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[from trailer]
Hunter: It's an image old as time: a baby swaddled in white delivered by the stork. How quaint. But you'll find here on Stork Mountain we take baby delivery seriously. I'm here to finally unveil our new and improved Human Infant Production Facility. We have perfected and streamlined the process, devising a zero-mistake work flow. Using the most cutting edge technology coupled with over 75 years of hard worn experience, our new process has been described as: perfect, precise, flawless, ideal, immaculate, no problemo, error proofed, too good to fail, the opposite of the Titanic. We work hard just so you can hear the four most precious words in human language, "Goo-goo, ga-ga." So when you're looking for a baby delivery you can count The Stork Delivery Service. Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver!
[during his pitch, Tulip ends up breaking a machine and causing babies to appear all over]
Hunter: [hears an alarm] What was that?
[turns around to see the mess]
Hunter: Oh no!
Tulip: My bad!
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Hunter: Junior, I saved this company by getting out of babies and into package delivery. Monday, it'll all be yours, barring some monumental screw-up...
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Junior: Storks don't deliver babies anymore! If anyone finds out about this, I am dead meat!
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Tulip: Look at the baby!
Junior: NO! Just a brief exposure to baby cuteness can ruin your life!
[both look at the baby]
Tulip, Junior: Awwww!
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Hunter: Junior, you know why I built my office entirely out of glass even though birds can't see glass?
Junior: I do not.
[birds fly smack into the glass]
Hunter: Power move!
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Junior: Orphan Tulip?
Tulip: Tulip is just fine, Orphan hurts my heart!
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Tulip: If this baby finds her family, then maybe I can find mine.
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Junior: Put down that baby!
Penguin: Shhh!
[points out the baby is asleep, a silent fight starts]
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Alpha Wolf: I'm gonna devour this thing!
[wolves start licking the baby's face lovingly; the baby giggles with delight]
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Pigeon Toady: [seeing white powder on the floor] Powder?
[tastes a bit of the powder]
Pigeon Toady: BABY POWDER! Homing pigeon powers activate!
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Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form of wolf submarine!
[the pack make themselves into a submarine... then come up for air]
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[Junior smacks into a glass pathway]
Junior: My old nemesis: glass!
Tulip: [shocked] Birds can't see glass!
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Hunter: We can't let it get out that we accidentally made a baby!
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[Junior, Tulip and Diamond get across a bridge and cut it so that the Wolf Pack can't get across]
Junior: Suck it, wolves!
Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form of wolf bridge!
[the wolves start climbing on each other]
Junior: What is happening?
Tulip: The wolves are forming a suspension bridge.
Junior: How is that possible?
Tulip: I don't know.
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Alpha Wolf: If you don't give us that baby, we're gonna eat you!
Beta Wolf: We're gonna eat you anyway!
Alpha Wolf: You don't say it, you make the deal and then you eat them anyway!
Beta Wolf: Got it. We're not gonna eat you!
Alpha Wolf: Well now it's too late, you don't see that?
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Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form of wolf plane!
[the pack makes a plane... which falls apart in the air]
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Hunter: [takes the baby] Don't worry, she's with penguins! There are whole documentaries about how great they are at baby-sitting!
[Cut to documentary clip of penguin sitting on an egg; a walrus rises up from the water and eats the penguin, leaving the egg]
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Pigeon Toady: [waving his phone around] Check out my girlfriend! She's in Canada! She migrated, she's not made up. Look at her, look at her! She exists, bro!
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Tulip: It's like we're a family.
Junior: We are not like a family; we're just a guy and girl trying to put our baby to sleep.
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Beta Wolf: Are you in love?
Alpha Wolf: I am in love. Are you in love?
Beta Wolf: I am in love too.
Alpha Wolf: I agree, I agree, I agree, I agree.
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Alpha Wolf: [as the baby escapes] Wolf Pack, form of broken heart!
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Beta Wolf: [after licking the baby] Tastes like flowers!
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[first lines]
Junior: Storks, since the beginning of time we have been tasked with delivering babies to people. No matter how hard or painful or boring it got, we would never stop delivering babies. Thank goodness we don't have to do that anymore!
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[repeated line]
Various characters: Make a plan, stick to the plan, always deliver!
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Hunter: Look at that sunrise! How can you not look at it!
Junior: If I go blind, it's worth it!
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Pigeon Toady: [spies on Junior and the baby] Good bye, bro! How do you like me now?
[dance number starts]
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[repeated line]
Jasper: My baby!
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Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form of Wolf Minivan!
[the pack forms a minivan]
Beta Wolf: We need to take this slowly for the baby!
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Alpha Wolf: First, we are going to take this baby and we are going to raise her to be a strong independent woman! Then, we're going to eat you!
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Hunter: You idiot, how could you think this was an address?
Junior: I thought it was a gentrified neighborhood...
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[after delivering the baby]
Junior: [upset] Is it always like this?
Jasper: What can I say? I'm always sad!
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Hunter: Do you know why we stopped delivering babies?
Junior: Because there are other ways of making babies?
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[last lines]
[Tulip meets her family with the help of the Storks]
Junior: Come on, fellows. we have finally delivered Tulip.
[starts to walk off]
Tulip: Junior, where are you going? Come on. We're having a group photo.
Junior: No. I don't want to.
Tulip: Oh, come on.
[pulls him close for a family photo]
Tulip: I know you love it.
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Henry Gardner, Sarah Gardner: A house is not a house without a Gardner!
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Nate Gardner: [to his parents] Where did you get me?... Why are you laughing? What's the joke?
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Junior: Oh, great! Now I'm surrounded by wolves! What're you gonna do, knock me unconscious?
[a wolf knocks him out]
Junior: Perfect!
[blacks out]
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Alpha Wolf: Wolf Pack, form of wolf boat!
Tulip: Are you kidding me?
Storks Quotes
Extended Reading
Director: Nicholas Stoller, Doug Sweetland
Language: English Release date: September 23, 2016