The Fisher King Quotes

Jack Lucas: Where would King Arthur be without Guinevere?

Parry: Happily married, probably.

Jack Lucas: Well, that's a bad... that's a bad example.

[after their first date, Lydia believes that Parry will leave her like all the other men in her life]

Lydia: I'm not feeling very well.

Parry: Well, no wonder. We just met, made love and broke up all in the space of 60 seconds. I don't remember the first kiss, which is the best part.

Lydia: It was very special to meet you...

Parry: [interrupting] It was for me too, but I think it's time you should shut up now. Shut up.

[politely]

Parry: Please? I'm not coming up to your apartment. That was never my intention.

Lydia: You don't want to.

Parry: Oh, no, I want to. I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida. But I don't want just one night. I have a confession I have to make to you.

Lydia: You're married? You're divorced? You have a disease?

Parry: No, please stop. I'm in love with you. And not just from tonight. I've known you for a long time. I know that when you come out from work and fight your way out that door. You get pushed back in, and then you come back out. I walk with you to lunch. It's a good day, if you stop and get that romance novel at that store. I know on Wednesdays, you go to that dim sum parlor. And I know that you get a jawbreaker before you go back into work. And I know you hate your job and you don't have many friends. Sometimes you feel uncoordinated and you don't feel as wonderful as everybody else. Feeling as alone and separate as you feel you are... I love you. I love you! I think you're the greatest thing since spice racks. I'd be knocked out if I could just have that first kiss. And I won't be distant. I'll come back in the morning. I'll call you, if you let me. But I still don't drink coffee.

[taking all of this in, Lydia caresses Parry's face]

Lydia: You're real... aren't you?

[Parry and Lydia kiss. She then goes up the stairs to her apartment building]

Lydia: Bye.

[She tries to open the door]

Lydia: It's the wrong door.

[She opens the correct one and enters]

Parry: [amused, chuckling to himself] She didn't even give me her number.

Anne Napolitano: Didn't you say that what you liked about our relationship is that we didn't have to think? We could just be there for each other.

Jack Lucas: Suicidal paranoiacs'll say anything to get laid.

First Punk: You a faggot, too?

Parry: Faggot? No, but I do believe in fairies!

Crazed Video Customer: What I'm in the mood for is sort of a Katherine-Hepburny, Cary-Granty kinda thing. Nothing heavy; I couldn't take heavy. Something zany! I'm looking for something zany... or something modern would be fine, too, like a Goldy-Hawny, Chevy-Chasey kinda thing - you know, funny! I want to laugh. I have to laugh tonight, really. Oh, do you have anything with that comedian, he's on that show that's on the radio? You know, the guy who says, "Hey, forgive me!" I get such a kick out of the way he says that! He's so goddamn adorable! That would be perfect! Didn't he make a movie?

Crazed Video Customer: [Jack tosses her a videotape] "Ordinary Peepholes."

Jack Lucas: S'a big-titty, spread-cheeky kinda thing.

Parry: I'm surprised some man just doesn't come in here and snatch you up all for themselves.

Anne Napolitano: *You're* surprised?

Parry: You have a great set of... dishes.

Anne Napolitano: Jack, he's trying to start a con-vuh-sation...

Jack Lucas: Then talk to him, he won't bite you.

Lydia: I have never been through a dating period.

Anne Napolitano: It's a disgusting process. You haven't missed a thing.

Lydia: How much?

Jack Lucas: Well, you're a store member, so we could probably...

Anne Napolitano: [firmly] Forty bucks.

Anne Napolitano: You're not so invisible. You want a personality? Try this on for size: you can be a real bitch sometimes.

Lydia: [Lydia begins to smile and starts laughing] Really...?

Anne Napolitano: [smiling] Yeah!

Lydia: [laughing] Wow!

Anne Napolitano: I know, I know - it feels great!

Jack Lucas: [Parry is dancing around naked in Central Park] The man talks to invisible people, he sees invisible horses, and he's lying naked in the middle of Central Park. I should be surprised? I'm not surprised, I'm out of my *fucking* mind to even be here!

Parry: Who are you talking to, Jack?

Jack Lucas: [having had enough] I'm talking to the little people!

Parry: Are they here?

Jack Lucas: They're saying, "Jack, go to the liquor store, findeth the Jack of Daniels, that ye may be shitfaced, doo-lang, doo-lang!"

Parry: They said that?

Jack Lucas: [shouting frustratedly] You're out of your fucking mind!

Parry: [happily] Bingo! Yeah! Come on, Jack. Free up the little guy. Let him flap in the breeze. Yo!

Jack Lucas: I don't mean to be flippant or to enrage you or anything, but you're a psychotic man.

