SpongeBob SquarePants Quotes

[SpongeBob appears on the horizon]

Sandy Cheeks: Here, Patrick. Have a Krabby Patty.

[whispers]

Sandy Cheeks: Psst. There he is Patrick, say your line.

Patrick: [picks up paper] Why thank you, Sandy. Take Patty. Too bad SpongeBob isn't here to enjoy this. These are his favorite.

[on the verge of tears]

Patrick: Take bite.

[repeated line]

Mermaid Man: EVIL!

Patrick: The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.

[thought bubble for Patrick shows a carton of milk tipping over and spilling]

Squidward: [To Krabs.] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his faithful companion Sir Eats-a-lot?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. What's the meaning of all the nicknames?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I guess Grampa SquarePants was right: Never run for a bus...

[Imitates Grampa SquarePants]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... especially one that's going up at a 90 degree angle.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm every bit as good as Larry, and if I'm not, then may I be struck by...

[rumble of thunder]

SpongeBob SquarePants: ... a flying ice cream truck.

[a shadow forms over SpongeBob; chimes play]

SpongeBob SquarePants: And live!

[the flying ice cream truck stops short of crushing Spongebob]

Larry the Lobster: [on megaphone] Please do not land flying ice cream trucks on the bathers.

Mermaid Man: That guy over there used to be the Atomic Flounder. I know he doesn't look like much now, but he could go back to crime

[snaps fingers]

Mermaid Man: just like that

[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy chuckle; SpongeBob suddenly tackles the Atomic Flounder]

Atomic Flounder: Help, somebody there!

SpongeBob: You're under arrest, Atomic Flounder!

Mermaid Man: No, lad! Don't!

SpongeBob: But you said he could turn back to crime

[snaps fingers]

SpongeBob: like that.

Atomic Flounder: What? Get off me! If I weren't retired I'd... I'd... Roar!

[Breathes radiation on Barnacle Boy's face, burning it]

Atomic Flounder: ... do that.

Plankton: [yells] Lady, someone should put you in a box to drift in the river!

Elderly lady: [pauses, sadly] ... you're right.

[opening sequence]

Painting: Are you ready kids?

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

Painting: I can't hear you!

Kids: Aye Aye Captain!

Painting, Kids: Ohhhh... Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: If nautical nonsense be somethin' you wish.

Kids: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painting: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

Painting, Kids: Ready? SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePannnnnts!

[Hearty laugh]

Painting, Kids: [SpongeBob plays flute using his nose]

Squidward: [Curls into a ball and rocks back and forth] Future... Future... Future...

[Spongetron drops a brick on his head]

Squidward: ... Thanks.

Personified Krabby Patty: Just remember SpongeBob, I'll always be right here.

[points to SpongeBob's Chest]

SpongeBob SquarePants: In my heart?

Personified Krabby Patty: Actually in your arteries.

SpongeBob SquarePants: You okay Patrick?

Patrick: Finland!

SpongeBob SquarePants: He didn't call them Mr. Krabs. We did. I needed some help investigating the accident. Right buddy?

Patrick: Breakfast. Green. Finland.

SpongeBob SquarePants: This just isn't adding up.

Patrick: Pudding?

SpongeBob SquarePants: We must be missing something. Patrick we're gonna need help more then it ever means you.

Barnacle Boy: Uh Mermaid Man?

Mermaid Man: Yes Barnacle Boy?

Barnacle Boy: We're not in the invisible boat mobile are we?

Mermaid Man: Uh. Nope.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mega Bucket? You've used me for land development! That wasn't nice!

Plankton: Haven't you heard SpongeBob? Nice guys finish last. Only aggressive people conquer the world!

Patrick: Squidward! Your ceiling is talking to me!

Squidward: Are you gonna order something or just make friends with the paneling?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Why are you here to rescue little old me?

Barnacle Boy: Pipe Down! You're gonna wake Mermaid Man and he's ornery when his nap is disturbed.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ever alert Mermaid Man has trained himself to sleep with his eyes open.

Barnacle Boy: Con funded! Get away from him!

Mermaid Man: Stop shouting i'm napping!

Barnacle Boy: It's not me you old coot!

