To Be or Not to Be Quotes

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Professor Siletsky - speaking about Maria Tura] Her husband is that great, great Polish actor, Josef Tura. You've probably heard of him.

Colonel Ehrhardt: Oh, yes. As a matter of fact I saw him on the stage when I was in Warsaw once before the war.

Joseph Tura: Really?

Colonel Ehrhardt: What he did to Shakespeare we are now doing to Poland.

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Colonel Ehrhardt] I can't tell you how delighted we are to have you here.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: May I say, my dear Colonel, that it's good to breathe the air of the Gestapo again. You know, you're quite famous in London, Colonel. They call you Concentration Camp Ehrhardt.

Joseph Tura: Ha ha. Yes, yes... we do the concentrating and the Poles do the camping.

[repeated line]

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Colonel Ehrhardt] So they call me Concentration Camp Ehrhardt?

Maria Tura: No, no, no. I think we've talked much too much about me. Tell me about yourself.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Well, there isn't much to tell. I just fly a bomber.

Maria Tura: Oh, how perfectly thrilling!

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I don't know about it being thrilling. But it's quite a bomber. You might not believe it, but I can drop three tons of dynamite in two minutes.

Maria Tura: Really?

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Does that interest you?

Maria Tura: It certainly does.

Greenberg: Mr. Rawitch, what you are, I wouldn't eat.

Rawitch: How dare you call me a ham!

Maria Tura: It's becoming ridiculous the way you grab attention. Whenever I start to tell a story, you finish it. If I go on a diet, you lose the weight. If I have a cold, you cough. And if we should ever have a baby, I'm not so sure I'd be the mother.

Josef Tura: I'm satisfied to be the father.

Joseph Tura: Wait a minute. I'll decide with whom my wife is going to have dinner and whom she's going to kill.

Maria Tura: Don't you realize Poland's at stake?

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Have you no patriotism?

Joseph Tura: Now listen, you... first you walk out on my soliloquy and then you walk into my slippers. And now you question my patriotism. I'm a good Pole and I love my country and I love my slippers.

Maria Tura: Well, I hope your country comes first.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: So do I.

Maria Tura: This is an emergency! War!

Joseph Tura: Look, look, look, I don't know much about the whole thing... but is this Siletsky a real danger to Poland?

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: A catastrophe!

Maria Tura: He must be taken care of!

Joseph Tura: Then he will be taken care of.

Maria Tura: Well, who's gonna do it?

Joseph Tura: I'm gonna do it.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: But how?

Maria Tura: Where?

Joseph Tura: I'm gonna meet Herr Siletsky at Gestapo headquarters. And after I've killed him I hope you'll be kind enough to tell me what it was all about!

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Shall we drink to a blitzkrieg?

Maria Tura: I prefer a slow encirclement.

Joseph Tura: Oh, darling, you were right this morning. I felt so rotten after the rehearsal that I went to Dobash and told him when he advertises the new play to put your name first.

Maria Tura: Did you, darling? Oh, that's sweet of you; but, I really don't care.

Joseph Tura: That's what Dobosh said, so we left it as it was.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I hope you'll forgive me if I acted a little clumsy, but this is the first time I ever met an actress.

Maria Tura: Lieutenant, this is the first time I've ever met a man who could drop three tons of dynamite in two minutes.

Joseph Tura: Someone walked out on me. Tell me, Maria, am I losing my grip?

Maria Tura: Oh, of course not, darling. I'm so sorry.

Joseph Tura: But he walked out on me.

Maria Tura: Maybe he didn't feel well. Maybe he had to leave. Maybe he had a sudden heart attack.

Joseph Tura: I hope so.

Maria Tura: If he stayed he might have died.

Joseph Tura: Maybe he's dead already! Oh, darling, you're so comforting.

Joseph Tura: It's unbelievable! Unbelievable! I come home to find a man in the same boat with me and my wife says to me, "What does it matter?"

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: But, Mr. Tura, it's the 'zero hour'.

Maria Tura: You certainly don't want me to waste a lot of time giving you a long explanation.

Joseph Tura: No, but I think a husband is entitled to an inkling.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: [referring to Siletsky] Now you take him back to the hotel.

