The Dirt Quotes

[Tommy enters the dining room and sees his parents kissing]

Tommy Lee: God! Get a room, guys.

Voula: Eat. Eat. You're too skinny.

Athena Lee: Yeah, chicken legs.

Tommy Lee: You got 'em too.

[Athena turns around and notices Tommy wearing her leopard pants]

Athena Lee: Oh my God! Those are my pants. Mom!

Tommy Lee: But... they look so much better on me.

[pointing at his parents]

Tommy Lee: Later, creators!

Doc McGhee: [narration] They weren't like other bands who raised hell because they thought that's what rock stars were supposed to do. Mötley Crüe did stupid things because they were Mötley Crüe.

[a valet is loading luggage in a Mercedes-Benz when a TV falls on the car. He looks up and sees Mötley Crüe from a hotel window]

Tommy Lee: So sorry, man.

Nikki Sixx: What happened?

Tommy Lee: It slipped, man. Right through.

Valet: What the fuck?

[Mötley Crüe start throwing furniture at the car]

Valet: Shit!

Nikki Sixx: How many chicks have you fucked so far?

Vince Neil: Three.

Nikki Sixx: No, not today. On the tour.

Vince Neil: Oh, man. I lost count after that gang bang in Salt Lake City.

[laughs]

Nikki Sixx: That was fun.

Vince Neil: What about you, old man?

Mick Mars: Did you ever stop to think that the slobs who fuck you guys probably fuck every other band who comes through town?

[pause, then Nikki, Tommy, and Vince laugh hysterically]

Vince Neil: Yeah. Yes, they do.

Tommy Lee: Dude, we're like pussy brothers with the whole scene.

[continued laughing]

Mick Mars: I happen to have respect for myself and the females of our species, unlike you animals.

[Ozzy Osbourne arrives at the pool, wearing only a bath robe]

Ozzy Osbourne: Let's have some fucking fun, huh?

Nikki Sixx: Morning, Oz.

[Ozzy approaches an elderly couple]

Ozzy Osbourne: Oh, you guys need some drinks, eh? Well, drinks are on me.

[Ozzy moons the elderly woman with a dollar bill stuck between his buttocks]

Ozzy Osbourne: Take it. Go on! Come on! It's like a piggy bank in there. All right, I'll just leave it there for you.

[the elderly couple leaves in disgust while Ozzy approaches Mötley Crüe]

Ozzy Osbourne: Drinks are on me! Drinks are on me!

Tommy Lee: Morning, Oz.

Ozzy Osbourne: Hey.

Nikki Sixx: I'll take a refill.

[Ozzy flashes the band]

Tommy Lee: Gross!

[Ozzy climbs the lifeguard chair]

Nikki Sixx: I gotta hand it to you, Oz. All these years, and you're still keeping up with us kids.

Ozzy Osbourne: Keeping up with them? I've fucking lapped you, mate! Now come here and have a talk with your Uncle Oz. Come on. Come on.

[the band approaches Ozzy]

Ozzy Osbourne: Now, this is your first real tour, right? I want you to be careful. Have fun, but know when to say when. 'Cause a life full of booze, drugs, and unprotected sex is only gonna fuck you up, man. I mean, you take it too far, and you'll go fucking mad!

[Ozzy jumps off the lifeguard chair]

Ozzy Osbourne: And give me a straw. I fancy a bump.

Nikki Sixx: Oh, man.

Tommy Lee: All right, we're all out of blow, dude.

Vince Neil: Man, we're out.

Ozzy Osbourne: I said I want a bump.

[looking at Tommy]

Ozzy Osbourne: Straw, please.

[Tommy gives Ozzy his whiskey straw]

Tommy Lee: Okay.

[Ozzy smiles, then gets down and snorts a line of ants with the straw]

Nikki Sixx: Oh, fuck.

[Ozzy gets up]

Ozzy Osbourne: You think you're ready for that, man? Do ya? Huh? Do you think you're ready for that?

[Ozzy starts urinating on the pool floor]

Tommy Lee: [waving at the other guests] Sorry.

Ozzy Osbourne: Everybody else has a drink.

[Ozzy gets down to lick his urine, scaring off the other guests]

Tommy Lee: You're a god, dude.

Nikki Sixx: Crazy fucker. Watch this.

[Nikki urinates on the pool floor, but before he gets down, Ozzy shoves him away and licks Nikki's urine off]

Tommy Lee: I can't unsee that!

[Tommy approaches Heather Locklear at a party in Vince's house]

Tommy Lee: Dude!

Heather Locklear: Are you talking to me?

Tommy Lee: [offering a glass of champagne] Uh, Tommy.

Heather Locklear: Heather.

[Tommy pulls back the champagne and drinks it]

Tommy Lee: Oh. I know. I know you from TV.

Heather Locklear: Yeah. I, uh, get that a lot.

Tommy Lee: Yeah. The Fall Guy. I love that show.

Heather Locklear: That's not me. The Fall Guy is Heather Thomas. I'm Heather Locklear.

[Tommy nods in embarrassment as he drinks]

Heather Locklear: I know you from MTV.

Tommy Lee: Yeah, well, I get that a lot.

Heather Locklear: Whitesnake, right?

Tommy Lee: Fuck. You're mean. And I think I love you.

[they both laugh]

Tommy Lee: Yep.

[Frank Jr. jams to T.Rex with his guitar in his room. His mother starts knocking on his door]

Deana: Turn it fucking down, Frankie!

[Frank Jr. flips his mother and raises the volume before she walks in the room and turns off the stereo. She notices his guitar]

Deana: What's that?

Frank Feranna, Jr.: What's it look like?

Deana: Where'd you get it?

Deana's Boyfriend: He probably stole it.

Frank Feranna, Jr.: Who the fuck is this guy?

Deana: You think I don't know where you got all this shit?

Frank Feranna, Jr.: So you noticed something I did, for once!

Deana's Boyfriend: Don't talk to your mother like that, you little prick.

Frank Feranna, Jr.: Seriously? Who the fuck are you? You know what? I don't even care. Gonna be another you tomorrow, anyways.

