Warren: When will you get it into your head that one can produce a copious, regular and exquisitely turned evacuation every day of the week and still be a stranger to reason.
Prince of Wales: To be Prince of Wales is not a position - it is a predicament.
George III: Six hours of sleep is enough for a man, seven for a woman, and eight for a fool!

Fortnum: We've had three. We didn't go to bed until one.

George III: Is that insolence, sir?

Fortnum: No, sir. Arithmetic.
George III: Push off, you fat turd!
George III: [crudely staring at Lady Pembroke's bosom] Fine cluster there, eh?

[to Queen Charlotte]

George III: Go on. Look. Look. Go on. You might learn something.

[circles around Lady Pembroke]

George III: Good arse too.

[rubs his arse against hers]

George III: And warm, eh, I'll bet. Ahh.
George III: Good evening, Mrs. King.

Queen Charlotte: Good evening, Mr. King.

George III: When we get this far, I call it dandy.

Queen Charlotte: Yes, Mr. King.
Fox: Do you enjoy all this flummery, Mr. Pitt?

Pitt: No, Mr. Fox.

Fox: Do you enjoy anything, Mr. Pitt?

Pitt: A balance sheet, Mr. Fox. I enjoy a good balance sheet.
[Pitt has given the King some papers to sign]

George III: What is this? America, I suppose.

Pitt: No, sir.

George III: Oh, America's not to be spoken of, is that it?

Pitt: For your peace of mind, sir. But it's not America.

George III: Peace of mind! I have no peace of mind. I've had no peace of mind since we lost America. Forests, old as the world itself... meadows... plains... strange delicate flowers... immense solitudes... and all nature new to art... all ours... Mine. Gone. A paradise... lost.
[the King is reading his speech at the State Opening of Parliament]

George III: Whereas we, George III, in this year of our Lord 1788, do open this Parliament, giving notice that our will and pleasure is that the following bills shall be laid before this House. A bill for the regulation of trade with our possessions in North America...

[There is a reproving cough from Thurlow]

George III: Our *former* possessions in North America...
Thurlow: The cork's too tight in the bottle, that's the trouble. He must be the first King of England not to have a mistress.

Pitt: Fifteen children seem to me to indicate a certain conscientiousness in that regard.

Thurlow: I'm talking of pleasure, not duty.
Pitt: I used to sit with my father when he was ill. I used to read him Shakespeare.

Dr. Willis: I have never read Shakespeare.

[Pitt and Thurlow stare at him in shock]

Dr. Willis: I am a clergyman.
Queen Charlotte: George! Smile, you lazy hound. It's what you're paid for. Smile and wave. Come on. Smile and wave. Everybody, smile and wave. Smile! Wave!
George III: What of the colonies, Mr. Pitt?

Pitt: America is now a nation, sir.

George III: Is it? Well. We must try and get used to it. I have known stranger things. I once saw a sheep with five legs...
Fitzroy: To be kind does not commend you to kings. They see it, as they see any flow of feeling, as a liberty. A blind eye will serve you better.
Dr. Willis: If the King refuses food, He will be restrained. If He claims to have no appetite, He will be restrained. If He swears and indulges in MEANINGLESS DISCOURSE... He will be restrained. If He throws off his bed-clothes, tears away His bandages, scratches at His sores, and if He does not strive EVERY day and ALWAYS towards His OWN RECOVERY... then He must be restrained.

George III: I am the King of England.

Dr. Willis: NO, sir. You are the PATIENT.
Dr. Willis: I have You in my eye, sir. And I shall KEEP You in my eye until You learn to behave and do as You're told.

George III: I am the King. I tell, I am not TOLD. I am the VERB, sir, not the OBJECT.
George III: By your dress, sir, and general demeanor, I'd say you were a minister of God.

Dr. Willis: Oh, that's true, Your Majesty, I was once in the service of the Church. Now I practice medicine.

George III: Well, I'm sorry for it. You've quitted a profession I've always loved and embraced one I most heartily DETEST.

Dr. Willis: Our Savior went about healing the sick.

George III: Yes... but He had not seven hundred pounds a year for it.

