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Sherlock Holmes: Now. if you'll excuse me, I have a hanging in Wandsworth and I'd hate them to start without me.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to Dr. Watson] And you're clearly acclimatized to never getting to the end of a sentence. We'll get along splendidly.
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Boy: Did you catch a murderer, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: Caught the murderer, still looking for the legs. I think we'll call it a draw.
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Mrs. Hudson: Mr. Holmes. I do wish you'd let me know when you're planning to come home.
Sherlock Holmes: I hardly knew myself Mrs. Hudson. That's the trouble with dismembered country squires. They're notoriously difficult to schedule.
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Mrs. Hudson: And I noticed you published another of your stories, Dr. Watson.
Dr. John Watson: Yes. Did you enjoy it?
Mrs. Hudson: No.
Dr. John Watson: Oh?
Mrs. Hudson: I never enjoy them.
Dr. John Watson: Why not?
Mrs. Hudson: Well, I never say anything do I? According to you, I just show people up the stairs and serve you breakfast.
Dr. John Watson: Well, within the narrative, that is, broadly speaking, your function.
Mrs. Hudson: My *what*?
Sherlock Holmes: Don't feel singled out, Mrs Hudson. I'm hardly in the dog one.
Dr. John Watson: The dog one?
Mrs. Hudson: I'm your landlady, not a plot device.
Dr. John Watson: D'you mean 'The Hound of the Baskervilles'?
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Mrs. Hudson: And you make the rooms so drab and dingy.
Dr. John Watson: Oh, blame it on the illustrator. He's out of control. I've had to grow this moustache just so that people would recognize me.
-
Dr. John Watson: Good Lord.
Sherlock Holmes: [shouting to Mrs. Hudson who is downstairs] Mrs Hudson, there is a woman in my sitting room. Is it intentional?
Mrs. Hudson: [replying from downstairs] She's a client, said you were out, insisted on waiting.
Dr. John Watson: Would you, uh... care to sit down?
Sherlock Holmes: Didn't you ask her what she wanted?
Mrs. Hudson: You ask her!
Sherlock Holmes: Why didn't YOU ask her?
Mrs. Hudson: How could I, what with me not talking and everything?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh.
Sherlock Holmes: [to Dr. Watson] For god's sake, give her some lines, she's perfectly capable of starving us.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to a new client] Good afternoon. I'm Sherlock Holmes, This is my friend and colleague, Dr. Watson. You may speak freely in front of him, as he rarely understands a word.
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DI Lestrade: Mrs. Hudson didn't seem to be talking.
Sherlock Holmes: I fear she has branched into literary criticism by mean of satire. It is a distressing trend in the modern landlady.
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Sherlock Holmes: Fear is wisdom in the face of danger. It is nothing to be ashamed of.
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Dr. John Watson: [after DI Lestrade's recount of recent events] Extraordinary!
Mary Morstan: Impossible!
Sherlock Holmes: Superb! Suicide as street theatre; murder by corpse. Lestrade, you're spoiling us.
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Dr. John Watson: Where are we going?
Sherlock Holmes: To the morgue. There's not a moment to lose - which one can so rarely say of the morgue.
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Mary Morstan: I'm part of a campaign, you know.
DI Lestrade: Huh? Campaign?
Mary Morstan: Votes for women.
DI Lestrade: And you, are you for or against?
Mary Morstan: Get out.
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Professor Moriarty: Dead is the new sexy.
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DI Lestrade: I thought you understood everything.
Sherlock Holmes: Of course not. That would be an appalling waste of brain space. I specialize.
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Sherlock Holmes: [to DI Lestrade] Pay Mrs. Hudson a visit on your way out. She likes to feel involved.
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Dr. John Watson: [being angry with the maid] If it wasn't my wife's business to talk to the staff, I would deal with you myself.
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Dr. John Watson: [talking about his wife, Mary] Where did she go? She's always out these days.
Jane: Not unlike yourself... sir.
Dr. John Watson: I'm sorry?
