That Awkward Moment Quotes

Jason: [Referring to Mikey following news of his divorce] I don't know what we should do man.

Daniel: We need to get him a hooker.

Jason: No, I don't think so.

Daniel: Yeah, we'll use a coupon and get him a cheap hooker.

Ellie: [after sex] I wasn't going to do that. I was going to hold out, like make you wait for 40 days.

Jason: I was going to make you wait, and then I realized I'm a dude.

Preppy Guy: I need a drink too. I'll get you a drink too.

Ellie: Honestly what if I enjoy the drink. What happens then?

Preppy Guy: I'd love to hear what you think happens then.

Ellie: I'll tell you what happens then we go play beer pong with your two roommates until I end up back at yours in Murray hill.

Preppy Guy: Yeah, that's right how'd you know that.

Ellie: Yeah then I have to listen to your roommate have sex with Hilary, or Emily or whatever the girl's name is, until we fall asleep. And then a year later we're still playing beer pong in the same bars with your friends except now you feel pressured to get married and have kids because you think that's what I want.

Jason: Then in the summers you drive up to the Hampton to meet his parents wondering the whole ride if they're going to think your pretty enough.

Ellie: Smart.

Jason: Wondering the whole ride if they're going to think you're smart enough.

Ellie: Because no one is and then we have to drink shitty chardonnay.

Jason: At a shitty garden party.

Ellie: And have shitty conversations.

Jason: About shitty people.

Ellie: With his shitty mother.

Jason: Who let's face it doesn't think you're smart enough.

Ellie: Pretty.

Jason: Let's face it, doesn't think you're pretty enough.

Ellie: Because no one is.

Jason: No one ever will be.

Preppy Guy: What's all that shit, I'm just talking about a drink.

Jason: Yeah, but it wasn't just a drink though, was it.

Ellie: It was a marriage proposal.

Preppy Guy: Woah marriage , nah. It was a vodka soda. Alright fuck you guys then.

[preppy guy walks away]

Jason: Drink?

Ellie: Yep.

Jason: Dude, are you taking a shit in there?

Daniel: Absolutely not.

Jason: Every time you come over, you take a shit.

Daniel: No, I'm not taking a shit, I'm using a self-tanner!

Jason: Self-tanner?

Daniel: Yeah, I told that assistant in Vogue I couldn't hang out 'cause I was in Tulum. I'm trying to face her off my roster.

[he pauses briefly]

Daniel: Also, I am taking a shit.

Mikey: Which one of you divas uses self-tanner?

Daniel: I do, why?

[Mikey walks out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel]

Mikey: Because I beat off with it last night.

Daniel: Why... why didn't you even read the bottle?

Mikey: I was a little drunk.

Jason, Daniel: What?

Mikey: My shit is orange.

[Mikey opens towel]

Jason: Oh!

Mikey: Look at this!

Daniel: Oh my God!

Jason: Oh no!

Daniel: Who knew that could even happen to you? I didn't know you could change colors.

Mikey: Stop.

Jason: Your dick looks like a yam.

Daniel: Your dick looks like a traffic cone.

Mikey: Just stop.

Daniel: Your dick looks like a can of cheddar Pringles.

Mikey: That's fucked up.

Jason: Your dick looks like Spike Lee at a Knicks game.

Daniel: If your dick was jumping over the river, it would be the General Lee.

[Takes a sip out of his mug and spits it out in a fit of laughter]

Jason, Daniel: [Both succumb to built up laughter]

Jason: And he would give anything to back to that moment

Jason: The moment where they first met.

Jason: Before anything went wrong.

Jason: Before he didn't show up for her when she needed him most.

Jason: Before he understood that being there for somebody when it's most difficult is really all that relationships are.

Jason: Jason knew that now.

Jason: And he was so sorry for what he had done.

Jason: But Jason also realized that in that moment, he wasn't afraid, because he thought wasn't the one.

Jason: He was absolutely terrified, because he knew she was.

Jason: And if she could give him just one more chance,

Jason: just one more chance,

Jason: she knew where to find him.