Squidward: Only 364 days and nine years left until i exchange this concrete tomb for a multi story ocean liner cruise.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.

Squidward: SpongeBob.

Mr. Krabs: The boy and i just thought we'd stop by and check on our convict friend.

Squidward: Call me what you may, fact of the matter is i found out the mystery customer's name first so i win. I win i win i win i win i win!

Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your prize.

Squidward: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Tropical vacation here i come!

Mr. Krabs: Vacation? Who said anything about a vacation?

Squidward: What? In the brochure it specifically mentions an ocean liner vacation.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, you mean that brochure. Well that was the prize. The brochure. It was taking up too much room in me drawers you know. So it's your prize.

Squidward: You mean no vacation?

Mr. Krabs: Nope, just the brochure. Well got to get back to counting me loot. Enjoy your new prize Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: See you on the outside in ten years buddy.

Squidward: Oh well at least I'll have some peace and quiet for the next ten years.

Patrick: Hey Squidward. Parcheesi?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Could you show me how to tie my shoes?

Painting: Arrgh! I'd just be a painting of a head.

Patrick: Oh boy that was some party! Oh hey SpongeBob! Hey Junior! What? What?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh nothing.

Patrick: Oh what a relive for a second there I thought you'd be mad at me.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you remember what you said to me this morning?

Patrick: Something about root beer right?

SpongeBob SquarePants: No.

Patrick: Oh wait let me guess let me guess! I give up!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Does you can take the night off pal ring a bell?

Patrick: I don't need this.

SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where do you think you're going?

Patrick: I'm going back to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Work?

Patrick: He got hit in the head with two coconuts!

SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?

Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes i gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot you briefcase!

Patrick: Oh. So this is the thanks i get for working overtime!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime?

Patrick: Yeah overtime pal! I'm to tired to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh if that's the kind of work your doing i've been working my fingers to the bone you never helped never!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! Squidward! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this instance!

Squidward: Shut up!

Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones! What the heck is going on?

Squidward: I said shut up you bucket of bolts!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What is it boy?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward just told me a hilarious joke and i thought you might like to hear it.

Mr. Krabs: Is it true Squidward? Is it hilarious?

Squidward: Um yeah sure.

Mr. Krabs: Well let's hear it lad.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay here it goes. Um how did it go Squidward?

Squidward: Um it went um let's see ah Why couldn't the eleven year old get into the new pirate movie?

Mr. Krabs: Why?

Squidward: It was rated Arr!

[laughs]

Squidward: Arr! Because it's about pirates.

Mr. Krabs: I'm not paying you to do stand up Mr. Squidward! Now get back to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: What is it SpongeBob?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I just wanted to tell you that Squidward loves you!

Mr. Krabs: Get back to work Mr. Squidward.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward?

Plankton: What's the deal Karen?

Karen: The deal was that i paid Nat to eat your chum so you'd quit your constant complaining.

Plankton: All this time i never had one regular costumer?

Karen: Duh.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad?

[cries]

Mr. Krabs: Yes i suppose that is rather sad but Squidward can hug himself during his break. Now get back to work!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Just like the robot in the movie! He couldn't cry either.

Squidward: SpongeBob this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much.

Squidward: Oh shrimp! It's my arch rival from high school! Squilliam Fancyson! I can't let him see me in my Krusty crew uniform.

Squilliam: On your lunch break eh Squiddy?

Squidward: Uh hey.

Mr. Krabs: Hang on a minute. Plastic captain. A ticket booth, Tokens. This ain't the wreck of the Mona Loa! It's the wreck of the Mona Loa amusement park ride!

Patrick: No wonder we were so amused!

Mr. Krabs: Well i'm not!

SpongeBob SquarePants: President Squidward?

Squidward: No no. Don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now if you'll be so kind as to leave so i can get ready for work tomorrow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. President...

Squidward: Shut it.

SpongeBob SquarePants: But we just wanted too...

Squidward: Get out of my house!

Squidward: All right you two! Out! And don't even think about jogging your empty skulls for the rest of the day! Or tomorrow or next week

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward does that include...

Squidward: Yes it does!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Patrick. Do you think Squidward was trying to tell us something?

