Something's Gotta Give Quotes

Harry: I have never lied to you, I have always told you some version of the truth.

Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?

Erica Barry: I'm like the dumb girl that doesn't get it. I've never been the dumb girl before. It ain't great.

Harry: Let's just calm down. I had these plans before I even met you. I mean, I do like seeing you. I do.

Erica Barry: [scoff] Yeah.

Harry: I'm always surprised by it.

Erica Barry: Surprised by it? What was I thinking?

Harry: I have never lied to you. I have always told you some version of the truth.

Erica Barry: The truth doesn't have versions, okay?

Harry: Will you cut me a little slack? My life has just been turned upside down.

Erica Barry: Mine too!

Harry: Well, then let's just each get our bearings.

Erica Barry: I don't want my bearings. I've had my bearings my whole goddamn life. I feel something with you I never really knew existed. Do you know what that's like, after a 20-year marriage to feel something for another person that is so...? That... Oh, Right. Right. Not your problem. God. Do you know that I've written this, but I never really got it? Do you know what this is?

Harry: No.

Erica Barry: [Erica kisses Harry] This is heartbroken. How's that for impervious.

Harry: You're killing me.

Erica Barry: I just wish that it had lasted more than a week.

Harry: Me too.

Erica Barry: That is a terrible thing to say. You know, the life I had before you I knew how to do that. I could do that forever. But now look at me. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do with all this?

Harry: Erica. Can you wait just a second? The truth is, I... I just... I don't know how to be a boyfriend.

Erica Barry: That's what you have to say after all of this? That you don't know how to be a boyfriend?

Harry: That's not a small thing.

Erica Barry: [shakes head] Are we done?

Harry: I don't know.

Erica Barry: Oh, my God.

[Erica gets in taxi and drives away]

Marin: Are you crying?

Erica Barry: Yeah. It's my new thing. I've gotten abnormally brilliant at it.

Marin: Why? What is it?

Erica Barry: I'm in love. Ain't it great? Seems like I gotta learn how to that... love-them-and-leave-them stuff, you know?

Marin: Oh mom, I hate this. Now do you get my theory about all this? You gotta self-protect.

Erica Barry: You don't really buy this stuff you say, do you? You don't actually think that you can outsmart getting hurt?

Marin: I think it's worth trying.

Erica Barry: Listen to me. You can't hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out... maybe you'll become unglued? It's just not a way to live.

Marin: Are you telling me this is good? What's happened to you?

Erica Barry: I think you should consider the possibility that you and I are more alike than you realize. I let someone in, and I had the time of my life.

Marin: I've never had the time of my life.

Erica Barry: I know, baby. And I say this from the deepest part of my heart. What are you waiting for?

Julian Mercer: You really are a very sexy woman.

Erica Barry: No, really, swear to God, I'm NOT.

Harry: I just have one question: What's with the turtlenecks? I mean it's the middle of summer.

Erica: Well I guess I'm just a turtleneck kind of gal.

Harry: You never get hot?

Erica: No.

Harry: Never?

Erica: Not lately.

Harry: I've never seen a woman that age naked before.

Julian Mercer: You're kidding.

Harry: Hey! We're not all doctors, baby.

Julian Mercer: The woman is really very brilliant, but she cannot hold her liquor.

Erica Barry: I like that about me.

Harry Sanborn: Me too.

[At the same time as Harry]

Julian Mercer: Me too.

Erica Barry: If I were writing this, this is where I would write "an awkward moment".

Harry Sanborn: Honey, if you were writing this, I'd be DEAD!

Erica Barry: You know what, Harry. If it's all right with you, I'd like to be friends.

Harry Sanborn: Friends? I'm not ready to be your FRIEND!

Erica Barry: Fine, I understand.

Harry Sanborn: And anyway, do you really buy that horseshit that a man and a woman can be friends after they've had sex?

Erica Barry: I'm friends with my ex-husband but then again, we didn't just have sex.

Harry Sanborn: We didn't just have sex either.

Erica Barry: Then what was it? I'd love to know.

Harry Sanborn: Can I email it to ya when I figure it out?

Erica Barry: I DO like sex!

Harry Sanborn: You certainly do.

Harry Sanborn: I love ya.

Erica Barry: Well, I love you too! If that's what you said. I don't know if it ends in a 'ya' if it's a true 'I love you.'

Harry Sanborn: You're not like anybody.

Harry Sanborn: I think I'm entering into another phase with this thing. I'm mad at you.

Erica Barry: I think I'm mad at you too.

