Space Jam Quotes

Charles Barkley: It was this girl, five-feet-nuthin'. Blocked my shot!

Psychiatrist: When did you first start having this dream?

Charles Barkley: It wasn't a dream, it really happened!

Daffy Duck: You think she's got enough toys?

Bugs Bunny: Speaking of toys, remember those mugs and t-shoits and lunchboxes with our pictures on 'em?

Daffy Duck: Yeah.

Bugs Bunny: You ever see any money from all that stuff?

Daffy Duck: Hah, not a cent!

Bugs Bunny: Hmm... me neither.

Daffy Duck: [sighs] It's a crying shame. We gotta get new agents, we're gettin' screwed!

Daffy Duck: How's this for a new team name: The Ducks!

Bugs Bunny: Please! What kind of Mickey Mouse organization would name their team The Ducks?

Daffy Duck: So, sue me! It's just a suggestion.

[Stan is digging up the golf hole that Michael got sucked down]

Golfer: What are you doing?

Stan Podalak: I'm uh, I'm fixing a divot.

Golfer: Oh.

Golfer: [shouting back to someone off camera] He's fixing a divot!

Muggsy Bogues: What are you saying? That I'm trying to disobey my mama?

Psychiatrist: I didn't say that. You did, Muggsy.

Muggsy Bogues: But I love my mama.

Bill Murray: It's 'cause I'm white, isn't it?

Michael Jordan: No. Larry's white, so what?

Bill Murray: Larry's not white. Larry's clear.

Michael Jordan: Whatever you do, don't forget my North Carolina shorts.

Daffy Duck: Your shorts? From college?

Michael Jordan: I wore them under my Chicago Bulls uniform every game.

Looney Tunes: Eeewwww!

Michael Jordan: Hey! I washed them after every game!

Sylvester: Sure...

Michael Jordan: I did!

Monstar Bupkus: That's mine!

Bugs Bunny: [stealing the ball] Not today.

Bugs Bunny: Look at our facilities.

Daffy Duck: We've got hoops!

Elmer Fudd: We've got weights!

Sylvester: We've got balls!

Michael Jordan: You sure do. This place is a mess.

Tweety Bird: Feed me! Feed me!

Sylvester: Feed you? Feed me!

Daffy Duck: Just how did you get here, anyway?

Bill Murray: Producer's a friend of mine. He sent a Teamster to drop me off.

Daffy Duck: Aha. Well, that's the way it goes.

Stan Podalak: Let me help! Let me help! I can help! I can help!

Michael Jordan: What can you do?

Stan Podalak: Well, I may not be very tall, but... I'm slow.

Sylvester: And large.

Daffy Duck: And a dork.

[Stan prepares to take a picture of Michael after the hole in one]

Stan Podalak: Let me get a picture of this. All right, here we go, you want to smile. You reach in, you reach in for the ball and then you smile. OK?

Michael Jordan: Yes.

Stan Podalak: And you think this is good.

Michael Jordan: Just take the picture!

Stan Podalak: All right.

[a rope comes out of the hole and pulls Michael in]

Bill Murray: [after a pause] What kind of camera is that?

Stan Podalak: It's just a...

Bill Murray: [interrupts] Would you not point it at me please and close the lens cap?

Stan Podalak: I didn't do anything! I just took...

Larry Bird: Where'd he go?

Jeffrey Jordan: Did everyone get mad at you?

Michael Jordan: No, worse. Everyone was real nice about it.

[first lines]

James Jordan: Michael? What are you doin', son? It's after midnight.

Michael Jordan at 10: I couldn't sleep, Paps.

James Jordan: Well, neither can we, with all that noise you're making. C'mon, let's go inside.

Michael Jordan at 10: Just one more shot?

James Jordan: All right, just one.

Lola Bunny: [Bugs has just been squashed after pushing Lola out of the way] Are you okay?

Bugs Bunny: Me? Oh yeah, I'm fine. Are you okay?