Joseph Tura: Alright.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: As soon as you're in his room, you hit him over the head with the butt of the gun.

Joseph Tura: Alright.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: Then you take his keys, open his trunk and burn the papers. And then you shoot him.

Joseph Tura: Alright.

[starts to leave - then comes back]

Joseph Tura: Just a minute... what'll happen to me? They'll kill me.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: Well... we're going to keep our fingers crossed.

Joseph Tura: Good.

[starts to leave again - then comes back]

Joseph Tura: Hey, wait a minute... you go to the hotel and I'll cross my fingers.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: If we can manage that Greenberg suddenly pops up among all those Nazis...

Greenberg: It'll get a terrific laugh.

[a line he says several times earlier in the film]

Capt. Schultz: But what if he doesn't talk?

Colonel Ehrhardt: Then we try a little physical culture.

Greenberg: You want my opinion, Mr. Dobosh?

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: No, Mr. Greenberg, I do *not* want your opinion.

Greenberg: All right... let me give you my reaction.

[Stage Manager calls over Make-Up manager, unsatisfied with the actor's appearance]

Makeup Man: What's wrong with it?

Stage Manager: I don't know... it's not convincing. To me, he's just a man with a little mustache.

Makeup Man: But so is Hitler.

Crowd: [Mumbling in agreement]

[repeated line]

Colonel Ehrhardt: Schultz!

Maria Tura: [Talking about who sent the flowers] It's true, Anna, I don't know who it is; but, I'm positive who it might be.

Anna: You mean that young aviator?

Maria Tura: Yes, he's very young. He's in the second row again. He gets better-looking every night... Don't misunderstand me. I love my husband dearly, and why not? He's wonderful. Only he gets so unreasonable, so upset about little things.

Anna: Like the little thing in the second row.

Colonel Ehrhardt: What about the underground movement? What exactly are your plans?

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Professor Siletsky] Oh, you want to know?

Colonel Ehrhardt: Yes, if you don't mind.

Joseph Tura: Well, I, I have the key in my hand, all I have to - find is - the lock. That's better than having the lock and and having to find the key. How does it sound?

[first lines]

Narrator: Lubinski, Kubinski, Lominski, Rozanski, and Poznanski. We're in Warsaw, the capital of Poland. It's August 1939. Europe is still at peace. At the moment, life in Warsaw is going on as normally as ever. But, suddenly something seems to have happened! Are those Poles seeing a ghost? Why does this car suddenly stop? Everybody seems to be staring in one direction. People seem to be frightened, even terrified! Some flabbergasted! Can it be true? It must be true! No doubt! The man with the little mustache - Adolph Hitler. Adolf Hitler in Warsaw when the two countries are still at peace? And all by himself? He seems strangely unconcerned by all the excitement he's causing. Is he by any chance interested in Mr. Maslowski's delicatessen? That's impossible! He's a vegetarian. And yet, he doesn't always stick to his diet. Sometimes he swallows whole countries. Does he want to eat up Poland too? Anyhow, how did he get here?

Joseph Tura: The audience is a little cool tonight.

Maria Tura: Not to me.

Joseph Tura: Oh, I know I'm giving a rotten performance. I always do when we quarrel. Say something nice.

Maria Tura: Oh, you faker. I watched your scene with Polonius from the wings and you were never better. I'd give you a kiss right now; but, I'm afraid I might ruin my make-up.

Joseph Tura: [after Maria has received flowers...] Three nights in a row! Even Shakespeare couldn't stand seeing Hamlet three nights in succession.

Maria Tura: Did you forget you're playing Hamlet?

Joseph Tura: Oh, that's right.

Maria Tura: He's just a mere boy. Oh, no, no, no...

Anna: What's he want you to do? Adopt him?

Maria Tura: Oh, he's dying to see me, even if it's just for a minute. Of course, I won't. Definitely not. And yet, I don't like to be rude to him. I think its a mistake to ignore the people who admire one and who, after all, buy the tickets, at the same time...

Anna: Done. Don't waste any more time with excuses. If you want to see him, see him while he's still young.

Maria Tura: Yes, I think I owe it to my public.

Maria Tura: [writing a note] If you insist on seeing me, come back to my dressing room, when Hamlet goes into his soliloquy, "To be or not to be." - How does is sound Anna?

