Flynn Carsen: I think it only fair to warn you that I am a librarian.
Flynn Carsen: [after nearly being beheaded] Trip wire. Would you survive that?

Simone Renoir: 'Ead cut off, as bad as sunlight. I go poof!

Flynn Carsen: Stake through the heart?

Simone Renoir: Only wood from an aspen tree will work.

[realizing the implication of his question]

Simone Renoir: Hey!

Flynn Carsen: Just asking.
Katie: Maybe some women are ok with the wild and unpredictable lifestyle of dating a librarian, but I'm not.
Flynn Carsen: Charlene, how big is the Library?

Charlene: As big as we need it to be.
Sergei Kubichek: You don't know who I am.

Flynn Carsen: [pointedly] Sergei Kubichek. Former KGB. Security Minister in the new Russian government until six months ago when you resigned over charges that you were... regressive. Democracy not working for you, Sergei?

Sergei Kubichek: Chaos not working for me.

Flynn Carsen: Well, one man can't fix it all.

Sergei Kubichek: One man leading army of unkillable soldiers can.
Charlene: [over the phone] And Mason?

Flynn Carsen: [looking around the room] He's here and he brought a friend... a very big friend.

Charlene: Whatever it takes, do not let him leave with that vase.

Flynn Carsen: [taking his seat in the room] Check. Save the world no matter what.

Charlene: As long as you don't go over budget.
Flynn Carsen: [over the phone] Is it there?

Charlene: One porcelain vase. Early Ming dynasty, circa 1400. Lot 011.
Flynn Carsen: Where's Judson?

Charlene: In the large collections annex.

Flynn Carsen: We have a large collections annex?
Flynn Carsen: [getting upset after Excalibur repeatedly nudges him as Charlene and Judson talk] All right! Stop it! All of you!

Judson: Flynn? Flynn, are you all right?

Flynn Carsen: [loudly] Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm good. What could possibly be wrong?

[stalks off]

Flynn Carsen: I mean I work in a basement, doing a secret job I can't even tell my mother about AND my best friend is a sword! What could possibly be wrong?

Charlene: [surprised] I think he's snapped.

Judson: Flynn, you're scaring the relics.

Flynn Carsen: [angrily strained] This place is SUCKING the life out of me!
Flynn Carsen: [sneezes] Sorry... Bubbles went up my nose.
Flynn Carsen: Actually, that's technically not champagne. That's Cava. It's a Spanish sparkling wine.
Charlene: [seeing the online bid for $150,000] Are you trying to bankrupt us?
Auctioneer: [looking at the stone] What is that?

Flynn Carsen: That's the Philosopher's Stone. The most powerful and famous transmutational relic in all of history.

Auctioneer: [awed] Ahhh. What does that mean?

Mason: [entering] It means that the stone can turn anything it touches into gold.
Charlene: [following his down the stairs] Flynn! One million pounds!

Flynn Carsen: Please, Charlene. Not today. I'm not in the mood.

Charlene: [cynical] Oh fine! I'll just deduct it from your pay for the next fifty years.
Charlene: [about Flynn] Do you think he'll come back?

Judson: He'll come back. The Library has plans for him.
Charlene: [knocking on his door] Flynn, open up. It's Charlene!

Flynn Carsen: [as he opens the door] What are you doing here?

Charlene: Well, my combination speed dating/wine tasting was two streets down.

[drunkenly holds up an empty bottle]

Flynn Carsen: How did that go?
Flynn Carsen: This might sound like a bad pick-up line, but... you're the woman I've been dreaming about.

Simone Renoir: [just smiling] You're right. It does sound like a bad pick-up line.
Sergei Kubichek: [referring to the marker] Where is it?

Ivan: There were two thieves here when we arrived. They um...

Sergei Kubichek: You fail me, you fail me.

[loudly]

Sergei Kubichek: YOU FAIL ME!

Professor Lazlo: [looking at the wax] Perhaps, we don't need the marker.
Flynn Carsen: [in Russian, tied to a chair] Excuse me, but can I have a glass of water before we begin?

Ivan: [just looks at him and then punches him] No, you can't!

Sergei Kubichek: [coming into the room] Was clue where old man said it was...

[seeing Flynn]

Sergei Kubichek: Oh... hello.

Ivan: The clue and more.

[handing him the marker]

Sergei Kubichek: Good work.
Sergei Kubichek: [looking around] Didn't we bring more men?

Ivan: Well, George disappeared, then Peter and two others. Drinking maybe.

Sergei Kubichek: It's so hard to find good help.
Simone Renoir: [entering the room with a tray] Good. You're awake.

Flynn Carsen: [jumping up] But I saw you get shot. You had no pulse. You... were dead.

Simone Renoir: Yeah, sure. I was already dead.

