The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance Quotes

Ransom Stoddard: You're not going to use the story, Mr. Scott?

Maxwell Scott: No, sir. This is the West, sir. When the legend becomes fact, print the legend.

[last lines]

Jason Tully: Nothing's too good for the man who shot Liberty Valance.

Link Appleyard: As long as he behaves himself in this town, I ain't got no, ah...

Ransom Stoddard: Jurisdiction.

Link Appleyard: What he said is right. I ain't got none of it.

Liberty Valance: You lookin' for trouble, Doniphon?

Tom Doniphon: You aim to help me find some?

Liberty Valance: [shouting] Hashslinger; you out here?

High Pockets: I'd say that was Liberty Valance there now; wouldn't you?

Ransom Stoddard: Yes, I would.

Kaintuck: W-w-we'll be seein' you, Mr. Stoddard.

High Pockets: Well, Mr. Professor. I thought you left town. What are you doin' out here?

Ransom Stoddard: I'm waiting for Liberty Valance. Why doesn't he come out?

Kaintuck: Well, th-th-that's n-n-none of our b-b-b-business.

Ransom Stoddard: Marshal, I was wrong the other day. But I was reading up on territorial law, and there it is, right there. Now, I'll draw up the complaint, take care of all the legal details - but you *do* have jurisdiction. Says so right there. So next time he sets foot in this town, you'll arrest him.

Link Appleyard: Anything you say, Mr. Stoddard. I'll be tickled to... death... *what* was that? Arrest *who*?

Ransom Stoddard: Liberty Valance.

Link Appleyard: Arrest Liberty Val... you mean Liberty Valance? Just as I was startin' to get my appetite back.

[Doniphon has just faced down Valance in the diner]

Tom Doniphon: Well, now; I wonder what scared 'em off?

Dutton Peabody: [poking fun at Stoddard for his idealism] You know what scared 'em - the spectacle of law and order here, risin' up out of the gravy and the mashed potatoes.

Link Appleyard: Did you know Liberty Valance is in town tonight?

Dutton Peabody: I'd be a poor newspaperman indeed if I didn't know what everybody knows!

Doc Willoughby: [very drunk] My advice to you as uh...

Dutton Peabody: Coroner.

Doc Willoughby: and uh your personal phys...

Dutton Peabody: Physician!

Doc Willoughby: is to get your supper and go to bed. No charge.

[Pompey has gone into the saloon after Tom]

Barman: [indicating that he can't serve Pompey due to his being black] Now look, Pompey. You know I...

Tom Doniphon: [drunk] Who says he can't? Pour yourself a drink, Pompey.

Pompey: You know I don't drink no drams, Mr. Tom.

Tom Doniphon: I said take a drink.

Pompey: No, sir. We got a mare in foal, and horses to feed and water. You come on home.

Hallie: Rance, do you think I could... I mean, grown up and all... do you think I could learn to read?

Ransom Stoddard: Why, sure you can, Hallie. Why, there's nothing to it. It'd be... it'd be easy. Can you learn how to read? Why, I can... I can teach you. A smart girl like you? Of course you can learn how to read. Now, do you want to try?

Hallie: It's awful worrisome not knowing how. I know the Good Book from preacher talk; but it'd be a soul comfort if I could read the words myself.

Tom Doniphon: [Valance has tripped Rance in the diner, causing him to spill a tray of food] That's *my* steak, Valance.

Liberty Valance: [laughing] You heard him, Dude. Pick it up.

Ransom Stoddard: No!

Tom Doniphon: Pilgrim, hold it. I said you, Valance; *you* pick it up.

Liberty Valance: Three against one, Doniphon.

Tom Doniphon: My boy, Pompey; kitchen door.

[Valance looks and sees Pompey at the door holding a rifle]

Floyd: I'll get it, Liberty!

[Doniphon kicks Floyd in the face as he bends down to retrieve the tray]

Election Council President: [at the territorial statehood convention] The chair recognizes its old friend; that distinguished member of the Fourth Estate, founder, owner, publisher and editor of the Shinbone Star, Mr. Dutton Peabody, Esquire!

Dutton Peabody: Thank you, thank you, Mister Chairman, for those kind words; but why don't you tell them the whole truth: founder, owner, editor, and I also sweep out the place.

Floyd: It's Liberty! He - he's hurt!

[Doc approaches Valance's body]

Floyd: It's Liberty.

Doc Willoughby: Whiskey, quick.

Person on street: Here, sir.

Doc Willoughby: [takes a drink, turns Valances body over with his foot] Dead.

[walks off]

Link Appleyard: Mr. Peabody's awful hurt and he needs you bad over at his office.