Lola Bunny: Oh Bugs, thank you.

Bugs Bunny: Aww, it was nothin'.

Lola Bunny: That was the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

[she gives him a long kiss, then leaves]

Michael Jordan: Bugs?

Bugs Bunny: Yeah, Mike?

Michael Jordan: Stay out of trouble.

[he leaves]

Bugs Bunny: [to Lola] You know I will.

[Lola laughs and Bugs grabbing her arms]

Bugs Bunny: Come here!

[gives her a long kiss, she howls and then quickly changes to the next scene by pulling it down over them like a window shade]

Player: That was a strikeout, Mike. But that was a good-looking strikeout. Real good.

Player: I mean, you look good when you strike out, man. When I strike out, it looks nasty, man. But at least you look good, man.

[Larry Bird was sitting and watching the Bulls game, turns to Bill Murray]

Larry Bird: What's the matter, Bill?

Bill Murray: [after seeing Michael's fancy return to the NBA] Larry, that could have been me.

Larry Bird: Would you get over it? It's over. It's done with. You can't play.

Bill Murray: Okay.

Bill Murray: [voice breaking with emotion] Let's go, Bulls!

Bill Murray: Okay, here's how I see it. Duck?

Daffy Duck: Yes.

Bill Murray: You kick it in to the girl bunny. Down in the post. Then you dish it back out to the guy bunny.

Lola Bunny: Got it.

Bill Murray: Swing it around to Mike, over here. You go to the hole and dominate!

Michael Jordan: Bill! We're on defense!

Bill Murray: Whoa ho ho! I don't play defense. Okay, you're gonna have to listen to Mike on this guys, listen up.

Michael Jordan: Okay, somebody steal the ball, give it to me, and I'll score before time runs out.

Bill Murray: Don't lose that confidence, okay, paws and wings in here, all right!

[Bill Murray enters the court as a substitution]

Mr. Swackhammer: Whoa, whoa, whoa! I didn't know Dan Aykroyd was in this picture!

Charles Barkley: [saying a prayer] I promise I'll never swear again. I'll never get another technical. I'll never trash talk...

[later]

Charles Barkley: I won't go out with Madonna again.

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, the starting lineup for the Toon Squad: Standing two foot four, the Wonder from Down Under: the Tasmanian De-villlll!

[Taz squeezes two balls in his mouth, pops them, and spins around]

Announcer: At small forward: standing a scintillating three foot two, the Heartthrob of the Hoops: Lo-la Bun-nyyyyy!

[Lola dribbles and spins the ball on her finger]

Announcer: At power forward, the Quackster of the Court: Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck: Thank you! Thank you!

[Silence from the audience, crickets chirping]

Daffy Duck: [disappointed, but sarcastically] Very funny. Leth's all laugh at the duck!

Announcer: And the point guard, standing three foot three, four feet if you include the ears, Co-captain of the Toon Squad, the Doctor of Delight: Bugs Bun-ny!

Bugs Bunny: Thank you! Thank you!

Announcer: And now, the player coach of the Toon Squad, at six foot six from North Carolina, His Royal Airness: Michael Jordan!

[the Monstars arrive at the gym]

Monstar Bupkus: I'm here!

Monstar Blanko: Me too.

[he hits his head on a backboard, then puts his hands over most of his face]

Monstar Blanko: That hurt!

Bugs Bunny: You wanna play a little one on one, doll?

Lola Bunny: [angrily, with fire in her eyes] Doll?

Bugs Bunny: [with hearts over his head] Uh huh.

Lola Bunny: On the court, *Bugs*.

Bugs Bunny: Sure.

Tweety Bird: Ooo, she's hot.

[Tweety touches his rear and steam appears with a hissing sound]

Lola Bunny: [starts dribbling] Ready?

Bugs Bunny: Yes.

[Lola gets past Bugs]

Bugs Bunny: I got it, I got it!

