missile at a terrorist site Bond is surveying - Robinson gets on communications line with Bond]

Charles Robinson: White knight, 4 minutes to impact. Get out of there.

[pause]

Charles Robinson: Yes, dammit, I know what it is, it's on the screen in front of me. It's a jeep in front of a plane! Now get the hell OUT of there!

Admiral Roebuck: What the hell is going on?

Charles Robinson: [to Bond] You will NOT wait! That is an order!

Admiral Roebuck: What is your man waiting for?

Charles Robinson: White Knight?

[Robinson reacts with horror to something on the screen]

Charles Robinson: Oh my God, those are Soviet SB-5 nuclear torpedoes! If the cruise hits them...

M: Order them to abort the missile!

Admiral Roebuck: [picks up phone] HMS Chester, urgent, Abort missile! Abort missile!

[first lines]

Charles Robinson: Our man's in position on the center camera. It's like a terrorist supermarket. Chinese Long March Scud, Panther AS-565 attack helicopter, a pair of Russian mortars, and the crates look like American rifles. Chilean mines. German explosives. Fun for the whole family.

Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to launch?

Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears!

Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!

[Carver shoots Gupta, instantly killing him]

Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan!

James Bond: U-huh... So do I!

James Bond: Hello Elliot, interesting plan!

Elliot Carver: So much for German Efficiency!

Tamara Steel: Mr. Carver here is the banker Mr.

[pause]

James Bond: Bond, James Bond.

James Bond: [on the motorcycle] Get on the back!

Wai Lin: Why? Are you trying to protect me?

James Bond: No, I need to balance the bike. Now get on the back!

M: I believe you once had a relationship with Carver's wife, Paris.

James Bond: That was a long time ago, M... before she was married. I didn't realize it was public knowledge.

Moneypenny: Queen and country, James.

M: Your job is to find out whether Carver or someone in his organization sent that ship off course, and why. Use your relationship with Mrs. Carver, if necessary.

James Bond: I doubt if she'll remember me.

M: Remind her. Then pump her for information.

Moneypenny: You'll just have to decide how much pumping is needed, James.

James Bond: If only that were true of you and I, Moneypenny.

James Bond: Why did you marry him?

Paris Carver: He told me he loved me.

James Bond: That always sounds good.

Dr. Kaufman: [aims his gun at Bond] But now, Mr. Bond, I am afraid that our little...

[burst of static from his earpiece]

Dr. Kaufman: Ah, Stamper! Stop yelling in my ear, ja?

Mr. Stamper: Sir, they can't get into the car.

Dr. Kaufman: Oh, you can't be serious. Did you call the Auto Club?

Mr. Stamper: Do *you* want to call them? Make him tell you how to open it.

Dr. Kaufman: O-O-Okay. Ja, I ask.

[finding Paris's body in his hotel room, Bond suddenly realizes the news report in the background is reporting his death along with hers]

Dr. Kaufman: [click] I have a clear shot at your head, Mr. Bond. Stand up, slowly, drop your gun, and kick it towards me, ja?

[Bond does so]

Dr. Kaufman: Good. Now sit down on the bed next to Mrs. Carver.

[Bond does so, and Kaufman turns off the TV and extracts a videotape from the VCR]

Dr. Kaufman: The story will be on the news in an hour.

James Bond: "Tomorrow's News Today."

Dr. Kaufman: Just so.

Captain - HMS Bedford: PWO, Is that target too small for missile lock?

Principal Warfare Officer - HMS Bedford: Yes, sir.

Captain - HMS Bedford: [sits to calculate a manual firing solution] Ok, we'll have to do this the old fashioned way.

Master Sergeant 3: [prepping Bond for jump] You free-fall for 5 miles and use your oxygen or you will die of asphyxiation.

Jack Wade: Sounds like my first marriage!

[laughs]

[Bond has taken Gupta hostage and is negotiating with Carver to exchange him for Wai Lin, who herself is being held captive by Carver]

Elliot Carver: [to Stamper and his security forces regarding Bond] Don't shoot him, yet.

Mr. Stamper: [to his men over a two-way radio] Hold your fire.

Elliot Carver: Welcome to my world crisis, Mr. Bond!

James Bond: Even trade, Elliot; Gupta for Wai Lin. You can't fire the missile without him.

Elliot Carver: [Holding Wai Lin at gunpoint] And it seems you can't resist any woman in my possession.

Wai-Lin: What are you waiting for, shoot him!

James Bond: [to Wai Lin] I told you, we're gonna finish this together!

Elliot Carver: How romantic! Do you realize how absurd your position is?

James Bond: No more absurd than starting a war for ratings.

Elliot Carver: Great men have always manipulated the media to save the world. Look at William Randolph Hearst, who told his photographers, "You provide the pictures, I'll provide the war." I've just taken it one step further.

[Bond open fires on one of Stamper's men, killing him]

James Bond: Sorry about that, I've tuned out there for a moment, Elliot.

Elliot Carver: [to Bond] Touché.

[to Gupta]

Elliot Carver: Mr. Gupta, is the missile ready to fire?

Gupta: Press the magic button, Beijing disappears.

Elliot Carver: Well, it seems you've outlived your contract!

[Carver shoots Gupta]

Elliot Carver: You see, Mr. Bond, I have a backup plan

James Bond: Uh-huh. So do I.

[Bond remotely releases a grenade from a case and detonates it, breaching the hull of the stealth boat]

[Gupta targets the stolen cruise missile at Beijing, then signals the bridge]

Gupta: Ready to rock-n-Ruin!