Parry: I know.

Jack Lucas: A very nice psychotic man.

Parry: Thank you.

Parry: What do you think of the death penalty?

John the bum: Death is definitely a penalty! It ain't no fuckin' gift!

Parry: Did you ever hear the story of the Fisher King?

Jack Lucas: No.

Parry: It begins with the King as a boy, having to spend the night alone in the forest to prove his courage so he can become King. Now while he's spending the night alone he's visited by a sacred vision. Out of the fire appears the Holy Grail, symbol of God's divine grace. And a voice said to the boy, "You shall be keeper of the Grail so that it may heal the hearts of men." But the boy was blinded by greater visions of a life filled with power and glory and beauty. And in this state of radical amazement he felt for a brief moment not like a boy, but invincible, like God, so he reached into the fire to take the Grail, and the Grail vanished, leaving him with his hand in the fire to be terribly wounded. Now as this boy grew older, his wound grew deeper. Until one day, life for him lost its reason. He had no faith in any man, not even himself. He couldn't love or feel loved. He was sick with experience. He began to die. One day a fool wandered into the castle and found the King alone. And being a fool, he was simple minded, he didn't see a King. He only saw a man alone and in pain. And he asked the King, "What ails you friend?" The King replied, "I'm thirsty. I need some water to cool my throat". So the fool took a cup from beside his bed, filled it with water and handed it to the King. As the King began to drink, he realized his wound was healed. He looked in his hands and there was the Holy Grail, that which he sought all of his life. And he turned to the fool and said with amazement, "How can you find that which my brightest and bravest could not?" And the fool replied, "I don't know. I only knew that you were thirsty."

Parry: I'm a knight on a special quest. And I need help.

[Jack nods]

Parry: [as Jack is waking up] Hi, welcome back.

Jack Lucas: Have I died?

Disabled Veteran: Didja hear that Jimmy Nickles got picked up yesterday?

Jack Lucas: Oh, yeah?

Disabled Veteran: Yeah. He got caught pissin' on a bookstore. Man is a *pig*. No excuse for that.

[lady drops coins in his cup]

Disabled Veteran: Thank you, baby. It's social anarchy when people start pissing on bookstores.

[man throws coins on the ground near his feet, which Disabled Veteran cannot reach]

Jack Lucas: Asshole. He didn't even look at you.

Disabled Veteran: He's payin' so he don't have to look. See... guy goes to work every day, eight hours a day, seven days a week. Gets his nuts so tight in a vice that he starts questioning the very fabric of his existence. Then one day, 'bout quitting time, Boss calls him into the office and says, "Hey Bob, whyncha come on in here and kiss my ass for me, will you?" Well, he says, "Hell with it. I don't care what happens, I just want to see the expression on his face as I jab this pair of scissors into his arm."

[sighs]

Disabled Veteran: Then he thinks of me. He says, "Waitaminit. I got both my arms, I got both my legs. At least I'm not begging for a living. Sure enough, Bob's gonna put those scissors down and pucker right up. See, I'm what you call kind of a "moral traffic light", really. I'm like sayin', "Red! Go no further! Boooo-ee boooo-ee boooo-ee..."

Anne Napolitano: [upon Lydia's arrival for a manicure] Can I get you something? Little coffee?

Lydia: No.

Anne Napolitano: Little tea?

Lydia: No.

Anne Napolitano: Little tequila?

Jack Lucas: You're on the air, caller.

Edwin: Hello, Jack, it's Edwin.

Jack Lucas: Oh, it's Edwin! Edwin, we haven't heard from you in, what, a day? I've missed you.

Edwin: I've missed you too, Jack.

Jack Lucas: So, it's sunrise confession time, Ed, what've you got for us?

Edwin: Um, I went to this bar, this very, you know, hard-to-get-into place called Babbitt's.

Jack Lucas: Oh. Yeah, I know the place, it's one of those chic yuppie watering holes.

Edwin: Well, I met this beautiful woman...

Jack Lucas: [groans] Come on, now, Ed. If you start, uh, telling me you're falling in love again, I'm going to have to remind you of that time we made you propose to that, uh, checkout girl at Thrifty's that you liked so much, you remember her reaction?

[door slamming is heard with woman screaming sound effects; Jack's crew make disgusted noises]

Edwin: She was just a girl...

Jack Lucas: Uh-huh.

Edwin: ...this is a beautiful woman.

Jack Lucas: Yeah, and "Pinocchio" is a true story. Ed, you're never going to get this tart to your dessert plate.

Edwin: No, this is different...

Jack Lucas: Edwin.

Edwin: She likes...