[Lola spins around him, he winds up into a knot and she makes a basket]

Michael Jordan: The girl's got skills.

Bugs Bunny: [Lola comes over to him seductively] Yes?

Lola Bunny: Don't ever call me "doll".

[Lola blows her ears out of her face]

Bugs Bunny: Check.

Lola Bunny: [as she is leaving] Nice playin' with ya.

Michael Jordan: Very smooth.

Bugs Bunny: Ahh, she's obviously nuts about me.

Michael Jordan: Obviously.

Michael Jordan: What's going on here?

Bugs Bunny: Why Michael, l thought you'd never ask! You see, these aliens come from outer space, and they want to make us slaves in their theme park. Eh, what do we care? They're little, so we challenge them to a basketball game. But then they show up and they ain't so little, they're huge! We need to beat these guys, 'cause they're talking about slavery! They're gonna make us do stand-up comedy! The same jokes, every night, for all eternity! We're gonna be locked up like wild animals and then trotted out to perform for a bunch of lowbrow, bug-eyed, fat-headed, humor-challenged aliens! Eh, what I'm trying to say is... WE NEED YOUR HELP!

Michael Jordan: Yeah, but I'm a baseball player now.

Bugs Bunny: Right.

[Bugs gets out the rabbit skull]

Bugs Bunny: And I'm a Shakespearean actor.

[Bugs throws the skull away]

[One of the Monstars hurts Tweety]

Michael Jordan: [to Tweety] Are you OK?

Monstar Blanko: Yeah, are you OK?

[the other Monstars gets angry at Blanko]

Monstar Blanko: Oops.

Female Seer: [while the Nerdlucks are hiding in a trench coat at a basketball game] Sweetheart?

Male Fan: What?

Female Seer: Thought you were gonna get better seats this year.

Male Fan: This is as good as I could get.

Female Seer: This guy next to me is doing something very weird in his raincoat.

Male Fan: Honey, will you just let me watch the game? Barkley's killing us!

Nerdluck Bang: Hey, someone's killing someone.

Nerdluck Blanko: Nah... seriously?

Nerdluck Pound: A killer? Let me see...

[Pound gets a closer look]

Nerdluck Nawt: [Points to Charles Barkley as he's playing] There! That's him, the killer! He's big!

Nerdluck Blanko: He's good.

Nerdluck Pound: He's *mine*!

Nerdluck Bang: We seek the one they call Bugs Bunny.

Nerdluck Nawt: Yeah, Bugs Bunny.

Nerdluck Bupkus: Have you seen him?

Nerdluck Blanko: Is he around?

Bugs Bunny: Hmmm... Bugs Bunny... Bugs Bunny... Say, don't he have, uh, great big long ears...

[Bugs pulls his ears]

Bugs Bunny: like this?

Nerdlucks: Yeah.

Bugs Bunny: And does he hop around like this?

[Bugs hops around the forest]

Nerdlucks: Uh-huh.

Bugs Bunny: And does he say, "What's up, doc?" like this?

[Bugs chomps carrot]

Bugs Bunny: Eh, what's up, doc?

Nerdlucks: [chuckling and answering indistinctly] YEAH!

Bugs Bunny: [leaves] Nope, never heard of him.

Nerdlucks: Aw...

Bugs Bunny: [to the audience] Y'know, maybe there is no intelligent life out there in the univoise after all.

Sylvester: [after a few suggestions of what to challenge the Nerdlucks to] Suffering succotash! What's wrong with all of ya? I say... we get a ladder

[as you see a mental image of him on a ladder outside of a window where Tweety Bird is sitting in his cage]

Sylvester: ... wait till the old lady gets out of the room... then grab that little bird!

[grabs Tweety Bird, then the scene transitions back to Sylvester holding on to one of his thumbs, hyperventilating]

Bugs Bunny: Whoa, whoa! Take a deep breath, Sly!