Deana: You wanna know who this is? He's another man in my life that you're gonna drive away... just like you did your fucking father!

Frank Feranna, Jr.: I was two years old, you bitch! He left you!

[pause, then Deana approaches Frank Jr]

Deana: Then how come he never tried to call you then, Frankie?

[Frank Jr. takes off his guitar]

Frank Feranna, Jr.: Fuck you!

[Frank Jr. smashes his guitar on the wall before slamming the door on Deana]

Frank Feranna, Jr.: Get the fuck outta here!

Deana: Open the fucking door, Frankie!

[Frank Jr. starts destroying his room before pulling a switchblade from his bed]

Deana: Open the fucking door! Goddamn it! You little shit! Open the fucking door! Open the fucking...

[Frank Jr. opens the door and shows her his knife before he slices his arm with it]

Deana: No! No, baby! No! No! What are you doing, baby?

[Deana is seated next to Frank Jr. before she is sent to jail]

Deana: Come on, Frankie. Why are you doing this? I'm your mother!

[Frank Jr. gets up]

Frank Feranna, Jr.: Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted a mom, but you only care about yourself and all of your stupid boyfriends.

Deana: Listen to me, Frankie...

Frank Feranna, Jr.: No, you listen to me, okay? I'm not gonna see you. I'm not gonna answer to you. You're just gonna leave me alone, Deana.

[Frank Jr. walks away]

Deana: Frankie...

[Frank Jr. turns around]

Deana: Fine. Do what you want.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Maybe I wanted her to care, but fuck it! I knew what I needed. It just took me a while to get there.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] I ended up on the streets of Hollywood. I was broke and starving, and I had no one to trust. So I made the mistake that many unwanted children make. I went chasing ghosts.

[Frank Jr. calls his biological father on a pay phone]

Frank Feranna Sr.: Hello?

Nikki Sixx: Is this Frank Feranna?

Frank Feranna Sr.: Who's this?

Nikki Sixx: Oh, hi, Mr. Feranna. This is your son... Frank Jr.

Frank Feranna Sr.: Son? What are you talking about?

Nikki Sixx: No, my...

Frank Feranna Sr.: I don't know who you are.

Nikki Sixx: No, no, my mother, she's Deana...

Frank Feranna Sr.: Don't call here again.

[Frank Sr. hangs up]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] That was the last time I spoke to my father. And the last time I used his name.

[Tommy approaches Nikki at the diner]

Tommy Lee: Hey, that was badass, dude. The show, not the nose, but... nose was pretty badass too.

Nikki Sixx: The singer's an asshole.

Tommy Lee: I know. I saw. Hey, fuck him, though. He deserved it.

[pause]

Tommy Lee: I got your poster on my bedroom wall.

[Nikki stares at Tommy]

Tommy Lee: I can't believe I just said that.

Nikki Sixx: Take the fucking poster down, man. London's over.

Nikki Sixx: My new band is gonna be something nobody's ever fuckin' seen before.

[Nikki circles a classified ad on a guitarist posted by Mick Mars. Tommy points at it with his drum stick]

Tommy Lee: That dude looks pretty cool.

Nikki Sixx: Do you carry those with you everywhere?

[Tommy starts twirling his drumstick with one hand]

Tommy Lee: Yeah.

Nikki Sixx: Where'd you learn to do that?

Tommy Lee: High school marching band. Hey, but I rock too.

Nikki Sixx: So here's my theory, okay? If we want to knock people on their asses, then we've gotta give them a show. The punks, they're doing the minimalist thing, so let's take it in the exact opposite direction. I'm talking, I'm talking a stadium show in the clubs, man. Like, costumes and lights and...

Tommy Lee: Pyro. Flames and shit!

[Tommy sprays a lighter]

Nikki Sixx: Exactly.

Tommy Lee: Explosions.

Nikki Sixx: Exactly! Look, it's a fucking war out there, and the only way we win is by showing these kids something they've never seen before.

Vince Neil: So what do we call this thing?

Nikki Sixx: Where is it? Here.

[Nikki pulls out his notebook with lyrics and Satanic drawings]

Nikki Sixx: You know, it's all about being, like, fucking larger than life.

[Nikki shows them a sheet of paper with a pentagram and the word "XMASS"]

Vince Neil: XMASS?

Nikki Sixx: Yeah.

Mick Mars: On a scale of one to ten, that gets a 1.9.

[Tommy chuckles]

Nikki Sixx: It's a play on Christmas, you know. You can use all the Christ imagery and shit. It'll piss people off and make people think, you know. It... It's got shock value.

Mick Mars: Yeah. I'm shocked by how much it blows.

[Tommy and Vince laugh]

Nikki Sixx: All right then, assholes. You give it a shot, but fucking make it big!

[Tommy gets an idea]

Nikki Sixx: Here. Use my pen, Tommy.

[Tommy starts scribbling on the notebook while chuckling]

Nikki Sixx: What have you got, Tommy?

[Tommy shows a drawing of a penis and the words "The Fourskins". Vince and Nikki laugh]

Nikki Sixx: The Fourskins? Really, Tommy?

Tommy Lee: Yeah. 'Cause we're gonna fuck the audience in the face every night, dude.

Nikki Sixx: Yeah, but can you see that shit on the marquee above the Forum?

Tommy Lee: Okay, you're right. I'm out.

Nikki Sixx: Come on, Mick. You've gotta do better than that.

[Mick shows them the words "Motley Crew"]

Mick Mars: I've been waiting a long time for this day.

Nikki Sixx: All right.

[Nikki grabs the notebook and does some scribbling on Mick's suggestion. He then shows his version of the name to the band]

Tommy Lee: [laughing] That's sick, dude!

Nikki Sixx: Right?

Vince Neil: Yeah.

[Vince runs to the stage]

Nikki Sixx: Vinnie, come on, man. Let's go!

[Vince meets up with Nikki]

Nikki Sixx: Jesus Fucking Christ. You do realize we just signed a record deal with his company and that fucking his girlfriend could seriously fuck that up?

Vince Neil: Only if he finds out, man.