Jack Lucas: Edwi-- hey!

[whistles]

Jack Lucas: Hey! Edwin! Hey, c'mon now, I told you about these people, they only mate with their own kind, it's called "yuppie inbreeding". That's why so many of them are retarded and wear the same clothes. They're not human, they don't feel love, they only negotiate "love moments". They're evil, Edwin, they're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!

Edwin: [quietly] OK, Jack.

Jack Lucas: Alright. Well, it's been a thrill. As always, have a perfect day. Everyone here at the Jack Lucas Show says bye. This is Jack Lucas, so long, arrivederce; I'll be sending you a thought today as I lie in the back of my stretched limo having sex with a teenager of my choice, and that thought will be, "Thank God I'm me".

[Parry awakens from his catatonic state, Jack appears to be asleep]

Parry: I had this dream, Jack. I was married. I was married to a beautiful woman. And you were there, too.

[pause]

Parry: I really miss her, Jack. Is that okay? Can I miss her now?

[pause]

Parry: Thank you.

[last lines]

Parry: Goodnight, Manhattan! Say goodnight, Jack.

Jack Lucas: Goodnight, Jack.

Parry: [laughs]

Jack Lucas: [Dumping her] Well, I think, now I know more...

Anne Napolitano: Firstly, you don't know shit, okay? Secondly, what have we been doing here but time? I love you. Do you love me? You're not even going to give me that are you?

Jack Lucas: We both got something out of this.

Anne Napolitano: WHAT DID I GET? WHAT DID I GET that I couldn't have got any day of the week from a guy on the street with NO name?

Anne Napolitano: You disappear, I'm worried sick! All I do is stay home and cook like a jerk!

[camera pulls back, she's alone]

Anne Napolitano: He's a son of a bitch.

[starts crying]

Jack Lucas: [as Anne sits on his lap] So much has happened that I think it would be a good thing for both of us if we slowed down a little.

Anne Napolitano: [confused] Slowed down? Where have I been? Have we been going fast here?

Jack Lucas: Come on, Anne. Now, look, this has been a real, real difficult time for me this past year or so.

Anne Napolitano: Yeah?

Jack Lucas: And, uh, you know, I feel like I'm above water for the first time. I feel like I know a lot more now and I don't want to make any more mistakes.

Anne Napolitano: So?

Jack Lucas: I think I need time to... make the right choices. To, uh...

Anne Napolitano: W-wait, wait, wait. I'm lost here. What are you saying?

Jack Lucas: I think maybe I should be alone for a while.

[Anne slowly turns her head, rolls her eyes and gets off him to sit on another chair to face him, Jack tries to keep holding her hand but can only latch onto a finger]

Jack Lucas: You know, now that I know more, you know, I-I feel that, uh, I should focus on my career, now that I can - now that everything's taken care of. You know, Parry's, uh...

Anne Napolitano: [interrupts] All right, first of all, first of all, let me just say one thing, okay? You don't know shit. Okay? Secondly, as far as we go, what have we been doing here except time? Have I - have I ever pressured you? Once? Ever?

Jack Lucas: [partly ashamed] No.

Anne Napolitano: No. So what time do you need, baby?

[Jack picks up a cassette case to dawdle with it, Anne grabs it, puts it down and takes his hands]

Anne Napolitano: I love you. You love me. You want to get your career going? I think that's the greatest thing in the world. I wanna be there...

[Jack tries to pull one hand away and gets scratched by one of her nails in the process]

Anne Napolitano: I'm sorry. I wanna be there when it happens. So wh-what do you need time to figure out? Huh?

[Jack says nothing]

Anne Napolitano: All right, l-let - let me just ask you one thing. Do you love me?

Jack Lucas: [holds her hand tighter] I don't know.

Anne Napolitano: [laughs, pulls herself away from him completely] You can't even give me that, can you? Jesus, Jack! What were you planning to do here? Were you planning on just packing up your things, walking out the door and dropping me a note when you meet somebody new?

Jack Lucas: I had no idea what I was planning to do. I just said I need time.

Anne Napolitano: [outraged] Bullshit! If you're gonna hurt me, hurt me now, not some long, drawn-out hurt that takes months of my life because you don't have the balls!

Jack Lucas: Okay, I'll pack my stuff tonight.

[gets up and walks away]

Anne Napolitano: [beginning to cry] Um, what have you been doing here? Could you just tell me that? What have you been doing here?

Jack Lucas: Look, we both got something out of this, okay?

Anne Napolitano: [shouting, stands up and throws an object across the room] WHAT DID I GET? WHAT DID *I GET*? What did I get I couldn't have gotten from anybody with no name any night of the week? Do you think your company is such a treat? Your moods, your pain, your problems? Do you think this has been entertaining for me?

