The Spiderwick Chronicles Quotes

[Thimbletack reveals himself to Jared]

Jared Grace: Why can't I see you?

Thimbletack: [Thimbletack appears] You don't see us, now you do, but only if we want you to.

[the tow truck driver gets out of his truck after running over the invisible mole troll that was chasing Jared]

Tow Truck Driver: Are you okay? Oh, man, did I hit somebody?

Jared Grace: Yes. Thank you!

[Mallory declares that she'll ignore Jared for stealing her medal]

Mallory Grace: You know what? I'm not acknowledging your existence until you bring my medal back.

Jared Grace: Promise?

Simon Grace: Well, actually, you'd have to acknowledge his existence in order to receive the medal from him.

Mallory Grace: Thanks, Spock. You're the pride of the Federation.

[Jared fights with Mallory as he calls out for Simon's help]

Jared Grace: Simon, get her!

Simon Grace: [Simon refrains from helping] I'm a pacifist.

[Hogsqueal tries to warn Jared and Mallory about the goblins coming, when distracted by a bird]

Hogsqueal: Goblins don't give up. They're too stupid to know how. They're relentless, and they're out there right now, plotting, which is why I came back here for you. Now is the perfect time to...

Hogsqueal: [a bird chirps in front of Hogsqueal] Bird! Bird! Oh, come here, come here, come here. Don't go up there! No, come here!

[last lines]

Hogsqueal: [Hogsqueal yells to the griffin soaring through the sky] Fly while you can, griffin! I swallowed an ogre whole. You could be next!

[Aunt Lucinda tells Jared and Mallory that she's in the Sanatorium for sounding crazy]

Aunt Lucinda Spiderwick: If they say suicide and you say goblins, here is where they put you.

[Jared asks Thimbletack what will happen if the goblins get the Guide book]

Jared Grace: Thimbletack, what happens if goblins get the book?

Thimbletack: You die, I die, we all die. Bye-bye.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory turns to Jared with a quavering voice] What does he mean, 'we all die'?

Jared Grace: I think he means we all die.

[Hogsqueal see's Simon and Mallory and decides to spit in their faces]

Hogsqueal: Ooh! Ooh! More humongous humans! Recruits for the alliance.

Hogsqueal: [Hogsqueal gurgles and spits in their eyes] Huh? Huh? Join us on our quest! Vengeance or death! Hopefully vengeance.

[Jared opens the book and then finds his pet mice to be free from their cage]

Jared Grace: [Jared screams and looks under his bed covers, seeing two mice] What the... Hmm. How did you guys get out?

[Hogsqueal chases a bird into its bird house]

Hogsqueal: Wait, a minute. Do birds live in these little houses?

Jared Grace: Yeah.

Hogsqueal: Oh, my gosh. That's genius! Who thought of that? You can stick your tongue right in it!

[Hogsqueal slobbers and tries to stick his tongue in the little house]

[Jared throws a cracker with honey on it, to calm Thimbletack down]

Thimbletack: [Thimbletack starts munching on the cookie] No! I'm not falling for that! Mmm! Mmm!

Jared Grace: [as Jared watches Thimbletack change back into a Brownie] And they say I've got anger issues.

[Jared gets his mother on their side to help them]

Jared Grace: [Jared hands his mother two giant kitchen knives] Steel, it cuts and burns.

Helen Grace: Good thing we're New Yorkers.

[Thimbletack yells at Jared for reading the Guide book]

Thimbletack: All these years protecting it now ruined by a little twit! Circle, circle, little jerkle. Little jerkle broke the circle!

[Mallory hits the wall with the end of the broom as a giant part of the wall collapses]

Jared Grace: Great, I'll get blamed for that!

[first lines]

Helen Grace: [the Grace family arrive to the Spiderwick estate house] There it is. Pretty much how I remember it. I was younger than you last time I was here, Simon

Mallory Grace: Well, it's big.