Liberty Valance: What's the matter, Mr. Marshal? Somebody have an accident?

Doc Willoughby: So that's it, another one of your 'accidents', huh Valance? I'm looking forward to the day when it's you they'll be calling me for.

Liberty Valance: [tossing Doc a silver dollar] Paid in advance.

Dutton Peabody: [during voting for the territorial convention] I'll have the usual, Jack.

Jack, Barman: The bar is closed, Mister Editor, during voting.

Dutton Peabody: Bar's closed?

Tom Doniphon: You can blame your lawyer friend. He says that's one of the "Fundamental laws of democracy." No exception.

Dutton Peabody: No exceptions for the working press? Why, that's carrying democracy much too far!

[Reese and Floyd are trying to get a lynch mob together after Stoddard kills Valance]

Tom Doniphon: Can't a man have a drink around this town in peace?

[grabs Floyd and throws him through the door]

Reese: No one's bothering you, Doniphon.

Tom Doniphon: *You* are.

[Reese goes for his gun, and Doniphon decks him]

Tom Doniphon: Marshal! What are you gettin' paid for? Drag this scum out of here.

Link Appleyard: You heard him! Now, Kaintuck and High Pockets, I deputize you to give a hand and drag this scum out of here!

Kaintuck: Give me that b-b-b-bung st-st-starter!

[grabs Reese and hauls him out]

Link Appleyard: You tell those ranchers north of the Picketwire that hired you that me, Link Appleyard, run you out of town, and I'll do it again if you ever come back!

Dutton Peabody: [protesting his nomination to the statehood convention] No! No! No you don't! No! I... I'm a newspaperman, not a politician! No, politicians are my meat - I build 'em up and I tear 'em down but I wouldn't be one I couldn't be one - it'd destroy me - gimme a...

Tom Doniphon: Bar's closed.

Dutton Peabody: Good people of Shinbone, I... I... I'm your conscience - I'm the still, small voice that thunders in the night. I'm your watchdog that howls against the wolves! I'm - I'm your father confessor! I... I... I'm... what else am I?

Tom Doniphon: Town drunk?

Ransom Stoddard: [in Stoddard's classroom] How you feeling this morning?

Link Appleyard: Just fine, fine, fine.

Ransom Stoddard: Your head cold?

Link Appleyard: Uh, no, no. I uh.

[sheepishly removes hat]

Amos Carruthers: [bringing his truant son Herbert to school] Ain't you goin' to give him a whoppin'?

Ransom Stoddard: No, he's too big.

Dutton Peabody: Give me a drink.

Tom Doniphon: Bar's closed.

Dutton Peabody: Just a beer!

Tom Doniphon: The bar's closed.

Dutton Peabody: A beer's not drinking!

Hallie: One steak for Mr. Peabody, with fixins'.

Nora Ericson: Steak, beans, potatoes...

Peter Ericson: And a deep dish apple pie.

Nora Ericson: Someday he order something different and we all faint dead away.

[first lines]

Ransom Stoddard: [descending from railway carriage and consulting pocket watch] Thanks, Jason. On time.

Ransom Stoddard: I don't want to kill him, I just want to put him in jail!

Tom Doniphon: Ohhh...

Ransom Stoddard: [looking into Doniphon's coffin, angrily] Where are his boots?

Undertaker: Well, I thought... well, they was an awful nice pair of boots, almost brand new, and I thought...

Ransom Stoddard: Put his boots on, Clute. And his gun belt, and his spurs.

Dutton Peabody: Hallie, please! The proprieties concerning the cutlery. Now, how many times have I told you, the fork goes to the left of the plate, and the knife goes...

Hallie: What's the matter with you? You superstitious or something?

Dutton Peabody: [Peabody has just been nominated as a delegate to statehood] No! No! No you don't! No! I... I'm a newspaperman, not a politician! No, politicians are my meat - I build 'em up and I tear 'em down but I wouldn't be one I couldn't be one - it'd destroy me... gimme a

Tom Doniphon: Bar's closed.

Dutton Peabody: Huh? Good people of Shinbone, I... I... I'm you conscience - I'm the still, small voice that thunders in the night. I'm your watchdog that howls against the wolves! I'm - I'm your father confessor! I... I... I'm... I'm... what else am I?

Tom Doniphon: Town drunk?

[uproarious laughter]

High Pockets: Then what about Mr. Peabody? He can read and write, and he runs the newspaper.

Kaintuck: Yeah, and when he's drinking, why, he can talk the ears off of a woo-wooden Indian.

Pompey: It was writ by Mr. Thomas Jefferson of Virginia.

Ransom Stoddard: Was written, Pompey.

