The Room Quotes

Mike: Did you, uh, know... that chocolate... is the symbol of love?

Michelle: Mmm... feed me.

Johnny: How dare you talk to me like that!

[pushes Lisa back on the couch]

Johnny: You should tell me everything!

Lisa: I can't talk right now.

Johnny: [sits next to Lisa] Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me, please! You are part of my life! You are everything! I could not go on without you, Lisa.

Lisa: You're scaring me.

[Lisa gets up, but Johnny also gets up]

Johnny: You're lying! I never hit you! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!

Lisa: Why are you so hysterical?

Johnny: [pushes her back onto the couch again] Do you understand life? Do you?

Johnny: [walks into flower shop] Hi.

Flower Shop Clerk: Can I help you?

Johnny: Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?

Flower Shop Clerk: Oh, hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.

[grabs bouquet of roses]

Flower Shop Clerk: Here you go.

Johnny: That's me. How much is it?

Flower Shop Clerk: It'll be eighteen dollars.

Johnny: [hands over cash] Here you go. Keep the change.

[grabs flowers and pats dog on the counter]

Johnny: Hi, doggy.

Flower Shop Clerk: You're my favorite customer.

Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye!

Flower Shop Clerk: Buh-bye!

Mark: How was work today?

Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client and the bank will make a lot of money.

Mark: What client?

Johnny: I cannot tell you; it's confidential.

Mark: Aw, come on. Why not?

Johnny: No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life?

Claudette: Everything goes wrong all at once. Nobody wants to help me. And I'm dying.

Lisa: You're not dying, mom.

Claudette: I got the results of the test back - I definitely have breast cancer.

[repeated line]

Johnny: That's the idea.

Lisa: Did you get your promotion?

Johnny: Nah.

[pause]

Lisa: You didn't get it, did you?

Lisa: Do you want me to order a pizza?

Johnny: Whatever, I don't care.

Lisa: I already ordered a pizza.

Johnny: You think about everything, ha ha ha.

[Johnny walks to the apartment rooftop]

Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!

[throws water bottle]

Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

Johnny: I have a problem with Lisa. She says that I hit her.

Mark: What? Did you?

Johnny: [sits down] No, it's not true. Don't even ask. What's new with you?

Mark: I'm just sitting up here thinking, you know. I got a question for you.

Johnny: Yeah?

Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?

Johnny: What makes you say that?

Mark: [gets up] I don't know. I don't know. I'm just... I'm just thinking.

Johnny: I don't have to worry about that because Lisa is loyal to me.

Mark: Yeah, man, you'll never know. People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl; she had a dozen guys. One of them found out about it... beat her up so bad she ended up at a hospital on Guerrero Street.

Johnny: Ha ha ha. What a story, Mark.

[gets up]

Mark: Yeah, you can say that again.

Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.

Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.

Johnny: Well, maybe you should have a girl, Mark.

Mark: [pauses, then walks forward] Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.

Johnny: Well, what happened? Remember Betty? That's her name?

Mark: Betty? Yeah. Yeah, we don't see each other anymore. You know, she wasn't any good in bed. She was beautiful, but we had too many arguments.

Johnny: That's too bad. My Lisa's great whenever I get it.

Mark: [sits down] Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're just flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil.

Johnny: It seems to me that you're the expert, Mark.

[sits down]

Mark: No. Definitely not an expert, Johnny.

Steven: When is the baby due?

Lisa: There is no baby.

Steven: What? What are you talking about?

Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting.

Lisa: I've lost him, but I still have you, right? Right?

Mark: You don't *have* me. You'll *never* have me. You killed him.

Lisa: Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you!

Mark: Tramp. You killed him; you're the cause of all of this. I don't love you. Get out of my life, you bitch!

Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb waiting for it to go off.

Michelle: Me too!

Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.

Johnny: In a few minutes, bitch.

Lisa: Who are you calling a bitch?

Johnny: You and your stupid mother.

Mark: Wow. So, uh, you gonna be ready?

Lisa: How do you mean that? I'm always ready... for you.

Johnny: I kill you, you bastard!

Mark: You couldn't kill me if you tried.

Johnny: You betrayed me! You're not good. You, you're just a chicken. Chip-chip-chip-chip-cheep-cheep.

Lisa: It can't wait 'til later. I want to talk right now. You owe me one anyway.

Mark: Okay. All right, what do you want to talk about?

Lisa: She's a stupid bitch.

Mark: [confused] I mean, the candles, the music, the sexy dress... I mean, what's going on here?

Lisa: I like you very much. Lover... boy.

