The Lobster Quotes

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] We developed a code so that we can communicate with each other even in front of the others without them knowing what we are saying. When we turn our heads to the left it means "I love you more than anything in the world" and when we turn our heads to the right it means "watch out, we're in danger". We had to be very careful in the beginning not to mix up "I love you more than anything in the world" with "watch out, we're in danger". When we raise our left arm it means "I want to dance in your arms", when we make a fist and put it behind our backs it means "let's fuck". The code grew and grew as time went by and within a few weeks we could talk about almost anything without even opening our mouths.

Loner Leader: We dance alone. That's why we only play electronic music.

The Limping Man: Hello everyone. My mother was left on her own when my father fell in love with a woman who was better at math than she was. She had a post graduate degree I think, where as my mother was only a graduate. I was nineteen at the time. My mother entered the hotel, but didn't make it and was turned into a wolf. I really missed her. I found out she had been moved to a zoo. I often went there to see her. I'd give her raw meat. I knew that wolves liked raw meat, but I couldn't figure out which of the wolves was my mother so I used to give a little bit to each of them. One day I decided to enter the enclosure. I really missed her and I wanted a hug. I climbed the fence and jumped in. All the wolves charged at once and attacked me; all but two who stood motionless. My guess is that one of those two must have been my mother. The zoo guards got to me quite quickly and took me to the hospital. Thankfully I didn't lose my leg. I just have this limp, which is also my defining characteristic. My wife died six days ago. She was very beautiful and I loved her very much. She had a limp too.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] You carefully filet the rabbit with a sharp knife, and cut off its head. You then slice open its belly and stuff it with well washed red and green peppers, not too spicy, and little garlic and mint. You then soak it in lemon juice and leave it a while to marinate the flesh before you skewer it on a stick and roast it over the fire for about an hour. That's my favorite food. Rabbit.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] He didn't burst into tears and he didn't think that the first thing most people do when they realise someone doesn't love them anymore is cry.

Biscuit Woman: Can I come to your room sometime for a chat? I could give you a blowjob. Or you could just fuck me. I always swallow after fellatio and I've got absolutely no problem with anal sex if that's your thing. My ex-husband always used to say I had the most beautiful thighs he'd ever seen, but let's not talk about him.

Trainer Waiter - Shooting Range: It's no coincidence that the targets are shaped like single people and not couples.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] That night, in my sleep, I dreamt that we lived in a big house together in the city with a large, well-lit kitchen, and I was wearing dark blue trousers and a tight cream blouse and he took my clothes off and fucked me up the ass.

Hotel Manager: If you encounter any problems you cannot resolve yourselves, you will be assigned children, that usually helps.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] Back then, he didn't know how much it hurts to be alone - how much it hurts when you cannot reach to rub pain ointment on your back and you are constantly in pain.

Hotel Manager: Now the fact that you will turn into an animal if you fail to fall in love with someone during your stay here is not something that should upset you or get you down. Just think, as an animal you'll have a second chance to find a companion. But, even then, you must be careful; you need to choose a companion that is a similar type of animal to you. A wolf and a penguin could never live together, nor could a camel and a hippopotamus. That would be absurd.

David: What blood type are you?

Nosebleed Woman: I'm sorry, I've got blood on your shirt. But don't worry, there are many ways to remove bloodstains from clothing. One way is to rinse the clothes with cold water then rub with sea salt. Another way is to scrub the stains with cotton wool dipped in ammonia. The third way is to mix flour and water into a paste, like toothpaste, especially if the clothes are delicate or brightly coloured. But just never use warm water on blood, ever.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] One day, as he was playing golf, he thought that it is more difficult to pretend that you do have feelings when you don't than to pretend you don't have feelings when you do.

Short Sighted Woman: [narrating] Some punishments are worse than other punishments. Having your thumb cut is worse than having your head shaved. And having a hot boiled egg under your armpit is worse than having your leg kicked. The punishment I am afraid of isn't the Red Kiss but another one, that is called the Red Intercourse. I have never seen it happen, but it's not difficult to imagine what it means.

Hotel Manager: How you like to spend your last night? What I always said in this situation is it would be wise to do something you can't do as an animal. For example, read a work of classic literature or sing a song you really like. It would be silly to choose, for example, a walking the ground or have sex intercourse with another person, those are things you can do as an animal.