[they look down toward Tom Zutaut, who looks at the viewers]

Tom Zutaut: I found out many years later, and it hurt really bad. Bottom line is, don't ever leave your girlfriend alone with Mötley Crüe. Ever! Because they'll fuck her!

[Tommy throws up from stagefright]

Mick Mars: Seriously, we're gonna die.

Tommy Lee: I'm okay.

Nikki Sixx: Right, listen up. Come on. Gather round, guys.

[the band gets together]

Nikki Sixx: Look where we are. We've got an old man, a kid drummer, a cover band singer, and a fucking runaway. No one would have thought we'd make it here, so fuck them. Win it all, lose it all, We're Mötley Fuckin' Crüe!

[Tommy howls]

Nikki Sixx: So let's destroy these motherfuckers!

Tommy Lee: Yeah!

Nikki Sixx: Come on!

Vince Neil: All right, stop stalling. Who would you rather fuck: Cyndi Lauper or Boy George?

Razzle: How about neither?

Vince Neil: Nah, man. You've gotta pick one, all right. You've got a gun to your head. Fuck one or die. Which one is it gonna be?

Razzle: No, you know what? I'm having trouble accepting this premise. Under what circumstances would I find myself in such a situation?

Vince Neil: It's a mystery, you Cockney fuck.

Razzle: It's a mystery.

Vince Neil: You know, some random fucker's trapped the three of you in a room, and he's demanding you fuck one of them.

Razzle: Well, what does this mysterious person benefit from my sexual humiliation?

Vince Neil: I don't know, man, but you're definitely gonna die if you don't fucking pick.

[pause]

Razzle: In that case, I think I'd have to go with the Lauper. At least she's got the proper plumbing. Hey, no, but Georgie Boy, he's probably more experienced in the handling of penis.

[Vince laughs before he realizes he's gone the opposite lane of the road]

Vince Neil: What the fuck?

[Vince's car collides with another car]

[Vince wakes up after his car collides with another car. Razzle's head is on his lap]

Vince Neil: Jesus.

Razzle: Hey. That was a fucking close one, man.

[Razzle laughs]

Vince Neil: But... where are we?

Razzle: It's Christmas.

[Razzle looks up]

Razzle: Look at all the lights.

Vince Neil: What the fuck are you talking about, man?

[Vince starts seeing red lights flashing outside his car]

Vince Neil: Oh yeah. Look at the lights, man. What do you want for Christmas, Raz?

[Vince realizes that Razzle is dead]

Vince Neil: Wake up, man. Raz, wake up. Hey.

[a police officer approaches the car]

Vince Neil: Wake up, man. My buddy fell asleep. Hey! Wake up, man. Oh my God. Help! Razzle! Come on, man. Wake up!

Vince Neil: When Tommy sits behind his drums, Nikki picks up his bass, and Mars plugs in his guitar, something happens, man.

Nikki Sixx: It's like a weird kind of electrical humidity. You don't just hear it, you feel it.

Tommy Lee: All I can say is we fucking made it, dude.

Mick Mars: I don't know how we're not dead or in jail. We shit on a lot of people and did things that we regret every day. But somehow, we're still here, in it together.

Tommy Lee: That's fate.

Vince Neil: That's family.

Nikki Sixx: And that's Mötley Fuckin' Crüe.

[first lines]

Nikki Sixx: [narrating] The 1980s, the worst fucking decade in human history. Preppies and keyboards, stupid haircuts, Jazzercise, and "Just Say No". It all fucking sucked! So what do you do when you're born in the wrong time? You make it yours. And that's what we did to the Sunset Strip.

[Mick arrives at Nikki's apartment. Tommy helps him unload his amplifier from his car]

Tommy Lee: Whoa, dude. You got it? Here for the audition?

Mick Mars: Yep.

Tommy Lee: Well, I'm Tommy.

Mick Mars: Mick Mars.

Tommy Lee: I'm the drummer.

Mick Mars: Scrawny for a drummer.

Tommy Lee: I used to be in Suite 19, so...

Mick Mars: Shitty band.

Tommy Lee: Hey, man. Did you ever even see us play?

Mick Mars: Suite 19?

Tommy Lee: Yeah.

Mick Mars: Don't need to. Band with a shitty name, ten times out of ten, shitty band.

[looks at Nikki]

Mick Mars: Hey.

Nikki Sixx: Hey, man.

Tommy Lee: What the fuck do you know?

Mick Mars: Been in a lot of bands with shitty names.

Nikki Sixx: So you think you got it?

Mick Mars: Let's just fucking play it.

[the band plays "Live Wire". In the middle of the song, Mick bursts into a loud solo, which puts Rick off guard]

Rick: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold up!

[the band stops playing]

Rick: Hey, you mind turning it down a little bit, old timer? I can't hear myself. Jesus.

Mick Mars: [turning to Nikki] Fucking hippie ain't gonna make it.

Nikki Sixx: So tell him.

[Mick approaches Rick]

Mick Mars: Listen to me. There's only room for one guitar player in this band, and that's me. So why don't you, uh, pack up your toys and go home?

[confused look on Rick's face]

Rick: Okay, I was here first, all right? Tommy, tell him.

[Tommy drops his drum stick]

Rick: Nikki? Come on.

[Nikki shrugs]

Rick: Really? You're gonna listen to this old dude over me? Then fuck you guys, man!

[Rick unplugs his guitar]

Rick: And your shitty fucking band.

[Rick leaves the apartment in tears]

Tommy Lee: So how old are you, Mick?

Mick Mars: Fuck you, you fucking teenager.

Mick Mars: Yeah, you're goddamn right I'm old. Old enough to know better... than to waste my time fucking around with a bunch of rug-monkeys. I'm paying child support and sleeping on park benches, so I need to know you're not pulling dick here, 'cause I'm looking to go the distance. And if that's not you guys, let's not waste the fucking time.

Nikki Sixx: I fucking love this weird little guy.

Tommy Lee: He's real, dude.

[Nikki and Tommy high-five each other. Tommy offers a high-five to Mick, but Mick stares at him, and he puts his hand down]

Tommy Lee: Sorry.