Squidward: Yes i was! You call yourselves good neighbors? You're the worst neighbors ever! You don't deserve to wear these fezzes!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee Pat. Maybe President Squidward's right.

Patrick: Yeah. I guess we're not good neighbors after all.

Squidward: No you aren't! You're horrible neighbors! And stop calling me president!

Patrick: Listen up SpongeBob Secret Stealer Pants! If you ever come near my secret box again, we won't be friends anymore!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But we're supposed to be friends forever.

Squidward: Okay now. How many of you have played musical instruments before?

Plankton: Do instruments of torture count?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: Is mayonnaise an instrument?

Squidward: No Patrick. Mayonnaise is not an instrument. Horse Radish is not an instrument either.

Squidward: Okay i want everyone to stand in straight rows of five.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Is this the part where we start kicking?

Squidward: No SpongeBob. That's a chorus line.

Patrick: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!

[kicks Sandy]

Sandy Cheeks: Ow! Why you...

[gets into a fight with Patrick]

Patrick: [screams loudly]

Patrick: Who ever's the owner of the white sedan you left your lights on.

Mr. Krabs: Looks like you blew it again Plankton!

Plankton: I did better then you Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: Says who?

SpongeBob: Now now now i think we need to calm down. Fighting is pointless You two would have the recipe by now if you worked together.

Mr. Krabs: Okay fine! We'll work together.

Plankton: Yeah i don't see that working out.

SpongeBob: Not to worry gentlemen i have a plan.

Plankton: SpongeBob what do you want?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well it's just that it's Tuesday again sir and i was wondering if i can have my weekly performance review.

Plankton: Review?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yes please sir please!

Plankton: But i've never reviewed anything. Except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me.

SpongeBob: Ta da! I started the Flabby Patty restaurant just to get you two rascals to team up. And so the power of friendship triumphs again.

Mr. Krabs: What? You mean all this was one of your goofball schemes?

Plankton: Now now Krabs SpongeBob's taught us some very valuable lessons. Such as oh falling out of an airplane for instance.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. And how to commonly bludgeon meself.

Plankton: In fact, i think it's time we repay him don't you?

Mr. Krabs: Great idea pal! We'll teach you about teamwork.

SpongeBob: [runs away screaming]

Mr. Krabs: Get back here!

Plankton: We should do this more often Krabs.

Plankton: Aw man! I stole that Krabby Patty fair and square.

Mr. Krabs: Oh poor wittle baby waby. Does wittle Pwanksy wanksy need his nappy wappy?

[laughs]

SpongeBob: Why are you two always fighting? You were best palsie walsies once.

[picks up Plankton]

Plankton: Hey!

SpongeBob: Can't you two make up and be friends?

Mr. Krabs: Yeeh those days are over SpongeBob

Plankton: Krabs and i are bitter enemies!

Mr. Krabs: And that's the way we like it.

SpongeBob: If only there was some way to bring you two back together.

Plankton: Forget it, SpongeBob Nothing will make me friends with Eugene Krabs

[sniffing]

Plankton: What is that delicious smell?

SpongeBob: [sniffing bad sent] Bluh! That doesn't smell delicious!

Squidward: SpongeBob do you remember that talk we had about personal space?

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Squidward i'm official look!

Squidward: Co-Cashier?

Plankton: So have you two known each other long?

Squidward: You can't do this to me Mr. Plankton! If you think i'm gonna stand out there all day listening to...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Squidward: Then you must have coral wasted in your frontal lobe!

Plankton: So what do you want me to do about it?

Squidward: I'd like my view to be a little less yellow if you know what i mean.

Plankton: Hope you like grey.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward, i can see you though this little window.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Aw Squidward. You're back to your grown up self.

Squidward: Of course i'm grown up. Why wouldn't i be?

Patrick: Plankton's wrath tastes like ice cream.

Patrick, SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks Plankton!

Plankton: Ice cream? It shoots ice cream? Oversized ice cream maker!

Patrick: Good old secret box. Let's see what's inside.

[giggles]

Patrick: Nighty night boxey.

Squidward: A good neighbor doesn't bother me on Sunday!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sunday? No wonder Squidward's grumpy.

Patrick: Do i get my hat now?

Mr. Krabs: What the heck? It pays to advertise.