Pompey: Written by Mr. Thomas Jefferson. And he called the Constitution.

Ransom Stoddard: Declaration of Independence.

Pompey: It begun with the words... "We hold these truths to be..." uhh...

Charlie - A Classmate: Self-evident.

Ransom Stoddard: Let him alone, Charlie.

Pompey: "Self-evident, that..." uhh... that...

Ransom Stoddard: "That all men are created equal." That's fine, Pompey.

Pompey: I knew that, Mr. Rance, but I just plumb forgot it.

Ransom Stoddard: Oh, it's all right, Pompey. A lot of people forget that part of it. You did just fine, Pompey.

Tom Doniphon: Pompey! Bring me those cans.

[Pompey brings three cans of paint]

Tom Doniphon: Give me that thing. I'll show you how easy it is.

[Ransom Stoddard hands his pistol to Doniphon]

Tom Doniphon: Take these cans, put them on those three posts. Go ahead.

[Stoddard takes the cans to the post which is two away from the corner post]

Tom Doniphon: That's it, that first post.

Ransom Stoddard: There?

Tom Doniphon: That's right.

[Stoddard heads for the next-to-last post]

Tom Doniphon: Not there! On the far post!

[Stoddard goes to the corner post]

Tom Doniphon: That's right!

[Stoddard puts the paint can on the corner post]

Tom Doniphon: Now put that last one in the middle!

[Doniphon shoots two of the paint cans]

Tom Doniphon: Pilgrim!

[Doniphon shoots the can just above Stoddard, splashing him with paint; he laughs at Stoddard, who angrily walks over to Doniphon]

Tom Doniphon: I hate tricks, pilgrim, but that's what you're up against with Valance! He's almost as fast as I am.

[Stoddard punches Doniphon on the jaw, knocking him to the ground]

Ransom Stoddard: I don't like tricks myself, so that makes us even!

Tom Doniphon: [gets off the ground as Stoddard gets into his carriage] Hey pilgrim, you forgot your pop gun!

Dutton Peabody: [Addressing Ransom Stoddard after Tom Doniphon tells Stoddard to get a gun or leave town] Personally I'd hate to see you go... you're *news* Mr. Stoddard, and you've *been* news ever since you hit this town!

[Reading Stoddard's sign]

Dutton Peabody: 'Ransom Stoddard, Attorney at Law'... aww, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings out there. Hey, I'll tell you what! You decide to stick around and uh, I'll let you hang this thing outside the newspaper office, rent free, for as long as it lasts!

Hallie: No! No! The first time Liberty Valance rides into town he'll shoot it to pieces, and the whole newspaper office with it!

Tom Doniphon: How 'bout that, Mr. Peabody?

Dutton Peabody: Well, uh...

[speaks with nervous laughter throughout]

Dutton Peabody: that'd be news!

Amos Carruthers: [Stoddard raps table three times to call meeting to order, Amos Carruthers stands] I'd like to nominate the chairman,

[gestures towards the chair]

Amos Carruthers: Mr. Ransom Stoddard as delegate to the territorial convention!

[uproarious cheers of approval]

Ransom Stoddard: Wait a minute here now!

Tom Doniphon: And I second that nomination, not only because he knows the law but because he throws a good *punch*!

Tom Doniphon: [In Peter Ericson's kitchen visiting Hallie, see 's Ransom Stoddard's shingle, reads] 'Ransom Stoddard, At... torney at Law'

[amused]

Tom Doniphon: You're a persistent cuss, pilgrim. You really aim to hang that up outside somewhere?

Ransom Stoddard: [defiant] That's why I *painted* it.

Tom Doniphon: [gravely] Well, take some advice, pilgrim. You put that thing up, you'll have to defend it with a *gun*... and you ain't exactly the type.

Tom Doniphon: All he wants you to do is put Liberty Valance in jail.

Link Appleyard: Yeah, Liberty... Liberty Valance! You think I'm crazy? Now, Tom, let me outta here.

Amos Carruthers: [in Ransom Stoddard's classroom after Tom Doniphon arrives, covered in trail dust, with news about Liberty Valence] You don't suppose they'll start anything down here, do ya?

Tom Doniphon: It's already started. Valence and his men crossed the river yesterday, killed a couple'a sodbusters. Old man Holliday and his son.

Dutton Peabody: You know that for a fact, Tom?

Tom Doniphon: [indignant] I do. They tried to bushwhack me, *unfortunately* for for one of 'em.

[Peabody turns to leave]

Tom Doniphon: Ya gonna put that in your newspaper too?

Dutton Peabody: Well it's news, and I'm a newspaperman.

Tom Doniphon: Print that and he'll kill ya, sure as hell!