Jane: Just observing, sir.
Dr. John Watson: Well, that's quite enough; nobody asked you to be observant.
Jane: Sorry, sir, I just meant you are hardly ever home together anymore, sir.
Dr. John Watson: You are dangerously close to impertinence. I shall have a word with my wife to have a word with you.
Jane: [with a bit irony] Very good, sir. And when will you be seeing her?
-
[Holmes' telegram to Watson: "COME AT ONCE IF CONVENIENT. IF INCONVENIENT, COME ALL THE SAME. HOLMES."]
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Dr. John Watson: [to Mycroft, regarding his eating habits] Well, now that you mention it, this level of consumption is incredibly injurious to your health, your heart...
Sherlock Holmes: No need to worry on that score, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: No?
Sherlock Holmes: There's only a large cavity where that organ should reside.
Mycroft Holmes: It's a family trait.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, I wasn't being critical.
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Sherlock Holmes: May I ask, how is your husband this morning?
Lady Carmichael: He refuses to speak about the matter. Obviously I have urged him to leave the house.
Sherlock Holmes: No, no, he must stay exactly where he is.
Lady Carmichael: Well, you don't think he's in danger?
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, no, someone definitely wants to kill him, but that's good for us. You can't set a trap without bait.
Lady Carmichael: My husband is not bait, Mr. Holmes.
Sherlock Holmes: No, but he could be if we play our cards right. Now listen: You must go home immediately. Dr Watson and I will follow on the next train. There's not a moment to lose. Sir Eustace is to die tonight.
Dr. John Watson: Holmes...
Sherlock Holmes: And we should... probably avoid that.
Dr. John Watson: Definitely.
Sherlock Holmes: [correcting himself] DEFINITELY avoid that.
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Sherlock Holmes: Since when have you had any kind of imagination?
Dr. John Watson: Perhaps since I convinced the reading public that an unprincipled drug addict was some kind of gentleman hero.
Sherlock Holmes: ...Yes, now you come to mention it, that was quite impressive.
-
Sherlock Holmes: You may, however, rest assured there are no ghosts in this world... save those we make for ourselves.
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Sherlock Holmes: Your wife can see worlds where no one else can see anything of value whatsoever.
Sir Eustace Carmichael: Can she really? And how do you "deduce" that, Mr. Holmes?
Sherlock Holmes: She married you. I assume she was capable of finding a reason.
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Sherlock Holmes: We all have a past, Watson. Ghosts. They are the shadows that define our every sunny day.
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Dr. John Watson: Holmes, against absolutely no opposition whatsoever, I am your closest friend.
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Sherlock Holmes: [annoyed by Watson's questions about his emotional life] Dear Lord, I have never been so impatient to be attacked by a murderous ghost.
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DI Lestrade: [after a failed attempt by Sherlock to catch a murderer] You really mustn't blame yourself, you know.
Sherlock Holmes: No, you're quite right.
Dr. John Watson: I'm glad you're seeing sense.
Sherlock Holmes: Watson is equally culpable. Between us, we've managed to botch this whole case.
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Sherlock Holmes: [angry, as Watson seems to believe in ghosts] Use your brain, such as it is, to eliminate the impossible, which in this case is the ghost, and observe what remains, which in this case is a solution so blindingly obvious even Lestrade could work it out!
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DI Lestrade: [talking about Sherlock] He said, "There's only one suspect," and then he just walks away and now he won't explain.
Mrs. Hudson: Which is strange, because he likes that bit.
DI Lestrade: Said it's so simple I could solve it.
Mrs. Hudson: I'm sure he was exaggerating.
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Sherlock Holmes: [in his apartment, to Moriarty] For the sake of Mrs. Hudson's wallpaper, I must remind you that one false move with your finger and you will be dead.
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Sherlock Holmes: I saw you die. Why aren't you dead?
Professor Moriarty: Because it's not the fall that kills you, Sherlock. Of all people, you should know that. It's not the fall. It's never the fall. It's the landing.