[laughs]

George III: Well, that's not bad for a madman.
George III: When felons were induced to talk, they were shown first the instruments of their torture. The King is shown the instrument of His... to induce Him NOT to talk...
Thurlow: The Prince of Wales cannot marry without the King's consent and he CANNOT marry a Catholic. You performed an illegal ceremony.

Clergyman: [indignantly] And they only give me ten pound for it.

Thurlow: Here's another ten pounds. Keep this to yourself.

[He gives the clergyman money and starts tearing the page from the register]

Clergyman: Here, you can't do that, it's against the law.

Thurlow: I *am* the law.
Footman: The government is still in bed.
George III: [to William Pitt] You'll have to speak up, I don't see very well.
Thurlow: [to Dr. Willis] King Lear; do you think that is wise?

Dr. Willis: I did not know what the play was about.
George III: What's happened to Mr. Fox?

[Pitt arches one eyebrow significantly]

George III: Such a dodger. Reform! And too many ideas. Not like you, Mr. Pitt. You don't have ideas.

[Pitt grits his teeth]
Pitt: We consider ourselves blessed in our constitution. We tell ourselves our Parliament is the envy of the world. But we live in the health and well-being of the sovereign as much as any vizier does the Sultan.

[Pitt exits]

Thurlow: [to Dundas] The Sultan orders it better. He has the son and heir strangled.
Fox: God rot all royals! Give us the wisdom of America!
Prince of Wales: Assaulted by both one's parents in the same evening! What *is* family life coming to?
Fox: You see that the King did not write his own speech, Mr. Pitt.

Pitt: The King will do as he's told, Mr. Fox.

Fox: Then why not be rid of him? If a few ramshackle colonists in America can send him packing, why can't we?
Prince of Wales: Do you like music, Warren?

Warren: [tonelessly] If it's played, sir, I listen to it.
Thurlow: [referring to the Prince of Wales] It takes character to withstand the rigours of indolence.
George III: [behind his piss-pot, struggling] Do it, England, do it!
Prince of Wales: [pointing to medal] What's that one?

Duke of York: Oh, I found out the other day that I'm Bishop of Osnabruck.

[pause]

Duke of York: Amazing what one is, really.
[Margaret Nicholson has attempted unsuccessfully to kill the King]

Margaret Nicholson: I have a property due to me from the Crown of England!

George III: The poor creature's mad. No, do not hurt her, she has not hurt me.

Margaret Nicholson: Give me my property or the country will be drenched in blood!

George III: Will it indeed, madam?

[He picks up her extremely small knife]

George III: Well, not with this. It's a fruit knife, wouldn't cut a cabbage.
Greville: No, I... I cannot do it ma'am. Besides, if Her Majesty sees him, he-he-he-he still utters such improprieties.

Lady Pembroke: About what?

Greville: About... uh... about you madam.

Lady Pembroke: Tell me.

Greville: I cannot say.

Lady Pembroke: What is it His Majesty dreams of doing, Mr.Greville, hmm? Is it this?

Greville: Please madam.

Lady Pembroke: This?

Greville: Ooh!

Lady Pembroke: Or this?
George III: [Signs document] Married yet, Mr. Pitt, what what?

Pitt: No, sir.

George III: [Blows excess pounce off document] Got your eye on anybody then, hey?

Pitt: No, sir.

George III: [Holds out document, which Pitt retrieves while handing the king another one] A man should marry - yes, yes.

[Looks at new document]

George III: Best thing I ever did. And children, you see, children. Great comfort, of course.

[Indicates paper]

George III: This fellow we're putting in as professor at Oxford - was his father Canon of Westminster?

Pitt: I've no idea, sir.

George III: Yes! Yes. Phillips. That's the father, this is the son. And the daughter married the organist at Norwich Cathedral. Sharpe. Yes, and their son is the painter. And the other son is a master at Eton. And he married somebody's niece.

Pitt: Your Majesty's knowledge of even the lowliest of your appointments never ceases to astonish me.