Simon Grace: Yeah, so I can get bigger pets here, right Mom?

Helen Grace: Sure! Get a cow. Get a whole flock.

Simon Grace: [Simon smiles] Herd.

Helen Grace: That, too. What do you think, Jared? Jared?

Helen Grace: [as Jared listens to his headphones ignoring Helen] Okay, here we go.

[Simon enters the Spiderwick house for the first time]

Simon Grace: [Simon scoffs] It has that old people smell.

Simon Grace: [Helen looks over to Simon] It's just an observation, not a judgment.

[Mallory gets Jared out of the car]

Mallory Grace: Get out of the car right now.

Jared Grace: You're not my mother, Helen.

Mallory Grace: No, I'm worse, because mom doesn't believe in hitting.

Jared Grace: [Mallory hits Jared as he gets out of the car to chase her] Ow! Come here, you little...

Mallory Grace: And he's out of the car! Thank you.

[Simon starts to unpack his stuff as Jared tries to remind him they won't be there long]

Jared Grace: Dad's coming tomorrow, and he's gonna take us back with him.

Simon Grace: I know. But what about mom?

Jared Grace: She can have Mallory.

[Jared complains to Simon about the house]

Jared Grace: Come on, Simon, we can't stay here. Look at this place. It's the house that time forgot. And it's got that...

Simon Grace: Old people smell, I know.

[Jared and Simon look around their bedroom they'll be sleeping in]

Jared Grace: And what's this?

Jared Grace: [Jared tastes the white powder] Salt. There's salt on the window.

Simon Grace: I know. It's on all the windows.

Jared Grace: [Jared sarcastically responds] Yeah, and that's not weird.

[Jared and Simon look at the picture on the wall of the previous family]

Jared Grace: Is that the nut bag and her husband?

Simon Grace: No. That's Arthur Spiderwick, you know, our great-great-uncle. The little girl's the nut bag. I mean, Aunt Lucinda, his daughter. She's the one who lived here before they took her away to... To the...

Jared Grace: To the nut house.

Simon Grace: Right.

Jared Grace: And why'd she get taken there?

Simon Grace: Because she said her father was abducted.

Jared Grace: By?

Simon Grace: By fairies.

[Jared talks to his dad on the phone about the house]

Richard Grace: [Richard on the phone] How's the Addam's Family mansion?

Jared Grace: Oh, the house? Yeah, it's great, if you like big creepy houses in the middle of nowhere.

[Jared jams some holes in the wall with the end of a broom]

Helen Grace: [as Helen yells at him] You said you were gonna stop hitting things when you got angry! I know I said I was gonna stop yelling.

[the three kids find the Dumbwaiter in the wall that's full of their missing items]

Simon Grace: Hey! Those are mom's keys.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory reaches in the items] And my medal!

Jared Grace: What? You still think I took it. Yeah, Mal, you busted me. I took your medal, hid it here and re-plastered the wall!

[Jared wakes up Simon after finding the secret room]

Jared Grace: [Jared tries to catch his breath] I went up. It's a room, a secret room, upstairs. There's a desk and a chest, and I found this book! Something was in there!

Simon Grace: A red squirrel?

Jared Grace: No, not a squirrel. Unless squirrels can spell. It wrote in the dust on the desk, 'Jared Grace, leave this place.'

Simon Grace: Wow. That's really... impossible.

[Jared reads the note left on the outside of Spiderwick's Guide book]

Jared Grace: 'Do not dare to read this book, for if you take one fateful look, you barter at your life's expense, and face a deadly consequence.'

