The Client Quotes

Lawyer's Secretary: Where are your parents?

Mark: Where are yours?

Lawyer's Secretary: Are you even injured?

Mark: Do I look injured?

Lawyer's Secretary: Well, we only do injuries.

Mark: Well, I'll just go get hit by a truck and come back.

Reggie: I have been sober for three years.

Mark: Yeah right, that's what all the drunks say, how they're gonna get sober and all. They even say they love you but they don't. And then they come home wasted and beat on you and your mother so bad that you gotta hit 'em in the face with a baseball bat!

Reggie: You're talkin' about your daddy aren't you?

Mark: Yeah, well, I got rid of him. When me and my mom went into court to buy our divorce our lawyer SUCKED as usual, so I went up there and told the judge myself about all the beatin's, about how he made us sleep in the street. And that's when my father became my ex-father, and now I got you, and you're a drunk and a bad lawyer too! So now I'm gettin' rid of you, you're fired, okay?

Mark: Thanks Rev. Roy, you've been a real pain in the ass.

Roy: Thank you, son. I can assure you, you have been an even larger pain in the ass.

Reggie: [upon seeing Mark's Led Zeppelin t-shirt] You like Led Zeppelin?

Mark: Yeah. Do YOU like Led Zeppelin?

Reggie: Oh, sure. They were a great band.

Mark: I bet you've never even heard of Led Zeppelin. I bet you're just one of them grown ups who just pretends to like really cool bands just to get close to little punks like me.

Reggie: Well, I think we've covered just about everything...

Mark: Ok, what's you're favorite Led Zeppelin song?

Reggie: um... Moby Dick, live version. Bitchin' drum solo.

Reggie: You've been lyin' to me. You got three to tell me the truth, 1... 2... 3...

Mark: YOU'RE THE LIAR! KEEP THE DOLLAR! YOU'RE FIRED!

Roy: What's the Cloak and Dagger all about Reggie, you know you can trust us?

Reggie: You three come here alone?

Roy: Uh huh.

Reggie: That the truth?

Roy: 'course it is!

Reggie: [smiles] Well then, why don't you have one of them

[points to the agents]

Reggie: just trot out to one of those cars that aren't in the parkin' lot and get a pen and paper from one of those agents that aren't out there?

Roy: You've been awful busy, Reggie, obstruction of justice, tampering with federal evidence,

[pauses as he taps his pen on the table]

Roy: contributing to the delinquency of a minor, you've been REAL busy.

Reggie: Oh Roy, I am so FLATTERED that you noticed!

Roy: Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, so sayeth the Psalms!

Judge Harry Roosevelt: That's Proverbs 12:22.

Clint Von Hooser: [Reggie borrows money from Clint so she can take Mark Sway to New Orleans] There goes my rent money. Now where am I gonna stay?

Reggie: You can stay here and take care of Momma Love. She likes you better than me, anyway.

Clint Von Hooser: Well, that ain't hard to do.

Roy: Okay... what do you want?

Reggie: You have access to a private jet?

Roy: I do.

Reggie: Send it to Memphis, have it pick up Diane and Ricky Sway, bring them here. The whole family enters the Witness Protection program. Well, how are we doing so far?

Roy: [writing] Nothing I can't live with.

Reggie: The program sets them up with a fair income, and a nice little house. White, with a walk-in closet.

[off Roy's look]

Reggie: Well, write it down. "Walk-in closet."

Roy: [sarcastic] Is "walk in" hyphenated?

Roy: Help me out here, Reggie. How far is it to that body?

Reggie: [leans forward and whispers] Twelve itty, bitty, tiny minutes.

Roy: [grins] Thank you, Reggie.

Reggie: You're welcome, Roy.