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Lola Brewster: I could eat a can of Kodak and puke a better movie.
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Vicar: Oh, Mr. Rudd. I understand that you are a fillum producer.
Jason Rudd: Oh, no, sir. A director.
Vicar: Is there any difference?
Jason Rudd: Yes, sir. The, uh, producer supplies all the money; the director spends it. Then the producer yells that the director is spending too much money; the director doesn't pay any attention, and goes right on spending. The director gets all the credit; the producer gets an ulcer. You see, it's all very simple; excuse me.
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Lola Brewster: You seem lovely, as always. Of course, there are fewer lights on than usual. In fact, any fewer, and I'd need a seeing-eye dog.
Marina Rudd: Oh, I shouldn't bother to buy one, dear. In that wig, you could play Lassie.
Lola Brewster: Same adorable sense of humor. And I'm so glad to see that you've not only kept your GORGEOUS figure, but you've added SO MUCH to it!
Marina Rudd: What are you doing here so early, dear? I thought the plastic surgery seminar was in Switzerland.
Lola Brewster: Actually, darling, I couldn't wait to begin our little movie. You know the saying: once an actress, always an actress.
Marina Rudd: Oh, I do know the saying. But what does it have to do with you?
Lola Brewster: Cute angel. So do tell. How does it feel to be back, after being away SO LONG?
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Lola Brewster: Chin up, darling... both of them.
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Marina Rudd: Lola, dear, you know, there are really only two things I dislike about you.
Lola Brewster: Really? What are they?
Marina Rudd: Your face.
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[forgetting he's in England and picking up the phone]
Marty N. Fenn: Get me the coast... What do you mean, what coast?
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Marina Rudd: [to Lola Brewster] What are you supposed to be, a birthday cake? Too bad everybody's HAD a piece.
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Marina Rudd: [looking in the mirror] : Bags, bags, go away. Come right back on Doris Day.
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Inspector Delbert Craddock: [speaking of Marina Rudd and Lola Brewster] I heard the two of them are close. Is that true?
Ella Zielinsky: Close? If you put the two of them together in a tank with a shark, the shark would have an identity crisis.
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Ella Zielinsky: Marty Fenn's a producer. He only lies when he speaks.
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Inspector Delbert Craddock: [to Jason Rudd] I'm sure you'll make a fine film without the aid of Scotland Yard. I'm here about a minor matter of murder.
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[Jason is taking Miss Marple to see Marina]
Jason Rudd: Miss Marple?
Miss Jane Marple: Yes, Mr. Rudd?
Jason Rudd: She's dead.
Miss Jane Marple: I rather suspected as much. And you?
Jason Rudd: I killed her. I put poison in her hot chocolate last night. It was inevitable she would have been discovered. I... couldn't let her face the humiliation. She suffered enough.
Miss Jane Marple: You must have loved her very much.
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Marina Rudd: I've always thought of Lola as one of my oldest *oldest* friends.
The Mirror Crack'd Quotes
Extended Reading