Flynn Carsen: What do you mean? What do you mean 'dead'? Like undead? Like a vampire?
Simone Renoir: [seeing the cross and skulls in the swamp] It's a warning. It's bad gris-gris.

Flynn Carsen: Somebody doesn't want us to go any further.
Sergei Kubichek: I really must thank you for finding the chalice. Old man said you did all the work.

Flynn Carsen: [pointedly] Professor.

Professor Lazlo: I've looked for this all my life. I had to see it.
Simone Renoir: After centuries of trying to protect the chalice, I failed. And I led them here.

Flynn Carsen: Well technically, I led them here. And it's not over yet. For a four hundred and three year-old woman, you sure don't have a lot of patience.
Sergei Kubichek: [as Flynn and Simone are brought in] Just in time. I'm sure Vlad Dracul will be starved when he awakes.

Flynn Carsen: You're making a big mistake, Kubichek!
Professor Lazlo: [as the vampire minions enter] You're looking for your missing men, Ivan? Sorry, I had to snack on the journey.

Ivan: You killed my men, Lazlo?

Professor Lazlo: Please, call me Vlad.

Flynn Carsen: If you're Vlad, who's that?

[about the body]

Professor Lazlo: It's a peasant in the box. I lived for centuries among you humans, unnoticed until the cattle got sick.

Flynn Carsen: [quizzically] 1829 pandemic?
Ivan: [to Flynn as the vampire minions advance] You got a plan, book-boy, because I'd love to hear it!
Simone Renoir: You took my life away from me but you don't get to take his!

[Flynn]

Professor Lazlo: I gave you a gift!

Simone Renoir: Allow me to return the favor!

[leaps to attack him]
Professor Lazlo: [to Simone] I'm sorry for your pain, my child. But they say, 'the more tortured the vine, the sweeter the fruit'.
Katie: [over the phone, plunking the glass on the bar] I am officially upset, Flynn!

Flynn Carsen: Oh hey, Katie. E-everything okay?

Katie: We were supposed to meet for lunch an hour ago! Where are you?
Katie: In the the last six month we've been dating, you've given a hundred excuses!

Flynn Carsen: [almost scoffing] Oh, come on! A hundred?
Flynn Carsen: [rising as he shouts] One million pounds!

Auctioneer: [after a moment of stunned silence] Sold to the impatient American for one million pounds.
Flynn Carsen: [handing the check to the Auctioneer] And let's wait about two weeks before cashing that, shall we?
Judson: So, did you find the Philosopher's Stone?

Flynn Carsen: [digging in his pockets] Oh, yeah!

Charlene: [cynical as she looks away] Ask him how much it cost.
Sergei Kubichek: I enjoyed lecture, Professor. Very informative.

Professor Lazlo: [chuckling] Two thousand years of Romanian history and all they want to know about is the vampires.
Charlene: [drunkenly to Flynn] You have time off. Get out of this apartment.
Andrew: Boy, it's good to have tourists back in the city.

Flynn Carsen: I look like a tourist?

Andrew: [looking him up and down] Mon Ami, you look like 'the' tourist.
Simone Renoir: It's okay, Librarian. You can drop the act. You're very convincing as a hapless loser, by the way.

[goes to the altar]

Flynn Carsen: Librarian? How did you... what do you mean 'hapless loser'?
Simone Renoir: You can not escape your destiny, Flynn.

Flynn Carsen: No, I was trying to take a little vacation from it, but it didn't seem to work out.

Simone Renoir: No! If you fight your destiny, you will be miserable. You must embrace it and revel in every moment.
Mason: Carson! I want that stone!
Flynn Carsen: [while sword fighting] Ah. British Cavalry sword. Worthy and Sons. Silver filigrees.

Mason: [tilting his head] A bit over-priced!
Flynn Carsen: Do you know that since I've been working here, I have not been in a relationship with a woman that has lasted more then six months?
Judson: [to Flynn] Just think of yourself as a celibate monk.

Charlene: [happily] We do!
Charlene: [to Flynn] You have some vacation pay coming. But don't get greedy.
Professor Lazlo: [after scanning the paper] No, this is a hoax. I searched for this my entire life.

Sergei Kubichek: It's real and you're going to help us find it.

Professor Lazlo: [awed, looking at the paper again] The Judas Chalice.
Simone Renoir: [to Flynn] Let's go somewhere a little bit more private.
Charlene: Sometimes saying 'good-bye' is the right thing to do.
Flynn Carsen: How many cousins do you have?

Andrew: How many do you need?
Flynn Carsen: [holding the New Orleans brochure] Follow the dream.
Ivan: [to Flynn] You're not going to think your way out of this one, book-boy!
Simone Renoir: [to Flynn] I leave you alone for one day.
Simone Renoir: [to Ivan and his men] Now, please go before there is trouble.
Flynn Carsen: I just woke up in a vampire's lair!
Simone Renoir: I don't kill for food.
Flynn Carsen: [seeing the picture from the lens] Morgan's Bay. That's where we need to go.