Karen: Be friend the SpongeBob then when the timing is right take the Krabby Patty.

Plankton: Take The Krabby Patty.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hi Plankton.

Plankton: What do you have mud in your ears? Take a hike!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Ah yes i remember. But i just wanted to tell you that the Krabby Patty secret formula is not i repeat not in the safe behind the painting in the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: Why should i care? My whole life is been filled with tortured by that blasted whale.

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay. Everybody has a secret fear! For instance Mr. Krabs's secret fear is

[whispers]

Plankton: Really?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Mmm hmm. And guess what else? That was Mr. Krabs in a whale suit that you've been scared of.

Plankton: You mean this entire time it's been Krabs masquerading as a whale? Why that conniving bottomfeeder!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well certainly you wouldn't have such innocuous information would you?

Plankton: Oh of course not.

SpongeBob SquarePants: All righty back to your self destructive behavior Plankton. Thanks for the talk.

Plankton: Oh no thank you!

[laughs evilly]

SpongeBob: Are you ready to rock Squidward?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: Good! Cause we got costumers!

Patrick: These are some ugly looking fish.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe we're near one of those toxic wast dumps.

Mr. Krabs: I think i'm gonna be sick.

Mr. Krabs: Oh this time you've done it boy! What have you got to say for yourself?

SpongeBob SquarePants: The platter's all clean Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: D'oh! I'll clean your platter! Come here you!

Squidward: You two morons sunk my house!

Patrick, SpongeBob SquarePants: We're sorry!

Squidward: Hello.

Squilliam: Hello.

Squidward: This isn't Squilliam Fancyson my lifelong rival who i met in high school band class is it?

Squilliam: The same.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a minute! Was this band just a front so you can steal the Krabby Patty secret formula?

Plankton: What? No! I was in it for the music man!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't forget to read the note!

Mrs. Poppy Puff: You! It's because of you i got stuck in this mess!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay boys let's roll to see who goes first.

Squidward: This is Tic-tac Toe! We don't roll to see who goes first!

Squidward: I was trying to take a nap over here!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hang on Squidward. Patrick was just about to figure out where this last piece of this puzzle goes. Weren't you Patrick?

Patrick: Who's the green guy?

Squidward: It's the last piece of the puzzle! There's only one place it can go right here!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! It wasn't your turn! That's cheating.

Squidward: Cheating? It's a jigsaw puzzle you can't cheat!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick do you think Squidward's taking this all too far?

Patrick: He's only a block away.

Sandy Cheeks: Hi-ya!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hiya Sandy.

Sandy Cheeks: Is something wrong SpongeBob? You look sadder then a bullfrog full of sodey pop.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Do you have any famous relatives Sandy?

Sandy Cheeks: I sure do. My great Aunt Rosie Cheeks was the first squirrel to discover oil at Spindletop Texas!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gee. Patrick sure is a heavy sleeper.

Patrick: Huh? Who said that? Who's there?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh.

Patrick: It's the clam burglar! And he's stealing my secret box! Hand over the good secret box bandit and prepare for the most unpleasant pillow fight of your life!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait wait wait Patrick stop! It's me SpongeBob!

Patrick: Nice try burglar but SpongeBob's my best friend and he'd never steal from me!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Whoo-hoo! I'm flying! Yee-haw!

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! I can't believe you can actually fly like you said in your letter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick? You're Pen Pal?

Patrick: Duh!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But... but you said you were dying! You're not dying!

Patrick: Dying? Oh oh! You didn't read the whole letter!

SpongeBob SquarePants: See it says i wish i could watch you because i am dying!

Patrick: And here's the second page! To see you as a real pilot SpongeBob. Here are some other things i like to see: candy rain a firetruck full of clowns and a bunch of other stuff

SpongeBob SquarePants: It all makes sense now! Oh Patrick!

Patrick: You thought i was dying!

Mr. Krabs: All right you leave me no choice!

Patrick: Your giving me a rase?

Mr. Krabs: Not even close. You're fired. As long as i'm still standing you'll never wear this hat again.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick are you okay?

Patrick: Well i guess it's back to being no hat Pat.

