The Birds Quotes

Mitch Brenner: Be able to find your way back all right?

Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.

Mitch Brenner: Will I be seeing you again?

Melanie Daniels: San Francisco's a long way from here.

Mitch Brenner: Well, I'm in San Francisco five days a week with a lot of time on my hands, I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.

Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?

Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.

Melanie Daniels: Oh, that. Rome.

Mitch Brenner: Yeah, I really like to swim, I think we might get along very well.

Melanie Daniels: In case you're interested, I was pushed into that fountain.

Mitch Brenner: Without any clothes on?

Melanie Daniels: With all my clothes on. The newspaper that ran that story happens to be a rival of my father's paper.

Mitch Brenner: You're just a poor, innocent victim of circumstances, huh?

Melanie Daniels: Well I'm neither poor nor innocent, but the truth of that particular...

Mitch Brenner: Truth is you were running around with a pretty wild crowd, isn't it?

Melanie Daniels: Well yes, that's the truth, but I was pushed into that fountain, and that's the truth, too.

Mitch Brenner: Uh huh. Do you really know Annie Hayworth?

Melanie Daniels: No. At least I didn't till I came up here.

Mitch Brenner: So you didn't go to school together?

Melanie Daniels: No.

Mitch Brenner: And you didn't come up here to see her.

Melanie Daniels: No.

Mitch Brenner: You were lying!

Melanie Daniels: Yes, I was lying.

Cathy Brenner: [while Melanie is playing the piano] I still don't understand how you knew I wanted lovebirds.

Melanie Daniels: Your brother told me.

Lydia Brenner: Then you knew Mitch in San Francisco. Is that right?

Melanie Daniels: No, not exactly.

[grabs a cigarette out of an ashtray]

Cathy Brenner: Mitch knows a lot of people in San Francisco. Of course, they're mostly hoods.

Lydia Brenner: Cathy!

Cathy Brenner: Well, Mom, he's the first to admit it. He spends half his day in the detention cells at the Hall of Justice.

Lydia Brenner: In a democracy, Cathy, everyone is entitled to a fair trial. Your brother's practice...

Cathy Brenner: Aw, Mom, please. I know all that democracy jazz. They're still hoods.

[Mitch comes in]

Cathy Brenner: He has a client now who shot his wife in the head six times. Six times! Can you imagine it? I mean, even twice would be overdoing it, don't you think?

Melanie Daniels: [to Mitch] Why did he shoot her?

Mitch Brenner: He was watching a ball game on television.

Melanie Daniels: What?

Mitch Brenner: His wife changed the channel.

[laughs and leaves]

Cathy Brenner: Are you coming to my party tomorrow?

Melanie Daniels: I don't think so. I have to get back to San Francisco.

Cathy Brenner: Don't you like us?

Melanie Daniels: Oh, darling, of course I do.

Cathy Brenner: Don't you like Bodega Bay?

Melanie Daniels: I don't know yet.

Cathy Brenner: Mitch likes it very much. He comes up every weekend, you know, even though he has his own apartment in the city. He says that San Francisco's like an anthill up the foot of a bridge.

Melanie Daniels: Well, I suppose it does get a little hectic at times.

Cathy Brenner: Well, if you do decide to come, don't say I told you about it. It's suppose to be a suprise party. You see, they've got this whole complicated thing figured out, where I'm going to Michele's for the afternoon, and Michele's mother will say she has a headache. Would I mind very much if she took me home. And when I get here, all the kids'll jump out! Oh, won't you come. Won't you please come?

Melanie Daniels: I don't think so.

Mitch Brenner: What about the letter you wrote me, is that a lie, too?

Melanie Daniels: No, I wrote the letter.

Mitch Brenner: Well what did it say?

Melanie Daniels: It said 'Dear Mister Brenner, I think you need these lovebirds after all. They may help your personality.'

Mitch Brenner: But you tore it up?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Mitch Brenner: Why?

Melanie Daniels: Because it seemed stupid and foolish.

Mitch Brenner: Like jumping into a fountain in Rome?

Melanie Daniels: I told you what happened!

Mitch Brenner: You don't expect me to believe that, do you?

Melanie Daniels: Oh, I don't give a damn what you believe!

Mitch Brenner: I'd still like to see you.

Melanie Daniels: Why?

Mitch Brenner: I think it might be fun.

Melanie Daniels: Well it might have been good enough in Rome, but it's not good enough now.

Mitch Brenner: It is for me.

Melanie Daniels: Well not for me!

Mitch Brenner: What do you want?

Melanie Daniels: I thought you knew! I want to go through life jumping into fountains naked, good night!

Melanie Daniels: Just what is it you're looking for, sir?

Mitch Brenner: Lovebirds.

Melanie Daniels: Lovebirds, sir?