[as Vince prepares for his audition, Nikki hands him a sheet of lyrics]

Nikki Sixx: And we got you some lyrics. This is, uh, "Live Wire".

Vince Neil: Yeah, I like this one.

[Vince notices the concerned look on Lovey's face]

Vince Neil: What's up, babe?

Lovey: I'm just trying to make sure these guys are good enough to play with you.

[the band starts practicing "Live Wire" with Vince when Lovey suddenly gets up and interrupts them]

Lovey: This isn't right! This isn't right! This isn't right!

Nikki Sixx: All right. Stop.

[the band stops playing]

Nikki Sixx: Sorry, what?

Lovey: This music's way too heavy, baby.

Nikki Sixx: Thank you.

Mick Mars: Why don't we just, uh, tune it all down a whole step so that he can...

Tommy Lee: Let's play it faster too.

Nikki Sixx: If you, uh, really stretch out the chorus...

Vince Neil: Uh-huh.

Nikki Sixx: ...and punch the top, man.

Vince Neil: Okay.

Nikki Sixx: Hit this note, right here.

[Nikki points at Lovey]

Nikki Sixx: And muzzle that.

Lovey: [gets up] Hey, fuck you, asshole! He doesn't tell me what to do, so go fuck yourself, motherfucker!

[Mick interrupts Lovey by playing the song, followed by the rest of the band. Vince's vocals get the whole band in sync, impressing Lovey all of a sudden]

Lovey: Holy shit.

[the crowd heckles Mötley Crüe as they play their first song]

Drunk Dude: Who's the chick singer?

Vince Neil: Fuck you, asshole!

[Drunk Dude flips Vince and spits on his leather pants. Vince lunges at him, but gets punched in the face by the Drunk Dude. Nikki then hits the Drunk Dude with his bass]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Are you fucking kidding me? Our first show and it's gonna go like this?

[Nikki jumps at another drunk crowd member]

Tommy Lee: Dude, hey!

[Tommy jumps at another drunk crowd member]

Tommy Lee: [narration] Hell yeah, it's gonna go down like this, dude. Let's kick some fucking ass!

[as Nikki and Tommy brawl with the drunk crowd members, Mick kicks another crowd member before playing his guitar. Vince breaks a beer bottle on the Drunk Dude's head before the bouncers intervene and kick the drunk crowd members out of the club]

First Fan: Fuck yeah! Mötley Crüe! Whooooo!

[the crowd applauds the band before they return on stage]

[Tom Zutaut approaches the band's table and hands his business card]

Tom Zutaut: Hey guys. I'm Tom Zutaut. I work for Elektra Records.

Nikki Sixx: Nice to meet you, bro.

Tommy Lee: Hey, man.

Tom Zutaut: I'd love, uh, the opportunity to talk to you if you have a second.

Tommy Lee: Wanna sit down?

Tom Zutaut: [noticing Tommy holding his cigarette with his lower lip and chin] That's really cool.

Tommy Lee: Sit. Do it.

Tom Zutaut: Thank you.

Tommy Lee: Scoot over.

Vince Neil: Yes, absolutely.

[Zutaut sits next to Vince]

Tom Zutaut: Listen, uh, I've been seeing what you guys have been doing in L.A., and I think, with my help, I think I could really, you know, do something for you...

[Zutaut suddenly feels his pants being unzipped and gets up. A blond woman appears from under the table as the band laughs at him while he zips his pants up]

Tom Zutaut: What is... Oh my God!

Restaurant Groupie: No? Not for you?

Tom Zutaut: No, thanks.

Restaurant Groupie: You sure?

Tom Zutaut: No, thank you.

Restaurant Groupie: Okay.

[Groupie disappears under the table before Zutaut sits down]

Tom Zutaut: Anyway, uh, let's get back to, uh, you know, what I was talking about. So, uh, what do you guys say? Do you want a record deal?

Nikki Sixx: Uh...

[Nikki grabs Tommy's head and bangs it on the table several times]

Tom Zutaut: Is that a yes?

Vince Neil: I don't know if we can trust a dude who turns down a free blowjob.

Tommy Lee: Yeah.

Nikki Sixx: Yeah.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Elektra Records signed us to a five-album deal.

[Nikki passes a cymbal full of cocaine]

Nikki Sixx: Tommy, vacuum this mess up.

Tommy Lee: Yes, sir.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] We got a fat cash advance, which meant better drugs and bigger parties.

Tommy Lee: [narration] We were the kings. I mean, look at this place! Everybody wanted to party with us.

Party Goer: Can I get a fucking line, man?

[Mick shoves the party goer away]

Mick Mars: Yeah, right, man. Get the fuck out of here.

Tommy Lee: [narration] I mean, Diamond Dave from Van Halen, right there on our fucking couch!

[party goer approaches David Lee Roth, who is snorting his own cocaine]

Party Goer: Hey, can I get a line of that?

[party goer stumbles and hits the wall, causing a mirror to crash on Roth]

Nikki Sixx: Whoa! What the fuck, dude?

Party Goer: Chill out, asshole. It's cool.

Nikki Sixx: Cool? That is David Lee Roth. How about you show a little respect or get the fuck out?

Party Goer: Make me, motherfucker.

[party goer shoves Nikki, only to get punched by Doc McGhee, who puts him in an arm lock]

Doc McGhee: You fellas are gonna need a manager.

[Doc looks at Roth]

Doc McGhee: Hey Dave.

David Lee Roth: What's everybody looking at?

Mick Mars: [looking at audience] This didn't actually happen. Doc never came to this filthy shithole. We met him at the Santa Monica Civic Center after a show. He also brought his partner, Doug Thaler. Doug's a good guy, and it's kinda shitty he got cut from this movie, but I think this is as good a version as any. So... on with the goddamn show.

Tom Zutaut: Oh, good. You met Doc. He works with James Brown, KISS, you name it.

Mick Mars: Fucking hate KISS.

Doc McGhee: Well, I make them a shitload of money, and I take care of everything they need, which is what I'm gonna do for you.

