The Green Hornet Quotes

[repeated line]

Britt Reid: Let's roll, Kato!

Kato: I was born in Shanghai. You know Shanghai?

Britt Reid: I love Japan.

D.A. Frank Scanlon: You brought a gas mask?

Chudnofsky: Of course I brought a gas mask!

D.A. Frank Scanlon: Why only for yourself?

Mike Axford: You are blowing this guy completely out of proportion.

Britt Reid: I will blow this guy in any proportion I want!

[first lines]

Jack Reid: [on the phone] Tell the Mayor, I'm insulted. I would never jeopardize the journalistic integrity of this newspaper for some rent-a-mayor's political agenda.

Jack Reid: [to his son] So Britt, here we are again. Sent home after another schoolyard fight. I know you miss your mother. So do I. But I have to take care of 750 employees, and you have to take care of yourself. Still that seems to be asking too much.

Young Britt: But I was trying to stop some bullies...

Britt Reid: You know what you are. You're a human Swiss army knife.

Kato: I don't know what's that mean?

Britt Reid: It's a little things, and you keep pulling out things, and just when you think there couldn't be any more cool things, a new cool thing comes out, and that's you! You are even dressed like one. You should have a little plus on your chest.

Lenore Case: I'm only thirty six.

Britt Reid: Thirty six? Holy shit, I had no idea. I thought you were 31, tops. I don't even know if I can hire a thirty six year old. We'll have to build a ramp, huh?

Britt Reid: Kato, I want you to take my hand, and I want you to come with me on this adventure.

Kato: I go with you, but I don't want to touch you.

Tupper: A grown man wearing a mask is a little scarier than a man wearing a suit.

Chudnofsky: You're not pleased with my suit? Does it not fill you with fear?

Lenore Case: If you ever so much as look at my ass again...

Britt Reid: I can't even see your ass.

Lenore Case: I will sue you for sexual harassment. Do you understand?

Britt Reid: Hugs?

Lenore Case: [slams her door in his face]

Chudnofsky: Britt Reid is the Green Hornet!

D.A. Frank Scanlon: Yeah, I know. You hired a guy to kill himself.

[repeated line]

Chudnofsky: Now trembled before your death. For be it my mask, or be it your blood, red will be the last color that you'll ever see.

[last lines]

Britt Reid: The Green Hornet. His reliable partner, the Blue Wombat.

Kato: [smacks him]

Britt Reid: Oh! Oh, man. Okay, how about, um, the Red Hippopotamus? No? Not Red Hippopotamus?

Kato: Hippos are not red.

Britt Reid: I know. Hornets aren't green. Who cares? The, uh, Orange Albatross.

Danny Crystal Cleer: How do I pronounce your name? Tchaikovsky?

Chudnofsky: Chudnofsky.

Danny Crystal Cleer: Char... Chudofsk... Chowdofsky?

Chudnofsky: Chud-nof-sky.

Danny Crystal Cleer: Chudnofsky? All right. Chudnofsky, kiss my ass. Put your lips to my ass and kiss it. French kiss it. Tickle it with your grey whiskers. I got bittersweet news for you. You're washed up. You're old. You're boring. You're not scary. You dress like shit. It's over for you, okay. That's the bitter news. Now the sweet news is: You can retire. You can go play golf, eat your dinners at 3:00 in the afternoon, play with your grandkids, drink Metamucil, old people shit. Okay?

Danny Crystal Cleer: [smiles] Look at me. I got a name people can say. My name's Danny Clear. I deal with crystal meth. People call me Crystal Clear. It's easy. Check out my kick-ass hangout here. I got shit loads of glass everywhere. I got a see-through piano. Look at my boys. They're pimped out. We got Gucci, Armani, another Gucci, tailor-made. This is what you need to get to the top today. Not hard work. Not looking like Disco Santa Claus. You need charisma. You look like my Uncle Greg. Very nice guy, but, he's a dentist. Now consider this your retirement letter. Boom. It's over. See your way out.

Britt Reid: What did you think of my father?

Kato: He was fine.

Britt Reid: Come on. Just tell me.

Kato: He was my boss. Nobody loves their boss.

Britt Reid: Don't sugarcoat this, Kato. You're not gonna offend me. Just tell me, man to man.

Kato: He was a bit of a dick.

Kato: You like your father now?

Britt Reid: Yes! You see, he wasn't a dick after all. Well, he was a dick, just not really how we thought he was.

Kato: You shot yourself face by mistake.