Mitch Brenner: Yes. I understand there are different varieties. Is that true?

Melanie Daniels: Oh yes, there are.

Mitch Brenner: Well, uh, these are for my sister, for her birthday, see, and uh, as she's only gonna be eleven, I, I wouldn't want a pair of birds that were... too demonstrative.

Melanie Daniels: I understand completely.

Mitch Brenner: At the same time, I wouldn't want them to be too aloof, either.

Melanie Daniels: No, of course not.

Mitch Brenner: Do you happen to have a pair of birds that are... just friendly?

Melanie Daniels: Oh, I think so.

Mitch Brenner: I just thought you might like to know what it's like to be on the other end of a gag. What do you think of that?

Melanie Daniels: I think you're a louse.

Mitch Brenner: I am.

Doomsayer in diner: It's the end of the world!

Helen Carter: Two Bloody Marys, Deke. What actually happened at the school?

Deke Carter - Diner Owner: A bunch of crows attacked the school kids.

Doomsayer in diner: It's the end of the world. "Thus said the Lord God to the mountains, and the hills, and the rivers and the valleys; Behold, I, even I, shall bring a sword upon you, and I will devastate your high places. Ezekiel, Chapter 6.

Helen Carter: "Woe unto them that rise up early in the morning, that they may follow strong drink."

Doomsayer in diner: Isaiah, Chapter 5. It's the end of world.

Annie Hayworth: Did you drive up from San Francisco by the coast road?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Annie Hayworth: Nice drive.

Melanie Daniels: It's very beautiful.

Annie Hayworth: Is that where you met Mitch?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Annie Hayworth: I guess that's where everyone meets Mitch.

Mitch Brenner: I'd like to see you. Maybe we could go swimming or something. Mother tells me you like to swim.

Melanie Daniels: How does Mother know what I like to do?

Mitch Brenner: I guess we read the same gossip columns.

Melanie Daniels: On Mondays and Wednesdays I work for the Travelers Aid at the airport.

Mitch Brenner: Helping travelers?

Melanie Daniels: No, misdirecting them.

Cathy Brenner: Mitch, can I bring the lovebirds in here?

Lydia Brenner: No!

Cathy Brenner: But Mom, they're in a cage.

Lydia Brenner: They're birds, aren't they?

Sebastian Sholes, fisherman in diner: Hell, maybe we're all getting a little carried away with this. Admittedly a few birds did act strange, but that's no reason to...

Melanie Daniels: I keep telling you, this isn't 'a few birds'! These are gulls, crows, swifts...!

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: I have never known birds of different species to flock together. The very concept is unimaginable. Why, if that happened, we wouldn't stand a chance! How could we possibly hope to fight them?

[first lines]

Melanie Daniels: Hello there, Mrs. MacGruder.

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, hello, Miss Daniels.

Melanie Daniels: Have you ever seen so many gulls? What do you suppose it is?

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well, there must be a storm at sea, that can drive them inland, you know. I was hoping you'd be a little late because he hadn't arrived yet.

Melanie Daniels: Oh, but you'd said three o'clock...

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh I know, I know. I've been calling all morning. Oh, Miss Daniels you have no idea. They are so difficult to get, really they are. We have to get them from India, when they're just baby chicks, and then we have...

Melanie Daniels: But this one won't be a chick, will he?

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Certainly not. Oh no, certainly not. This will be a full grown mynah bird, full grown.

Melanie Daniels: And he'll talk?

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Well yes, of course he'll... well no, you'll have to teach him to talk. My. I guess maybe I'd better phone, they'd said three o'clock. Maybe it's the traffic. I'll call. Would you mind waiting?

Melanie Daniels: Well, maybe you'd better deliver him. Let - let me give you my address.

Mrs. MacGruder, pet store clerk: Oh, well, alright, but I'm sure they're on the way... Would you mind if I called?

Melanie Daniels: No, alright, but...

[last lines]

Cathy Brenner: Can I bring the lovebirds, Mitch? they haven't harmed anyone.

Mitch Brenner: Oh, alright; bring them.

Melanie Daniels: Close that door, quickly.

Annie Hayworth: What?

Melanie Daniels: Please.

Mitch Brenner: Aren't those lovebirds?

Melanie Daniels: No, those are, uh, red birds.

Mitch Brenner: Oh, I thought they were strawberry finches.

Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes. We call them that, too.

Melanie Daniels: No, I really shouldn't have any more. I'm driving.

Mitch Brenner: Well, actually, I'm trying to get you to stay for dinner. A lot of roast beef left over.

Melanie Daniels: No, I couldn't possibly. I have to get back.

Mitch Brenner: All right. Cheers.

Melanie Daniels: Cheers.