[Jared reads Spiderwick's Free Guide To The Fantastical World Around You]

Arthur Spiderwick: [voice-over] Dear reader, what you now hold in your hands is the culmination of a life's work. And you will soon see, as I have, that there are fantastical creatures living among us, hidden through mimicry and magic. This book will give you the tools and techniques needed to lift the veil and see the unseen. Once you have this sight, you will never see things the same way again. But be forewarned, the secrets you are about to learn have been kept hidden for ages, secrets that many of this realm would prefer to stay hidden. The creatures you will meet are truly a sight to behold, and most of them do not like being observed. But, over time, I have garnered their trust. Some, I am quite happy to report, I now call friend. But a rare few are, quite frankly, to be feared. The darker forces of this realm all live in service of one creature, the ogre, Mulgarath. The secrets herein are powerful, more powerful than even I was aware. Never before has knowledge of the fantastical realm been assembled in one tome. And so I implore you, dear reader, to use this information wisely, for the ogre, Mulgarath, seeks this knowledge with relentless persistence. If he were to obtain the information in these pages, I can assure you his intentions would be of the vilest sort. He assumes many forms, and so you must constantly be on guard. I deeply fear that the more I learn, the more I place everyone around me in grave danger. So, reader, beware. I beseech you, beware.

[Jared asks Simon for the definition to a word]

Jared Grace: What does 'appease' mean?

Simon Grace: 'Appease'. Um, you know... placate, pacify, assuage.

Jared Grace: In English.

Simon Grace: To make nice.

[Jared shows Mallory and Simon that there's a Brownie living in their house from the pictures in the Guide book]

Jared Grace: A Brownie is living in the house and wants us to leave.

Mallory Grace: [Mallory sarcastically replies] Wow. That's incredible. You can read!

[Jared finds out what all the honey is for in the house]

Jared Grace: A Brownie turns into a Boggart when it's angry, and he got angry when Mallory destroyed his nest. It likes honey. That's why all the honey's there.

[Jared looks for his mom only to find Mallory]

Jared Grace: Mom! Mom! Where's mom?

Mallory Grace: She went to work, okay? I'm in charge.

Mallory Grace: [Jared angrily screams running out the house] Hey! Where are you going? Psycho.

[Hogsqueal comes up with a plan to save Simon with Jared]

Hogsqueal: Okay, here's our plan. I will find a safe position over there and create a distraction with my stick. Then you leap out with your knife and finish the beast yourself. Oh, I like that plan. That's a good plan. I'm smart.

[Hogsqueal spits in Jared's eyes to give him the sight to see the goblins]

Hogsqueal: [Hogsqueal laughs to himself] Nailed him! I have given you the sight, a gift only a hobgoblin can bestow.

Jared Grace: [Jared wipes off the gooey spit] Oh, gross!

Hogsqueal: You're welcome. Now, let's go!

[Mulgarath reminds Redcap that he failed him]

Mulgarath: You failed me, Redcap!

Red Cap: There are two human boys with the same faces. The Jared and the not Jared. We took the wrong one.

[Mallory finds out that Jared is responsible for reading the Guide book]

Mallory Grace: [Mallory opens the chest] So, the book was in here with a big warning that said 'Do not read,' and you read it?

Jared Grace: It's a book. I didn't think reading it would unleash goblin fury, okay?

[Jared and Mallory arrive to see their Aunt Lucinda, in a hurry while on the run from the goblins]

Nurse: Wow, you're really in a hurry.

Jared Grace: [Jared holds flowers] We're just really excited to see her.

Nurse: [as Mallory carries her sword at her side] Those are nice flowers, and sword.

Mallory Grace: Oh, I take fencing.

[Hogsqueal learns that he must warn the others that Mulgarath knows how to break the circle]

Hogsqueal: [Hogsqueal talks to himself] Oh, no. This is not good. Just find the human boy. Must warn him. Or maybe I'll just hide. Ooh, I like that plan.

[Jared comes up with a plan to look for Arthur Spiderwick by using a griffin]

Jared Grace: [about Arthur] He had a pet!

Mallory Grace: A pet? And Fluffy the dog is gonna save us?

Jared Grace: It wasn't a dog. It was this, a griffin. 'When I call upon him in the native tongue of the tree elf with whom he dwells, he comes to my assistance.' See? His pet can find him.