Moneypenny: [Calling on the phone] James? Where are you?

James Bond: [In bed with a Danish Professor] Oh, Moneypenny. Um. I'm just up here at Oxford, brushing up on a little Danish.

Professor Inga Bergstrom: Little?

Moneypenny: I'm afraid you're going to have to kiss off your lesson, James. We've got a situation here at the Ministry of Defense. We're sending the fleet to China.

Q: I am not interested in your sordid escapades. Let's get on with it, shall we. Your new telephone. Talk here. Listen here.

James Bond: So that's what I've been doing wrong all these years.

Q: Look, it also includes a fingerprint scanner. a 2,000 volt security system, and this I'm particularly proud of - the remote control for your car. Tap twice. One. Two.

[Car starts]

Q: Now, draw very slowly across the pad to drive the car. It's surprisingly difficult to drive; but, with practice...

James Bond: Well, let's see how she responds to my touch, eh, Q?

Party Waiter: Something to drink, Mrs. Carver?

Paris Carver: Mr. Bond will have Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.

James Bond: Mrs. Carver will have a Tequila, straight shot.

Paris Carver: No. Mrs. Carver will have a glass of Mr. Carver's champagne.

James Bond: [Making a toast] To you.

Paris Carver: No, to the gun.

Paris Carver: [sighs] What was it James? Did I get too close? Did I get to close for - comfort?

James Bond: Yes.

[Passionate kiss, then Bond undresses Paris]

Paris Carver: I missed you.

Jack Wade: Yo! Jimbo!

James Bond: Wade, what the hell are you doing here?

Jack Wade: Jimbo, you know the world's my office.

Mr. Stamper: Stamper to bridge. Bond is dead.

Elliot Carver: Delicious!

Wai-Lin: James, try the detonators! The missile will set them off.

James Bond: Never argue with a woman. They're always right.

Dr. Dave Greenwalt: I just noticed something.

Jack Wade: Yeah?

Dr. Dave Greenwalt: This is where the ship thought it was. This is where it really is. But see that island?

Jack Wade: Yeah.

Dr. Dave Greenwalt: That means where he's jumping, between the British and Chinese fleets... technically they're not in Chinese territorial waters.They belong to Vietnam.

Master Sergeant 3: *Vietnam*?

Dr. Dave Greenwalt: Does he have any U.S. government markings on him?

Master Sergeant 3: The parachute... the wet suit... the fins.

Dr. Dave Greenwalt: Jesus, if the Vietnamese catch him, they're gonna go crazy!

[Bond gets the green light and jumps out of the plane]

Jack Wade: He didn't even say goodbye!

Wai Lin: Exactly what kind of banking do you specialize in, Mr. Bond?

James Bond: Hostile take-overs.

[Elliot Carver is gloating over his success of his diabolical plan while Bond is on the ground]

Elliot Carver: You're too late again, Mr. Bond. It's a bad habit of yours. There is nothing you can do.

[Explosion in the background. Bond struggles up on the sea drill control board and pushes a button labelled, "Drive" while Carver keeps talking. The sea drill activates and begins to slowly repel down towards them]

Elliot Carver: The missiles are programed. It can't be stopped. In a matter of minutes, my plan will succeed. And thanks to your efforts, the British Navy will destroy the evidence. And I'll be out of here... in a Carver News Helicopter, filming the entire event. It's gonna be a fantastic show.

James Bond: [turning] I may have some breaking news for you, Elliot.

[the Sea Drill roars as it moves closer. Carver, hearing the roar, turns to see what is behind him. James punches Carver, the two men fight]

James Bond: [over the roaring of the sea drill] You forgot the first rule of mass media, Elliot.

[shouts]

James Bond: GIVE THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT!

[Bond shoves Carver into the way of the seadrill]

Elliot Carver: [terrified] No! No! No! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Carver gets killed by his own sea drill]

Charles Robinson: How'd they get the paper out so fast?

James Bond: Somebody at Tomorrow knew before the Vietnamese government did.

M: How much do you know about Elliot Carver, 007?

James Bond: Worldwide media baron. Able to topple governments with a single broadcast.

Elliot Carver: I'm thinking of getting Wai Lin behind a news desk.

Paris Carver: That's wonderful. I'm sure she won't resist - too much.

Paris Carver: Come on, Elliot. Ignore those people. Sometimes these things happen.

Elliot Carver: Not to me. Not to me!

James Bond: I was curious who Carver would send.

Paris Carver: He's on to you.

James Bond: Well, we know where you stand. You made your bed.

Paris Carver: I'm standing in your doorway.

James Bond: I didn't ask you to get involved in this.

Paris Carver: It's too late for that.

James Bond: I can get you out of the country in four hours.

Paris Carver: I have no choice. No one can protect me from him, not even you.

Jack Wade: Seems like an awful lot just to save the world, Jimbo.

James Bond: I've got no choice, Wade.

Wai Lin: Helicopter!

James Bond: All right, keep your shirt on.

James Bond: I thought we might link up.

Wai Lin: Work hand in hand?

James Bond: Stick - closer to each other. Maybe we go after General Chang together.

Wai Lin: Your turn. Thanks for washing my hair. I work alone.

James Bond: [Bond is at Oxford engaged in some extracurricular activity with his beautiful tutor, Professor Inga Bergstrom. Their lovemaking is interrupted by the sound of Bond's cell phone] How do you say "I'm not here" in Danish?

Professor Inga Bergstrom: Just ignore it.

James Bond: Those are words they just don't have in their vocabulary.