Mitch Brenner: Seriously, why do you have to rush off? What's so important in San Francisco?

Melanie Daniels: Well, I have to get to work tomorrow morning, for one thing.

Mitch Brenner: You have a job?

Melanie Daniels: I have several jobs.

Mitch Brenner: What do you do?

Melanie Daniels: Well, I do different things on different days.

Mitch Brenner: Like what?

Melanie Daniels: Well, on Mondays and Wednesdays, I work for the traveler's aid at the airport.

Mitch Brenner: Helping travelers?

Melanie Daniels: No, misdirecting them. I thought you could read my character. On Tuesdays, I take a course in General Semantics at Berkeley, finding new four-letter words. That's not a job, of course, but...

Mitch Brenner: You mean you don't have to...

Melanie Daniels: And on Thursdays, I have my meeting and lunch.

Mitch Brenner: In the underworld, I suppose.

Melanie Daniels: I shall disappoint you. We're sending a little Korean boy through school. We actually raise money for it.

[pause]

Melanie Daniels: You see, Rome... that entire summer I did nothing, but... well, it was very easy to get lost there. So when I came back, I thought it was time I began... oh, I don't know, finding something again. So, on Mondays and Thursdays, I keep myself busy.

Mitch Brenner: What about Fridays?

Melanie Daniels: Fridays? They're free. I sometimes go to bird shops on Fridays.

Mitch Brenner: I'm very glad you do. A nice innocent little day.

Melanie Daniels: Oh, yes.

Melanie Daniels: I have an Aunt Tessa. Have you got an Aunt Tessa?

Mitch Brenner: Mm-mm.

Melanie Daniels: Mine is very prim and straight-laced. I'm giving her a mynah bird when she comes back from Europe. Mynah birds talk, you know. Can you see my Aunt Tessa's face when this one tells us one or two of the words I've picked up at Berkeley?

Mitch Brenner: You need a mother's care, my child.

Melanie Daniels: [pause] Not my mother's.

Mitch Brenner: Oh, I'm sorry.

Melanie Daniels: What have you got to be sorry about? My mother? Don't waste your time. She ditched us when I was eleven and ran off with some hotel man in the East. You know what a mother's love is.

Mitch Brenner: Yes, I do.

Melanie Daniels: You mean it's better to be ditched?

Mitch Brenner: No, I think it's better to be loved. Don't you ever see her?

Melanie Daniels: [pause] I don't know where she is.

Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: Gulls are scavengers, anyway. Most birds are. Get yourselves guns and wipe them off the face of the earth!

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: That would hardly be possible.

Deke Carter - Diner Owner: Why not, Mrs. Bunty?

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: Because there are 8,650 species of birds in the world today, Mr. Carter. It is estimated that 5,750,000,000 birds live in the United States alone. The five continents of the world...

Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: Kill 'em all. Get rid of the messy animals.

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: ...probably contain more than 100,000,000,000 birds!

Sam the Cook: Al, why weren't you over at the school where the attack was?

Deputy Al Malone: Because I just got back from Dan Fawcett's place, that's why.

Mitch Brenner: He was killed last night by birds!

Sam the Cook: What?

Deputy Al Malone: Now, hold it, Mitch. You don't know that for a fact.

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: What are the facts, Mr. Malone?

Deputy Al Malone: The Santa Rosa Police think it's a felony murder. They think a burglar broke in, killed him.

Mitch Brenner: How do you explain the dead birds all over the floor?

Deputy Al Malone: Santa Rosa Police figure they got in after the old man was killed.

Mother in Diner: Were the Santa Rosa Police at your school today?

Mitch's City Neighbor: Miss, is that for Mitch Brenner?

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Mitch's City Neighbor: He's not home.

Melanie Daniels: Oh that's all right.

Mitch's City Neighbor: Uh, he won't be back until Monday, I mean if those birds are for him.

Melanie Daniels: Monday?

Mitch's City Neighbor: Yes. I don't think you should leave them in the hall, do you?

Melanie Daniels: Well, where did he go?

Mitch's City Neighbor: Bodega Bay, he goes there every weekend.

Melanie Daniels: Bodega Bay, where's that?

Mitch's City Neighbor: Up the coast, about 60 miles north of here.

Melanie Daniels: Sixty miles? Oh!

Mitch's City Neighbor: It's an hour and a half by freeway, or two hours if you take the Coast Highway.

Melanie Daniels: Oh.

Mitch's City Neighbor: I'd look after them myself, but I'm going away, too. I'm awfully sorry.

Sam the Cook: What's the matter? Is something wrong out here?

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: We're fighting a war, Sam.

Sam the Cook: A war, against who?

Sebastian Sholes, fisherman in diner: Against birds!

Mitch Brenner: Doesn't this make you feel awful?

