The House Bunny Quotes

[from trailer]

Shelley: They're kicking me out?

Marvin: Maybe it's because of your age.

Shelley: But I'm 27.

Marvin: But that's 59 in Bunny Years.

[from trailer]

Oliver: You given any thought to who you might be voting for?

Shelley: I definitely won't listen to what Simon says, he is just so mean. I usually always agree with Paula and Randy.

Shelley: Oh, you meant the president.

Natalie: Shelley knows how to meet guys, hence, we will learn how to meet guys.

Shelley: Yeah, hence!

Shelley: [puts on Natalie's glasses] God, you need to go to the eye doctor!

Natalie: I did. That's where I got my glasses.

Natalie: We could tie our shoes together, our tennis shoes, and we could throw them over telephone wires. Because I see that everywhere and it seems like people would have fun doing that. Like, how hard can you throw? You know what I mean? Like how - what are you -

[stops herself]

Natalie: [awkward pause]

Shelley: Or we could go to a club.

Natalie: This is Harmony.

Shelley: [frog voice] Harmony.

[Harmony looks disturbed]

Natalie: And Carrie Mae.

Shelley: [frog voice] Carrie Mae.

Natalie: [points] And that's Joanne over there.

Shelley: [frog voice] Joanne.

[Joanne waves distributively]

Natalie: What is that? Is it like a Yoda, type of thing, I mean it's cool, fun, but?

Shelley: Oh, it's just this thing I do to remember people's names.

[frog voice]

Shelley: Natalie.

Mona: [sarcastically] Wow, you hired the exorcist, that's great!

Shelley: I'm an expert at parties and boys! I'm a bunny! Men write to me from prison, sometimes even in their own blood, which I think is theirs, but I don't know, I'm really nervous because I really want to help.

Natalie: A-a bunny? You mean, like, centerfold?

Shelley: Oh, bless your heart, no, just a few pictorials, like "Girls from the Midwest" and "Girls with GEDs."

Natalie: [after getting their make-overs and everybody stares at them] So this is what it's like to be not invisible.

Harmony: Oh, not invisible, just the anti-hot.

Shelley: [Talking to Oliver] Oh, wait here for a second, I think I dropped some money over here the other day. I just don't know wherever it could be. Maybe it's over here by this manhole...

[stands seductively on a steaming manhole]

Shelley: Haaaa-ARGH! That is fucking hot!

Mrs. Hagstrom: Don't mess with me. Don't mess with Phi Iota Mu.

Shelley: Man! Someone needs a mani-pedi-massage combo PRONTO.

Mrs. Hagstrom: [about the college] This is not a brothel.

Shelley: Oh, I'm not looking to make soup.

Tyler: So, are you a Zeta?

Shelley: Oh! I wish.

Tyler: Yeah. I do too 'cause Zeta would be my favorite hizzity hang.

Natalie: Well, she is not a Zeta because she's our new hizzity house mother. She'll be hizzy-tizzy - - She'll be here all the time.

Shelley: You're hiring me?

[She hugs Natalie. The boys seem to like it and start making appreciative noises]

Natalie: Why are they acting like that?

Shelley: Boys just being boys. Thank goodness!

Natalie: [taking pictures of Harmony for their calendar] Keep doing that. Keep doing that. Make love to the camera.

[laughs]

Natalie: I saw that in Austin Powers.

Shelley: Yeah. Work it. Think, really sexy witch. Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Harmony: A good witch.

Shelley: I think you're a bad witch.

Harmony: Oh!

Shelley: Oh! I bet the house that falls on you is gonna be a sexy house.

Natalie: Work it. Work it. You're like a supermodel, except more pregnant.

Shelley: Natalie, Colby was following you around like a puppy dog. Do you guys think you'll, you know...

Natalie: No. I do not think, you know, THAT.

Shelley: That? Natalie, are you a virgin?

Natalie: No. Am I a virgin? No.

Shelley: You're a virgin!

[She says it a little too loudly and everyone in the quad stops in their tracks]

Natalie: Shhh. It's like an amphitheater in here.

Shelley: That's it. Oh my gosh. We have to have an Aztec party. We always wanted to have one at the mansion but we could never find a virgin to sacrifice.

Shelley: I don't think he likes me. He didn't fall for any of my tricks.

Natalie: That's impossible. Your tricks always work.

Shelley: I did sexy. I did other guys want me. I worked every angle in the book but, I don't know, he just stared.

Natalie: What if Oliver is one of those guys who wants to have, like, a conversation with a girl before he hooks up with her.

Shelley: He's gay?

Shelley: [Z from the sorority letters falls on her head] Ooh, what was that?

Natalie: [coming outside] oh, yeah that happens like, ten times a day.

Shelley: Oh, well... at least you've still got T and A!

Carrie Mae: Do you guys know where the crapper is? I have to do a *very mysterious* thing in there...

[whispers]

Carrie Mae: drop some timber.

Oliver: No, it's for senior citizens, you know, an old folks... for old people.

Shelley: I know lots of old men - hairy and not-hairy. But I don't mean to brag.

Mona: You like what you see, stud?

Guy at bar: Not really sure what I'm looking at, metal-face. Let me guess, is it a Hannibal Lecter thing?

Mona: Yeah, it is.

[bites his arm]

Ashley: It's been so nice meeting you.

Shelley: But...

Ashley: [cuts her off] ... so nice

Waiter #2: Hey, I know where I know you from. You were in Playboy! Girls with GEDs right?

Shelley Darlingson: Oh, heck no! No! Those girls are all boobs and no brains. I'm too busy in a library reading books with dust on them. Oh please!

Waiter #2: Sorry. My mistake then. Sorry.