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Chugs: So, the only thing to settle on is the body. Do we wrap it in the blanket as it is or do we chop it into little pieces first?
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Ellie: I don't see a way out of this.
Jessica: Well, maybe there is.
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Mrs. Crenshaw: Please don't think I'm afraid of you. I run a house with fifty crazy bitches.
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Cassidy: I love you, Jessica, because you make being a bitch an art form.
Jessica: [irritated] Hear, hear.
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Jessica: I'm gonna deal with you later!
Maggie: You might wanna deal with that hair first, because it looks like shit.
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Jessica: [talking about the pills that Megan swallowed to play the prank] Too bad it doesn't prevent bulimia, that's something Megan could actually use!
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Jessica: Please God don't let me get killed. Please God don't let me get killed.
Cassidy: Stop giving Him ideas.
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Jessica: Oh, shit. Who set the house on fire?
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Jessica: Ellie, no one is dead! Well, Megan.
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Jessica: [Impatiently] What?
Claire: I keep thinking about that text.
Jessica: [sighs] Claire! Garrett is a little bitch. He says we made him kill Megan? As if. Seriously, Clair, grow a pair.
Claire: Jessica, I've always had your back.
Jessica: But you've never had a backbone.
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Mrs. Crenshaw: I saw what you did.
Jessica: We didn't mean to kill Megan.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Kill Megan? I was talking about trashing my house.
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Chugs: I don't have time to play "Catch Me, Rape Me."
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Chugs: Whatever, loser. It's not my fault that you're gay.
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Jessica: Cassidy, my room. Theta toast. Now.
Cassidy: You seen Andy?
Jessica: Hoes before bros.
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Cassidy: [while returning to the party] Where is everybody?
Claire: Probably dead.
Jessica: Yeah, and the corpses drove their cars home, idiot!
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Jessica: Friend me on Facebook, I'll totally confirm.
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Jessica: Okay, we cannot let Ellie see this text.
[Ellie screams from upstairs]
Jessica: Shit! Too late.
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Jessica: Ugh, This is so stupid. We are missing out on the part of the year.
Cassidy: I know, how inconvinent. Why couldn't Ellie have had a nervous breakdown tomorrow?
Jessica: You know Cassidy, your sarcasm makes you sound like a bitch. And nobody likes a bitch.
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Ellie: Megan's alive, you guys.
Jessica: Ellie, you're being borderline retarded right now.
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Jessica: [after finding Megan's corpse in the shower] Oh, she looks terrible.
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Jessica: [after running over Garrett with her van] Well, at least we won't be getting anymore of those text messages.
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Jessica: [to Maggie, sarcastically] Oh, no! Don't go out there!
[Cassidy shoots a dirty look]
Jessica: ... what? I tried to warn her.
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Jessica: Claire, I like being your friend because... it makes me multicultural without having to do anything.
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Mrs. Crenshaw: [points shotgun at Jessica] Talk.
Cassidy: Okay, listen, it was an accident and we'll explain everything later but right now, Clair is dead, Mickey's dead, Chugs is dead, and we don't know if Megan's alive or not.
Maggie: Wait, so Megan's not dead?
Jessica: We don't know! We need to get the hell out of here.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Who else is here?
Jessica: Kyle.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Is he in on this thing?
Jessica: [unconvincingly] No.
Mrs. Crenshaw: [cocks gun, points it back to her] Lie to me again.
Jessica: Okay, I told Kyle about Megan.
Cassidy: Of course you did! What's with this ''sisters for life'' crap, huh? Was I the only one that didn't tell anybody?
Mrs. Crenshaw: Where is Kyle?
Maggie: Don't look at me! He left as soon as he heard you coming.
Mrs. Crenshaw: Well, he, she or it is about to get two rounds to the face. You girls wait in Jessica's room. And call the police.
Jessica: Well, who knew Mrs. Crenshaw was such a badass?
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Chugs: Ellie, I love you because you're always there to help with homework. You're like a spellcheck with a nice rack.
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Jessica: It's Mickey... I would know those ugly ass shoes anywhere.
Cassidy: Is he dead?
Jessica: Well, he has a fucking tire iron through his head... Do you think it's the same one that killed Megan?
Cassidy: You make it sound like the tire iron killed Megan by itself.
Jessica: Thank you for the grammar lesson. I'm just sayin' it looks a little... updated, doesn't it? Like someone... pimped it out.
-
[Jessica is performing mouth-to-mouth CPR on an unresponsive Megan]
Chugs: That is so hot.
Ellie: Chugs!
[Megan suddenly grabs Jessica by the back of her neck and presses her closer, then Jessica pulls away]
Megan: What, no tougne?
Jessica: Easy there, Lezzie Lohan. This is make believe, remember?
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Mrs. Crenshaw: You stay the fuck away from my girls!
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Andy: [to Cassidy] You know, today I gave the valedictorian speech. Remember? Reputation comes from the company you keep. And the company you keep? Bitches.
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Mrs. Crenshaw: Come to mama.
Sorority Row Quotes
Extended Reading
