The DUFF Quotes

Madison Morgan: Caitlyn, take a picture. That's what sucking at life looks like, oh.

[pulls a pout face]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Where are your girls at?

Bianca Piper: It's actually not my job to give you pervey intel on my best friends but good luck anyway.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Well it kind of is though, you know as their duff.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush, Bianca Piper: Sorry, as their what?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Duff, D-U-F-F: Designated Ugly Fat Friend.

Bianca Piper: What did you just say to me?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: It's not like a big deal, every group has one, you know the one who doesn't look as good , thus making their friends look better. The one whose easy to talk to because no one's trying to get with them. You friended up! Good time!

Bianca Piper: I'm tired of being the approachable one. I want to be the dateable one.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: You're asking me for dating advice today of all days? Are you kidding me?

Bianca Piper: Look, I have a crush on this boy. His name is Toby Tucker. Maybe you've heard of him. Well, I can't seem to talk to him without making a total ass of myself, okay? And you never seem to have this problem.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Don't you hate me?

Bianca Piper: I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do, but only because you're a man-whore, and a dipshit. Can we just, can we just cool off for a sec? Here's my offer. I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: I'm glad you asked. Yes, I do, but only because you're an idiot. Can we just, can we just cool off for a sec? Here's my offer. I will make sure you pass science if you help me with this.

Bianca Piper: How could you guys not tell me that I was your DUFF?

Jessica 'Jess' Harris: Our what?

Bianca Piper: If I wanted to go shopping, I could have done that with Jess and Casey. I need you to give me real talk.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: You've gotta a uniboob. Your posture sucks and your clothes fit weird 'cause you wear the wrong size bra. Boom! Real talk!

Madison Morgan: Girls, party at my place. I'm sure you've heard of it... Caitlyn, can you make sure you get an Instagram shot of them opening it?

Caitlyn: Yep, on it.

Madison Morgan: Oh yeah, I'm doing a video about the party for my YouTube channel.

Bianca Piper: Whoa, wait, you're having a party on a Wednesday? On a school night?

Madison Morgan: Yeah, I can do that.

Bianca Piper: Damn, dude, all right. Well, yeah, we're in.

Madison Morgan: Oooh, um, Bianca, you have to have an actual invite to get in and I only have a certain amount but, um, if anything changes, I'll let you know.

Casey Cordero: Problem solved.

Bianca Piper: Hey, look at that.

Madison Morgan: Wonderful.

Bianca Piper: Can't wait! Should I bring anything or, well, okay!

Bianca Piper: Oh, uh, I... I have a date.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Hmm?

[flexes pecks]

Bianca Piper: Don't do that?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: You do? You don't?

[flexes pecks twice]

Bianca Piper: Stop! Uh...

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Question?

[rolls pecks]

Bianca Piper: It's important!

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: What? What do you want?

[flexes and rolls them twice with each sentence]

Bianca Piper: Come on, please!

Bianca Piper: Why was I Bosley? There were three angels!

[glancing in horror at the old dress-up photo on facebook of younger Jess, Casey and herself]

Bianca Piper: .

Dottie: You... look crazy

[stares down in horror at Bianca's pajamas and sock crock attire]

Bianca Piper: Crazy amazing.

Principal Buchanan: It's like a prison yard out there.

Mr. Arthur: Don't you think you're overreacting just a little bit?

Principal Buchanan: Have you not seen Dateline, Catfish, Pretty Little Liars?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: You can't take it so literally. A DUFF doesn't actually have to be fat or ugly. You know, it's like Tony Romo is a Dallas Cowboy. It's not like he rides a horse.

Bianca Piper: I have no idea what the hell you're talking about.

Bianca Piper: Alright, let's do this shit!

[upon looking at Jess' finished product]

Dottie: Fucking A!

Bianca Piper: Ok free lesson... the first one is always free. Ok so lean in, slowly, close your eyes and

[licks his face up to the forehead]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: [wiping his head with his sleeve] Oh! No way!... You... are a phenomenal kisser!

Bianca Piper: [in tart voice] Toby, I really need to talk to you, about us.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Don't tell me, tell Toby

[signals towards fancy haired male mannequin]

Mr. Arthur: You may not believe this, but I was the DUFF out of my friends.

Bianca Piper: [sarcastically] No! Really?

Mr. Arthur: Yeah, there was no cool name for it when I was in high school, it was like the Dipshit, Douchebag, use to get Asian Erkel.

Matt: Oh! What the hell Bianca?

[attempts to cover bulge in underwear as Bianca enters the lockeroom]

Bianca Piper: Kinda looks like a penis, only smaller.

Toby Tucker: The song was mine.

Bianca Piper: Yeah I'm not surprised cause it was a piece of shit... and so are you.

Jeffrey: Jess has the hottest ass!

Albert: Casey has the hottest rack!

Paul: Bianca, has, the hottest friends.

Jeffrey, Albert, Paul: Yeah!

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Are you giving me kissing advice?

Bianca Piper: Yes, I guess I am.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: B...

Bianca Piper: Yeah, you need it.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: That's how people kiss.

Bianca Piper: Euhm... in porn, maybe.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: What's wrong with porn?

Bianca Piper: If this was a porn movie, we would not be sitting on a rock having a conversation, you know, you'd be bringing me a pizza or ehm... cleaning my pool.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: How old is the porn you are watching?... That is not a thing anymore.

Bianca Piper: [aftering punching Wes in the face] Why is your hand messed up?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Believe me. You're not the only one running around, punching people today.

[Cutaway to Wes slamming a teammate against the wall]

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: No one sees that video again! Got me? You tell everyone!

Matt: I don't know that many people.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Well, make some more friends, and tell them.

[Wes walks away]

Matt: [confused] What?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: I'm about to go off and study Hesse's law and how it relates to enthalpic chemical change...

Bianca Piper: Who are you and what have you done with Wes?

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: Or maybe I just google celeb nip slips. Curtain's open.

Bianca Piper: There he is... .

Bianca Piper: I had no idea guys like you ever thought about that kind of stuff.

Wesley 'Wes' Rush: That's because you're racist against jocks. You're jock-cist.