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Jane: What is on your neck?
Eddie: I bit myself shaving.
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Eddie: Never underestimate casual sex Jane, it can be very liberating.
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Jane: What are you thinking?
Eddie: I'm thinking the same thing you are, Jane. You and Ray are gonna' live happily ever after with matching volvos and chocolate labs. See you Monday.
Jane: Did you have *any* friends growing up?
Eddie: You better hurry. I think he's waiting around the corner.
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Eddie: These are *people* not cows!
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Jane: Man, She really did a number on you didn't she? Well, don't shit on my broken heart just because you converted to some warped brand of romantic atheism!
Eddie: It's called self-preservation.
Jane: Oh, in other words, your narcotize yourself with casual sex.
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Jane: There are few things sadder in this life than watching someone walk away after they've left you, watching the distance between your bodies expand until there's nothing... but empty space and silence.
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Ray: What's that they say about the love of a good woman?
Jane: [narrating] That once offered, it's guaranteed to come back and bite her in the ass.
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Liz: Time wounds all heels.
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Jane: Do you promise not to laugh?
Eddie: No.
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Liz: So I call him up to say good night and guess who answers the phone 1AM PARIS TIME? Penelope Pope!
Jane: Who's Penelope Pope?
Liz: I don't know, but that's what she said when I asked "Who the FUCK is this?"
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Eddie: It's over. Why can't you just let it go?
Jane: I can't.
Eddie: Why?
Jane: Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don't leave all women, Eddie. They leave me.
Eddie: I know it hurts. I know. It's so hard to believe that something that wonderful can ever happen to us again, but it can.
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Ray: You're so easy to talk to, unlike my current cow.
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[Eddie shows Jane his apartment]
Jane: We don't have to share a bathroom, do we?
Eddie: Oh, no-no, I never-ever use the bathroom.
-
Liz: Wow, there's the cynical bitch we know and love.
-
[Eddie smokes a cigarette]
Staff Member: Excuse me, this is a smoke free building.
Eddie: Blow me.
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Jane: You know, that's why God invented turtlenecks.
Eddie: No, that's why God invented Darlene.
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Jane: I mean, c'mon! I was comparing men to animals!... Which, let's face it, sometimes they are. But sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, you open the barn door, or the bedroom door, or the hospital room door, and you find the real thing. You find a guy that can sit with you when you're at your absolute worst, when your face looks like a punching bag and you're elbow deep in Kleenex, and he can still look at you, and tell you that Ray is not the last man you're ever going to love.
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Eddie: [handing earrings to Nina] Nina, you left these in my bathroom.
Jane: You don't waste any time, do you?
Eddie: Cynic.
Jane: Slut.
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Jane: This is key to understanding the myth of male shyness. For while you think he is flattering you, he is actually flattering himself. Showing how open and honest and sensitive he is.
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Jane: [on the phone] Liz, I gotta go. He looks like he just got hit by a bus.
Ray: [walking into the room] I feel like I just got hit by a bus.
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Liz: Why feed me all that romantic bullshit if he's just gonna cheat on me?
Jane: Two words: Coppulatory Imperative.
Liz: Excuse me?
Jane: The biological urge to spread their seed. The truth is, less than 5% of all male animals are monogamous. The other 95% are...
Liz: ...Plucking Penelope Pope.
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Jane: Of all the things you said to me that night, the thing that scared me the most was that I would find it again. Because I have.
[beat]
Jane: Will you say something?
Eddie: No.
[walks over and kisses her]
-
Jane: She's D. Diane - Diane is D.
Eddie: Yes, D is for Diane. E is for Eddie.
-
[last lines]
Jane: Would you please say something?
Eddie: [shakes head] No.
[Jane nods and looks down. Eddie steps closer and they kiss]
Jane: So, you're saying...
Eddie: What do we got to lose?
Jane: Everything?
Eddie: Exactly.
[They kiss again]
-
Jane: Eddie, did you ever find a roommate?
Eddie: Well, no actually.
Ray: You're moving in with Eddie?
Jane: [to Eddie] Because the place I was supposed to move into just suddenly fell apart and I was wondering if the offer was still good.
Ray: You're moving in with Eddie?
Jane: [to Ray] Maybe.
[to Eddie]
Jane: What's it like?
Eddie: 2 bedroom loft, big kitchen, lots of windows...
Jane: Sounds amazing. When can I see it?
Eddie: How about tonight?
Jane: Perfect. Everything is just perfect.
-
Eddie: You book 'em. I cook 'em.
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Jane: Remember last week when we were laughing at that graffiti on the subway?
Liz: "Baby, I loves the toilet you sit on"?
-
Liz: [referring to Ray's girlfriend] If he mentions her, just smile politely and change the subject.
Jane: Why?
Liz: Because if you bring her up, he's gonna feel pushed and resentful. This way it's like, no pressure. I'm happy. I'm healthy, getting sex other places.
Liz: Lizzie, where do you get this stuff?
Jane: snagmen.com, it's very informative.
-
Street Vendor: Are you going to buy anything or not?
Liz: Shush, shush, I'm concentrating.
Street Vendor: Ok.
-
Liz: There's the cynical bitch I know and love.
-
Jane: Morning Eddie! What's that on your neck?
Eddie: I bit myself shaving.
-
Jane: What's going on?
Stephen, Alice's Husband: [holding a hypodermic needle over an orange] Dr. Lipshick started your sister on injections?
Jane: Of orange juice?
-
Jane: [Opening Line] If someone had asked me not long ago why I thought it was that men left women and never came back, I would have said this: "New cow." The new cow theory was born of a broken heart. It came to me while reading an article on male behavior in the New York Times science section, which chronicled a particularly fascinating study on the mating preferences of the male cow. First, a bull was presented with a cow. They mated. The next day, the bull was presented with the same cow. The bull wasn't interested. He wanted new cow, and this was old cow. Curious to see if they could trick the bull, the scientists came up with an ingenious ploy. The old cow was smeared with new cow scent, but he was no fool. This wasn't new cow. This was just old cow incognito. Old cow in sheep's clothing. Mutton dressed as lamb.
-
Eddie: You know, this is not about my nature, Jane. This is about yours.
Someone Like You Quotes
Extended Reading
