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Male Student #1: You mind if I ask you something personal?
Richard: No, go ahead.
Male Student #1: Have you ever been with a man?
Richard: No... No. No. No... No, I can't say that I have.
Male Student #1: Would you like to fuck me?
Richard: Like... in your ass?
Male Student #1: Yeah.
Richard: Is it... is it clean?
Male Student #1: Yeah... I mean it should be.
Male Student #1: But no. I mean, I can always give you a blowjob, too.
Richard: Okay. Pour me another one of those and make it very generous, because I'm...
Male Student #1: Of course.
Richard: ...really not sure how much of this I'm gonna wanna remember.
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Richard: In each and every moment we're composing stories of our lives, let's aim to make it a meaningful read... or at least an interesting one
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Olivia: Why are you and mom are still together?
Richard: I think as you get older, you, um, find yourself needing someone to hold accountable for life NOT turning out exactly as you'd imagine it. But listen to me, not every relationship has to be that. I mean, having said that, most are.
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Richard: Well, maturity is really just another word for how much misery you'd swallow.
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Claire: The person one loves at first is not the person one loves at last. Love is not an end. It's a process through which one person attempts to know another.
[pause]
Claire: That's it.
Richard: And, in a word?
Claire: In TWO words, deceptively simple.
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Peter: Why are you wearing sunglasses?
Richard: I have cancer. I'm supposed to wear sunglasses in unusual places.
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Peter: We have something to celebrate.
Richard: What's that? Oh, you've got cancer too.
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[Richard makes a toast, swigs his drink and drops his glass on the floor]
Henry: Damn it, Richard, those are crystal!
The Professor Quotes
Extended Reading