Nikki Sixx: Oh yeah? And how are you gonna do that?

Doc McGhee: Look, I know what I see up there. Anyone can start a band and crap out a song or two, but not many have the vision to go the distance. And you guys need someone to guide you through the fucking wilderness.

Nikki Sixx: And you're gonna be that someone?

Doc McGhee: You're goddamn right I am.

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: All right.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] This was our fucking moment.

[Razzle approaches Mötley Crüe's table]

Razzle: Mötley Crüe! You all all right?

[pause]

Razzle: Razzle. Hanoi Rocks.

Tommy Lee: What's up, man?

[Tommy shakes Razzle's hand]

Razzle: We're touring the States for the first time, mate.

Nikki Sixx: All right. Sit down, join us.

[Razzle sits beside Vince. He suddenly feels his pants unzip and jumps off the seat]

Razzle: Fucking hell!

[Mötley Crüe laughs as a groupie emerges from under the table. She pulls Razzle back to his seat]

Razzle: I fucking love America!

[Nikki and Tommy howl in approval]

Vince Neil: I love this guy, man.

Tommy Lee: Yeah, boy!

[Tommy gives his parents a tour of the "Looks That Kill" stage]

Tommy Lee: Check this out. Pyro coming out of those. Oh! Oh!

[Tommy grabs a fake rock]

Tommy Lee: Fake rocks. Pretty cool.

[Nikki and Doc arrive at the stage]

Tommy Lee: Ooh, Ma, Dad. Meet the Sixxter.

[Tommy high-fives Nikki]

Voula: [hugs Nikki] So nice to finally meet you.

David: [shakes Nikki's hand] It's a pleasure.

Doc McGhee: Hey, Nikki, we could fly your family out for the next L.A. gig.

Nikki Sixx: [sarcastically] Yeah, that's a great idea, Doc.

Tommy Lee: Oh, guys, I want you to meet somebody else. Babe, babe, come here.

[Roxy approaches the group while Nikki turns away, having had sex with her in his dressing room a few minutes earlier]

Tommy Lee: Mom, Dad, this is Roxy, my fiancé.

[Nikki and Doc look at Tommy in confusion as Roxy offers a handshake to Voula]

Roxy: Nice to meet you.

Tommy Lee: We're getting married.

[shocked look on Voula's face]

David: What's the rush, Tom? Marriage is a big decision.

Tommy Lee: Exactly. You proposed to Mom the night that you guys met, and she didn't even speak English. That's love, dude.

[Nikki walks away]

Tommy Lee: And that's what I've always wanted, and now that's what I've got.

Voula: So, how did you and Tommy meet?

Roxy: Well, I was actually hanging out with this other band, but then I met Tommy, and it was... totally meant to be.

Voula: Oh, I know this word. Em... Groupie, right. Is that, is that how they call you?

[long pause, as Tommy looks up in embarrassment and Roxy has a cold stare at Voula before walking away]

Tommy Lee: Babe... Mom, that's not cool.

Voula: I don't understand. You say this all the time, like it's the best thing in the world.

[Tommy walks away in disgust]

Tommy Lee: Hey, Sixx, I, uh, I keep...

[Nikki gives Tommy some cocaine]

Tommy Lee: I keep having this vision, right, where my drum set, it rises up like this... and then bam! Smoke, lights, and, and the whole thing starts spinning around, and I'm playing drums upside down and... and, um, I should just draw it for you. Hey, Rox, you got a pen? Give me a pen.

[Roxy grabs a pen from her purse]

Tommy Lee: But like a cage or something. I don't know.

Roxy: Your mom's a cunt.

[Tommy turns around]

Tommy Lee: What? Why would you say that?

Roxy: Because she is. She's a cunt.

Tommy Lee: Quit it. Give me the pen, all right?

Roxy: I don't even know why you told them. It's not like she has anything to do with us getting married.

Tommy Lee: Baby, it's sweet, all right? It's, it's tradition.

Roxy: [gets up] Which tradition? The mandatory meeting of the cunt?

Tommy Lee: [gets up] Don't call her that again, you hear me?

[as Tommy sits back down, Roxy stabs him in the back with the pen]

Roxy: Here's your pen!

Tommy Lee: Ow! What the fuck is wrong with you?

Roxy: Fuck you and fuck your mother!

Tommy Lee: That's it! This fucking bitch is out of here! Pull over!

[shoves Roxy to the front of the bus]

Tommy Lee: Get the fuck off my bus! Get the fuck out!

[Roxy shoves him back]

Roxy: You are such a spoiled little mama's boy 'cause you wanna crawl back inside her cunt!

[Tommy punches her in the face]

Nikki Sixx: Jesus Christ!

[shocked look on Tommy's face]

Tommy Lee: I told you not to say that. Fuck!

[Tommy runs to the back of the bus]

[at Vince's party, Nikki snorts some cocaine when he notices Vince talking to a female guest]

Nikki Sixx: Mick.

[points at the conversation]

Nikki Sixx: [mimicking a female voice] Hey, are you in the band?

Mick Mars: [imitating Vince] What do you fucking think?

[they both laugh]

Mick Mars: [a pregnant Sharise arrives in the conversation between Vince and the female guest]

Vince Neil: Hey, babe, this is Grace.

Tom Zutaut: [imitating Vince] Have you met my wife Sharise? Do you wanna have a threesome?

[Nikki stares at Zutaut]

Nikki Sixx: Tom, what the fuck is wrong with you, man? She's fucking pregnant, man. That's fucked up.

[guilty look on Zutaut's face before Nikki slaps his shoulder]

Nikki Sixx: Nah, I'm just fucking with you. I'm just fucking with you, man. But don't be a fucking dick, okay? Look at her, she's fucking pregnant.

Mick Mars: [lies down] Don't be a fucking dick, Zutaut.

Tom Zutaut: All right, I'm sorry.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Fuck. Razzle was dead. The people in the other car were both critically injured. Vince was arrested for drunk driving and vehicular manslaughter. He was sentenced to 30 days in jail. But only served 19 on the condition that he stay sober.

