St. Trinian's Quotes

Miss Dickinson: I've been watching you, you little madam. With your girlish wiles and your saucy ways, and now, it seems, your criminal cunning. You know what you are, don't you?

Chelsea: A washed-up slapper.

Miss Dickinson: Smart. Smarter than you think.

Chelsea: I am?

Miss Dickinson: And smart is cool.

Chelsea: It is?

Miss Dickinson: Yes. And very, very sexy.

Flash Harry: I wanted to talk to you about the problems with the last batch.

Tania, Tara: Problems, Flash?

Flash Harry: The slightly bitter aftertaste, the people going blind after the second glass, that lady wot died...

Tania: She was old.

Tara: She could have gone at any time.

Flash Harry: She was thirty-eight.

Tania, Tara: Yeah?

[answering a fruit-based quiz question]

Matron: Papau.

Chelsea: Um...

Matron: Papau!

Chelsea: Um...!

Quiz host: I will have to hurry you, I'm afraid

Matron: PAPAU! PAPAU!

Chelsea: [tentatively] Is it... Pineapple?

Matron: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Quiz host: That is Correct!

Matron: [quietly] Oh.

Miss Fritton: [quietly] Snooty cow.

[realising Ms Bagstock heard her]

Miss Fritton: [shouting] Emily Snooty-Cow! DO remember to stretch! Good girl!

[confused looks from pitch]

Carnaby Fritton: Who are you?

Flash Harry: [sputters for a second] Uh... German!

[loud fart echoes from the St. Trinians quiz team]

Chelsea: I am so sorry... its a side effect of my raisin-and-ryvita diet!

[disgusted looks]

Quiz host: Contrary to popular belief... better in than out.

Flash Harry: What's this then? A sweet? A mini cigar?

[sucks on the end]

Taylor: They're tampons Flash.

[disgusted gagging noise as Flash spits it out]

Taylor: Women don't just want to feel beautiful on the outside!

Tania: [takes out a pack of Cigarettes]

Kelly: Tania what are you doing? You're ten! And you're carrying high-explosives!

Tania: It's not what you think Kel!

[puts Cigarettes up her nose]

Tara: It's for the smell!

Tania, Tara: We saw it on CSI!

Bursar: OK girls, let's play clean. No biting, no scratching... kicking, no gouging, no kickboxing, no punching, no slapping, no spitting... uh... no gouging! And no no-regulation equipment. James, this is with you!

[James is using a knife to sharpen her hockey stick into a spear]

Bursar: OK, into position!

[Bursar blows the whistle to start the game, and is immediately KO'ed with a stick blow]

Geoffrey Thwaites: [Is discovered in one of the girls' rooms with his pants down] You wouldn't know the way to the hockey pitch, would you?

[Cut to him being thrown out a window and landing in a fountain]

Kelly: [the girls are trying to decide what to steal to save their school from foreclosure] What about that?

Kelly: [Points at copy of "Girl With Pearl Earring"]

Chelsea, Chloe, Peaches: [Gasp] Oh my God.

Chelsea: You want to steal Scarlett Johansson?

Kelly: You are so blonde, Chelsea.

Kelly: St. Trinian's is closing down.

[all the girls start to cheer]

Kelly: We're facing the biggest crisis of our lives and you're behaving like bloody children. If this place closes down, we have to go to other schools. And by that I mean *normal* schools.

Quiz host: In which Shakespeare play would you find the following stage directions "exit pursued by a bear"?

[buzzer sounds]

Quiz host: Yes. Chas, Bedales.

Bedales Pupil 1: Was it Winnie the Pooh?

Quiz host: Who was burnt at the stake for the crime wearing men's clothes?

[hears a ding!]

Quiz host: Peaches, St. Trinians?

Celia: [talkng through an earpiece] Joan of Arc

Peaches: Jonah Fark.

[the St. Trinian's girls surround Annabelle, who is strapped to a chair]

Kelly: You've had this coming since the day you arrived, Fritton.

Annabelle Fritton: What are you going to do to me?

Kelly: [holds up an eyelash crimper and smiles] Give you a makeover, silly!