Mallory Grace: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Summon a griffin, in native tree elf to find a 125-year-old man who may or may not be alive? That's our plan?

Jared Grace: Mm-hmm.

Mallory Grace: And you know how to summon a griffin in native tree elf?

Mallory Grace: [Jared turns to the page on how to summon a griffin] Of course.

[Thimbletack encourages the kids to ride the griffin to Arthur Spiderwick]

Mallory Grace: What? You want us to ride that beast?

Thimbletack: He's not a beast. He's a bird. He's a big-boned bird!

[Jared realizes that Arthur can't do anything to help him]

Jared Grace: [Jared with tears in his eyes] The last thing I said to my mom was, 'I hate you.'

Arthur Spiderwick: Listen, son. The boy who had the tenacity to find me, doesn't need my help. Now, Mulgarath wants the power that comes with knowledge. You have that knowledge. You are the book now.

[Helen gets ready to yell at Jared as Thimbletack reveals himself to her]

Helen Grace: One more word about fairies and goblins and I swear...

Thimbletack: [as Thimbletack reveals himself to Helen] Goblins, I know. But I hid the book. They'll never find it. Well, I hope they don't... unless...

Thimbletack: [Helen screams running away] Why is she screaming? I should be the one screaming. The circle's about to be broken!

[Hogsqueal eats the Mulgarath and tells everybody how delicious it was]

Hogsqueal: Yes! Death to the ogre! We did it, you sent him right to me, and I ate him! That's teamwork! Oh! The taste of vengeance is sweet! I can still taste a little! Oh, it's good! I did it! I knew I could do it! They said I couldn't do it, but I did it!

[Jared tells his mother that he doesn't want to leave her]

Jared Grace: I don't want to live with Dad. Is it okay if I stay here with you.

Helen Grace: [Helen tears up] Is it okay?

Helen Grace: [Helen hugs Jared] Who else is gonna protect us?

[Lucinda is reunited with her father Arthur Spiderwick]

Aunt Lucinda Spiderwick: Am I dreaming?

Arthur Spiderwick: No, my child. You're not.

Aunt Lucinda Spiderwick: Child? Do you know how old I am?

[Lucinda asks her father Arthur Spiderwick to take her back with him]

Arthur Spiderwick: I'm so sorry. I was so captivated by all the magical creatures I found that I lost sight of the one I already had. But I see now, and I may never be able to forgive myself.

Aunt Lucinda Spiderwick: You came back as you promised, so I forgive you.

Arthur Spiderwick: My dear, because the book was saved, the sylph allowed me to come see you, but I cannot stay. Because if I do, all my years will come back to me all at once, and I will turn to dust.

Aunt Lucinda Spiderwick: Then this time, take me with you.

[Arthur holds out his hand as Lucinda smiles and holds out to take his hand]

Helen Grace: So, you say you found this book, and it tells you how to see faeries and goblins and magic sprites, and that's what this is all about.

Jared Grace: [frustrated] I told you you wouldn't believe me.

Helen Grace: What do you think about all this, Mal?

Mallory Grace: It's true, Mom.

Helen Grace: No, it's not! Do you really think I am so stupid that I don't see what this is about? You hate the house and you want to go back to New York and to our old life! Well, let me just be really clear when I say that isn't gonna happen. Because we can't afford New York, because...

Jared Grace: This is why Dad left, you know. When someone's trying to tell you something you don't wanna hear, this is what you do. You just stop listening and start yelling. You did it to Dad all the time.

Helen Grace: Stop it.

Jared Grace: I saw you.

Helen Grace: Yeah, you saw what you wanted to see.

Jared Grace: [Jared is on the verge of exploding] YOU WOULD'NT LISTEN, AND THAT'S WHY HE LEFT!

Helen Grace: [upset] Get out of the car.

Jared Grace: Gladly.

[super angry and furious now]

Jared Grace: I HATE YOU AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITH YOU!