SpongeBob SquarePants: It's okay Patrick not everyone is equipped to bear the awesome weight of responsibility that a uniform hat represents. But you can wear mine anytime you want.

Patrick: Really?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Sure thing pal.

Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob! You're the best!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Anytime pal. Anytime.

Mr. Krabs: You faker! Not to mention you were sleeping on the job!

Squidward: What are you going to do to me?

Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna make you pay!

Squidward: Oh no.

Patrick: Do i get my reward yet?

SpongeBob SquarePants: You have to work for it remember?

Patrick: Tarter sauce!

Patrick: I'm not a krusty krab.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh Patrick that's the name of the restaurant.

Patrick: Huh? Doh fish paste!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Pick up order!

Patrick: Do i get my award yet?

SpongeBob SquarePants: No you have to take the tray to the costumer. Almost try again and make sure the food gets to the table.

Patrick: Like that?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Nope.

Patrick: Barnacles!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's try something else. All you have to do is answer the phone.

Patrick: Aye aye captain.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Ew! Ugh! He inked!

Squidward: Well pardon my anemone.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Here lies the nose of Patrick Star. Rip. Well this is terrible. All Patrick wanted to do was be like the rest of us and we punished him for it.

Squidward: Who cares? At least now that pink moron will leave us alone.

Patrick: I heard that!

Mr. Krabs: I've asked ye all here because we all face a similar problem. The problem being a sea star with a nose that's gotten way out of hand!

Squidward: You got that right yeah!

Sandy Cheeks: Yeah!

Gary The Snail: Meow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Gary! Squidward is not a free loader and he will never take advantage of me!

French Narrator: Three weeks later.

SpongeBob SquarePants: He's just having a hard time getting his confidence back.

French Narrator: Many months later.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sure he's close to a break through.

French Narrator: So much later that the old narrator got tired of waiting and they had to hire a new one.

Gary The Snail: Meow meow meow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: I know he still isn't looking for work! Don't rub it in!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Eighty thousand impressions later.

French Narrator: Would you please stop imitating me? It is starting to get very annoying.

Squidward: Why are you wearing garbage?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks for noticing Squidward and i may say that's a very becoming dress you're wearing this morning.

Squidward: Dress? It is not a dress it's a nightshirt.

Squidward: Well now that you completely ruined my day once again i'm going back to bed.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Alright Nighty night.

Squidward: Idiot.

Plankton: You better cough up that secret formula or else!

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!

Plankton: Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!

Plankton: Krabs!

SpongeBob: SpongeBob!

Patrick: Nice dress.

Squidward: It's a nightshirt!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! The sky had a baby!

Squidward: That's no baby! That's a giant anchor! Now go away!

Squidward: Why don't you two go climb the rope? I'm sure it goes somewhere far away! Now look what you've done!

SpongeBob SquarePants: We didn't do it Squidward. Our hands are clean!

Patrick: Clean!

Sandy Cheeks: Tell that to your mama Squidward!

Squidward: Mama?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I am SpongeBob destroyer of evil!

Patrick: Take it easy. It's just a drawing.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward! You decided to join the party

Patrick: Party!

Squidward: Let me out of here.

SpongeBob SquarePants: We were just gonna play some party games.

Patrick: Tag you're it

SpongeBob SquarePants: Tag you're it

Patrick: Tag you're it

Squidward: I gotta get out of here.

SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Go Squidward! Go Squidward!

Squidward: There's no way to climb out of here.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe if you had more upper arm strength.

Patrick: Yeah you should work out more.

Squidward: Well why don't i just start right now? After all i got a couple of dumbbells right here.

Patrick: I don't get it.

Squidward: Could you not stand so close? You're making me claustrophobic.

Patrick: What does claustrophobic mean?

SpongeBob SquarePants: It means he's afraid of Santa Claus.

Squidward: No it doesn't

Patrick: Ho ho ho!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Stop it Patrick! You're scaring him!

Patrick: Ho ho ho!

Squidward: It's not working Patrick.

Patrick: Darn.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Um Squidward you're standing on my foot.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oops sorry SpongeBob.

Patrick: And you got your elbow in my ribs.

Squidward: Ew! Patrick!

Patrick: And stop stepping in my potato salad!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey hey hey guys?

