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[from trailer]
Gidget: Hey, Max.
Max: Hey, Gidget.
Gidget: Any plans today?
Max: Yes. Big, big stuff today, Gidget. I got big plans. I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna wait for Katie to come back.
Gidget: Oh, that sounds exciting. Well, I won't interrupt. I've got a very busy day too.
[sighs]
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Snowball: [kisses Gidget, jumps off bridge] Remember me!
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Pops: This is uh, Puffball, Squash-Face, Weiner Dog, Yellow Bird, Eagle-Eye, Guinea Pig Joe. And, of course my, girlfriend Rhonda.
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Ozone: What's goin' on here?
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Chloe: And, when that random cat tried to eat Sweet Pea, who saved him?
Buddy: It wasn't a random cat. It was you.
Chloe: The identity of the random cat is not the point. We're talking about who saved him!
Mel: Max did!
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Snowball: Welcome my dogs! Oh, you guys look weird. Hurry up, come on in.
Buddy: You said it was a costume party!
Mel: Why do you listen to me?
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Tiberius: Okay. He's too stupid to talk and too ugly to eat.
Gidget: [screams and tackles Ozone to the ground] I'm done playing nice! Where is Max?
Ozone: What? I-I...
Gidget: [Gidget slaps Ozone] Tell me!
[slaps him again]
Ozone: Well I... I can't.
[gets slapped again]
Ozone: Let me finish.
[and slapped again]
Ozone: Ow! Help me!
[and slapped again]
Gidget: Don't look at him!
[slaps Ozone again]
Gidget: Look at me! Nobody can help you! Where is *Max*?
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Pops: Now, if we take the human route, getting there is gonna take days. You may have lots of time, but for me every breath is a cliffhanger.
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Chloe: Max, Come on, I'm your friend. Okay? And as your friend, I gotta be honest with you. I don't care about you or your problems.
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Pops: All right, party's over! *Myron*! *Vacuum*!
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[last lines]
Max: Welcome home, Duke.
Duke: Thanks, Max.
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Snowball: That raccoon is lying. He's not the president.
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Snowball: The revolution has begun! Liberated forever! Domesticated never!
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Chloe: Because she's a dog person, Max. And dog people do weird, inexplicable things. Like... they get dogs instead of cats.
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Buddy: How you been, old timer?
Pops: Paralyzed.
[Awkward pause]
Gidget: Great!
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Buddy: [as they enter the sewer] What is that smell?
Pops: It's poo-poo with a dash of caca.
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Snowball: I feel heroic! And handsome! I'm a little wet, but I still look good. I look good.
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Pops: That ball of fluff's got a screw loose.
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Snowball: Who are we? *Who* are *we*? We are the Flushed Pets. Thrown away by our owners and now we are out for revenge! It's like a club, but with biting and scratching.
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Duke: Don't make me angry, because when I get angry, I do this...
[Growls]
Duke: ... and I hate doing that.
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Snowball: Death is coming to Brooklyn. And it's got buck teeth and a cotton tail!
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Max: [In the sewers with Snowball] The smell is disgusting...
[Snowball glances at him suspiciously]
Max: ... ly good!
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Snowball: [seeing Max on Duke on a ferry] They're going to Brooklyn.
Tattoo: They say everyone's going to Brooklyn these days. It's making a real comeback.
Snowball: I'm not talking about hipster real estate trends. I'm talking vengeance, Tattoo!
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Snowball: [to Max] Can I call you "Tiny Dog"?
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Max: Do you see the van?
Snowball: Yeah, I see it... We're about to hit it
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[first lines]
Max: [narrating] I've lived in this city all my life. I'm Max. And I'm the luckiest dog in New York because of her. That's Katie. Katie and I, well, we have the perfect relationship. We met a few years ago and, boy, let me tell ya', we got along right away. You know, it was one of those relationships where... where you just know.
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Max: Maybe the legend of dogs coming from wolves is jus... is just wrong. Maybe, like, maybe one puppy asked his mom, "Where did we come from?" And the mom said "Woof." And the kid was like, "Oh wolves?" And she was like, "Yeah, fine."
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Mel: I will never eat a pill like that again. Unless it's covered in peanut butter. Because, I mean, come on! Right? It's peanut butter!
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Max: [after Duke accidentally causes a vase to crash to the floor] Oh, Duke. Duke, Katie is not... Katie's gonna be so upset when she sees that... Katie's... gonna flip out...
[looks around mischievously]
Max: ... when she sees how... you trashed her whole place.
Duke: Oh, it's just...
[scratches behind ear]
Duke: It's just one vase.
Max: Is it, Duke? Is it?
[Kicks a vase off a table]
Max: Oh that's a shame.
[pushes a bunch of papers onto the ground]
Duke: What are you doing?
Max: Whoa, what am I doing? Nothing. I'm a cute little doggy. Katie knows I'd never do anything like this
[pushes a table making it start to tip over]
Duke: No, no. Whoa!
[runs and manages to keep the table from falling over]
Max: This can only be the work of...
[pushes some books off a shelf]
Max: ... a dangerous stray, Who hasn't laid down a foundation of trust.
[walks along a counter-top, knocking things over]
Max: You're the new dog. And, hey Duke, what'd you go and do this for?
[pushes a bowl of fruit to the ground]
Duke: Oh! I'm gonna...
Max: What? Bite me? Rip my face off? Perfect. Wait till Katie finds out.
[imitates an injured dog]
Max: Oh! Help, Katie! Thank goodness you're here! I tried to stop him, but he's crazy!
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Snowball: I feel heroic! And handsome! I'm a little wet, but I still look good...
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Snowball: [after the Viper has been killed] You squished the Sacred Viper?
[Begins to weep]
Snowball: He's a flat-jack! Oh Viper! Viper you in a better place! You with Ricky! You ain't never did nothin' to nobody! Well, you bit a lot of people Viper, so technically, you might actually deserve this, this might be something that's long overdue. But... it shouldn't have came like this! Not on my watch!
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Max: Hey, uh, Gidget, wait up.
Gidget: Oh, uh, hi, Max.
[her tail starts wagging]
Max: Yeah, uh...
Gidget: [to her tail] Play it cool!
[Her tail stops wagging, and she giggles]
Max: Yeah, I just wanted to, uh...
[clears throat]
Max: Look. Have you ever lived across from someone your whole life, but you don't really appreciate them until... I don't know, until they're beating up dozens of animals on the Brooklyn Bridge? I guess, what I'm trying to say is... if you ever want to...
[Gidget wags her tail, and her eyes lighten up. Then she barks and happily hops onto Max and starts licking him and nuzzling him]
Max: Okay!
Pops: Oh, great, you're in love! How gross for everyone! Now, move it!
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Snowball: [to snakes guarding the entrance] The new password is "Don't ask the leader for the password!"
[the snakes eyes turn green and they smile]
The Secret Life of Pets Quotes
Extended Reading