Anna: Safe.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I've seen you in everything you've ever played. I'll never forget how I laughed when I saw you in "Kiki".

Maria Tura: Yes, some people thought I was funny.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: But, you certainly weren't funny when you played Lady MacBeth.

Maria Tura: Thank you.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I don't want to over-step myself, but, I'll take a chance. Would you permit me to show my plane?

Maria Tura: Maybe.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: I have so much to tell you. When we're in the plane we can't talk, when we're in the tea room can't do anything but talk.

[reaches out for a hug]

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Maria...

Maria Tura: [walks away] And when we're in the dressing room we must be very careful of my make-up.

Greenberg: [shoveling snow after the theater's have been closed by the Nazis] "If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?"

Bronski: What a Shylock you would've been.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: My people are fortunately out of Poland; but, well, there is someone in Warsaw...

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Oh, a lady?

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Yes. It's a very confidential matter. Professor, I'd appreciate it if you'd tell her - oh, but don't tell her husband.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Now I know exactly what to do.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Just say, "To be or not to be." She knows.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: The other night Professor Siletsky was addressing us at the camp and I mentioned the name of Maria Tura. And he never heard of her!

Gen. Armstrong: Neither have I.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: He's supposed to be a Pole who lived in Warsaw and she's the most famous actress in Warsaw.

Gen. Armstrong: Now, look here, young man, there's lots of people not interested in the theater. As a matter of fact, there's only one actress I ever heard of and I certainly hope I'll never hear from her again.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: As a matter of fact, I'm not responsible for your being brought here at all. There's a charming young man in England - gave me a message for you. A rather strange message: "To be or not to be." You, no doubt, know it's deeper meaning?

Maria Tura: Yes, I have a vague idea.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Mrs. Tura, you're an actress aren't you?

Maria Tura: Yes.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: And naturally in the theater it's important that you chose the right part.

Maria Tura: Very.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: But, in real life it's even more important that you chose the right side.

Maria Tura: The right side? Well, what is the right side?

Professor Alexander Siletsky: The winning side.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Here in Warsaw there are a lot of people that we know very well and there are a lot of people that we don't know quite so well and would like to know them a great deal better. And that's were you could help us, Mrs. Tura.

Maria Tura: Oh, you want me to be a spy!

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Oh, now, come, come, come. That's rather a crude word.

Maria Tura: You know, I once played a spy. It was a great success. I had wonderful notices. It was really an exciting part.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Well, wouldn't it be exciting to play it in real life?

Maria Tura: Well, I got shot in the last act. I suppose that happens to most spies.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: I wonder if you really know what Nazism really stands for?

Maria Tura: I have a slight idea.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: In the final analysis, all we're trying to do is create a happy world.

Maria Tura: And people who don't want to be happy have no place in this happy world. Well, that makes sense.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Why don't you stay here for dinner? I can imagine nothing more charming. And before the evening is over, I'm sure you'll say, "Heil Hitler!"

Maria Tura: I would like to accept your invitation; but, just as you want to represent the Nazi case in the very best light, I would like to represent the Polish case in a more suitable dress.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: This is a very difficult place to get in. But, it's much more difficult to get out.

Maria Tura: Oh, I'm terribly frightened and terribly thrilled.

Lieutenant Stanislav Sobinski: Shhh! Not so loud. You might endanger all of us. After all, we're all in the same boat.

Joseph Tura: Oh, the same boat, eh? Well, then, let me ask you something, as one sailor to another: what ill wind blew you into my slippers?

Maria Tura: Siletsky wants me to have dinner with him and if we don't get any other idea, I hate to think of it, but, maybe I'll have to kill him myself, because I'm the only one who can get to him. You see, this all wouldn't have happened if the Lieutenant had arrived before Siletsky. But, they sent a plane for Siletsky, so Siletsky arrived before the Lieutenant! Now, is that clear?

Joseph Tura: No.

Maria Tura: It took a bit longer than I thought. I wonder if the effect was worth it?

Professor Alexander Siletsky: I'm willing to die for our Führer, at any moment; except, for the next few hours.

Maria Tura: Oh, thank you, Professor.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: Now, look, Tura, you're playing for our lives.