Johnny: Are you okay, Denny?

Denny: I'm okay.

Johnny: Are you *okay*?

Denny: I'm okay!

Claudette: What's okay? He's taking drugs.

Lisa: Denny, are you okay? What did that man want from you?

Denny: Nothing.

Claudette: Oh, that was not nothing!

Lisa: Tell me everything!

Claudette: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?

Denny: I owe him some money.

Lisa: What kind of money?

Denny: I owe him some money!

Lisa: What kind of money?

Denny: Everything is okay! He's gone!

Claudette: Everything is not okay. Denny, that is a dangerous man!

Denny: Calm down! He's going to jail!

Lisa: Denny, what kind of money? Just tell me!

Claudette: What do you need money for?

Lisa: Mom, please! Denny is with me and Johnny!

Claudette: A man like that! With a gun! My god!

Lisa: Denny, look at me in the eyes and tell the truth. We're your friends.

Denny: I bought some drugs off of him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen!

Lisa: [crying] Denny...

Denny: I don't have them anymore!

Lisa: What kind of drugs, Denny?

Denny: It doesn't matter, I don't have them anymore!

Claudette: It doesn't matter? How in the hell did you get involved with drugs?

Lisa: Mom...

Claudette: What? Were you giving them to him, selling them to him? Where in the hell did you meet that man?

Lisa: [screaming] What kind of drugs do you take?

Denny: It's nothing like that!

Lisa: [screaming] What the hell is wrong with you?

Denny: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff!

Lisa: How much do you have to give him?

Claudette: This is not the way you make money!

Lisa: [screaming] How much?

Denny: [screaming] Stop ganging up on me!

Claudette: Well, it is time somebody ganged up on you for God's sake! A man like that! Where in the hell did you meet a man like that?

Denny: It doesn't matter!

Claudette: It matters a great deal! A man holds a gun on you! You almost got killed and you expect me to forget that happened?

Denny: You're not my fucking mother!

Claudette: [grabs Denny by the shirt] You listen, you little boy!

Lisa: No, stop! No!

[grabs and hugs Denny]

Claudette: Somebody had better do something around here!

Johnny: Oh, hi, Claudette!

Claudette: Oh!

Johnny: Bye!

Mark: So can I come in tomorrow, like late afternoon?

Johnny: Absolutely. 8:00?

Mark: Great!

Lisa: I'm fixing the apartment for Johnny's birthday, but I'm really not into it.

Claudette: Oh? Why not?

Lisa: 'Cause I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny. And here I am planning his party.

Claudette: It's not right, Lisa. I still think you should marry Johnny! Now, you can't live on love. You need financial security.

Lisa: But I'm not happy! And he still thinks I'm going to marry him next month. He's a fool.

[first lines]

Johnny: Hi, babe. I have something for you.

Lisa: What is it?

Johnny: Just a little something.

[Playfully hides a package behind his back, then presents it to Lisa. She opens it and pulls out a red dress]

Lisa: Johnny, it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?

Johnny: Sure, it's yours.

Lisa: Wait right here.

[grabs Johnny's tie and kisses him]

Lisa: I'll try it on right now.

Mark: Come on, it's clear.

Claudette: What's clear?

Denny: I gotta tell you something.

Johnny: Shoot, Denny.

Denny: It's about Lisa.

Johnny: Go on.

Denny: She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.

Johnny: Go on...

Johnny: Denny, don't you have something else to do?

Denny: I just like to watch you guys.

Peter: Speaking of which, how did you meet Lisa? You never told us.

Johnny: Oh, that's very interesting story, when I moved to San Francisco with two suitcases and I didn't know anyone, and I have, I hit YMCA with a $2000 check that I couldn't cash.

Mark: Why not?

Johnny: Well, because it was an out of state bank. Anyway, I was working as a busboy in hotel, and uh, um, she was sitting, drinking her coffee, and she was so beautiful, and I say hi to her, and that's how we met.

Mark: So, I mean, what's the interesting part?

Johnny: Well, the interesting part is that on our first date, she paid for dinner.

Mike: Hi Johnny, what's going on?

Johnny: Oh hai Mike, what's new?

Mike: Oh, actually Johnny, I got a, I got a little bit of a, tragedy.

Johnny: Uh-huh.

Mike: On my hands... yeah. Me and... Michelle, we were... we were making out, uh, in your place?

Johnny: Hahaha.

Mike: And, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh, walked in on us. In the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.

Johnny: Go on, I'm listening.