Britt Reid: How long was I out? What time is it?

Kato: Two o'clock.

Britt Reid: Oh, that's not so bad.

Kato: On Thursday.

Britt Reid: It's Thursday? Are you ki... It's not Monday right now?

Kato: No. I'm sorry.

Britt Reid: Did you put this diaper on me? Well, what did I miss?

Kato: Nothing really. I did some work on the Black Beauties.

Britt Reid: "Beauties"?

[Britt looks in the garage, sees more "Black Beauty" Chrysler Imperials]

Britt Reid: Holy crap.

Kato: They're backups.

Britt Reid: How the hell did you do this in four days?

Kato: It's been 11 days.

Britt Reid: Whoa, 11 days? What? Are kidding me? I wasn't sleeping, I was in a coma, dick!

Kato: But it's okay now, I fixed the Hornet gas. The gas only lasts one hour.

Britt Reid: Can I see it?

Kato: Okay, but be careful this time. Okay?

Britt Reid: I just want to look at it. Just give it to me for one second...

[shoots the Hornet gas in Kato's face]

Britt Reid: See you in an hour.

Jack Reid: [after yaking off the young Reid's action figure's head] Do you think it makes me happy to do this?

Young Britt: Yes!

Jack Reid: No, it doesn't!

Gang Leader: Give him a route canal!

Britt Reid: I don't want one!

Scanlon: I'm not actually here for forgiveness, Britt.

Britt Reid: I don't understand.

Scanlon: You understand nothing, so l'm gonna explain it to you very simply. If you ever come across any article regarding a major crime, a man named Benjamin Chudnofsky, or anything that makes this city think I am not the fine line protecting the light from the darkness, you're gonna bring it to me. You're gonna bring it to me and l'll tell you if it's okay to print in your stupid little newspaper. That's how I did it with your dad. And that's how you and l are gonna do it.

Britt Reid: [feigning disbelief] Scanlon, are you saying you want me to let you write the news?

Scanlon: Finally. You understand.

Britt Reid: Here's what I understand. That you, son, just got played... by a playa!

[Britt pulls out a hidden USB recorder disguised as a piece of sushi]

Britt Reid: Recording device. USB. No, you can't have it, it's mine! You stupid schmuck! I got you by the balls, Scanlon. I own a newspaper, genius. This'll be front-page.

Scanlon: I'm impressed.

Britt Reid: You should be.

Scanlon: It won't do you any good.

Britt Reid: How could it not? Are you gonna kill me in this restaurant?

Scanlon: Yes.

Britt Reid: What, you're gonna murder me?

Scanlon: Yeah. Like I murdered your father.

Britt Reid: I don't think so. My dad was not murdered. He died of a bee sting.

Scanlon: No, no, your father died of an overdose of apitoxin, most commonly found in a bee sting, which he happened to be allergic to. But that apitoxin was administered by me.

[Britt, in his mind, is putting together the pieces between his father, Chudnofsky and Scanlon]

James Reid: Think, Britt. You can figure this out, my son, with your brains.

Britt Reid: Okay, two years ago, Scanlon decides to run for DA. He says he's cleaning up the streets of L.A., which is impossible. So he asked the media to slant the news. And you go along with it like everybody else?

James Reid: No way. l refused.

Britt Reid: So he... Shit! What does he do? So Scanlon decides to go really dirty. Makes a pact with a criminal. Chudnofsky kills your reporter. Vertolibe? Vertoleeb?

James Reid: I didn't want more bloodshed, so I stopped reporting on crime.

Britt Reid: Scanlon can hold up his part of the deal, keeping the media under control, and Chudnofsky does whatever he wants! But Chudnofsky had a different plan. He wanted to take over all the gangs of L.A. So that's when you decided to cut the strings.

James Reid: I couldn't look in the mirror. I hated every word I said to you that morning, Britt.

Britt Reid: So you start reporting on crime again. And now Scanlon is a dead man unless he proves he's still in control. He has no choice but to organize a meeting with you, and he kills you himself. In the end, you stood up for what's right, Dad. Now l have to do the same.

Kato: Dickweed.

Britt Reid: Okay, you're calling me that too now? I know people call me that. That's not a surprise to me. That's not a mystery, okay?

Kato: Why not? You say rude things to me all day, every day. That's not how partners work.

Britt Reid: We're not partners. I'm the hero, you're my sidekick! That's what this is! I'm Indy, you're Short Round! Simon, Garfunkel! Scooby, Doo!