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Sherlock Holmes: [when being confronted about his substance abuse] I'm not an addict, I'm a user. I alleviate boredom and occasionally heighten my thought processes.
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Mycroft Holmes: I have access to the top level of the MI5 archive.
Mary Morstan: [already looking at that archive via her phone] Yep, that's where I'm looking.
Mycroft Holmes: What do you think of MI5 security?
Mary Morstan: I think it would be a good idea.
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Dr. John Watson: [being furious with Sherlock] I'm an army doctor, which means I could break every bone in your body while naming them.
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Mary Morstan: I've been making enquiries. Mr. Holmes asked me.
Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] Holmes, how could you?
Mary Morstan: No, not him. The clever one.
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Sherlock Holmes: Every great cause has martyrs. Every war has suicide missions, and, make no mistake, this is war. One half of the human race at war with the other. The invisible army hovering at our elbow, tending to our homes, raising our children, ignored, patronised, disregarded, not allowed so much as a vote, but an army nonetheless, ready to rise up in the best of causes, to put right an injustice as old as humanity itself. So you see, Watson, Mycroft was right. This is a war we must lose.
-
Dr. John Watson: [to Sherlock] I'm taking Mary home.
Mary Morstan: You're what?
Dr. John Watson: Mary's taking me home.
Mary Morstan: Better.
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Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty's dead!
Professor Moriarty: Not in your mind. I'll never be dead there. You once called your brain a hard drive. Well, say hello to the virus.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Thank you, John.
Dr. John Watson: Since when do you call me John?
Sherlock Holmes: You'd be surprised.
Dr. John Watson: No, I wouldn't. Time you woke up, Sherlock. I'm a story-teller; I know when I'm in one.
Sherlock Holmes: Course. Of course you do, John.
Dr. John Watson: So what's he like? The other me, in the other place?
Sherlock Holmes: Smarter than he looks.
Dr. John Watson: Pretty damn smart, then.
Sherlock Holmes: Pretty damn smart.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Between you and me, John, I always survive a fall.
Dr. John Watson: But how?
Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Moriarty is dead, no question. More importantly, I know exactly what he's gonna do next.
-
Mycroft Holmes: Sherlock, listen to me...
Sherlock Holmes: No, it only encourages you.
Mycroft Holmes: I'm not angry with you.
Sherlock Holmes: Oh, that's a relief, I was really worried. No... hold on, I really wasn't.
Mycroft Holmes: I was there for you before. I'll be there for you again. I'll always be there for you. This was my fault.
Sherlock Holmes: It was nothing to do with you.
Mycroft Holmes: A week in a prison cell, I should have realised.
Sherlock Holmes: Realised what?
Mycroft Holmes: That, in your case, solitary confinement is locking you up with your worst enemy.
-
Dr. John Watson: Holmes, could it have been twins?
Sherlock Holmes: No.
Dr. John Watson: Why not?
Sherlock Holmes: Because it's never twins.
DI Lestrade: Emilia was not a twin, nor did she have any sisters. She had one older brother who died four years ago.
Dr. John Watson: Mm-m-m-m. Maybe it was a secret twin.
Sherlock Holmes: A WHAT?
Dr. John Watson: A secret twin? Mm? You know? A twin that nobody knows about? This whole thing could have been planned.
Sherlock Holmes: Since the moment of conception? How breathtakingly prescient of her. It is never twins, Watson!
-
Lady Carmichael: [sees orange pips, gives a little laugh] Why, Eustace, what does this mean?
Sir Eustace Carmichael: Death.
Lady Carmichael: What?
Sir Eustace Carmichael: It means death.
-
Lady Carmichael: You promised to keep him safe. You promised.
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Sherlock Holmes: [after Watson corrects his deduction] My Boswell is learning. They do grow up so fast.
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Sherlock Holmes: Then, come, Watson, come. The game is afoot.
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Dr. John Watson: [handing Holmes the deerstalker] You're Sherlock Holmes. Wear the damn hat.