Mike: OK. We're go-we're going at it, and um, I get out of there as fast as possible, you know, I-I get my pants, I get my shirt, and I get out of there. And then about halfway down the stairs I realise that I, I have misplaced, I have forgotten, something.

Johnny: Mmm-mmm.

Mike: Uh... my underwear.

Johnny: Hahaha.

Mike: So, pft, so I come back to get it, you know, I pretend I need a book...

Johnny: Uh-huh.

Mike: I'm looking for my book, and I-I-I reach in and put the underwear in my pocket ready to slide out real quick?

Johnny: Uh-huh.

Mike: Well Claudette, she saw it, sticking out, of my pocket?

Johnny: Uh-huh.

Mike: She pulls it out, and she's showing everybody... me underwears.

Johnny: You must be kidding, underwear, I got the picture.

Mike: Yeah, I don't know what to do.

Johnny: That's life!

Chris-R: [to Denny, who owes him money] Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes? You know what?

[pulls out gun]

Chris-R: I don't have FIVE FUCKING MINUTES!

Lisa: I miss you, Mark.

Mark: What are you talking about? I just saw you!

Peter: [almost getting thrown off a building] What are you, nuts? GOD!

Mark: [shrugs it off like it's nothing] Sorry.

Johnny: [his last lines] Why? Why is this happening to me?

[pulls out a pistol]

Johnny: God forgive me.

[repeated line]

Lisa: I don't want to talk about it.

Johnny: [as Lisa comes down the stairs, changed into the red gown Johnny bought for her as a present earlier on] Wow, you look so sexy, Lisa!

Lisa: [twirls around as she reveals her figure and sways the dress] Isn't it fabulous?

Denny: Can I kiss you?

Lisa: You are such a little brat!

Denny: I was just kidding! I love you and Johnny!

[repeated line]

Mark: What are you *doing*?

[repeated line]

Mark: What's going on here?

Johnny: What - what's goin' on here?

Mark: [scoffs] You really don't know, do you?

Johnny: [shoving Mark] Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark.

Mark: Shit, all right?

Claudette: You expect to be happy! I haven't been happy since I married my first husband. I didn't even want to marry your father.

Lisa: You never told me that!

Claudette: Well, it's true. All men are assholes.

Chris-R: Hey, Denny.

Denny: Chris-R. I've been lookin' for you.

Chris-R: Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?

Denny: Yeah. It's comin'. It'll be here in a few minutes.

Chris-R: What do you mean it's coming, Denny? Where's... my money?

Denny: Okay. Just- Just give me five minutes. Just give me five.

Chris-R: Five minutes? You want five fucking minutes, Denny? You know what? I haven't got five fucking minutes!

[Draws his gun, grabs Denny and pulls him towards the ground]

Chris-R: I'm gonna ask you again, Denny. Where's my money?

Denny: I don't have anything.

Chris-R: Where's my money, Denny? Where's my *fucking* money, Denny? What did you do with my fucking money?

Denny: I swear to God. It's coming.

Chris-R: Where's my fuckin' money, Denny?

Denny: Put the gun down!

[Johnny and Mark arrive, running to Denny to help him]

Chris-R: My fucking money! Where's my fucking money, Denny?

Johnny: What's with this guy?

Chris-R: Get off! You're fuckin' dead, Denny!

Lisa: What's going on here? Somebody help!

Johnny: Let's take him to the police.

Lisa: Denny, this is my mom. Mom, this is Denny.

Claudette: How many people come in and out of this house every day? This is worse than Grand Central Station.

[after having sex with Lisa on the spiral staircase]

Mark: God. Why did you do this to me? Johnny's my best friend.

[Lisa calls a pizza place]

Lisa: Yeah, delivery. 555-4828. Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks.

[to Johnny]

Lisa: You're right. The computer business is too competitive.

[to Lisa]

Claudette: If I were a burglar, you would be my best friend.

Michelle: Did you tell Johnny yet?

Lisa: No. Mark's his best friend.

Michelle: Tricky tricky.

Lisa: You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything's changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.

Michelle: You think you can get it all from Mark?

Lisa: If he can't give me what I want, somebody else will.

Michelle: Lisa, you're sounding just like your mother. You're being so manipulative.

Lisa: So what? You can learn something from me. You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. Don't worry about me. I have everything covered.

[after Johnny announces at his birthday party that he and Lisa are expecting]

Steven: When is the baby due?

Lisa: There is no baby.

Michelle, Steven: What?

Steven: What are you talking about?

Lisa: I told him that to make it interesting. We're probably going to have a baby eventually anyway. You're not going to tell Johnny, are you?