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[last lines]
Norm Archer: For The Onion News... this is Norm Archer. Fuck you, and goodnight.
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Cock Puncher: I don't think you have the balls.
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Norm Archer: The internet went down for three hours this morning, plunging the nation into productivity. The outage, which caused major work startages from New York to California, prevented an estimated 120 million American employees from messing around on the web at work.
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[singing]
Melissa Cherry: When you love me right up front, you know that I don't mind. But what I really want is for you, to take me from behind. I don't mind, no. I don't mind. Take me from be-hi-i-i-ind...
Melissa Cherry: Are you ready? Mmmm. Down on my knees. Baby, when we kiss, my heart just skips a beat. And when you hold my hand, oh, I can hardly speak. But there's one kinda lovin' that I can't do face to face. So, let me give you some affection - just below your waist. Oh, yeah! I'm down on my knees for you. I'm begging please, please for you. Oh! I've got so much love, I need to show it. It's a big job, I don't want to blow it. Oh! Oh, yeah. Oh! Baby. Down on my knees, begging please please.
Melissa Cherry: Shoot your love, baby. Tell me why must you hide that love, that love you got inside. It's been building up so long. Yeah! And that feeling's oh so strong. So baby, shoot your love all over me. Oh! Drown me in a milky sea. Love all over me. Hey, baby! It's you and I, for eternity, for eternity. That's why you've got to shoot your love over me. Oh, yeah, yeah! When I look at you, ba-by, I see a man full of spunk. But what good is it to me, locked away in that trunk? I don't need more roses. No, that would be just reckless. The gift I want from you is my very own pearl necklace. Shoot your love all over me. Hey! Drown me in a milky sea. Love all over me. Ooh, baby! It's you and I, you and I, for eternity, for eternity. That's why you've got to shoot your love all over me.
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Norm Archer: In other news. A local 8-year-old has accidently exercised his 2nd amendment right yesterday, when he blew off his head with his father's semi-automatic rifle. The fatal incident is being hailed by gun-rights activists as a victory for America and the constitution.
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Dana Dobbs: There you have it. The negro is guilty.
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Presidential Advisor: We might be fucked, sir.
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Melissa Cherry: My music isn't about sex. It's about being a girl and having fun.
Kip Kendall: But clearly the song, "Down on my knees" is about fellatio, isn't it?
Melissa Cherry: Ewww.
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Melissa Cherry: "Take me from behind" isn't sexual at all. It's about love sneaking up on you.
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Kenneth Garber: Thus far, there are maybe one or the most 2,3 asian faces in the film. How do you feel about such gross under-representation?
James Nakatami: Me no rikey.
The Onion Movie Quotes
Extended Reading