Joseph Tura: I know. Dobash, I'm going to do the impossible. I'm going to surpass myself!

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: Don't, Tura! Take it easy and don't draw out the scene. Please!

[to others in the room]

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: Come on, let's go. I hate to leave the fate of my country in the hands of a ham.

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Well, this young flyer gave me the message and I couldn't make head nor tail of it and neither will you. But, Mrs. Tura seemed to understand it perfectly.

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Colonel Ehrhardt] Well, what was the message?

Professor Alexander Siletsky: To be or not to be.

Joseph Tura: To be - To be or not to be!

Professor Alexander Siletsky: Well, clearly it's nothing alarming. It's only Shakespeare.

Joseph Tura: That's what you think!

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Professor Siletsky] Here the whole Gestapo has been working for a long time, day and night, trying to find out every little thing about everybody. And I arrive and in a few hours I find the most attractive lady in town.

Capt. Schultz: Oh, you didn't know Madame before?

Joseph Tura: Oh, well, no, not exactly. But, the explanation is very simple. You see, I just asked Mrs. Tura, here, to deliver a message to her. Isn't that right?

Maria Tura: Yes. Yes!

Joseph Tura: You see, there's a young flyer, a very good friend of the Turas and, particularly, of Mrs. Tura. Isn't that right?

Maria Tura: Well, yes, but, he's no particular friend of mine.

Joseph Tura: Nevertheless, a friend. It was a sort of a code message.

Capt. Schultz: Code message?

Joseph Tura: Oh, Mrs. Tura has nothing to hide from the Gestapo. But, she has one tiny little secret. If her husband ever found out he would murder her. By the way, he is that great, great Polish actor, Joseph Tura! You've probably heard of him.

Capt. Schultz: Ah, no, I haven't.

Joseph Tura: [disguised as Professor Siletsky] I didn't like the way Captain Schultz shifted the responsibility back to you.

Colonel Ehrhardt: Neither did I. You know there's always something wrong with a man who doesn't drink or smoke, doesn't eat meat.

Joseph Tura: You mean our Führer?

Colonel Ehrhardt: Oh, no! No, please, Professor! I hope you don't...

Maria Tura: Colonel, whatever you decide. If you want me...

Colonel Ehrhardt: Naturally, I would have to know you a little better. That is my duty and, if I may say, my pleasure.

Dobosh, Theatrical Producer: There'll be soldiers in the corridor guarding Hitler's box. If we can get them away for just one second - that means we need a confusion, a commotion, among the Gestapo.

Maria Tura: Well, I've started a commotion in every Gestapo man I've met!

Joseph Tura: [disguised as a Gestapo officer] How did you get here?

Greenberg: I was born here.

Joseph Tura: [disguised as a Gestapo officer] What do you want from the Führer?

Greenberg: What does he want from us? What does he want from Poland? Why possess us? Why? Why? Aren't we human? Have we not eyes? Have we not hands? Organs? Senses? Dimensions? Affections? Passions? Feed with the same food? Hurt with the same weapons? Subject to the same diseases? Healed by the same means? Cooled and warmed by the same winter and summer? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? If you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

Capt. Schultz: There are several things we want to find out, Mrs. Tura.

Maria Tura: Of course, but, couldn't I see you tomorrow at your office?

Capt. Schultz: No! I'm sorry. It is very urgent! The Colonel and I, we were talking things over. Mrs. Tura, we consider you a woman of enormous appeal.

Maria Tura: Well, thank you. But, what's so very urgent about that?

Colonel Ehrhardt: Schultz! What are you trying to get me into now?

Capt. Schultz: But, Colonel, it was your own idea.

Colonel Ehrhardt: Shifting the responsibility on me again? Good night, Schultz!

Maria Tura: No, Colonel, you really mustn't!

Colonel Ehrhardt: Mrs. Tura, I will give you a bracelet. I confiscated a beautiful one today.

Maria Tura: I don't want a bracelet.

Colonel Ehrhardt: I - I can make life worth living for you. I - I can give you extra butter rations. I can give you three eggs a week!

Maria Tura: I don't want any eggs!

Joseph Tura: [final lines] To be or not to be, that -

[slow burn as Stanislav walks out]