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[last lines]
Dr. John Watson: As for your own... tale, are you sure it's still just a seven percent solution that you take? I think you may have increased the dosage.
Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps I was being a little fanciful, but perhaps such things could come to pass. In any case, I know I would be very much at home in such a world.
Dr. John Watson: Huh! Don't think I would be.
Sherlock Holmes: I beg to differ, but then I've always known I was a man out of his time.
-
Dr. John Watson: Tweeds in a morgue?
Sherlock Holmes: Needs must when the devil drives, Watson.
-
Molly Hooper: Oh, isn't HE observant now that Daddy's gone?
Dr. John Watson: I am observant in some ways, just as Holmes is quite blind in others.
Molly Hooper: Really?
Dr. John Watson: Yes. Really. Amazing what one has to do to get ahead in a man's world.
[tips his hat and exits]
-
Dr. John Watson: You're gambling with your own life?
Mycroft Holmes: Why not? It's so much more exciting than gambling with others.
-
Sherlock Holmes: I hope to see you again in the morning.
Sir Eustace Carmichael: You will not!
Sherlock Holmes: Then, sadly, I shall be solving your murder. Good day.
-
[Sherlock has been sitting on the floor not moving for two days]
DI Lestrade: What's he doing, do you think?
Mrs. Hudson: He says he's waiting.
DI Lestrade: For what?
Mrs. Hudson: The devil. I wouldn't be surprised. We get all sorts here.
-
Sherlock Holmes: Controlled usage is not usually fatal, and abstinence is not immortality.
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Dr. John Watson: I... I thought I was losing you. I thought perhaps we were... neglecting each other.
Sherlock Holmes: Well, you're the one who moved out.
Dr. John Watson: [exasperated] I was talking to Mary.
-
Dr. John Watson: But she can't have been in two places at the same time, can she?
Sherlock Holmes: No Watson, one place is strictly the limit for the recently deceased.
-
DI Lestrade: There's still reporters outside.
Mrs. Hudson: They've been there all the time. I can't get rid of them. I've been rushed off my feet making tea.
DI Lestrade: Why do you make them tea?
Mrs. Hudson: I don't know. I just sort of do.
-
Dr. John Watson: [speaking in bad sign language] I'm glad you liked my potato.
-
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, hang on, explain. Moriarty's alive, then?
Sherlock Holmes: I never said he was alive, I said he was back.
Mary Watson: So he's dead?
Sherlock Holmes: Of course he's dead, he blew his own brains out, no-one survives that. I just went to the trouble of an overdose to prove it. Moriarty is dead, no question. But more importantly, I know exactly what he's going to do next...
[theme tune begins as he jumps into his car]
-
Mycroft Holmes: These enemies are everywhere, undetected, and unstoppable.
Dr. John Watson: Socialists?
Mycroft Holmes: Not socialists, Doctor, no.
Dr. John Watson: Anarchists?
Mycroft Holmes: No.
Dr. John Watson: The French? The suffragists?
Mycroft Holmes: Is there any large body of people, you're not concerned about?
Sherlock Holmes: Dr. Watson is endlessly vigilant. Elaborate.
Mycroft Holmes: No, investigate. This is a conjecture of mine. I need you to confirm it. I'm sending you a case.
Dr. John Watson: The Scots.
Sherlock Holmes: The Scots?
Mycroft Holmes: Are you aware of recent theories concerning what is known as paranoia?
Dr. John Watson: Ooh, sounds Serbian.
-
Professor Moriarty: It's a dangerous habit to finger loaded firearms in the pocket of one's dressing gown. Or are you just pleased to see me?
Sherlock Holmes: You'll forgive me for taking precaution.
Professor Moriarty: I'd be offended if you didn't. Obviously I've returned the courtesy.
[Taking out a revolver]
The Abominable Bride Quotes
Extended Reading
Director: Douglas Mackinnon
Language: English,French Release date: January 1, 2016