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[last lines]
Laser: I don't think you guys should break up.
Nic: No? Why's that?
Laser: I think you're too old.
Nic: [wryly] Thanks, Laser.
[Jules grins and puts a hand on Nic's knee, and Nic covers the hand with her own]
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Paul: Just making an ob... observation.
Nic: Yeah? Well, I need your observations like I need a dick in my ass!
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Paul: Hey, it's already hard enough to open your heart in this world. Don't make it any harder.
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Sasha: I'm just saying, Spermster's a hottie. Is he single?
Joni: Okay, first of all - ew - and second, he's a really good person, so I'd prefer it if you didn't taint him with your whore juice.
Sasha: Fair enough, hairy muff. I'm outta here.
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Jules: I wish you were gay. You'd be much more sensitive.
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Paul: I'm just weird that way.
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Laser: Why'd you donate sperm?
Paul: It just seemed like a lot more fun than, uh, donating blood.
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Jules: I need to say something. Um, it's no big secret your mom and I are in hell right now, and, uh... Bottom line is, marriage is hard. It's really fuckin' hard. Just... just two people slogging through the shit, year after year, getting older, changing. It's a fucking marathon, okay? So, sometimes, you know, you're... you're together so long, that you just... You stop seeing the other person. You just see weird projections of your own junk. Um, instead of talking to each other, you go off the rails and act grubby and make stupid choices, which is what I did, and I feel sick about it because I love you guys, and I love your mom, and that's the truth. Sometimes you hurt the ones you love the most. I don't know why. I... You know, if I read more Russian novels, then... Anyway, I just wanted to say how sorry I am for what I did. I hope you'll forgive me eventually. Thank you.
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Nic: Are you straight now?
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Paul: Shut the front door.
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Nic: Look, we have to be smart about this. You know, if we act like grubby bitches, we're just gonna make it worse.
Jules: I know.
Nic: Let's just kill him with kindness and put it to bed.
Jules: I'm with you, honey. We're gonna get through this, okay?
Nic: I love you, chicken.
Jules: I love you, too, pony.
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Jai: Just because you're a 24-hour drive-thru doesn't mean everyone else has to be.
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Sasha: Hey, she worked her ass off. She deserves some hot jock sausage.
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Jules: What do you get in your relationship with Clay?
Laser: Whadda you... whadda you mean "get?"
Nic: Well, we just feel like he's a little untended.
Jules: Do you think he's the kind of person who's gonna help you grow?
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Joni: He might be weird. I mean, he donated sperm. That's weird.
Laser: Well, you know, if he hadn't, we wouldn't be here, so... respect.
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[Lazer exists]
Nic: Maybe we should just sit him down and ask him already.
Jules: What? "Are you and Clay fucking?"
Nic: "Exploring" is a better word.
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Jules: Go easy on the wine, hon. It's daytime.
Nic: Okay. Same goes for micromanaging, okay?
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Clay: Let's pee on his head.
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Paul: Tanya, you're so sexy and beautiful but I... I don't think we should do that anymore. You know, what we have is really fun and easy. But I don't wanna be that... that 50 year old guy who's just hangin' out you know. I really... I really do wanna have a family and I need to be doing that with someone who's like... like ready to go there with me.
Tanya: [sad and surprised] Oh.
[looks away]
Paul: Tanya!
Tanya: [nods] Yeah. Fuck you.
[gets up and walks away]
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Jules: [Nic, Joni and Laser leaves the house into Nic's car. Then Jules comes out of the door only to find out that no one is paying attention on her. Tries to push the door open to go back in] It's locked.
The Kids Are All Right Quotes
Extended Reading