[the king laughs as he signs the document]
George III: No life is without its regrets yet none is without its consolations.
George III: Is it any wonder a man goes mad? Doctors! 30 guineas a visit and travelling expenses, for six months of torture. They would have a man pay for his own execution, what, what?
Baker: [shown the King's discoloured urine, evidence of his porphyria] Medicine, young man, is a *science*! It consists of *observation*! Whether a man's water is blue is neither here nor there.
George III: [walking past a row of bowing courtiers] Elbow people! Knee gentlemen! Bending persons! Hand kissers!
Thurlow: Your Majesty seems more yourself.

George III: Do I? Yes, I do. I've always been myself, even when I was ill. Only now I seem myself. And that's the important thing. I have remembered how to seem. What, what.
Thurlow: God, this place is as cold as a greyhound's nostril.
George III: Aha, Mr Pitt. Well, you had a lucky escape, what, what?

Pitt: Aye, Your Majesty?

George III: Yes, you. You're my Prime Minister. I chose you. If anything would have happened to me, you'd be out, what what, and Mr Fox would be in. Hey, hey.
Prince of Wales: Pa's right. I am getting fatter.

Mrs Fitzherbert: [finishes praying] I don't mind that.

Prince of Wales: Oh? What do you mind?

Mrs Fitzherbert: That the world thinks I'm just your mistress. That's what I mind.

Prince of Wales: You shall be Queen one day - the whole bag of tricks. I am determined.

Mrs Fitzherbert: [gets into the Prince of Wales' bed] I just don't want to be thought a Catholic whore!
George III: I absolutely agree. As I agree with you, Mr Pitt, on everything. Apart from the place we mustn't mention. The colonies!

Pitt: They're now called the United States, sir.

George III: Are they? Goodness, me. The United States. Well, I haven't mentioned them. I prefer not to, whatever they're called.
George III: Fascinating stuff, what what!
George III: If everybody who is having a baby wants to sit, the next thing will be everybody with gout! Before long, the place will look like a Turkish harem, what, what?
George III: You don't look at the King, Greville. Didn't they tell you?

Greville: I forgot, sir.

George III: Well, don't forget.
George III: That's Lady Pembroke. Handsome woman, what? Daughter of the Duke of Marlborough. Stuff of Generals. Blood of Blenheim. Husband's an utter rascal. Eloped in a packet-boat.
George III: Cold fish, Pitt. Never smiles.

Queen Charlotte: Yet he works hard, though.

George III: Never stops. Drinks, they say.

Queen Charlotte: They all drink.
Baker: I sent over some senna. Was that given to him?

Greville: Yes. The pain got worse.

Baker: Whereabouts was the pain?

Greville: Would it not be better to ask His Majesty that?

Baker: How long have you been in waiting? I cannot address His Majesty until he addresses me! I cannot inquire after His Majesty's symptoms until he chooses to inform me of them.

Greville: Sir George, whatever his situation, His Majesty is just a man.

Baker: You're the King's equerry with radical notions like that? Good God! With any patient, I undertake a physical examination only as a last resort. It's an intolerable intrusion of a gentleman's privacy. With His Majesty, it's unthinkable!
George III: Hold it, man! Don't fondle it.
Baker: Your Majesty will probably feel better after a warm bath and its settling effect on the spirit.

George III: Well, you have one. Your spirit's more agitated than mine.
Lady Pembroke: [after being amorously assaulted by the King] Sir, you must rest.

George III: I am the King. I cannot rest. I must rule.
Fitzroy: Well, there's one blessing. At least he's stopped all the "what-whating."
[repeated lines]

Braun, Fortnum, Papandiek: Sharp! Sharp! The King! The King!
Prince of Wales: I wish you the best of health, Father.

George III: Wish me? Wish me? You wish me death, you plump little - cuckoo.
Prince of Wales: Ah, Baker, how is the King?

Baker: Still demented, Sir.
George III: Those warm thighs! You harlot!

Queen Charlotte: George, hear me! Do you think that you are mad?

George III: I don't know. I don't know. Madness isn't such a torment. Madness isn't half blind. Madmen can stand. They skip. They dance. And talk. And talk and talk and talk. I hear the words, I have to speak them. I have to - empty my head of the words. Something has happened. Something is not right.
Queen Charlotte: If he's mad, Sir, you have made him so by your idleness.

Prince of Wales: If I'm idle, it's because the King gives me nothing to do.

