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John: Baby, just tell me what the hell happened?
Alice: I fell down the stairs.
John: We don't have stairs.
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Alice: Why would I want an organism growing exponentially inside of my body and then ripping its way out of my tight, sweet, fresh, young, undamaged v-a-g-i-n-a?
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Ricky: So, uh, what sort of dog do you two have? I heard him howling last night. Sounds like a big fellow.
John: Oh, we don't have a dog. That was just some really violent sex.
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Alice: It's the first time I've been the breadwinner, and it feels good.
John: It's not a paycheck. Alice, this is not a job.
Alice: Good. Most people kill themselves for decades and get nowhere.
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Alice: There is nothing evil about wanting more.
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John: Let's review. He has at least two guns, probably a collection of knives - including the kind that curves like it was designed specifically for cutting out the entrails of smaller men with a better developed sense of humor.
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Brandi: Oh, my God! Wizards!
The Brass Teapot Quotes
Extended Reading