Reporter: The Mötley Crüe frontman paid 2.5 million in restitution, and some wonder if the consequences are harsh enough for the singer whose actions resulted in tragedy.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Vince was my bandmate, my best friend, my brother. And I didn't call. I didn't visit. I didn't support him in any way whatsoever. Why wasn't I there for him? it was simple. I'd fallen head over heels in love. And she was the sweetest thing I'd ever known. She made me feel all the warmth and happiness I never knew as a child.

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] Her name was heroin.

[Zutaut enters the studio and notices Mötley Crüe just hanging around]

Tom Zutaut: Hey, what's taking so long? Vince got out of jail, like, three months ago. They should be on tour by now.

Doc McGhee: Are you out of your fucking mind? Look at 'em.

[Nikki and Mick look wasted while Tommy is banging his head on the cymbals]

Tom Zutaut: They're a fucking mess.

Doc McGhee: No shit.

Tom Zutaut: Look, man, my boss is killing me. We need to get them to finish that record and get back on the road.

Doc McGhee: Yeah. I'll get them on tour. But you guys, you think you own them because you own their music, right? Well, then, it's on you and your fucking label if one of those idiots comes back in a body bag.

Tom Zutaut: Just... Just... get them back on the road. All right?

[Tommy plays part of 'Home Sweet Home' on piano when Vince arrives at the studio]

Vince Neil: Yo.

Tommy Lee: What's up, dude?

Vince Neil: Hey, man.

[Tommy jumps on the couch while Vince approaches the band]

Nikki Sixx: I got, um, the lyrics. I made a couple of adjustments, but...

[Nikki hands Vince the lyric sheet]

Nikki Sixx: I think you may like 'em.

Vince Neil: 'Home Sweet Home'?

Nikki Sixx: It's been too long, buddy. Here.

[Nikki offers a dish]

Nikki Sixx: Have a bump with me.

Vince Neil: I just got out of fucking jail.

[long pause while Nikki plays his bass, then Vince decides to take the dish]

Vince Neil: You're an asshole. Wanna show me the melody?

[Vince snorts a line and suddenly feels uncomfortable. He runs and throws up on a waste basket]

Vince Neil: What the fuck was that?

Nikki Sixx: That was smack.

Vince Neil: You guys slip me smack, and I'm the fucking problem?

[Vince kicks the table]

Vince Neil: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm a monster. I killed Razzle, yeah. Could have happened to any one of you!

Mick Mars: [puts on sunglasses] Nice job, Nikki.

[Vince walks out]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] The craziest thing about all this... is that I thought it was Vince who was fucking up the band.

Doc McGhee: Well, at least the album's great.

Vince Neil: [scoffs] The album blows, Doc.

Doc McGhee: What are you talking about? 'Smokin' in the Boys Room' is gonna be huge. Come on! 'Home Sweet Home', everyone knows that's a hit.

Vince Neil: Two decent songs. The rest is pure shit. Believe me, I know. I'm gonna be the only one sober up there every night trying to sell it.

Doc McGhee: Well, I believe in you guys. Look.

[Doc rolls up his left sleeve to show his 'Entertainment or Death' tattoo]

Vince Neil: [scoffs] You know Nikki changed the title to 'Theatre of Pain' last night, right?

Doc McGhee: Uh, of course he did. Go get some rest, buddy.

[Vince walks backstage]

Doc McGhee: [whispering] Fuck me.

[pulls down his sleeve]

Doc McGhee: 'Theatre of Pain.'

[Nikki and Doc enter the hotel lobby]

Doc McGhee: Your mother called and asked to come to a show. So, I thought with it being the holidays and all...

[Nikki sees his estranged mother Deana, who smiles and offers a hug]

Deana: Merry Christmas, Frank.

Nikki Sixx: That's not my name.

[Deana hugs Nikki]

Deana: Oh, that song. The one about looks that kill. It's about me, isn't it, Frankie?

[Nikki steps away from Deana]

Deana: Frankie?

Nikki Sixx: [pointing his Jack Daniel's bottle at her] That's not my fucking name!

[Nikki smashes the bottle on the floor and walks away]

Doc McGhee: Nikki. Nikki! Wait up a minute, will ya?

Nikki Sixx: Who the fuck do you think you are?

Doc McGhee: I thought it would help.

Nikki Sixx: I fucking trusted you, but you are not my fucking father and you are not my fucking friend. You are just another leech with your hands in my pockets who wouldn't be standing there right now unless you were getting something out of it, so just fuck off, Doc. You're fucking fired!

[before Tommy and Heather's wedding]

Tommy Lee: She's really gonna marry me, huh? This isn't some kind of a sick joke, is it?

Mick Mars: Life's a sick joke.

Tommy Lee: [fixing his bowtie] Hey, what time is it? I think we should get out there. Hey, Nikki, let's hit it. You guys ready?

[Nikki is sleeping on the couch]

Tommy Lee: Yo, best man! Let's go! I got a wife waiting. Come on.

[Nikki is out cold]

Tommy Lee: You fucking kidding me?

[Tommy approaches Nikki]

Tommy Lee: Hey, Nikki. Wake up, asshole.

Nikki Sixx: What the fuck, dude?

Tommy Lee: Jesus!

Nikki Sixx: I'm good. It's all good.

Tommy Lee: You're most definitely not all good, man. But, whatever, just clean up...

[Nikki gets up and stumbles on the coffee table]

Tommy Lee: Hey! Hey, get your shit together! I don't want Heather to be embarrassed, okay?

Nikki Sixx: I'm embarrassing? Cool.

[Nikki drinks a beer]

Nikki Sixx: Let's go marry your fancy ass TV chick in this fancy ass hotel.

Tommy Lee: Hey, are you gonna do this on the happiest day of my life, asshole?

Nikki Sixx: The happiest day of your life? Nah, the happiest day of your life was when I let you join my band.

[Tommy takes off his bowtie and walks away from Nikki]

Tommy Lee: Shall I get someone else to stand up there with me or what?

Vince Neil: Don't look at me, man.

Mick Mars: I'll do it, drummer.