Queen Charlotte: Do? Do what I do! I support him. I have his children. Fifteen of them!

Prince of Wales: Then, you should be grateful to me for giving you a breathing space. No, a breeding space.
Pepys: I've always found the stool more eloquent than the pulse.
Fox: These are the nation's representatives. Now, some of them come to Parliament in the hope that they might serve their country. But most of them, being human, are here to fill their pockets. Pitt and your father have done them very well. Pensions. Places. Bribes. Once it is plain that Pitt is finished and there is no more swill in the trough, Your Royal Highness will be made Regent.
Willis: The state of monarchy and the state of lunacy share a frontier. Some of my lunatics fancy themselves kings. He - he's the King.
Greville: We do not use the word lunatic, sir, in relation to His Majesty.

Willis: Oh. Well, who's to say what's normal in a King? Hmm? Deferred to, agreed with, acquiesced in. Who can flourish on such a - daily diet of compliance?
Willis: I have a hospital in Lincolnshire.

George III: Lincolnshire. Yes, I know Lincolnshire. Fine sheep there. Admirable sheep. Pigs, too. But I know of no hospitals.
Willis: You must behave! Or, endeavor to do so.

George III: Must! Must? Whose must is this? Your must or my must? Get away from me, you scabby, bum sucker. Lincolnshire lick-fingers!
Greville: What are you doing?

Fortnum: I'm going, sir. To Piccadilly, sir. To start a provision merchant's. It isn't much, sir, but it's a cut above emptying piss-pots.
Pepys: Good news. A fetid and a stinking stool.

Warren: Pepys.

Pepys: The color good, well shaped, and a prodigious quantity! Mind you, the urine is a little dark. Or is it the light?
Prince of Wales: He actually looks at the King?

Warren: Yes.

Prince of Wales: Damned impudence!
Willis: I see you, Sir.

George III: No, sir! You do not see me. Nobody sees me. I am not here.
Willis: I have you in my eye, Sir. And I shall keep you in my eye until you learn to do as you're told.

George III: I am the King. I tell, I'm not told. I am the verb, Sir. I am not the object.
George III: I'm here. Here. But, I'm not all there.
George III: Her Ladyship is game for anything. I just have to say the word! Skirts up! Legs in the air.
Pepys: Could we mention the stool this time?

Warren: Oh, the stool, the stool. My dear Pepys, the persistent excellence of the stool has been one of this disease's most tedious features. When will you get it into your head, one can produce a copious, regular, and exquisitely-turned evacuation every day and still be a stranger to reason?
Prince of Wales: I'm a snail, Lord Chancellor, creeping towards the throne.
Thurlow: Rely on your oars, sir. The tide is with you.

Prince of Wales: The tide? Rely on my oars?

Mrs Fitzherbert: George!

Thurlow: Your Royal Highness has but to wait.

Prince of Wales: Wait? Ha. Wait. Lord Chancellor, my life has been waiting.
Braun: Look at his piss. We're back to lemonade.

Papandiek: It's still a bit inky.

Braun: Yeah, but, that's yesterday's. This is today's. Here.

[points to piss pot Fortum is carrying]

Braun: Piss the elder.

[holds up the piss pot he's carrying]

Braun: Piss the younger.
Queen Charlotte: Two hours late! He does this on purpose. He knows it is his lateness that always drives you mad!

George III: Fear not. I shall strike a note of reconciliation. Love, that's the keynote.
George III: Did we? did-did, did we ever forget ourselves - utterly? Because, if we did forget ourselves I should so like to remember, what, what?

Lady Pembroke: No, Sir. Your Majesty's behavior throughout was impeccable.

George III: Hey, hey!

Lady Pembroke: Like the kindest father, as well as the most generous of Sovereigns.

George III: Good, good.
George III: You're a good little pudding, what, what?

The Madness of King George Quotes

Extended Reading

The Madness of King George short comments

Sincere 2022-03-20 09:03:08

King Lear with HE, although the ending is bright, George III is completely crazy in the end. The motive seems to be the detective. At the end, the role list is the first. Julian Rhind-Tutt, who played the second prince, was really tender at that time.
Rosario 2022-04-22 07:01:55

Rupert Evertte!!!!!!!