-
Mike: Worry is just meditating on shit.
-
Mike: Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.
-
Mike: Is all of Manhattan just one big f***ing catwalk?
-
Mike: It's like trying to quit crack while the pipe is attached to your body.
-
Mike: It's easy to be skinny on a desert island.
-
Adam: I hate everyone except for you.
-
Phoebe: Yes, my tits are fake. That's what happens when your real ones try to kill you.
-
Neil: No Dede, don't. Where are you?
Dede: Outside his place.
Neil: What? No!
Dede: I can't help it.
Neil: Alright. Listen to me, okay? I want you to turn around and go someplace safe. What's near you?
[Dede pauses to think]
Neil: [shouts] Think!
Dede: Okay, f**k! The salon where I work is pretty close.
Neil: Where is it? TELL ME!
Dede: Damn, dude. You just got all Jack Bauer on me.
-
Neil: Wow! You, like, literally transplanted a baby's butt on my face.
-
Phoebe: My last boyfriend was an alcoholic and I promised myself I would never date an addict again.
Adam: I'm not an alcoholic.
-
Neil: Hi mom, I'm a little busy right now.
Roberta: That's funny, because I wasn't too busy to give birth to you 28 years ago.
-
Phoebe: I just ran a 10K.
Adam: Okay, my... my initial reaction is to say, "well, I just ran a marathon", but I can't tell if you're joking or if you're serious.
Phoebe: I'm as serious as cancer.
-
Neil: I got fired yesterday for filming up my boss's skirt.
[pause]
Neil: I told her it was for a documentary called what the ground sees.
[Everyone chuckles]
Neil: Oddly enough, she didn't buy it.
-
Adam: Oh no, our reservation!
Phoebe: Oh, it's fine. We still have like 28 minutes.
-
Cabbie: Hey, move your shit fat girl.
Neil: I'm a guy, asshole.
[Pounds on the cab]
Neil: a fat guy.
-
Mike: I cannot believe you are voluntarily going to swim in the Hudson fucking river.
Katie: Mike!
[Tries to stop Mike saying curse words in front of Phoebe]
Mike: This isn't what...
[to Katie]
Mike: I know that she is a big girl.
[to Phoebe]
Mike: Sorry about the language.
Phoebe: That's okay. I accept your fucking apology.
-
Katie: [Phoebe cries] Hey, what's wrong?
Phoebe: I just think I'm worried about this whole addict thing, you know.
Katie: Mmm-hmmm.
Phoebe: I mean I just... Do you ever worry that you'll be just humming along and then, he's just gonna veer off back into the darkness?
Katie: In my experience, the only way that I can do this is just to keep the focus on myself.
Phoebe: Meaning?
Katie: Meaning... ummm... What about my side of the street? What are my issues that I have to deal with? After all, I picked an addict... Says something.
-
Danny: You think I could be your best man when you two get married?
-
Adam: Dude, you really are Anthony Edwards.
Neil: Fuck that. I'm George Clooney.
-
Mike: You know how I know an addict is lying? His lips are moving.
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