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Sable: What's the difference between Episcopalian and Lutheran?
Randy: Episcopalians don't eat fish.
Sable: That's... pescatarian, that's... not a religion.
Randy: They're all fanatics, I don't know.
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Jerry: Never been tagged. Just sayin'.
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Hoagie: Synchronize your watches.
Callahan: I don't know how to do that.
Randy: I don't have a watch.
Sable: Time is a construct.
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Randy: [from trailer, at Hoagie's father's funeral] I think your dad would have really wanted you to be...
[tags Hoagie]
Randy: ... it.
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Hoagie: We lose! He beat us! The game is over!
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Anna Malloy: Who's bad now, bitch?
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Anna Malloy: Suck my tiny ginger balls!
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Rebecca Crosby: What do you think they are talking about?
Sable: Off the record?
Rebecca Crosby: Sure, sure
Sable: No idea!
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Sable: How come "bi-weekly" means both twice a week and every other week?
Sable: That's mad confusing and it's just linguistically lazy.
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Callahan: [as Jerry is slapped while singing over the closing credits] You're it!
Jerry: Fucker!
[Runs out of frame]
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Jerry: Verbal amendment. That women should be playing.
Callahan: Amendment.
Randy: Yeah, amendment.
Anna Malloy: [Realizing she is now "it.'] Oh. Oh, you just made a big mistake.
Jerry: [Jerry runs away] You're it bitch!
Anna Malloy: [Anna looks around and spots Randy] You're it now! You're going down!
Randy: You're too intense!
Anna Malloy: You're gonna suck my tiny ginger balls!
Randy: Oh gross!
Anna Malloy: You're gross!
[Anna screams and tackles Randy]
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Randy: [to Jerry] Yeah, you're really good at tag.
Hoagie: Yes, but you've kind of missed the point. I mean, it's not about trying to get away from each other. It's actually about having a reason to be around each other. You know?
Jerry: [Quietly] Yeah.
Hoagie: I mean, Ben Franklin said it best. Am I right? "We don't stop playing because we grow old."
Hoagie, Randy, Callahan, Anna Malloy: "We grow old because we stop playing.""
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Randy: [after getting away from Hoagie] You ain't getting me today, man. I'm not losing.
Hoagie: There's only one problem, Chilli.
Randy: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Hoagie: I'm not it.
Randy: The fuck you mean, you're not it?
Callahan: [Running into frame and tackling Chilli] I AM, MUTHAFUCKA!
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Rebecca Crosby: [watching the men play tag at an AA meeting] ... and this is why print journalism is dying
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Randy: I'm gonna be pissed if she didn't have a miscarriage.
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Jerry Pierce: Little does Hoagie know, I've been teaching a women's self-defense boot camp for six years.
Tag Quotes
Extended Reading