Professor Lazlo: God, you make one hell of a historian!
Simone Renoir: [about her furniture] Mementoes I have collected over the years.
Flynn Carsen: How old are you?

Simone Renoir: Americans. To ask a lady such a question... I am 403 years old.
Flynn Carsen: Well, I have dated older women before but uh, dead is new to me.
Simone Renoir: I was born in Paris in 1603. It was a very exciting century. There was Galileo, Shakespeare, Rembrandt. It was a suiting time to be alive. And in Paris, I met Francois. He was a teacher at the University. We fell in love and we were soon engaged. I always loved music ever since I was a little girl. And by the age of 25, I was an opera singer at the royal court.
Flynn Carsen: [to Simone] High C, now!
Ivan: [after almost falling out of the door, two-stories up] Who are these people?
Simone Renoir: [to Flynn] How did you know I can hit a high C? Not everyone can, you know.
Sergei Kubichek: [about the marker] The professor made good translation from wax.
Flynn Carsen: [turning the marker over] Chalice? What chalice?
Barber: [as Flynn walks into the shop] A shave will take that hangover off.

Flynn Carsen: It shows that much, huh?

Barber: New Orleans badge of honor.
Sergei Kubichek: Who do you really work for? FBI, CIA? Why are you after Judas Chalice?

Flynn Carsen: I already have the Judas plate and the Judas knife and fork. I want the complete set.
Sergei Kubichek: Who could stand against an army led by Dracula, manned by a hundred, a thousand undead?

Flynn Carsen: He's here? You raided the coffin?

Sergei Kubichek: We are going to bring order back to Russia. We are going to rebuild Russia to her former glory and beyond.

Flynn Carsen: [shaking his head in feigned amazement] Wow! I've actually never sat this close to a psychopath before.
Flynn Carsen: [to Sergei and his henchmen] You can't kill me. That coin has writing on it over five hundred years old. You meatheads won't be able to decipher it.
Sergei Kubichek: So, if I have Professor Lazlo?

Flynn Carsen: Yes, in that case killing me is totally an option.

Professor Lazlo: [being pulled from the room] I'm sorry, son. I had not choice. They forced me.
Sergei Kubichek: [to his men about disposing of Flynn] Make it interesting!
Ivan: [to Flynn] You're always talking, like in whole paragraphs. You ever notice that?
Ivan: Okay, Mr. Librarian. What kind of fancy books will get you out of this one?
Flynn Carsen: [after escaping the chair] Houdini wrote books too.
Flynn Carsen: The tarnish on this coin... Silver oxidizes. It doesn't corrode like this.
Flynn Carsen: [about the coin] This is a lens.
Simone Renoir: I died June 12, 1628. The vampire passed his curse onto me, condemning my soul to walk the night forever. Never to rest.
Simone Renoir: My destiny took my love away from me.
Flynn Carsen: [seeing all the candles at the alter] This is definitely... a fire hazard.
Flynn Carsen: [about the chapel] Stand in the right spot and a single voice is amplified to an entire chorus.
Simone Renoir: I stayed on in Paris for another two hundred years, trying to find the vampire and kill him.
Flynn Carsen: [to Simone, about his dream] You were asking me for help.
Flynn Carsen: The symbol on the shield... the Tree of Knowledge.
Andrew: Hey, you disappeared on me after the big show.

Flynn Carsen: Sorry, Andre, I met some friends. Uh, this is the luckiest boat in New Orleans, huh?

Andrew: Well, I never said it was the prettiest.

Flynn Carsen: Simone, Andre. Andre, Simone. Cousin Earl.

Andrew: [shaking hands with Simone] Hey.

[to Flynn]

Andrew: Hmm. If that's the friend you met, I forgive you. Boy, you starting to get that New Orleans spirit, mon ami.
Andrew: Laissez les bon temps rouler, baby!
Andrew: Morgan's Bay is a mile inside the swamp.
Simone Renoir: [about being on Lafitte's ship, The Pride] I was here twice when he was docked in New Orleans. Parties.

Flynn Carsen: Then I guess you knew him well.
Flynn Carsen: [seeing the boat moored in the swanp] It's the Pride! That's Lafitte's ship. You see, Jean Lafitte was a 19th century pirate.
Flynn Carsen: So, you knew the pirate Lafitte?

Simone Renoir: Light-weight when it came to rum. Not so tough passed out in his poofy shirt.
Sergei Kubichek: I originally planned to resurrect Vlad on Russian soil, but tomorrow we begin with America. Build up a nice little army.

