The Client List Quotes

Samantha Horton: Oh, shoot! I gotta get ready. We're supposed to be at the bank.

Brady Horton: Why do you have to be at the bank?

Samantha Horton: [sighs] Because we need money for stuff,

[to Charlie:]

Samantha Horton: like your braces.

Charlie Horton: But I don't want braces. I want a video game player.

Samantha Horton: Charlie, your mama's gonna tell you something true. No matter what you choose to do or be, life is easier if you're pretty. It does a girl no good to be good at video games.

[kisses Charlie on the top of her head]

Samantha Horton: [in a hurry to get out the sliding door] Oh! Dang it! I just broke my nail!

Rex Horton: Sugar, no one's looking at your nails. Been married to you nine years, and I haven't gotten to your nails yet.

Doreen: Oh, and drinks and Viagra are on the house.

Samantha Horton: You give away Viagra?

Jacie: It pays for itself. The little blue pill keeps us in the black.

Doreen: We were worried when the economy tanked, but turns out that this is the most recession-proof business there is.

Samantha Horton: And what about the police?

Jacie: Ah, well, let's just say doughnuts ain't the only thing they're getting for free.

Jacie: You know, the work is what it is. You gotta get in your own head-space about it. But at the end of the day, it...

Jacie, Doreen, Tanya, Emma Hollings: ...beats the hell out of waitressing!

Samantha Horton: Well, stop looking so shocked.

Dee: I'm sorry, Sam, but this is my shocked face. If you want me to look different, you might need to say something a little less shocking.

Samantha Horton: [shakes her head] I was just hoping for a little sympathy. I thought Pretty Woman was like your favorite movie.

Dee: Oh, God, I love that movie. When is Julia Roberts gonna make another one that good?

Samantha Horton: Dee, focus.

Dee: Sorry.

Samantha Horton: Look, I just needed somebody to talk to. And I couldn't tell Laura 'cause she'd probably have to have me arrested. And, God, please don't tell Phil.

Dee: Of course I won't tell Phil. What wife tells her husband that someone like you is available?

Samantha Horton: [sighs] You know, I know you're not supposed to say it, but I just love having money.

Dee: Loving it maybe just a little bit too much?

Samantha Horton: Dee, come on, you know I have always dreamed of not having to look at price tags.

Dee: And Rex doesn't suspect anything? I mean, the watch, the earrings, the necklace? What do you tell him?

Samantha Horton: That they're all fake. Come on, men don't know from jewelry.

Dee: Well,

[sighs]

Dee: that's the truth.

Samantha Horton: You know what's weird? Nobody even wants an explanation. It's like I'm Santa Claus.

[shakes her head]

Samantha Horton: Just as long as I keep giving them presents, they can see me soaring through the sky with flying reindeer.

[Dee gives her an uncertain look]

Samantha Horton: Don't worry... I know what I'm doing.

Tanya: I'll tell you what's crazy. Me sitting here bored and horny while Sam's got three rooms going.

Doreen: Oh, well, don't go comparing yourself to others, Tanya. We all got our own strengths. Though I gotta say, Sam's been busy as popcorn.

Tanya: Yeah. She's got guys flying in from Germany on private jets. Guys buying her jewelry.

Doreen: And three,

[holding up three fingers]

Doreen: three proposals! That's gotta be like some kinda record!

[chuckles]

Charlie Horton: Mama, are you gonna get more Coke?

Samantha Horton: [misunderstands] What did you just say?

Charlie Horton: [doesn't understand why Mama looks angry] I want one too.

Cassie Dale: I'll take a beer!

Samantha Horton: [back home] The problem is it's just too darn quiet in here. It's not natural for a mother of three to be this quiet.

[much later, after drinking tea, and a lonely lunch:]

Samantha Horton: It's not good for someone to spend this much time alone. I half wish a Jehova's Witness would stop by.

[hears something outside]

Samantha Horton: I finally have a wish come true, and I wish that?