[Mick gets up]

Nikki Sixx: I-I-I've already got the fucking rings. Let's just go.

[Tommy walks out of the living room while Nikki struggles to put on his jacket and falls on the coffee table again]

Nikki Sixx: Shit!

Tommy Lee: [narration] Nikki was so fucked up that day. I couldn't believe he was shooting up at my wedding. At the time, I thought it was just that he couldn't stand to see someone else be happy. So I took it personally. But, I didn't know that the partying had turned into something else for him. If you've got a big hole in your heart, then I guess you need to fill it with something, and he was filling it with $1,000 a day in heroin. He was just in a dark fucking place. And the sad thing is, I think he liked it there.

[Nikki is in a hotel room with some friends, drinking and doing drugs when a drug dealer approaches him]

Drug Dealer: Did I miss the party?

[Drug Dealer takes out some materials from his wallet]

Drug Dealer: You look like a man in need of some sweet...

[pulls out a small bag]

Drug Dealer: sweet Persian.

Nikki Sixx: How is that Persian? Is there even still a Persia?

Drug Dealer: There has to be. It's where all the cats come from.

Nikki Sixx: Oh yeah. What cats?

Drug Dealer: Persian. The cross-eyed ones, like in 'Lady and the Tramp'. Remember those evil fuckers?

Nikki Sixx: They're Siamese cats. You don't fuckin' know shit about Walt Disney.

Drug Dealer: I know he's a perv, man.

[Drug Dealer heats up his concoction]

Drug Dealer: He used to like to, uh, lay beneath glass tables and have hookers take a shit right on the glass.

Nikki Sixx: What are you talking about? That never happened.

Drug Dealer: [filling his mixture in a syringe] How do you know?

Nikki Sixx: Because I'm a fucking perv and I've never even thought about anything as fucked up as that.

Drug Dealer: You want some or not?

Nikki Sixx: Yeah, but you... you do it.

Drug Dealer: [clears throat] Goddamn.

[Drug Dealer places one end of the rubber cord on Nikki's hand]

Drug Dealer: Squeezing.

[Nikki ties the other end around his bicep as the Drug Dealer injects the heroin on his arm]

Drug Dealer: Bibbety, bobbety, boo...

[Nikki suddenly collapses. As the Drug Dealer packs up his equipment, he turns around and sees Nikki's lifeless body]

Drug Dealer: Nikki? Hey.

[slaps Nikki]

Drug Dealer: Nikki. Hey. You okay?

Addict: What the fuck did you give him?

Drug Dealer: Fuck, dude.

Addict: Nikki.

Drug Dealer: Oh, shit!

Addict: Guys! Somebody call an ambulance! Wake up! Fuck! Wake the fuck up! Party's over!

[Paramedics rush a lifeless Nikki to the hospital]

Paramedic #1: I can't bring him back, man.

[Paramedic #2 detects no pulse on Nikki]

Paramedic #2: Fuck. Fuck! All right. Time of death...

Paramedic #1: Nah, nah, nah. This is Nikki Fucking Sixx, man. He's not about to die in my ambulance!

[Paramedic #1 shoves an adrenaline syringe through Nikki's chest]

Paramedic #1: Come on.

Paramedic #2: [checking pulse] I've got nothing.

Paramedic #1: Come on. Fuck!

[Paramedic #1 grabs another adrenaline syringe and shoves it through Nikki's chest. Nikki suddenly gets up and gasps. He notices the syringes on his chest and looks at Paramedic #1]

Nikki Sixx: Ow!

Paramedic #1: Yo!

[the Paramedics high-five each other]

Paramedic #2: All right!

Nikki Sixx: [narration] I've finally hit rock bottom. I'm done with drugs. I'm done with being unhappy, and I'm done with letting everyone down.

[Nikki returns home and records a new message on his answering machine]

Nikki Sixx: Hey, it's Nikki. I'm not home... 'cause I'm dead.

Nikki Sixx: [narration] I couldn't face that I was one of the luckiest guys on the planet. I had so many reasons to live. I don't need the drugs. Fuck the drugs.

[Nikki locks himself in his closet]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] It's time to get clean. That's what I told myself... right before I shot up again.

[Nikki wakes up with a syringe on his left arm. He gets up and looks at himself in the mirror before removing the syringe]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] This was rock bottom.

[Vince storms into the studio]

Mick Mars: Maybe if we save that fill until the second chorus when we come in with the...

[Vince barges in]

Vince Neil: Someone wanna tell me what the fuck's going on here?

Nikki Sixx: Let's save us all some time, especially yours, Vince, as it's clearly more fucking valuable than ours!

Vince Neil: You'd better tell me what the fuck's going on.

Nikki Sixx: What's going on is that we're down here, and we're working, and we wanna be here, but we are tired of forcing you to be here with us.

Vince Neil: Maybe I'd come in more if I liked the material.

Tommy Lee: [gets up] Maybe you'd like the material if you were in the studio making it with us instead of staring at your fucking watch!

Vince Neil: Yeah, I'm staring at my watch because this album is fucking stupid!

[pause]

Vince Neil: You know what, fuck all y'all. You know, I am done. Fuck this. I quit.

Nikki Sixx: Good, 'cause you're fucking fired!

Vince Neil: I quit already, dick!

MTV VJ: It might look like a new Mötley Crüe, but they promise it's the same ol' situation. In their first interview with new singer John Corabi, the Crüe gives us a glimpse inside all the sex, drugs, and rock and roll. So what can we expect in this new era without Vince Neil?

Nikki Sixx: Well, we had four ingredients, and we took one fourth out and we put a stronger fourth in.

Tommy Lee: It's just better. Better, faster, louder.

Nikki Sixx: Yeah, it's about now. It's not about then, you know. You can't live in the past.

[bartender turns off the TV and pours Vince another drink]

Bartender: Man, they suck without you.

[Vince visits Skylar at the hospital, where she has been diagnosed with cancer]

Skylar: I don't like it here, Daddy. Make it go away.

Vince Neil: I know, sweetheart.

[holds Skylar's hand]

Vince Neil: You're just gonna be here just a little while longer, okay?