Melanie Daniels: Doesn't what make me feel...

Mitch Brenner: Having all these poor, little, innocent creatures caged up like this?

Melanie Daniels: Well, we can't just let them fly around the shop, you know.

Mitch Brenner: Back in your gilded cage, Melanie Daniels.

Melanie Daniels: What did you say?

Mitch Brenner: I was merely drawing a parallel, Miss Daniels.

Melanie Daniels: How did you know my name?

Mitch Brenner: A little birdie told me.

Mitch Brenner: You like me, huh?

Melanie Daniels: I loathe you. You have no manners. You're arrogant and conceited and... I wrote you a letter about it, in fact, but I tore it up.

Mitch Brenner: What did it say?

Melanie Daniels: None of your business.

Mitch Brenner: Her father's part owner of one of the big newspapers in San Francisco.

Lydia Brenner: You'd think he could manage to keep her name out of print. She's always mentioned in the columns, Mitch.

Mitch Brenner: Yes, I know.

Lydia Brenner: She is the one who jumped into a fountain in Rome last summer, isn't she?

Mitch Brenner: Yes.

Lydia Brenner: I suppose I'm old fashioned. I know it's supposed to be very warm there, but, well, actually the newspaper said she was naked.

Mitch Brenner: I think I can handle Melanie Daniels by myself.

Lydia Brenner: Well, as long as you know what you want Mitch.

Mitch Brenner: I know exactly what I want.

Annie Hayworth: How do you like our little hamlet?

Melanie Daniels: I despise it.

Annie Hayworth: Well, I suppose it doesn't offer much to the casual visitor; unless you're thrilled by a collection of shacks on a hillside.

Annie Hayworth: When I got back to San Francisco I spent days trying to figure out exactly what I'd done to displease her.

Melanie Daniels: Well, what had you done?

Annie Hayworth: Nothing. I simply existed. So what's the answer? A jealous woman, right? A clinging possessive mother. Wrong! With all due respect to Oedipus, I don't think that was the case at all.

Melanie Daniels: Then what was it?

Annie Hayworth: Lydia liked me.

Melanie Daniels: What are you doing here in Bodega Bay?

Annie Hayworth: I wanted to be near Mitch. Oh, it was over and done with and I knew it; but, I still wanted to be near him. You see, I still like him a hell of a lot and I don't want to lose his friendship. Ever.

Annie Hayworth: Do you want to go?

Melanie Daniels: [emphatically] Yes.

Annie Hayworth: Then go.

Melanie Daniels: Mitch, what's happening?

Mitch Brenner: I - I don't know?

Cathy Brenner: What's the matter with them?

Lydia Brenner: What's the matter with *all* the birds?

Lydia Brenner: The children were playing a game. Those gulls attacked!

Deputy Al Malone: Now, Lydia, 'attack' is a pretty strong word, don't you think? I mean, birds just don't go around attacking people without no reason, you know what I mean? The kids just probably scared them, that's all.

Lydia Brenner: These birds attacked!

Lydia Brenner: When Frank died... You see he understood the children, he really understood them. He had the knack of entering into their world, of becoming a part of them. That's a very rare talent.

Melanie Daniels: Yes.

Lydia Brenner: Oh, I wish, I wish, I wish I could be that way.

Lydia Brenner: Mitch has always done *exactly* what he wanted to do. But, you see, I - I don't want to be left alone. I don't think I could bear to be left alone.

[starts to cry]

Lydia Brenner: Oh, forgive me. Forgive me! This business with the birds has me upset. I - I don't know what I'd do if Mitch weren't here.

Traveling Salesman at Diner's Bar: There isn't a bird anywhere in sight.

Doomsayer in diner: "Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap, yet your Heavenly Father feeds them."

Mitch Brenner: I think we're in trouble. I don't know how this started or why; but, it's here and I we'd be crazy to ignore it.

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: To ignore what? The bird war?

Mitch Brenner: Yes, the bird war! The bird attack, plague, call it what you like, they're massing out there someplace and they'll be back, you can count on that!

Mrs. Bundy, elderly ornithologist: Ridiculous!

Melanie Daniels: Look!

Mitch Brenner: They're attacking again!

Melanie Daniels: How long have they been gathering there?

Mitch Brenner: Oh, about fifteen minutes. It seems like a pattern, doesn't it? They strike, then disappear, and then they start massing again.

Lydia Brenner: What happens if you run out of wood?

Mitch Brenner: I don't know! We'll break up the furniture.

Lydia Brenner: You don't know! You don't know? When will you know? When we're all *dead*?

Cathy Brenner: Mitch, why are they doing this? This birds.

Mitch Brenner: We don't know, honey.

Cathy Brenner: Why are they trying to kill people?

Mitch Brenner: I wish I could say.