Squidward: Stop pushing me Patrick.

Patrick: You mean like this?

Squidward: No like this!

SpongeBob SquarePants: You shouldn't fight in here! This is a magical place.

Squidward: Patrick get off of me! I told you I am claustrophobic!

Patrick: Nice try Squidward but there's no Santa Claus here!

Squidward: Patrick!

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob what's with all the ruckus?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Take a look for yourself Patrick.

Patrick: It's the evil doodle!

SpongeBob SquarePants: No no not evil. He was just a two dimensional creature lost in our three dimensional aquatic world longing for a purpose.

Patrick: So... He's a drawing?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Exactly! See how happy he is?

Patrick: He still looks kind of creepy.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh hi Squidward. Up from your slumber I see. Well you're just in time to endure in a friendly game of indoor miniature golf!

Squidward: I will not indulge in anything friendly or otherwise with the likes of you two! And presently I am heading back to enjoy a well-deserved mid morning nap!

Patrick: Aw. But we sculpted your likeness out of butter on hole five.

Squidward: I don't care! Listen up I will not be woken from my nap again and if I am I'm gonna...

Patrick: Join us on the back nine?

Squidward: Just don't let it happen again! Or else.

Karen: Plankton. One percent evil ninety nine percent hot gas.

Plankton: Well this stinks.

French Narrator: A slow day at the Krusty Krab.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward check this out. Two ordinary krabby patties but when expertly tossed with the skill of a champ they become...

Patrick: A one-way ticket to pain!

Mr. Krabs: What the devil fish is going on out here? Time is money! And if you boys is wasting time then you're wasting money! And that's just sick!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But we were performing a ritual to attract customers. And the only way the ritual can work is for us to get hurt. Real bad.

Mr. Krabs: What stupid barnacle told you that?

Squidward: Uhh...

Squidward: That's it I'm done!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward? What are you doing in the Fishtraps house?

Squidward: You idiots! It's not the Fishtraps house, it's your house and that is still Patrick's house! You just saw a commercial that's all!

Patrick: So is Nick Fishkins gonna live in my house?

Squidward: He doesn't live in the houses he buys.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well if he doesn't live in them what does he do with them?

Squidward: He flips the houses you dimwits! He buy houses then resells them for a profit! He flips houses for a living!

Patrick: He flips houses for a living?

Squidward: Yes! And i'm calling Nick Fishkins right now to come over and flip my house so i can move away!

Mr. Krabs: You faker! Not to mention you were sleeping on the job!

Squidward: What are you gonna do to me?

Mr. Krabs: I'm gonna make you pay!

Squidward: Oh no.

SpongeBob SquarePants: So this is work?

Patrick: You know it's not as easy as it looks. Sometimes I gotta move the antenna, sometimes i lose the remote and sometimes my butt itches real bad!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh you poor poor thing. By the way you forgot your briefcase!

Patrick: Oh so this is the thanks I get for working overtime?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Overtime!

Patrick: Yeah overtime pal. You know what that means? It means working when your just too tired to work You just keep going on working and working!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh boy yeah you're working and that's the kind of work you're doing? Show me where I can sign up for this because i've been working my fingers to the bone! You never help! Never!

SpongeBob SquarePants: All right Patrick we gotta get started painting this wall with the permanent paint we aren't allowed to get on anything but the wall. Well here we go.

French Narrator: One hour later...

SpongeBob SquarePants: Just a few more seconds of mental preparation and i'll be painting this wall.

French Narrator: Two hours later...

SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm getting to the painting.

French Narrator: Three hours later...

Patrick: Can you move it along? I'm all out of time cards.

SpongeBob SquarePants: No problem. Here I go.

Gary The Snail: Meow.

SpongeBob SquarePants: [Opposite Day] Gary! Where's your Holiday Spirit?

Gary The Snail: Woof.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.

Squidward: Quit it.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.

Squidward: Quit it.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey Squidward.

Squidward: QUIT IT!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward we found your brother.

Squidward: Ha ha! You urchin brains! I've never had a brother!

SpongeBob SquarePants: You do now!

Patrick: Two brothers. Us!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh Patrick that's not the backscratcher that's my arm.

Patrick: Oh sorry.