Skylar: But why?

[pause]

Vince Neil: Well, you see, sweetheart, you have something growing in your tummy.

Skylar: Like when Mommy had me growing in her tummy?

Vince Neil: No, honey. It's more like... It's more like a flower. You have a flower growing in your tummy, but it's a type of flower that's not supposed to be in there. And so the doctors, they're gonna make you sleep just a little bit while they do an operation.

Skylar: After the doctor takes the flower out, then I can go home?

Vince Neil: [nods] Yeah. Yeah. Then you can go home.

[Mötley Crüe notices that the arena is less than half-empty, with attending fans holding signs telling them to bring Vince back]

Nikki Sixx: You got something to say?

Tom Zutaut: Well, I just didn't think it would end this way, with some other dude singing your songs.

Nikki Sixx: You mean Elektra's fucking songs?

Tom Zutaut: You're never gonna live up to this deal. You know that, right?

Nikki Sixx: Then how about you give us back the rights to our music and we'll call it even?

Tom Zutaut: What are you even asking? You want me to give you back your music instead of the money we owe you? The Beatles don't even own the rights to their own fucking music.

Nikki Sixx: Well, The Beatles should own the rights to their own fucking music. And so should Mötley Crüe.

[Zutaut meets up with Nikki at the same restaurant where they met over a decade ago]

Tom Zutaut: Hey. I can't believe you wanted to meet here.

Nikki Sixx: Seemed appropriate.

Tom Zutaut: I mean, you guys got your dicks sucked at this table, for Christ's sake.

Nikki Sixx: Not anymore, Tom.

Tom Zutaut: Yeah, well...

Nikki Sixx: Not anymore.

[Zutaut pulls out a folder]

Tom Zutaut: The label's fed up with you.

[passes folder to Nikki]

Tom Zutaut: They're dropping you. You convinced them to give you back the rights to your music, so you own it all now. It's what you wanted, right?

Nikki Sixx: Yep.

[Nikki knocks on the folder]

Tom Zutaut: Are you happy?

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: Still... we had a pretty good ride, though, right?

Tom Zutaut: Yeah, we had a good ride. I liked it better with Vince, though.

Nikki Sixx: Yeah.

[Nikki meets his half-brother Randy Feranna]

Randy Feranna: You're really Frank Feranna?

[pause]

Randy Feranna: This is way too trippy. You're Nikki Sixx. I grew up on Mötley Crüe. I mean, I got laid for the first time to 'Home Sweet Home'. You guys still play?

Nikki Sixx: Yeah, man. Glad you dig the band.

[they stop in front of their father's grave]

Nikki Sixx: So this is him.

Randy Feranna: Yep, that's my dad. Well, our dad. Crazy! Nikki Sixx and I have the same dad.

[pause]

Randy Feranna: He had a heart attack on Christmas Day.

[pause]

Randy Feranna: He was an asshole, man. You're lucky you never knew him.

[Nikki bids Randy farewell]

Nikki Sixx: [narration] I spent my whole life chasing ghosts, looking for something I could never find. And here it was right in front of me the whole time... and up on stage with me every night.

[Nikki pays Tommy a visit]

Tommy Lee: Hey, man.

Nikki Sixx: What I did at your wedding...

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: I didn't... know... how to do that. How to be there.

Tommy Lee: W-w-what's up, Nikki?

Nikki Sixx: I was really fucking selfish and I shit on something that was really important to you, and I am really sorry.

Tommy Lee: I know you pretty well, Sixx, so... I kinda get it. And it's okay.

[pause]

Tommy Lee: But can you say that last part one more time for me?

Nikki Sixx: Don't fucking push it, T-bone.

[Tommy laughs]

Tommy Lee: Come in, man.

[Nikki enters Tommy's home]

Nikki Sixx: I heard you and Heather broke up.

Tommy Lee: Yeah. I think she's uh, gonna end up being the one that got away.

Nikki Sixx: I'm sorry, man.

Tommy Lee: I knew I'd get you to say it again!

[laughs]

Nikki Sixx: Fuck you! All right. We're going on a mission.

[Nikki and Tommy meet Mick outside a hospital after Mick's hip replacement surgery]

Mick Mars: Filthy bastards.

Tommy Lee: How's that new hip, dude? Feel like the Terminator now or some shit?

Mick Mars: Touch the chair and I'll terminate you, drummer.

Nikki Sixx: Ready for this, Mick?

Mick Mars: [to his nurse] Thank you.

[Mick gets up from his wheelchair]

Mick Mars: Stop looking at me like that. Let's go get our fucking singer back already.

Tommy Lee: Aye-aye, captain.

Mick Mars: Goddammit.

[Vince is drinking at a bar after losing Skylar]

Bartender: Hey, Vince.

[Vince turns around and sees Nikki, Tommy, and Mick]

Tommy Lee: Hey, man.

Nikki Sixx: Just wanna talk, Vinnie. That's it.

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: Come on, Vinnie.

Mick Mars: Let's talk.

[they move to a table]

Nikki Sixx: I was scared. After what happened with Razzle, I was scared that I was losing the only thing that ever mattered to me.

Vince Neil: Yeah, your band.

Nikki Sixx: No. No. This.

[points around everyone]

Nikki Sixx: This. Look, we went to war together. Shit changes, people change, but I don't fucking care if Mötley Crüe never plays another note. All I want is my fucking brother back. Because this is the only family that I've ever known.

[pause]

Nikki Sixx: Fuck.

Tommy Lee: We love you, Vin. Okay, fuck, I love you.

Nikki Sixx: And I am sorry about Skylar, man.

[Vince breaks down in tears]

Nikki Sixx: Fuck.

Vince Neil: It's against the laws, man. It's against the fucking rules of the universe.

[Mick tries to comfort Vince]

Mick Mars: Hey.

Nikki Sixx: Hey. We got you, brother. We got you, brother. We got you.

Nikki Sixx: Is this bring your fucking girlfriend to work day?

Mick Mars: Wish I had a girlfriend.

Nikki Sixx: I know, Mick. I know.