Harry Sanborn: Good, because I don't LIKE thinking about you all the time and worrying about how you are...

Erica Barry: You... worry about ME?

Harry Sanborn: Yes, honey. The schmuck, who deserves to die, worries about you. Sometimes worrying about you feels like a full-time job.

Erica Barry: Well I'm doing just fine, so you don't have to work that shift anymore!

Julian Mercer: Look who's answering the door!

Harry Sanborn: Look who's at the door!

Erica Barry: Wait. You're leaving, Zoe's leaving, the entourage is leaving. You mean I'm going to be alone in this house... with HIM?

Marin: Well, the hospital's sending over a nurse first thing in the morning.

Erica Barry: In the morning? That's like nineteen hours from now!

[after making out with Julian]

Erica Barry: Good. That's very good.

Marin: We know this about me. I'm just not cut out for this kind of drama.

Erica Barry: I think it's the drama in life that makes you strong.

Marin: You always say thinks like that!

Harry Sanborn: I can't get past your damn turtleneck.

Erica Barry: Cut it off!

Harry Sanborn: Some people consider rap poetry.

Erica Barry: C'mon, how many words can you rhyme with bitch?

Julian Mercer: I knew you'd smell good.

Erica: It's just... soap

Harry: [after a kiss] Soft lips.

Erica: I'm so glad they still work. I haven't used them for kissing in such a long time, more like for wearing lipstick... and whistling.

Erica Barry: [after kissing Harry passionately for the first time] I'm... I'm sorry.

Harry: For what?

Erica Barry: I... I just kissed you.

Harry: No, honey. *I* kissed *you*.

Harry: [after Erica tries to get Harry arrested] You don't understand... i'm dating your daughter.

Erica Barry: Oh my God! Your dating my daughter?

Harry: Now who would have thought that was worst news?

Marin: Harry was once engaged to Diane Sawyer.

Zoe: Diane Sawyer? No way, I love her!

Erica Barry: That's wonderful!

Harry: Women your age love that about me.

Erica Barry: Ah.

Harry: No, that's a good thing.

Erica Barry: I'm sure you meant it as a compliment.

Harry: Yes, it was meant as a compliment.

Harry: Where's Julian?

Erica: He's back at the hotel. He said when he saw me with you, he knew I was still in love with you... what do you have to say about that?

Harry: If... if it's true, my life just got made.

Erica Barry: What are you doing here, Harry?

Harry: Turns out the heartattack was easy to get over. You... were something else. I finally get it. I'm 63 years old... and I'm in love for the first time in my life.

Erica Barry: [on her play] It's about a divorced woman, a writer. She's this high-strung, overamped, controlling, know-it-all neurotic.

[Everyone stares at her]

Erica Barry: ... who's incredibly *cute*, and lovable.

Harry: [to a madly irritated Erica] I don't think I've ever had this effect on a woman before.

Erica Barry: What effect do you think you're having on me?

Harry: I don't quite recognize it. That's how I know I never had it before.

Harry: Oh. *Her*. She is a *major* piece of work. Doc, the woman wears turtlenecks in the middle of summer: she's *beyond* uptight. Almost makes her fun to be around.

Julian Mercer: Uptight. That's funny, I haven't noticed that.

Harry: Try living with her.

Harry: What about birth control?

Erica Barry: Menopause.

Harry: [grinning] Who's the lucky boy?

Erica Barry: [Harry walks in, with her naked] Ahh!

Harry: [Seeing Erica] Oh! Oh.

Erica Barry: No! STOP!

Harry: OH! OOH!

Erica Barry: [Walking behind the door] AAHH! STOP!

Harry: [Hits a wall full of pictures, covering his eyes partly] Oh, I'm sorry! Oh, God, am I sorry?

Erica Barry: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Harry: I'm sorry! I didn't see anything. Except maybe a few tits!

[Diane screams and runs away]

Julian Mercer: You know what Freud said they are no accidents.

Harry: Trust me this was an accident.

Harry: I'm dating your daughter, Marin. She invited me here for the weekend. She is in her room right now changing.

Erica Barry: Aah! You're dating my daughter?

Harry: Now who would have thought that would be worst news?

Harry: What's with the turtlenecks? It's the middle of summer.

Erica Barry: Honestly what do you care what I wear?

Harry: Just curious.

Erica Barry: I like them I've always liked them and I am just a turtleneck kind of gal.

Harry: You never get hot?

Erica Barry: No.

Harry: Never?

Erica Barry: Not Lately.