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Rusty: My first wife was the second cook at a third-rate joint on 4th Street.
-
Paul Madvig: I just met the swellest dame... She smacked me in the kisser.
-
Paul Madvig: I'm going to society. He's practically given me the key to his house.
Ed Beaumont: Yeah, a glass key. Be sure it doesn't break in your hand.
-
Nick Varna: I'm too big to take the boot from you now.
Paul Madvig: You may be too big to take it laying down, Nick, but you're gonna take it. You are taking it.
-
[On the phone to the police chief]
Paul Madvig: Look, Rainey, I just got the tip that Nick is opening his Golden Club, tonight. Yeah, slam them down so hard they'll splash.
[Hangs up]
Paul Madvig: Well, Nick, now you know where you stand.
-
[to Janet Henry]
Ed Beaumont: I get along very well with Paul because he's on the dead up-and-up. Why don't *you* try it sometime?
-
Paul Madvig: If you figure on getting married with *my* rock, you're nuts.
-
Nick Varna: You talk too much with your mouth, Jeff.
-
Jeff: Hey, Rusty, Little Rubber Ball is back. I told you he liked the way we bounced him around.
-
Jeff: Wait a minute, you mean I don't get to smack Baby?
-
Paul Madvig: Hiya, Big Brain! See what I mean?
-
Ed Beaumont: You're gonna die laughing.
-
Nurse: Are you awake? There's a lady here to see you.
Ed Beaumont: What kind of a lady?
Nurse: Miss Janet Henry.
Ed Beaumont: Tell her to go away.
Nurse: I can't do that. She knows you're better.
Ed Beaumont: When are we gonna be alone again?
Nurse: *Never* if I can help it.
Ed Beaumont: Then I suppose I'll *have* to see her.
Nurse: No wonder people *beat* you up.
-
Ed Beaumont: What'll we talk about?
Janet Henry: You.
[pause]
Janet Henry: Comfortable here?
Ed Beaumont: More or less.
Janet Henry: No fun?
Ed Beaumont: No fun.
Janet Henry: Hasn't your *nurse* been treating you well?
Ed Beaumont: Not as well as I'd like.
Janet Henry: Poor boy. If I'd known you were being neglected, I would have come sooner.
-
Man at campaign headquarters: But Paul, I can't make my boys vote the reform ticket!
Paul Madvig: Why not? Most of them come from the reform school.
-
Paul Madvig: [to hospital doctor] Look... If that guy dies, I'm gonna turn this place into a warehouse.
-
Jeff: Well, if it ain't sock-me-again Beaumont!
Ed Beaumont: Hello, Jeff.
Jeff: Hey, Gang! Meet the swellest guy I ever skinned a knuckle on.
-
Jeff: We're gonna have a little drink.
Ed Beaumont: Okay.
[Walks to the bar]
Jeff: No, not with these mugs!
[Directs Ed toward the stairs]
Jeff: I got just the place for me and you - a little room upstairs that's too small for you to fall down in. I can bounce you around off the walls. That way we won't be wasting a lot of time while you get up off the floor.
[Turns to the crowd]
Jeff: Excuse us, gents. We gotta go up and play handball. Me and Cuddles.
-
Jeff: Sit down. Go on, sit in any chair you want to sit in. If you don't like that one, take another one. I want you to consider yourself my guest. We'll have a couple of drinks, and then I'm gonna knock your teeth out.
-
Jeff: See, Beaumont? You don't know a cockeyed thing about chairs!
-
Jeff: I know what you're up to. You're a heel! That's what you are. You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna beat the hide off you.
-
Ed Beaumont: [Mock toasting Jeff] Here's lookin' at ya.
Jeff: I don't wanna look at you. You're a heel.
-
[Jeff has just strangled Nick Varna]
Ed Beaumont: Take it easy, Jeff.
Jeff: I'm just a big, good-natured slob. Anybody can push me around all they want to. And I never do anything about it.
[laughs]
-
[to the waiter, after Jeff has strangled Nick Varna]
Ed Beaumont: Get the cops. Better get a doctor, too, in case Varna's not dead.
Jeff: Better get an undertaker in case he is.
[laughs]
The Glass Key Quotes
Extended Reading