Mr. Swackhammer: [after the Monstars have lost] Losers!

Monstars: Sorry.

Mr. Swackhammer: Choke artists!

Monstars: Sorry again.

Mr. Swackhammer: Wait'll I get you back on Moron Mountain!

Michael Jordan: Someone has to go to my house and pick up my basketball gear.

Daffy Duck: To your house? In 3-D land?

Mr. Swackhammer: [after berating them for losing to the Looney Tunes] Alright, the party's over! Get in the spaceship!

Michael Jordan: [to the Monstars] Why are you taking from this guy?

Monstar Bupkus: Because he's bigger!

Monstar Pound: He's bigger?

Monstar Bang: Then, we *used* to be...

Mr. Swackhammer: [the Monstars realize they are now bigger than Swackhammer and look at him menacingly] What are you doing?

[They seize him and stuff him on a rocket and blasts it off into space to crash onto the Moon]

Michael Jordan: Had it in you all the time, didn't ya?

[the Monstars look embarrassed for a moment]

Psychiatrist: Are there any other areas, besides basketball, that you find yourself...

Barry White's voice: Yeah?

Psychiatrist: ...unable to perform?

Barry White's voice: Yeah, yeah...

Patrick Ewing: [irritated] No!

Psychiatrist: I'm just asking.

Larry Johnson: [after a while trying to find out why they suddenly can't play basketball after their talent was unknown to them, stolen by the Nerdlucks] Y'know, maybe there is nothin' wrong with us, maybe it's just in our heads.

Muggsy Bogues: Yeah, we're all right. It's just some psychosomatic deal, or something to do with the alignment of the Moon or another planet.

Daffy Duck: [On the court opposite of Monstar Bupkus as he's about to pass it to Monstar Pound with a football helmet on] It's gut-check time!

[His legs quickly jerk back and forth with the sound of a gun cocking, then once it's passed to Monstar Pound, he charges headfirst into his gut, making him drop the ball and it bounces towards Bill Murray]

Bill Murray: This must be mine!

[Picks it up and heads up court as Monstar Nawt goes in front of him]

Bill Murray: This belongs to me. I'm going left! I'm going left! I'm going left!

[Quickly passes the ball to the right where Michael Jordan catches it]

Bill Murray: Don't ever trust an Earthling!

Mr. Swackhammer: [trying to think of a good attraction] Okay, we need something... We need something... Nutty!

Nerdluck Nawt: Nutty!

Mr. Swackhammer: We need something wacky!

[accidentally sits on a television remote and it turns on]

Nerdluck Nawt: Wacky!

Mr. Swackhammer: We need something, something, something, something... We need something...

Nerdluck Bupkus: [distracted by the TV] Looney? Oops!

Nerdluck Nawt: Looney, thank you.

Mr. Swackhammer: Looney?

[turns to the television and sees Looney Tunes cartoons]

Daffy Duck on TV: I'm an elk! Shoot me!

Mr. Swackhammer: [got his idea] Yes! Looney, yes! Now, you're talking.

[last lines]

Bugs Bunny: Well, that's all, folks!

Porky Pig: [stutters] That's my line.

[stammers]

Daffy Duck: [pushes Porky Pig] Step aside, babe. Let us star do this. That's all--

[the Nerdlucks pushes Daffy out]

Nerdlucks: THAT'S ALL FOLKS!

Michael Jordan: [grabs the curtain] Can I go home now?

Bugs Bunny: [after Michael is pulled into the Toon World through the golf hole] Oh, uh, look out for that foist step, doc; it's a real lulu.

Michael Jordan: [surprised] Bugs Bunny?

Bugs Bunny: Eh, you were expecting maybe the Easter Bunny?

Michael Jordan: [disbelievingly] You're a cartoon; you're not real.

Bugs Bunny: Not real, eh? If I weren't real, could I do this?

[He gives Michael a big kiss on the mouth. A disgusted Michael wipes his lips]