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[Cigar Face is counting money, while Knuckles is counting out loud]
Knuckles: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
Cigar Face: When we lay this wad on O'Clancy, the boss is going to have him by the balls.
Nipples: I don't think O'Clancy will take the money. Everyone says he's a honest cop.
Knuckles: He don't take the dough, I'm going to give him a blow.
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Cigar Face: Honest cops are all alike. A bunch of fucking faggots.
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Cigar Face: I owe you for the other night monster faggot. So now we're going to give you six new assholes. Compliments of me Cigar Face.
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The Toxic Avenger: You fat slob. Let's see if you've got any guts.
[Toxie then punches the mayor in the stomach and rips out his guts]
The Toxic Avenger: Officer O'Clancy, take care of this toxic waste.
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Bruce: I heard that the monster is soooo big.
Chauncey: Well I bet he's got his eye on ME!
Bruce: For your information, everyone knows monsters prefer blondes.
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Leroy: All right everybody, drop your tacos or I'll blow your brains out.
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Leroy: Hey look Frank. Teeny-boppers. You like video games teeny-boppers? Your mommy give you quarters for video games? Well cough 'em up.
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Leroy: Look what we've got here. A little mother and a littler baby. You like Mexican food little baby?
[Leroy points his gun at the baby]
Leroy: Well how would you like to have this hot tamale shoved down your throat?
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[Julie and Wanda are looking at pictures of a dead kid]
Julie: That new camera really captures the moments.
Wanda: I know. The reds are so red. It really gets me hot.
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Frank: Now if you all do just what we tell you, you just might, just might get your asses home all intact.
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Frank: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, we are the entertainment for this afternoon. Now on the shotgun we've got my man Leroy. And on the cash register, we've got that magic fingers Rico.
Rico: That's me.
Frank: And last but not least, yours truely, Frank, on the stick.
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Wanda: Slug, are you sure no one will come in?
Slug: I paid Tony 15 bucks. He said the place is ours till tomorrow morning.
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[Melvin catches Slug and Wanda having sex in the locker room]
Slug: Get out of here you pervert.
[Wanda pulls out a switchblade]
Wanda: Or I'll kill you.
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Sara: Why Melvin you're beautiful. You're a beautiful person. You're so muscular. It's been two years since I've touched a man.
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Officer O'Clancy: No way, you're wasting your time.
Cigar Face: That's where you're wrong. YOU'RE wasting our time. And now we're gonna waste you!
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The Toxic Avenger: No ticky, no washy.
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Man That Hates His Mother-in-Law: Gruesome ha? Have you met my mother in law? Now that's gruesome!
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[from trailer]
Narrator: Meet little Melvin, he's a 90 lb. weakling. Everyone hated Melvin.
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Cop: [Police chasing the monster] Its my first day in the force and I am chasing monsters.
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The Toxic Avenger: And you can tell all your scum friends that things are gonna change in this town. I'm not just another pretty face.
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Bozo: [about Melvin, who is clumsily mopping] Would you take a look at that fucking guy? The mop boy. Can't even mop right!
Julie: He's SO stupid!
Slug: He's always got that shit-eatin' grin on his face. What's he so happy about?
Bozo: I HATE that mop boy.
Julie: [as Melvin approaches] I think that creep's comin' over here!
Bozo: [sniffs] Julie, you... uh, smell somethin'?
Julie: Ew! Pee-you! What's that stink?
Melvin Junko: [sniffs] G-Gee, t-that's funny, I don't smell nothin'.
-
Bozo: [to Melvin] Next time you fuck with me I'm gonna take this mop and shove it down your throat!
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Bozo: [about Melvin] AHH! He's stressin' me, Julie, he is STRESSIN' ME!
Julie: Oh, Bozo.
Bozo: I can't take it, Julie, I cannot take it! He is screwin' up my karma! AHHHHHHHHHH! I'M STRESSED!
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Bozo: Julie, does it count if i graze em.
Julie: You got to destroy them, Bozo... I want them dead.
Bozo: Oh, now we're gonna get em. Come on, come on, come on now. Where the fuck is everybody, where the fuck is everybody.
Bozo: How much is a kid on a bicycle.
Slug: Where.
Julie: 28 Points if you get both the kid, and the bike.
Julie: Let's take a closer look,
Wanda: Oh, he's a cute little boy isn't he.
Julie: How pretty late, aren't ya buddy.
Wanda: The coast is clear Bozo.
Bozo: We got em.
Bozo: We're gonna get him, we're gonna get him.
-
Slug: You know, I think you oughta work a little bit on your gut. You're getting a little bit flabby there!
Bozo: [stops lifting] What? What are you talking about? I ain't go no fat! There's no fat on here, there's no
[grabs a piece of his stomach and is shocked]
Bozo: ... FAT! FAT!
[lifts weights harder]
Bozo: .
-
The Toxic Avenger: Hey Bozo! You recognize this face? You know who this is? It's Melvin that's who it is!
[kisses Bozo on the cheek as he drives erratically]
The Toxic Avenger Quotes
Extended Reading
