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Athena: Whoops!
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Crystal: Depends on whether they're smart pretending to be idiots or idiots pretending to be smart.
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Athena: No sentimentality, comrade. War is war.
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Don: How'd you know he was lying?
Crystal: Because everyone is lying.
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Crystal: My Mamma used to tell me this story about the jackrabbit and the box turtle. The jackrabbit is real dick, and he brags all the time, he says nobody's faster'n him. And well, it's true cause every time, the jackrabbit races, he always wins. The whole fuckin forest has to put up with this shit day in and day out. The fucker always wants to race just so he can rub in it some more. So the box turtle figures, 'why not? I'll give it a try'. The jackrabbit laughs, 'This'll be fun, so let's fuckin go.' The jackrabbit leaves the box turtle in the fuckin dust cause he's way out in front. The jackrabbit always wins. But the jackrabbit wants to put on a show, so he stops to make it seem close, and takes a nap. But he sleeps longer than he wanted to. By the time he wakes up, I mean he knows he's fucked and the jackrabbit goes full tilt, but it's too late and the box turtle crosses the finish line first and the crowd, whoosh, goes fuckin wild. Later that night the box turtle's havin dinner with his family. He's tellin his little box turtles how he did it. 'I mean, you never give up. I just kept crawlin' forwards, and you can overcome just about anything.'
[pause]
Crystal: The door smashes in. It's the jackrabbit, and he has a hammer. He smashes up the wife an kids first so the box turtle has to watch em die. And then it's his turn. Once the whole family is broken into little pieces, he sits down and eats their dinner, every last bite... cause the jackrabbit always wins.
Don: Your Mamma told you that story?
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Crystal: [Scoffs at Athena] Now you done fucked up, lady. See, there's two Crystals back home where I live. In fact, I get her mail sometimes.
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Big Red: [hears an explosion] What was that?
Staten Island: [abrupt] That's another one of us being blown the fuck up
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[last lines]
Yoga Pants: That shot almost hit m...
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Staten Island: I have seven guns at home
Pop, Ma: Why do you have seven?
Staten Island: Because it's my constitutional rights
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[last lines]
Athena: [as both lie bleeding on the floor] We're both dying, just tell me I got the right Crystal
Crystal: No ma'am. You did not.
Athena: Whoops
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Fauxnvoy: If we don't have at least one minority in this group, we'll be seen as prejudice.
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Vanilla Nice: You're going to hell.
Pop: I don't believe in hell. As you so eloquently posted, I'm a godless elite. For the record, asshole, climate change is real.
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Crystal: Cigarettes in Arkansas only cost six bucks. You fucked up, bitch!
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Fauxnvoy: Is that a kimono? That's appropriation, Richard.
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Athena: It's amazing to me. People go their entire lives without realizing the most simple, obvious truth. The only way to properly slice tomatoes is with a bread knife.
The Hunt Quotes
Extended Reading