Jack Lucas: [yells back] Well, then what do you want to stay with me for?

Anne Napolitano: [whispers, crying] Because I love you.

[she attacks him in a fit of rage which Jack gently and peacefully restrains and holds her as she breaks down sobbing, then pulls herself away from him again]

Anne Napolitano: No, no, stop it. Stop it. Don't. Don't. No. You don't get to be nice! I'm not gonna play some stupid game with you where we act like we're friends so you have - so you get to walk out that door feeling good about yourself. I'm not a modern woman. If this is over, let's just - let's just call it over.

Jack Lucas: [Jack turns on the television; his voice is heard on the news] --They're evil! They're repulsed by imperfection, horrified by the banal, everything that America stands for, everything that you and I fight for, Edwin! They must be stopped before it's too late! It's us or them!

TV Anchorman: It was Mr. Lucas's off-hand remark that seemed to have fatal impact on Mr. Malnick. Mark Saffron is on the scene.

News Reporter: An after-work hotspot, Babbitt's is popular with single young professionals. Edwin Malnick arrived at the peak hour of 7:15, took one long look at the handsome collection of the city's best and brightest, then removed a shotgun from his overcoat, and opened fire.

[clips are shown of the aftermath]

News Reporter: Seven people were killed before Mr. Malnick turned the gun on himself and shot a hole through his head.

[Jack's face contorts in horrified shock as he sits down]

News Reporter: Representatives of radio cult personality Jack Lucas expressed regret, however, no formal comment has been made. Neighbors of Malnick said he was a quiet man who lived alone. "He scarcely knew he was there", said a woman who lived next door to Malnick for 11 years. But today, few will soon forget this lonely man who reached out to a world he knew only through the radio, looking for friendship and finding only pain and tragedy. Mark Saffron, Channel 7 News.

Jack Lucas: [Jack clasps a hand to his mouth as the camera zooms in to his eyes, widened with shock]

[horrified]

Jack Lucas: Fuck...

Lou Rosen: Bums! I don't have any change.

Jack Lucas: I'm not opening this window. A couple of quarters isn't gonna make any difference anyway.

Jack Lucas: They're putting me on film tomorrow.

Sondra: Fine.

Jack Lucas: First time in my life I'll be a voice *with* a body. You know what that means? What this could lead to?

Sondra: It's a sitcom, Jack. You're not defining Pi.

Jack Lucas: I'll remember that the next time you get excited by drawing a pubic hair on Raisin Bran.

Jack Lucas: [lighting a joint] You want some?

Sondra: No, I have to work.

Jack Lucas: How un-60s of you.

Sondra: I was nine in the 60s.

Parry: They work for Him. So do I.

Jack Lucas: Him?

Parry: God. I'm the janitor of God.

Jack Lucas: Do you know what the Holy Grail is?

Anne Napolitano: Holy Grail? Yeah, I know that one. That was like Jesus' juice glass.

Jack Lucas: Maybe he wants to stay. You want to stay?

Homeless Cabaret Singer: Oh, yeah, sure. I'll just love bleeding in horseshit. How very Gandhi-esque of you.

Parry: Jack, lend a hand.

Jack Lucas: He should sleep it off. Somebody'll take care of him.

Parry: Who? Mother Teresa? She's retired. It's just us.

Parry: You have to be nude, though, Jack.

Jack Lucas: You can't do this!

Parry: You can't refuse the psychic energy.

Jack Lucas: This is New York. No one's allowed to be naked in a field in New York. It's too Midwestern.

Parry: Come on, Jack, it's wild! It's really freeing! I mean, the air on your body, your nipples are hard, little guy's dangling in the wind.

Jack Lucas: Hey, come on!

Parry: Come on, Jack. What are you afraid of?

Jack Lucas: You're pissing me off. Hey.

Parry: And we're bare-assed naked in the middle of it!

Jack Lucas: Hey, I'm not doing this. This is nuts! I'm leaving.

Parry: Come on, Jack. Free yourself! Free yourself!

Lydia: What we publish is mostly trashy romance novels.

Parry: Don't say that. There's nothing trashy about romance. In romance is passion. There's imagination. There's beauty. Besides, you find some pretty wonderful things in the trash.

Anne Napolitano: Amor Vincit Omnia!

Jack Lucas: What?

Anne Napolitano: It's Latin. It means: love conquers all. I don't mean us. I don't mean us. I mean, everybody else.

[after his date with Lydia, Parry is confronted by a vision of the terrifying Red Knight]

Parry: Please, let me have this. LET ME HAVE THIS!