Flynn Carsen: [furious] You don't know what you're doing. You're unleashing a monster!
Flynn Carsen: [seeing Lafitte's skelelton with a chest] Well well, well. The man himself, buried with his treasure. I guess you can take it with you.
Flynn Carsen, Simone Renoir: The faith was breached. The mark was sealed.
Flynn Carsen: The Judas Chalice. The holy grail for vampires.
Sergei Kubichek: [holding a cross in front of Simone] Ivan warned me about you. I thought it was all nonsense, but better safe then sorry.
Andrew: You here on business or pleasure?

Flynn Carsen: Pleasure.

Andrew: Well, then you in luck, 'cause pleasure is my business.
Simone Renoir: [listening to Flynn ramble] Is that what it's like in your head all the time?

Flynn Carsen: Uh... pretty much. Except for the screaming when I'm being shot at. Or when I'm falling a great distance.
Flynn Carsen: I haven't had this much fun in a long time.

Simone Renoir: You asked for a vacation, I bring you a vacation.

Flynn Carsen: Next time without the gunfire and the running.

Simone Renoir: Oh, still complaining?
Flynn Carsen: This way?

Simone Renoir: That leads to Jean's quarters.

Flynn Carsen: You mean his bedroom, don't you?

Simone Renoir: Now, now. Don't be jealous.
Sergei Kubichek: [taking the chalice from Flynn and Simone] Lock them in. Let them rot together for eternity. Or until hunger gets better of her.
Simone Renoir: Flynn, are you okay?

Flynn Carsen: Oh, my eye really hurts. These doors are made out of iron, these walls are six inches of wood, and it's about twenty hours 'till they resurrect Vlad. Okay, Simone, do your thing.

[Simone grabs the door handle and yanks, to no avail]

Flynn Carsen: I could do that.

Simone Renoir: I'm sorry, Flynn, okay? I am too weak. I haven't fed in over twenty-four hours.
Simone Renoir: [Flynn is improvising an escape from a locked room] Flynn, there are no cannon balls.

Flynn Carsen: We don't need them.

Simone Renoir: Newton's third law?

Flynn Carsen: Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The explosion should be strong enough to drag this cannon back and through that door.

Simone Renoir: Should?

Flynn Carsen: Well... like about sixty percent of the plans I come up with, there is a strong possibility that it could all go horribly, horribly wrong. We could die in the explosion.

Simone Renoir: Well, I can't die.

Flynn Carsen: Right. I'm the only one who can die in the explosion. Glad we clarified that. Okay, here we go.

Simone Renoir: Wait.

[she kisses him]

Simone Renoir: For luck.

Flynn Carsen: [lighting the fuse] Here goes nothing.

Simone Renoir: [they duck down, with Flynn covering her] Wait, wait, wait.

[they reverse positions; the cannon fires and forces the door down]

Flynn Carsen: Yay, Newton!
Flynn Carsen: [sneaking up behind Simone] Surprise!

[thinking he's someone else, she throws him backwards; realizing who it is, she covers her mouth in horror]

Flynn Carsen: [groaning] Ow. That went better in my head.
Simone Renoir: You did it, Flynn. You killed the vampire who made me. My soul can be at rest now. I can be at peace.

Flynn Carsen: Rest? What, you mean die? No, no, no, no, no. I already thought I lost you once. I'm not gonna go through that again.

Simone Renoir: It's all right, Flynn. I want this. I've lived long enough. I've made every day count.
Simone Renoir: You know, there is one thing you can do for me, though. I've always wanted to see the sunrise again. Will you watch it with me?

[he nods; the scene dissolves to the following morning]

Simone Renoir: Oh. It's beautiful.

[seeing Flynn is trying not to cry]

Simone Renoir: I loved you, Flynn. For a little while.

Flynn Carsen: I loved you. Goodbye, Simone.

Simone Renoir: [tears welling in her eyes] Goodbye, Flynn.

[they kiss, then she dissolves into dust]
Judson: Flynn, I won't disagree that there is a battle between good and evil, and... and right now it... it seems like evil is winning. But soon, you and the library are... are going to play a... an even more important role in that struggle. And as... as far as my being, you know, 2,000 years old, that's... well, that's just in... insulting.
Simone Renoir: Tea?

[having learned she's a vampire, Flynn rolls off the divan to put space between them]

Simone Renoir: Oh, that is very hurtful!
Flynn Carsen: You didn't... you didn't...?

[he pantomimes vampire fangs plunging into a victim's neck]

Simone Renoir: I don't kill for food.

[showing him her stock of food]

Simone Renoir: See? Blood.

Flynn Carsen: [gagging] Oh, god.

Simone Renoir: Check for holes.

[he hurries over to a mirror and checks his neck; as he turns back, she bares her fangs and growls, then laughs at his jump of fear]

Simone Renoir: Kidding. You're so uptight.
Ivan: [Ivan and goons ambush Simone and Flynn as the couple argue in the hall] Well, we caught you again! Honestly, we're not this good; you two kind of suck at sneaking around. Bring them!